Should I keep the baby?

[MariaCA]

I was debating with myself whether to post this under moral or here, but I think its more of a family issue for me really. I want to start by saying I’m pregnant and I have always been against termination, however, I find myself in a really difficult situation which just cannot be controlled. I should also say that adoption is definitely not an option for me, its great if you can do that, I can’t and won’t consider it.

I guess to make the issue short as possible, myself and the father planned this baby and we loved it so, so much, I knew his mom wouldn’t be happy as we are not married, but we were both happy and we made a decision. His mom has never liked me, although I have done nothing but be pleasant and polite to her over the last several years, although now I have had to ask that she never contacts me again due to some harassing emails about my being pregnant. So the father told his mom that we were expecting and she was not happy, not at all. Questioning why we did it, saying it wasn’t right, and questioning her sons love for me. As a side I should mention shes very controlling of him and I have spoken to professionals and people in the catholic church, all who say that her behavior is abusive toward him, but he will never understand or see that. I won’t go into it all here as it isn’t appropriate but its manipulative.

Since he told her, he decided he wanted nothing to do with me of his baby, and has been really mean, to put it in a nice way, towards me, when I said I would raise my own baby him and his family called me selfish. He says he won’t go to any scans or support my pregnancy because he doesn’t want to get attached to the baby.This has gone on so long, and he isn’t willing to get help or to talk to anyone unless it suits his purpose i.e. telling me I am selfish which nobody will. I have looked to the church for help and they confirm the position about his mom, I have prayed, I have cried and I am really tired. I am considering a termination now, even though I can’t even type the word without crying. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn’t want to understand how I feel. I pray for him to break free of the situation he is in, I really do, but I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I am losing everything, even my faith right now.

I’v tried to keep that as short as possible, I could write a book if the truth be told on it, if anyone has anything to say I would appreciate it so much, its really hard feeling this way.

 

[lizaanne]

You do not have to go through this alone, and you do not need to abort your child. What city do you live in? We can help you find a crisis pregnancy center with people who can help you.

Do not abort your child. There are ALWAYS options.

~Liza

 

[papaececi]

Please don’t abort your child. As much as you might regret being pregnant right now, you will regret an abortion even more. Some people struggle with that pain their entire lives.

There should be a prolife crisis pregnancy center near you. Try calling 1-800-BABYDUE

 

[MariaCA]

You do not have to go through this alone, and you do not need to abort your child. What city do you live in? We can help you find a crisis pregnancy center with people who can help you.

Do not abort your child. There are ALWAYS options.

~Liza

Thanks Liza, I have already been in contact with a pro-life center, and I plan on going again, I just feel like its not getting anywhere right now, I guess because deep down I want the baby, the fathers actions have just stopped me loving it right now, I know that sounds terrible.

Maria

 

[stanncie]

Maria:

I want to give you a hug right now! God loves you so much and he now loves your unborn baby who is growing inside you. I know things seem really scary and hard right now but I want to assure you that this won’t always be the case. If you have no support from family or friends there are organizations out there that can help you. Abortion might seem like a solution but it’s nothing but a curse that will scar you for life. I’ve talked to post abortive women and the pain they carry is awful. You know that keeping this baby is what God would want since he created it and He won’t abandon you now! Please seek help, i assume you are in Cali from your username if so go here californiaprolife.org/resources/pregnancy_help/ if not pm me and I can help you find a center near you. I’m praying hard for you and your baby God Bless you

 

[stanncie]

Thanks Liza, I have already been in contact with a pro-life center, and I plan on going again, I just feel like its not getting anywhere right now, I guess because deep down I want the baby, the fathers actions have just stopped me loving it right now, I know that sounds terrible.

Maria

You cant trust feelings right now Maria since you are overwhelmed with your situation The important thing is that you know abortion is wrong. Feelings will come and go. The father might or might not change his mind but you must protect your baby We are all praying for you!

 

[Fan_of_Francis]

Dear Maria,

My heart aches for the pain you are in. I also wish you were near by so I could support you and your child.

Hail Mary, full of grace.
Our Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

 

[papaececi]

I just feel like its not getting anywhere right now, I guess because deep down I want the baby, the fathers actions have just stopped me loving it right now, I know that sounds terrible.

Maria

this sounds perfectly normal and natural for where you are in this situation. I have always found it hard to “love” the baby in the womb, but when they are born - wow! you won’t believe it’s possible to love someone so much!

 

[Trishie]

Lord please ensure that Maria has the support that she needs to protect herself and her baby and to make the right choice for her baby’s future.
Due to hurt she is not feeling maternal towards her baby at present but only because her heart is bruised. Her love for her baby will return.
Please lead her to kind and loving support and ensure that the baby’s future and hers will be secure and happy.

 

[Norseman82]

I was debating with myself whether to post this under moral or here, but I think its more of a family issue for me really. I want to start by saying I’m pregnant and I have always been against termination, however, I find myself in a really difficult situation which just cannot be controlled. I should also say that adoption is definitely not an option for me, its great if you can do that, I can’t and won’t consider it.

I guess to make the issue short as possible, myself and the father planned this baby and we loved it so, so much, I knew his mom wouldn’t be happy as we are not married, but we were both happy and we made a decision. His mom has never liked me, although I have done nothing but be pleasant and polite to her over the last several years, although now I have had to ask that she never contacts me again due to some harassing emails about my being pregnant. So the father told his mom that we were expecting and she was not happy, not at all. Questioning why we did it, saying it wasn’t right, and questioning her sons love for me. As a side I should mention shes very controlling of him and I have spoken to professionals and people in the catholic church, all who say that her behavior is abusive toward him, but he will never understand or see that. I won’t go into it all here as it isn’t appropriate but its manipulative.

Since he told her, he decided he wanted nothing to do with me of his baby, and has been really mean, to put it in a nice way, towards me, when I said I would raise my own baby him and his family called me selfish. He says he won’t go to any scans or support my pregnancy because he doesn’t want to get attached to the baby.This has gone on so long, and he isn’t willing to get help or to talk to anyone unless it suits his purpose i.e. telling me I am selfish which nobody will. I have looked to the church for help and they confirm the position about his mom, I have prayed, I have cried and I am really tired. I am considering a termination now, even though I can’t even type the word without crying. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn’t want to understand how I feel. I pray for him to break free of the situation he is in, I really do, but I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I am losing everything, even my faith right now.

I’v tried to keep that as short as possible, I could write a book if the truth be told on it, if anyone has anything to say I would appreciate it so much, its really hard feeling this way.

Please think about what you are saying. You would rather kill your child than give him/her up so that he/she may live? Where is the logic in that?

 

[joanofarc2008]

Know this, you may be having some conflicted feelings, but your child already loves you. It may be difficult but God makes crooked lines straight. This situation will be difficult but in the end you will have a tiny little human being that will love you more than you can ever realize. You will also live him or her. You know in your heart what is right. It does not matter how things got to this point. At this point what matters is the love you and your child share. Remember the Blessed Virgin’s decision may have had her stoned under Judaic law, however, she chose to bring the Lord Jesus Christ into the world for the salvation of us all. If you wish to at least say what part of the country you are from others may have more resources for you. If you don’t that is entirely understandable. You may also want to contact Franciscans Brothers of life. Brother JR is on this site and is extremely helpful although he has not posted in a while. His handle is JREducation. If he is not available on the site please check out their website at: Franciscan Brothers of Life.

 

[Dwyer]

You need to know some facts abouts abortion:

Human Life begins at Conception.

Abortion is murder: the killing of another human being.

By having an abortion, you’ll be murdering your own child.

Your Unborn Child’s life is innocent; your Unborn Child has done no wrongdoing to you, the father, or anyone, has committed no crime, is guilty of nothing, and therefore does not deserve a Death Sentence by abortion.

Don’t listen to anyone else who tells you otherwise ( and there are plenty of people out there who will tell you otherwise).

Please, listen to Mother Teresa:

BLESSED MOTHER TERESA SPEAKS ON ABORTION:

youtube.com/watch?v=99_qxDnbKYM

Please, take a look at this website and all the page links below:

priestsforlife.org/pregnant-need-help/index.aspx

I’ll pray for you and your Unborn Child and ask God to give you the strength and wisdom to choose Life and not death for your child.

 

[MariaCA]

Thank you everyone, for your thoughts and prayers it is a real comfort

 

[MariaCA]

Please think about what you are saying. You would rather kill your child than give him/her up so that he/she may live? Where is the logic in that?

No, thats not what I am saying at all, for various reasons I have omitted quite a bit from what I posted, as I have had to seek legal advice about somethings which have happened, therefore it would be inappropriate to post it on here. Likewise some of it is not suitable for younger teens.

I wanted to keep my baby and raise my baby, but what has happened has pushed part of me into not even wanting to carry my baby. I am desperately trying to find the strength to continue the pregnancy and be a mom to my baby.

 

[JGMendes4049]

Remember, O Most Gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to Thy protection,
implored Thy help or sought Thine intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto Thee, O Virgin of Virgins, my Mother;
to Thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in Thy mercy, hear and answer me.
Amen.

 

[Waiting]

Abortion is a decision that you will always regret, and cannot undo. You are the love of this child’s life, and his/her only defense. It’s your decision, but if you saw a child in danger, is there any doubt that you would risk your life to save that child? That child in danger is your own child. Your child will only be in danger now if you put him/her in danger. Can you really abandon your child? The Lord will never abandon you. God bless you both.

 

[Marc_Anthony]

I should also say that adoption is definitely not an option for me, its great if you can do that, I can’t and won’t consider it.

I am considering a termination now, even though I can’t even type the word without crying.

First of all your situation is extremely difficult and you have my prayers and condolences.

With that said: …WHAT??? Why on EARTH is abortion an option but not adoption?

Do you realize that what you’re saying is that you’d rather KILL your unborn child than give it to a family that will love it and raise it in a good environment?

Yes, offering up your baby for adoption is difficult for everybody involved, but do you really think abortion will feel any better? Although God always offers forgiveness, you’ll have to live with that guilt for the rest of your life.

What am I missing here is why you would consider killing your baby (“terminating” is a word that is generally used to dehumanize the baby and make it seem like a medical procedure. Let’s call it killing, because that is what abortion REALLY is) but not consider sending him or her to a loving home where they will be loved and cared for. How on Earth is abortion an option but not adoption?

I’m sorry, but I’m at a loss here as to why you’re dismissing ADOPTION out of hand but are sincerely considering ABORTION.

Please believe me when I say I’m really not trying to be insensitive here. I just can’t wrap my head around the idea that you immediately dismiss adoption and throw it away as a non-option but consider abortion a viable alternative to keeping the baby! Do you really think adoption will be harder than having your baby killed?

I’m honestly at a loss here, and I hope you believe me when I say that I am truly not trying to be insulting.

 

[Marc_Anthony]

No, thats not what I am saying at all, for various reasons I have omitted quite a bit from what I posted, as I have had to seek legal advice about somethings which have happened, therefore it would be inappropriate to post it on here. Likewise some of it is not suitable for younger teens.

I wanted to keep my baby and raise my baby, but what has happened has pushed part of me into not even wanting to carry my baby. I am desperately trying to find the strength to continue the pregnancy and be a mom to my baby.

I suggest praying to Saint Gianna Beretta Molla. She is an inspiration to all women who consider abortion an option. vatican.va/news_services/liturgy/saints/ns_lit_doc_20040516_beretta-molla_en.html

If you truly are unable to put your child up for adoption than you are in an incredibly difficult situation. Know that we’re all praying for you.

I’ll pray that this works out for everybody involved, including for you and the baby.

 

[styrgwillidar]

Well, you have certainly found out a lot about the father and his character from this. How much support and backup you can expect from him.

If you abort your child, you’ll learn an awful lot about yourself. And it will color and affect the rest of your life. You will know who you are every time you look in the mirror. Consequences down the road can be more devastating than the pregnancy now.

Yes, adoption is an alternative. Sorry you don’t like giving YOUR child a good home over killing it before it ever knows the warmth of sun on its skin. One woman’s story:

from
mausersandmuffins.blogspot.com/2010/12/birthday-message-letter-from-daughter.html

The story I tell is as old as time, and something I only found the courage to tell in the last couple of years, as “pro choice” seemed to be the banner of so many politicians. And I am going to tell it each year at her birthday time, at the urging of a fearless, teddy bear loving young redhead who looks just like me. She sent me a poem called “two hearts” in the mail, and urged me to tell my story so that a young woman, perhaps reading this blog, might see it and make the right choice.

I was a teen, just starting college, when I found out I was pregnant. I remember hanging up the phone in shock and just opening up a book I was reading. Was it raining? Was the sun out? I don’t remember, but the day was ordinary. It usually is when your life changes. Most people aren’t really doing anything noteworthy when the carefully guarded and fragile pieces of their life shatter with something they never expect.

I was not the face of teen pregnancy. I was from a sound, middle class Christian home, with loving parents who had adopted me as an infant and provided time, morals and balance in my early formative years. My Mom left a career in law enforcement to be a full time mother, and did so with the values of generations. I was the girl who still wore dresses to school long after everyone wore only jeans, and didn’t mind. I was a straight A student, a volunteer, an Honor Society member.

And I fell in love. With the breathtaking tumble that you think you’ll only experience once in your life and grab onto like a lifeline. He was older than I. We’d met in a summer college classes I took in addition to my high school ones. We talked of my finishing school, getting married, taking on the world by storm. I didn’t tell my family of my feelings. Did it mean that they were not there to listen? Did it mean they were too busy? No, I was a teenager, and at that age you don’t tell your parents everything, nor do you make the best decisions, even with the best of parenting. And one night, just one time, I listened to him and not my upbringing. I made the wrong choice.

When I told my love I was pregnant, I expected he would marry me or at least offer. I would be legally an adult when the child was born. He did not. He very cruely and coldly shoved enough money in my fist to “take care of the problem” and then shoved me out of his life. I thought I was part of his dreams and plans and then suddenly I was alone and all that remained was huge question of where this new destination in my life would take me.

I expected a firestorm at home. But I did not get it. I knew my actions had created great disappointment but it was not shown to me. Only love, and support.They could have sent me to stay with relatives out of town to be more discreet about it. They did not. My Dad simply said. “I know you will make the right decision about this” and gave me a big hug.

continued

 

[styrgwillidar]

mausersandmuffins.blogspot.com/2010/12/birthday-message-letter-from-daughter.html

I was only a teenager. I was scared and angry at myself as I first prayed “oh please don’t let me be.” I had not known with certainty that life itself lay embedded in each single, shiny moment. I had not grasped the mystery of how miracles duplicate, be they moments or cells, or of unforeseen healing - forgiveness flowing in to what had only held anger and hate. In all those years I went to church with my parents, I had sung a hundred old hymns and loved the music, but had not yet known that in my own flesh I would see that which is consecrated. I was, I am, we are all destined to die—but just as surely to participate in our role in the creation of hope.

And she was born. I had prayed that it would not happen. Now someone new and beautiful lay sleeping, dreaming new dreams all her own. I really didn’t know how lacking in hope I had been until then. And the event that I had prayed would not take place became my greatest accomplishment and her small being , my biggest act of courage.

That act of courage involved a couple who had been on a waiting list to adopt a baby for 7 years, and had pretty much given up. When my doctor told me of them, the woman being related to one of his staff, the answer to my huge question was just a feeling, one of actual hope and a sense of meaning. When that is what’s going on inside, you know you’ve finally seen your destination come into view.

It’s almost never where you expected it to be.

Several months and 34 hours in labor later it’s over. I called my love, not expecting anything, he’d already signed the consent for adoption papers, the decision was made. I simply wanted to inform him of the birth . I was told that he was in love with someone and was going to marry her and don’t ever call again. At that point, tears drying on my face, one of the nurses came to my room to see me. I’m not sure what to say to her and she sits down and softly starts humming a little song.

If you go down to the woods today,
You’re sure of a big surprise,
If you go down to the woods today
You’re better go in disguise,
For every bear that ever was there
Will gather there for certain because
Today’s the day the Teddy Bears
have their picnic.

I smiled and hummed along, her hands clasping mine. Then she leaves, with my life. I am determined to be strong, smile, not say goodbye. Never goodbye. The big beige door swing shuts behind them. Then quiet. My Dad comes and tries to talk to me of hope. He talks of being brave, and the past and a future and urges me to leave with them to the cabin for a few days. My emotions are rumblings, faraway thunder, eclipsed by the lightning bolt urgency of others You can’t leave alone, no one told you that you could love anyone so much. You’re going to gather up whats yours and go home.

But I’d made not only a decision, but a promise, and I leave with my loving and forgiving family, with my empty arms and heart. Some people are less than kind about my decision. Many thought I should be a single mother, when as a young student, I had no way in which to provide. It would be a two job, no father, kind of life that didn’t provide for a child. If I left school, all I could probably get after our local employers massive lay-offs in the area, would have been a minimum wage job, even less of a future for us. The option of living off public assistance, suggested by several, was never considered. Surprisingly, many thought I should have had an abortion. Apparently abortion in was more acceptable than adoption for a few pro-abortion folks verbally vilified me for “giving your kid away like it was a puppy”, harsh hurtful words.

But my decision was as difficult as anything I have ever done in my life, any such decision is, and for people to openly judge that decision was a cruelty that only honed my pain to razor sharpness.

In time there was a shift, a lightness, undetectable to everyone but me, and I could finally sleep without tears, and I knew I would be forever changed, but I would survive.

All I had was a faint memory from the delivery room of sweet baby smell and red hair. It was an open adoption so I knew where my heart was at. So many times I would have given my life just to just fly there and sit by their house, to watch and breath in that life. But I made a promise to them, and my word is my honor.

There is an imperceptible pause of a life in the moment between the event and the moment of the knowing. After it’s happened but it hasn’t been formed into words.The click between one life and another.The phone rings early and I’m sleeping so soundly I think it’s in my dream. It’s for me. . and it’s a hesitant. . . “hello. . is that you?”.

In talking, for hours, for days, we discovered that we are alike in so many ways. A mirror image of me but with her parent’s heart and laughter. We love steak, macaroni and cheese and books. We loved “Princess Bride”, “Firefly” and “Red Dwarf”. She loves the outdoors in which I breathe.

We owned almost all of the same books.

As we went through the process of becoming friends with each other and I heard in detail the wonder of those happy, secure early years growing up, I was amazed of my role in this. When I met her Mom for the first time, she grabbed me in a big bear hug, openly crying and thanking me for my gift of “our daughter”. Moments like that are what makes life real.

When she graduated at Boston University not so long ago, a National Merit Scholarship winner, I watched quietly from the crowd as a guest, with as much pride as any parent there. I treasure my family and her family is as dear to me as my own. But when holidays roll around and I am often alone, my joy is occasionally bittersweet and the reality of what I had to give up stirs in my heart. The mother daughter bonding, girl scouts, camping, that first prom, all of which I only experienced in my heart’s longing. But she is in my life now, with her parent’s blessing. Small precious moments, sharing with someone so like myself, yet living her own dreams.
Some people may say I didn’t do the right thing. But I did. For my precious child, I did the absolute best I could. But it is not society’s or the media’s role to judge my decision. And it certainly is no reflection on the kind of person I was at 18 or what kind of parents I had. We make our choices, we make decisions, good and bad, and if we have any strength of character, we own up to them, and try to make them right.

I have a letter from a daughter, wrinkled and stained with tears, that bears witness to this truth.