Should I just accept being single?

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Blue_Rose said:
I’ve spent many years working on that, more so than I have wanting a man. I even looked at Religious Life and that left me feeling like I didn’t belong.
To be complete with Christ I need to be dead.
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Have you ever worked with a spiritual director? Or spent serious time discussing these issues with a priest? It sounds like you still need a great deal of guidance in your spiritual life so you can grow and mature as an independent person before you start looking for a spouse.
 
CRATUS said:
Do not talk like this. It breaks my heart. I think you should involve yourself with more things socially in hopes of meeting your future spouse. I hate the idea of waiting hopelessly for a man. I am not sure what type of family you come from - but one where you are pressured to marry soon.
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That reminds me, suppose it depends on where you are from and if society in that area “says” you must get married by a certain age, you must be driving by a certain age…to me that is being close minded and ignorance. I got that a lot in my early 20s from a few of my friends who had boyfriends and one in particular said “is there something wrong with you” it’s just ignorance.
 
anon98328916 said:
That reminds me, suppose it depends on where you are from and if society in that area “says” you must get married by a certain age, you must be driving by a certain age…to me that is being close minded and ignorance. I got that a lot in my early 20s from a few of my friends who had boyfriends and one in particular said “is there something wrong with you” it’s just ignorance.
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I hear you. I deal with this all the time. Now I remind people who ask me why I’m not married that if I wanted to take off to Europe tomorrow, all I have to do is buy the ticket and find someone to watch my dogs. The single life has its advantages.
 
This is a very sad story about a woman who was once a good friend of mine. She lives in an area where the people are very close minded and ignorant I guess you could say. She is single and this past few years she has changed. She used to be bubbly and very outgoing and was always great fun whenever met up with her. Then she started to change, she stopped meeting up with friends and we only saw her 3 times a year whereas before we metup once a week, she became very withdrawn and stopped having any interest in anything she more or less has become a recluse. I couldn’t understand at the start what was wrong and myself and friends tried to help her as much as we could. One evening then she told me her neighbours and people in her area keep mentioning and putting pressure on her about meeting a man and getting married it made me so mad…I can’t believe she’s ruining her life over what people are saying to her! She should tell them to mind their own business but she listens to everything they tell her which is so so sad. She’ll look back on this in 10 or 20 years time and regret letting them ruin her life by what they thought. At this stage she is a shadow of her former self and as much as we have tried to help her and tell her not to listen to them it’s all in vain sadly. I pray for her now.
 
anon98328916 said:
This is a very sad story about a woman who was once a good friend of mine. She lives in an area where the people are very close minded and ignorant I guess you could say. She is single and this past few years she has changed. She used to be bubbly and very outgoing and was always great fun whenever met up with her. Then she started to change, she stopped meeting up with friends and we only saw her 3 times a year whereas before we metup once a week, she became very withdrawn and stopped having any interest in anything she more or less has become a recluse. I couldn’t understand at the start what was wrong and myself and friends tried to help her as much as we could. One evening then she told me her neighbours and people in her area keep mentioning and putting pressure on her about meeting a man and getting married it made me so mad…I can’t believe she’s ruining her life over what people are saying to her! She should tell them to mind their own business but she listens to everything they tell her which is so so sad. She’ll look back on this in 10 or 20 years time and regret letting them ruin her life by what they thought. At this stage she is a shadow of her former self and as much as we have tried to help her and tell her not to listen to them it’s all in vain sadly. I pray for her now.
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She sounds depressed.

I have been pressured by friends, church members I need to “hurry up” with finding a man. I’ve been told something must be wrong with me by friends and my mother told me she’s ashamed of me for not being married with children.
I’m not letting it effect me but I have my own desire for marriage and children and being without that hurts. I know people keep saying focus on Christ, I am, I have, but the desire and longing to be loved is there and won’t leave.
 
adamhovey1988 said:
i am around your age, i would love to find a wife, but i need to set me life straight. Pray to do god’s will, before anything else. I was actually told by a priest to pray for a girlfriend, so i will take his advice.
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👍
 
I think this ultimately comes down to trying to accept God’s will and trying to be content in whatever situation you find yourself in, easier said than done and I think its a real work in progress for many of us.
 
Blue_Rose said:
She sounds depressed.
I’m not letting it effect me but I have my own desire for marriage and children and being without that hurts. I know people keep saying focus on Christ, I am, I have, but the desire and longing to be loved is there and won’t leave.
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You ARE loved, unconditionally, and with a love that is far greater than anything here on Earth. Perhaps reflecting and connecting to that love would be helpful for you.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
I think this ultimately comes down to trying to accept God’s will and trying to be content in whatever situation you find yourself in, easier said than done and I think its a real work in progress for many of us.
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This is so true. And some will struggle and find this hard to except myself included but God’s way is the only way and we will see why He choose certain paths for people one day.
 
True. It’s very hard to meet faithful practicing Catholics in our age group. I’d like to marry a man who is a practicing Catholic and would raise our children in the faith.

I think with the OP’s question, it relates much to hope.

I pray to meet a good man. I also told God that if He isn’t calling me to marriage (as much as I desire to have a husband and children), to remove that desire in my heart.

But I still have the desire. So on one hand, I’m praying to meet the man I’m to marry, and on other, to have that desire removed.

If God doesn’t want me to get married, I accept that. Thing is, I don’t know whether or not I should continue hoping to get married.

It’s like being in limbo. In the meantime, I really am making the most of my life, being in a state of grace, engaging in things I enjoy…but still there is that longing.

I don’t know what to do.
anon98328916 said:
I am around your age group and I know many that are single aswell. For me the problem is many young people our age are not practising Catholics and it’s hard to meet a man I can share the faith with. Keep praying if it’s meant to happen and it’s part of God’s will it will happen!
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fin said:
True. It’s very hard to meet faithful practicing Catholics in our age group. I’d like to marry a man who is a practicing Catholic and would raise our children in the faith.

I think with the OP’s question, it relates much to hope.

I pray to meet a good man. I also told God that if He isn’t calling me to marriage (as much as I desire to have a husband and children), to remove that desire in my heart.

But I still have the desire. So on one hand, I’m praying to meet the man I’m to marry, and on other, to have that desire removed.

If God doesn’t want me to get married, I accept that. Thing is, I don’t know whether or not I should continue hoping to get married.

It’s like being in limbo. In the meantime, I really am making the most of my life, being in a state of grace, engaging in things I enjoy…but still there is that longing.

I don’t know what to do.
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Yes, this sounds like me too
 
I’m sure people are tired of hearing from me on the subject, but I’ve pretty much given up on this. It’d be nice if I met someone and could start a relationship with her, but I just don’t have any expectations for that to happen. God has given me zero signs that he wants me to be married so I don’t hope for it anymore than I hope to win the lottery (God’s never given me any signs he wants that to happen either. 🙂
 
You should read some of the marriage threads in this forum today, maybe that will make you feel better about your single status.

If the time comes, it will come. If not, being single can give you more time to pursue your interests, serve your community and deepen your faith.
 
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