Should I invite my gay cousin's live-in partner to my wedding?

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Anglewannabe said:
If the real reason is you do NOT want a homosexual couple at your wedding, than don’t try and sugar coat it by dancing around the issue. Be honest and say ‘We are Catholic and this is a Catholic ceremony and we can not invite a homosexual couple because that is against the religion.’ Lying to your cousin by saying ‘only married and engaged couples are invited’ is just delaying telling the truth. What will you use at your child’s christening?

Now, if you feel that it would be rude to be upfront, then invite his partner. I am not telling you which choice is right or wrong because ultimately the only opinions that matter are the bride and grooms. But I am saying, if you want to take a stand about homosexuality being wrong, then it is necessary to be vocal and accept there will be back lash. No one ever did the right thing without suffering consequences

Angie
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That would be lying. It is not against the Catholic faith to have a homosexual couple in your life or at your wedding. And they’ll find out that it was a lie when they meet a kind catholic couple who treats them with respect. That is assuming they would ever want to speak to a catholic again, after being told that they just aren’t fit to witness a wedding.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
That would be lying. It is not against the Catholic faith to have a homosexual couple in your life or at your wedding. And they’ll find out that it was a lie when they meet a kind catholic couple who treats them with respect. That is assuming they would ever want to speak to a catholic again, after being told that they just aren’t fit to witness a wedding.
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Homosexuality is against the Catholic religion. If in keeping with this teaching the couple wants to make a rule, homosexuals are not welcome at their wedding as part of a couple, then they should just come out and say it politely yet directly.

As Catholics, we have a responsibility to evangelize. If the couple feels inviting a homosexual couple to a wedding as a couple is encouraging homosexual behaviour, they should not do it.

There is nothing against the Catholic religion that states being homosexual is a sin. It is when one acts on those tendencies, they are sinning. If this couple is making a public statement they are living together as are a couple, that is a sin. The couple does not have to invite them at the wedding if they don’t want that behavior there.

I would much rather be honest and upfront right away. I think it is cruel to encourage homosexuality and after the couple joins the church throw a bomb on them and tell them they are sinning
 
derailed13 said:
Hi,

I am having lots of inner conflict about whether or not I should invite my adult gay cousin’s live-in partner to my wedding.

My family (and I) are all practicing Catholics who are in line with all the Church’s teachings on pre-marital sex and cohabiting (whether hetero- or homo-), and wish to be a good example in this regard by not affirming these lifestyles. (The fact that they are gay, though, and not just a guy and girl shacking up, makes everything even more complicated).

We have come up with a rule for invitees: No significant others unless they are engaged or married.

However I am aware that nowadays, it is extremely rude to only invite half of a social unit, and in today’s world people now designate live-in, unmarried partners as a social unit.

My family is of the mindset that it would be fine to include my adult cousin (who lives on his own elsewhere) on the invitation of my aunt and uncle. While this seems fine to me in principle, since I would generally feel comfortable addressing the entire family (adult children and all) as one unit in other instances, I know that the cousin will probably be super ticked off by not receiving a separate invitation addressed to him and his partner.

These are my options:
  1. Include said cousin on his parents’ invitation, risk him getting angry and not attending since his significant other was left out
  2. Send said cousin his own invitation, but address it to him only (!) even if he lives with his partner…
  3. Send said cousin his own invitation addressed to both him and his partner … and end up scandalizing some people at the wedding and also breaking my “engaged or married only” rule (which could potentially force me to also invite other relatives’ bf/gf s)
What do you think I should do? I want to stick to my guns/beliefs about not condoning their relationship, but I also naturally do not want to be rude and cause hard feelings among family. Thanks in advance.
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It would be a good idea to have this doubt settled by discussing it with a priest, as you may want to figure out what you have an obligation to do in this case.
 
1ke said:
Option one is not an option, ettiquette-wise. Adults should not be included on the invitation of their parents, even if they live with them. Adults receive their own invitation.

Send your cousin an invitation, and address it to him only. Since you are not adding “and guest” for anyone else, do not add it for him.
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THIS!
I am a stickler for etiquette. If they are an adult, they get a seperate invite. If you don’t leave an option for a plus one, then they should know that they are the only one invited.
Although, MOST etiquette books say you should allow a plus one for every single person. 👍
 
It is not immoral to just invite both of them to the wedding as separate individuals. You do not have to address them as a couple. The way to handle this on an invitation would be to simply put both names on an invitation with one above the other to designate them as two separate individuals at the same residence without acknowledging any kind of relationship. Follow the same rules you would follow if you were inviting two roommates that live in the same house.

This can be a way to show you care about who they are as a family member and as a friend, without accepting their relationship. We are all sinners, and some of our sins are more visible than others. It will let you love them as people without accepting them as a “couple”.
 
Not sure how close your relationship is with your cousin…can you pick up the phone and have a conversation like “I hope you know how much I love you, and I know you love me. I want you at my wedding very much, but having you there with your partner as a couple makes me very uncomfortable, as you know it’s against my religious beliefs…I want you there very much, but I totally understand if you aren’t comfortable coming on your own. Whether or not you are able to be there, know that you are my cousin, and I’ll always love you.”
 
From a different angle:

We had a similar problem with our wedding. It was very small, no guests unless engaged or spouse. BIL’s boyfriend was not invited for this reason. We made sure we spread the word to everyone how we were terribly sorry to be financially constrained like this but we have to have this rule to be fair to everyone. MIL, who is divorced and was not in a relationship, made a huge stink about this and I had most of DH’s family calling me up bullying me into letting her bring a date. We made a single exception for her, even though she couldn’t give me a name of who she planned on bringing. Surprise, surprise, it turned out to be BIL’s boyfriend, and the two of them (BIL and his BF) made out with each other at our reception. Children were there, although I don’t know if any of them saw it.

I’m sharing that even though that probably won’t happen at your wedding, but consider how comfortable you would be with them showing affection if kids are there. Nobody wants to say “sure, come to our wedding, but don’t actually act gay.” :rolleyes:
 
You state that you “wish to be a good example in this regard by not affirming these lifestyles.” I am sooo thrilled that someone in this modern age actually thinks in this manner. I have a sister who is gay and she taught me so much about our Catholic faith when I was a little girl. I had to talk to a priest about my uneasiness of being nice to her partner. I feel if I show them approval that they will think what they are doing is ok. When in fact it is not, since my sister is a baptized and confirmed Catholic. He basically said I can still love her, but let her know how I feel, and by no means offer them a bed together. However, when it comes to your wedding, I think you should follow what you initially have sought out to do, and that is to stay in line with the Church’s teachings on pre-marital sex and cohabiting. Stay true to Jesus and his teachings. He would not invite them as a couple if it were Him. My son and his girlfriend are talking about getting married outside the Catholic church, and I told them I do not know if I will be able to come? Since raising my children I have become a much more devote Catholic. I will need to do some research on this before I make my total decision, but I really feel funny about celebrating a day where two Catholics say they are getting married, but really are only celebrating fornication, since God will not see it as a true marriage. And we all know fornication is a grave sin, as well as the act of being gay. So, to encourage someone to continue to commit a grave sin, is like telling them that I don’t care if your soul is dead from the mortal sin you are living. Maybe if more people took a stance against the cohabitating lifestyles as you are contemplating, then maybe more sinners eyes would be opened, and perhaps see it from the standpoint of how they have a choice as to where they spend eternity.
 
I honestly think it would be very rude not only to the partner, but to your cousin. If I wasn’t married, and had a partner, and you did that to them, I wouldn’t even want an invitation to the wedding, let alone attend it.
 
derailed13 said:
Hi,

I am having lots of inner conflict about whether or not I should invite my adult gay cousin’s live-in partner to my wedding.

My family (and I) are all practicing Catholics who are in line with all the Church’s teachings on pre-marital sex and cohabiting (whether hetero- or homo-), and wish to be a good example in this regard by not affirming these lifestyles. (The fact that they are gay, though, and not just a guy and girl shacking up, makes everything even more complicated).

We have come up with a rule for invitees: No significant others unless they are engaged or married.

However I am aware that nowadays, it is extremely rude to only invite half of a social unit, and in today’s world people now designate live-in, unmarried partners as a social unit.

My family is of the mindset that it would be fine to include my adult cousin (who lives on his own elsewhere) on the invitation of my aunt and uncle. While this seems fine to me in principle, since I would generally feel comfortable addressing the entire family (adult children and all) as one unit in other instances, I know that the cousin will probably be super ticked off by not receiving a separate invitation addressed to him and his partner.

These are my options:
  1. Include said cousin on his parents’ invitation, risk him getting angry and not attending since his significant other was left out
  2. Send said cousin his own invitation, but address it to him only (!) even if he lives with his partner…
  3. Send said cousin his own invitation addressed to both him and his partner … and end up scandalizing some people at the wedding and also breaking my “engaged or married only” rule (which could potentially force me to also invite other relatives’ bf/gf s)
What do you think I should do? I want to stick to my guns/beliefs about not condoning their relationship, but I also naturally do not want to be rude and cause hard feelings among family. Thanks in advance.
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You are in a difficult circumstance, and need to pray earnestly for God’s guidance to do His will. At some point God will convict you in the spirit of the right choice

**Luke 14:26

If anyone comes to me without hating his father, and mother, wife, and children, and brothers, and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.**

Family demands and pressures can create an obstacle to following Christ in all we do. Jesus, in Luke 14:26 demands that his true disciples overcome family social pressures to serve Him.

I see this as a particular difficulty for converts from other religions to Christianity. Just imagine the pressure if you discovered the truth of Jesus, but were from a strict Islamic family background! To a lesser degree you struggle with inviting the attendance of unmarried and homosexual persons at your wedding.

Still, Jesus did not shun the company of prostitutes and tax collectors, but was a witness to them of how to live righteously (rightly):

**Psalm 1:1

Happy those who do not follow the counsel of the wicked, Nor go the way of sinners, nor sit in company with scoffers.**

Does your homosexual cousin and his partner scoff at the Lord?
 
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