Should i let my niece call me "mummy"

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My niece and nephew are 8/9 years old and they’ve been apart of my daily life for 5 years now (they kind of live with my mum and me). Their parents (who were never married) split up years ago and my brother has full custody. Though the arrangement was that the mum could have them every weekend, she has never wanted to have them during the weekends or holidays. The kids rarely see her though they do see her on special occasions. Their mum has two other kids with another one on the way from a different man, and I think it hurts them to know their little sisters get to live and see their mum daily but they don’t (but they don’t know about the whole weekend arrangement thing, my brother has never told and so they think that its their dads fault that they cant see their mum).

The thing is my niece likes to call me mummy, and im not sure if im comfortable with it. And I have tried to dissuade her from calling me it but she persists even more that I am. She especially loves to call me mummy in public or when I pick her up from school, in front of her or my friends, or at church etc. Im 21, so I get some weird looks when im out in public when she calls me mummy. Mostly I don’t mind, im just scared what she will think of me when she gets older. Will she resent me for letting her call me that? Cause im not her real mum, and it also really aggravates my nephew when he hears her call me that.

Once when we were playing she called me mummy and that resulted in him yelling at her that they don’t have a mum. When I pointed out they did and that it would hurt her if she heard that, they both said their mum doesn’t love them. When I tried to persuade them she did they both got really angry at me so I dropped it. Ive always said to them their mum loves them very much and our family tries to keep up a positive outlook when it comes to their mum, but to be honest Ive always highly disliked her, just because of the things that she has done in the past to my brother that the kids are too young to remember. But ive never let them have an inkling of an idea that I might feel that way, because I think its important to honor God’s 5th commandment – she is their mother and is therefore important to them, so ill never say a bad word about her in front of them!

Im also worried about what my brother thinks of it. Ive never spoken to him about it before though when I was 16 my brother asked me to be a role model for my niece since I was the only young female influence in her life at the time. Ive since taken my role very seriously, and because I realized that they are both not getting the kind of upbringing I did~ for example my mum would read to me every night and tuck me into bed with kisses and a lullaby, or give me lots of kisses and cuddles, I actively try to do this for them at every opportunity. But its when my niece starts to say that she wishes I was her real mum and married to her dad (my brother), it starts to feel a bit weird (and just creeps me out).

I don’t want this to be any longer, so is it ok for my niece to call me mum or not? And if it isn’t is there a particular way I could stop her without hurting her feelings? Im not sure how im supposed to approach the issue of their mum with them, but I don’t like them thinking that their mum doesn’t love them. I was also thinking that maybe I should point out to them more often that Our lady Mary is their mother also, I’ve done it a few times before but I don’t think its hit home yet. Would that be a good idea?

btw i tried to keep this short, but sorry its a bit long!
 
Sorry I didn’t read the entire thread you wrote but I think I get what your saying,
A child needs to feel secure, loved and a sense of belonging, if you are seen by them as a parent figure , then you should feel humbled and honoured, and blessed,
Tell that child you deeply love them and wish she could be yours,
You have a unique opportunity to be a huge influence on another human being,
Cherish every moment,and good luck.
 
What a sad story, and how lucky the children are to have such a loving aunt.

I think the children need professional counselling and the sooner the better. Would your brother be amenable to bringing them to see a child psychologist?

I wouldn’t be inclined to let her call you mummy. The counsellor/psychologist would help you find a way to explain the reasons to your niece.
 
You are not their mommy even though you fill part of that role. And part of that role is as teacher and allowing them to call you mommy may distort their understanding and parental role, the traditional family makeup and how grown ups fit into that puzzle.
 
There is nothing wrong with it at all. The children are old enough to know you are not their biological mom, but you are raising them so emotionally you are “mummy”. Children whose parents aren’t up to the task will nearly always “adopt” whoever is raising them with love to be their mom and dad.
 
I be very very wary of that one. When she is a bit older and finds out you are not her mummy and claims you been lying to her, how will you feel then?

There is nothing wrong with being aunty and that stays very clear in the eye of the child, whatever your brother may want. My take is that aunt should be kept because then it all very clear and you are not deceiving anyone unintentially. If the lad had pointed out you are not mom then to try and educate them that you are mom, he may well resent you more in the long run

safest all round to stick to aunt and there is nothing wrong in that and people outside the family circle will find that clear too. Think of the number of times you might have to explain you not actually their mother and whilst people may praise you, the longwinded reminder each time. Far far easier just to stay as aunt. Maybe aunty-mom but not mom. Not if you want to be fair to everyone and not be deceiving anyone even if unintentially deceiving them:thumbsup:
 
Well, you could split the difference and let her call you Aunt Mummy…and let her know that you want her to save “mummy” for their mother or their dad’s wife. But since The Queen is saved for the king’s wife or the monarch’s mother and yet the title “Queen of” can be used more widely, I think by analogy Aunt Mummy might work very well… that is, you are the aunt who is her day-to-day mom, that you love that you get to do that, and you would be honored if she’d decide to call you that. How does that work for you?
 
You are her Aunt and she should address you as such. Counseling would be helpful at this time before her confusion becomes too deep seated.

Will pray for your niece.
 
I agree that she should not be allowed to call you mom. If she wants to call you by an agreed upon title that would be good. I also think that telling her Mary is her mom is a great idea.

It is obvious she calls you this in public because she wants the world to see she has a mommy like everyone else. And that is sad. I do think a professional would help deal with that.

However and this is my big concern. As much as I can understand you want them to know their biological mom loves them, please let it go. ie do not insist on telling them anymore. Give them the control. It is THEIR mom and THEY want the freedom to dictate how it is. When they say ‘My mom doesn’t love me’ a more appropriate response would be ‘Well, I spend so much time with you, I love you to pieces’. Or ‘God loves you’

See, in their mind, if mom is living with their 3 sisters and not them, the only logical conclusion a child can come up with is ‘mom doesn’t love me’. And when you contradict them, they feel like you don’t understand their pain. I am not saying you should agree with them openly, but you should give sympathy for their dilemma.

However, if you are only 21, I think you are to young to be posting about this. I think you should tell your brother to man up and start dealing with this himself, or at the very least tell your mom that she is he one who took these kids in and she can deal with it

Anige
 
Anglewannabe said:
I agree that she should not be allowed to call you mom. If she wants to call you by an agreed upon title that would be good. I also think that telling her Mary is her mom is a great idea.

It is obvious she calls you this in public because she wants the world to see she has a mommy like everyone else. And that is sad. I do think a professional would help deal with that.

However and this is my big concern. As much as I can understand you want them to know their biological mom loves them, please let it go. ie do not insist on telling them anymore. Give them the control. It is THEIR mom and THEY want the freedom to dictate how it is. When they say ‘My mom doesn’t love me’ a more appropriate response would be ‘Well, I spend so much time with you, I love you to pieces’. Or ‘God loves you’

See, in their mind, if mom is living with their 3 sisters and not them, the only logical conclusion a child can come up with is ‘mom doesn’t love me’. And when you contradict them, they feel like you don’t understand their pain. I am not saying you should agree with them openly, but you should give sympathy for their dilemma.

However, if you are only 21, I think you are to young to be posting about this. I think you should tell your brother to man up and start dealing with this himself, or at the very least tell your mom that she is he one who took these kids in and she can deal with it

Anige
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Very good advice. 👍
 
They are 8 and 9 years old. They are old enough to understand that you are not their biological mother.

Perhaps in addition to Aunt Mummy you could also suggest “Mummy Firstname” It’s something that is very common in foster parenting and in the adoption circle (referring to the foster mom as Mom Firstname or Mama Firstname)
 
UnCatholicBride said:
They are 8 and 9 years old. They are old enough to understand that you are not their biological mother.

Perhaps in addition to Aunt Mummy you could also suggest “Mummy Firstname” It’s something that is very common in foster parenting and in the adoption circle (referring to the foster mom as Mom Firstname or Mama Firstname)
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I agree with this. I have step children who call me Mom, but refer to their Mother as Mommy or Mama - it works for us. You just need to make sure she does understand that, even though you love her and take care of her like a Mummy, that you are not their Mummy. From what you said, I think they both understand that.

Bless you for caring for them - children need a ‘Mummy’, even if it is not the real one. So sad that they think the real mother doesn’t love them. Maybe she will step up more when they get older.
 
Anglewannabe said:
I agree that she should not be allowed to call you mom. If she wants to call you by an agreed upon title that would be good. I also think that telling her Mary is her mom is a great idea.

It is obvious she calls you this in public because she wants the world to see she has a mommy like everyone else. And that is sad. I do think a professional would help deal with that.

However and this is my big concern. As much as I can understand you want them to know their biological mom loves them, please let it go. ie do not insist on telling them anymore. Give them the control. It is THEIR mom and THEY want the freedom to dictate how it is. When they say ‘My mom doesn’t love me’ a more appropriate response would be ‘Well, I spend so much time with you, I love you to pieces’. Or ‘God loves you’

See, in their mind, if mom is living with their 3 sisters and not them, the only logical conclusion a child can come up with is ‘mom doesn’t love me’. And when you contradict them, they feel like you don’t understand their pain. I am not saying you should agree with them openly, but you should give sympathy for their dilemma.

However, if you are only 21, I think you are to young to be posting about this. I think you should tell your brother to man up and start dealing with this himself, or at the very least tell your mom that she is he one who took these kids in and she can deal with it

Anige
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This is excellent advice.

As a specific answer to your question, I think coming up with a special title or nickname for you is a good idea. I don’t think it should be any version of Mum, Mummy, etc. though. “Auntie CrossFaith” is a perfectly reasonable name. Especially if Granny (your mum) and Daddy (your brother) step-up their roles in the children’s lives.

Counseling is an excellent idea. It doesn’t have to be extensive - your parish priest may be able to direct your brother to resources as well. It is very understandably for the children to think their real mum doesn’t love them since she doesn’t take much time for them. I wouldn’t contradict that, or agree with them - just say something nuetral like “It’s too bad you couldn’t visit last holiday” and then change the subject. “Now, how about a game of chase?”

I’ll say a prayer for them. It’s wonderful that they have an auntie to dote on them, but it still isn’t like having a mother’s attention!
 
KrazyKat said:
You are her Aunt and she should address you as such. Counseling would be helpful at this time before her confusion becomes too deep seated.

Will pray for your niece.
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Actually it is more of a local cultural issue. Our nieces call my wife “mommy” and they call their cousins big brother/sister. Meanwhile aunty would be reserved for the woman who married into the family or the next generational adult with whom you were on a first name basis with.
 
I agree that coming up with a special title might be the best way to deal with this. This way you don’t have all the problems that go along with saying “Mummy,” but you have something that allows your niece to express your special relationship with her. It sounds like she really needs that. There must be something comforting to her to have someone who she can use a term of endearment on - “Aunt” sounds so formal. See if your ethnic heritage has any cute nicknames for “aunt” or for other special people, or even make something up. I know some grandmothers are called “Mimi” - maybe a special aunt could be as well. Tia is spanish for aunt, and Zia is Italian. I’ve heard of aunts being called Titi (tee tee) or the Italian pronunciation (Tsee Tsee) used. Or you could make a cute nickname from your actual name. I have a relative named “Marie” whose grandchildren call her “Ree Ree.” The idea is to give your niece something to call you that shows that you are special to her, and that shows her that she has a woman in her life who is special enough to have a special name.
 
It is so inappropriate to have somebody elses child calling you mummy…you could have and should have stopped it the first time she called you mummy by saying that you arent her mummy you are her aunt…

If you let this continue she will be bullied in school and labelled a freak when the other kids find out the lady she calls her " mummy " is the sister of her daddy…
 
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