should I leave

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traillius

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My wife called the cops just to try to get me to leave. She said either I leave or she does. I am at the library. Should I leave. How do I know whether my wife wants to be married still. My mom and her dad both said that she should leave. My mom even told my wife that I should be alone and in a homeless shelter. My dad said I could live with him at least if I need to. There doesn’t seem to be hope for my marriage. At least with my wife staying married or wanting to. Prayers, etc…
 
I would suggest speaking to your priest ASAP, being as honest and open as you can about what is going on in your marriage, and taking his advice.

It would really depend on the circumstances, and I don’t know that it would be a good idea to post details on a public board. I would also not be sharing details with any of the parents of the spouses because this could cause conflicts later, even when/if the married couple reconciles. 😦

That said, if there is no abuse, addiction, or adultery going on, I tend to feel that the spouse who wants the separation should be the one to leave.

Will pray for you and your wife. :gopray2:
 
traillius said:
…How do I know whether my wife wants to be married still. …
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Your wife has been pretty clear about not wanting you in the home right now. I agree that you need to contact a priest immediately. This cannot be the first time that your wife has expressed displeasure with you and/ or the state of your marriage. What has she brought to your attention? What has she asked you to change? Have you worked on those things? (You don’t have to answer that here, those are things to consider in your heart and to talk to the priest about.)

You definitely should not go home if it will cause/ escalate any conflict with your wife. If your father will allow you to stay with him, that seems like a good, albeit temporary, solution.
 
You should contact a lawyer as leaving your home might put you at a disadvantage later on in when things like custody and support are decided. It’s your home too so don’t just let your wife kick you out.
 
I would have to wonder what’s led to this. Is this something you can talk out? Is there an immediate threat to your/her safety?

In the immediate future, you might do well to stay at a hotel or something, just until she calms down from what seems to be an acute event. After that, you can talk about the situation.

Is Retrouvaille an option for you? This is a program designed to help couples in troubled marriages.
 
Burt_Macklin said:
You should contact a lawyer as leaving your home might put you at a disadvantage later on in when things like custody and support are decided. It’s your home too so don’t just let your wife kick you out.
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This is the best advice on this thread. How do I know? Been there, Done That…several times.
 
Burt_Macklin said:
You should contact a lawyer as leaving your home might put you at a disadvantage later on in when things like custody and support are decided. It’s your home too so don’t just let your wife kick you out.
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Precisely what I was going to say. Do not leave until after you’ve spoken with a lawyer, and if he advises against it, follow your lawyer’s advice.

Additionally, get a notebook and start writing down everything you can remember about the lead-up to all this: summaries of conversations and approximate dates; any meetings you or both of you have had with any sorts of counselors or mediators, etc. Get links or copies to any postings you have made here or keep those separate so they are private), and keep adding everything to the notebook: records of conversations had with everyone involved, etc. Hopefully you will never need this, but it will be helpful if you do.
 
My wife facebook texted me to come home. I also applied for 3 jobs today. SO confused.
 
Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
You are in danger. Everything you think you own, live for, work for is in jeopardy.

If there has been no violence and your wife is willing to use the coercive state power of the police to have you removed from the home, this not going to end well.

Even if you smooth things over tonight. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

Get a lawyer.
 
SerbCath said:
You are in danger. Everything you think you own, live for, work for is in jeopardy.

If there has been no violence and your wife is willing to use the coercive state power of the police to have you removed from the home, this not going to end well.

Even if you smooth things over tonight. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

Get a lawyer.
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I believe the OP doesn’t actually have much of anything to take.

Trailius, am I correct?
 
The car, my computer, clothes, and a few tools are all that is “mine,” technically speaking. I have a few electronic toys, like a metal detector, but most things belong to my wife and kid, or to the “house.” i.e. furniture, appliances, etc… I couldn’t take most things. It would just be impractical. We have 2 dogs, but one would definitely be considered my wife’s dog, for purposes of custody. Mostly, I find myself confused. She said leave, but then she facebook texted me and said come home. First she asked me to do some stuff for her, but then she started yelling about leaving again. She said, though, that she didn’t the police at our house again.
 
I don’t know which is worse:
hearing her scream obscenities at me and threatening divorce
or hearing her scream in pain and beg for help I can only partly provide.
Now her feet are experiencing the pain of diabetes. She is on insulin, but doesn’t eat well. I need to find out what we should eat for diabetics. Whatever is healthy for her wouldn’t hurt me either.
 
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