Should I let this bother me?

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panther08

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hi i am new here. i am catholic and in my 20’s. i have a question. last night my girlfriend took a nap around 6pm and i didn’t hear from her till 2am. should i worry? she says she was asleep the whole time. and when we talked at 2am she did sound like she just woke up. she said she didn’t mean to sleep that long. she has been under a lot of stress so she said thats why. it bothered me but this is the first time that she has done something like this and i do tend to worry and be paranoid a lot.

(we are in a long distance relationship)
 
Do you have reason to worry? I don’t understand the problem.
 
noclevername said:
Do you have reason to worry? I don’t understand the problem.
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probably not i tend to worry alot. i was scared that she was cheating on me or something. but she has never given me anyreason to think that she would do that.
 
Why are you checking up on her sleep schedule? Do you need to know what she does every minute of the day? Is there some health condition she has that has you worried?
 
Norseman82 said:
Why are you checking up on her sleep schedule? Do you need to know what she does every minute of the day? Is there some health condition she has that has you worried?
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no. i am just worried that she will cheat because the gf i had a couple of years ago did.
 
no. iam sorry. i am just worring to much. i feel dumb posting this iam sorry to bother you all
 
panther08 said:
no. iam sorry. i am just worring to much. i feel dumb posting this iam sorry to bother you all
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But did you get your question answered? If you learned something that helped in your relationship, it wasn’t all that fruitless, correct?

(Plus you got a link to a cute puppy-cam).
 
jmj

My brother in Christ, please relief your heart of these worries, and place your trust in Jesus Christ for He knows your burden is heavy but if you offer it up He will make your yoke light 🙂

Pray!!!

Deo Gratias
 
Do you make her check in often? The only thing you’re gonna succeed in doing is driving her away, that would be in a regular relationship where both of y’all just a few minutes away.

Your situation is a little different. Long distance to work requires good communication. Phones, texts, emails are all ya have in between visits. It is not unreasonable to ask “so what are you doing tonight?”

I wouldn’t call her every hour of the day, because that gets old in a hurry, but when I did call I’d expect her to answer. All I want is honesty. If you’re gonna be out late with friends, just tell me, and call me when you get in, but by no means do you call her every 15minutes to see what she’s doing while she’s out. She said she’d call when she got home, let it go at that.

Because of your past relationship it is understandable you have trust issues, you gotta let that go. Until she has done something to violate your trust, she gets the benefit of the doubt.

Now she told ya she was sleeping, let it go at that. I’m thinkin ya got too much time on your hands, so you’re sittin around manufacturing stuff.

But if you ever found out she was someplace she said she wasn’t, then I’d jump and down, and depending on where ya found out she was at, I might even head for the door, cause I can’t be with someone I can’t trust, but that’s just me.
 
Oooooooooooooh, this takes me back to the days when I was dating my husband!

One week, we both decided to go to the office and work on a Saturday. That day, I woke up, took a shower, and collapsed into bed. My sweetie showed up at my door at noon, asking, “Why didn’t you show up? Are you sick?”

“No, I’m fine,” I said. “Maybe I have a little cold, but I was just too tired to come.”

He insisted further: “No, really, are you sick? Did something happen?” When I told him that I was fine and started giving him a funny look, he then became quite hostile and started to demand to know what I had been doing. Apparently, he had been sitting in his office all morning, concocting all kinds of strange reasons for why I hadn’t come. He had finally settled on two possibilities: either I had a chronic illness like AIDS or I had been cheating on him.

When my honest replies that everything was just fine went unheeded, I finally said in exasperation, “DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT I WAS CHEATING ON YOU AT 8:00 IN THE MORNING???”

The funniest part is that he wasn’t entirely convinced even then.

After we talked about the inident further and finally learned to laugh about it, I think that my sweetie started to figure out that he really could trust me to have four hours or so to myself. I guess my point is that even normal individuals can have a little paranoia when it comes to something as life-or-death as a relationship, but just try to trust a little. If something funny is really going on, you’ll start to pick up a lot more signals than just a few hours of time unaccounted for.

And I still tease my sweetie a little about that day. 😃
 
panther08 said:
hi i am new here. i am catholic and in my 20’s. i have a question. last night my girlfriend took a nap around 6pm and i didn’t hear from her till 2am. should i worry? she says she was asleep the whole time. and when we talked at 2am she did sound like she just woke up. she said she didn’t mean to sleep that long. she has been under a lot of stress so she said thats why. it bothered me but this is the first time that she has done something like this and i do tend to worry and be paranoid a lot.

(we are in a long distance relationship)
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I don’t want to be overly nosy, but to offer you some perspective it would help to know a bit more about your relationship.

You say you are boyfriend/girlfriend. Are you looking for a marriage partner? Or are you not looking so far ahead? Why are you in a long distance relationship? Have you ever lived near each other? Is the distance because of college? Work? The military?
 
SMHW said:
I don’t want to be overly nosy, but to offer you some perspective it would help to know a bit more about your relationship.

You say you are boyfriend/girlfriend. Are you looking for a marriage partner? Or are you not looking so far ahead? Why are you in a long distance relationship? Have you ever lived near each other? Is the distance because of college? Work? The military?
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Yes I am looking at my gf as a future wife. we have talked about it and plan on getting married after we graduate college. we met online and thats why we live far away
 
panther08 said:
no. i am just worried that she will cheat because the gf i had a couple of years ago did.
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Your current girlfriend is not responsible for your past girlfriends’ transgressions. I know it hurts what the previous girlfriend did, but it’s not up to your current one to atone for what the previous one did to you. They are separate persons. You need to trust her. There is a reason why you are together.

Has she ever given you reason to distrust her? You must understand that people need time for themselves. She has a good explanation, the point here is whether you believe her or not.
 
Best to nip this paranoia about this girl cheating in the bud. Things like that can really hurt a relationship, even as bad as actual cheating sometimes, because it attacks the trust every relationship needs to thrive.

I’ve layed down for a nap a few times and woke up many more hours later than I intended, especially if I’ve been sleep-deprived and stressed. Give the girl (and yourself) a break and don’t worry about it.
 
little_flower said:
Best to nip this paranoia about this girl cheating in the bud. Things like that can really hurt a relationship, even as bad as actual cheating sometimes, because it attacks the trust every relationship needs to thrive.

I’ve layed down for a nap a few times and woke up many more hours later than I intended, especially if I’ve been sleep-deprived and stressed. Give the girl (and yourself) a break and don’t worry about it.
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Good advice but understand, panther08, its hard to take when you’re been hurt in the way you have. But you could end up hurt in another way if you continually check up on her and she tells you she wants to stop seeing you.

Maybe it would help if you thought about how it would feel if you were the one being checked up on. Okay you may say “I wouldn’t mind as I have nothing to hide.” But what about if you were woken from a deep sleep, called when you were in the middle of something and it kept on happening?

And yes, last week I lay down for a quick nap after work and woke up four hours later.
 
Yeah, that happens. I remember falling asleep when actually talking to someone on the messenger. And try not to be afraid of cheating. If someone cheats on you, that almost certainly means the person is not for you and in that case you end the relationship. Not even as punishment but because it’s rather hard to be with someone who’s cheated on us. But once the person is no longer our “Miss Right”, then the fact she has cheated on us shouldn’t really bother us so much. It’s hard when you don’t know, naturally, but once you know it’s not so hard any more. It’s just the time of tough decisions. Shouldn’t probably fear to lose the girl to cheating so much since if she were to cheat, she would basically not be the girl for you and in that case, losing her should not be a drama. As for the girl, give her the benefit of doubt and don’t look for bad motivations in her actions or words.
 
panther08 said:
hi i am new here. i am catholic and in my 20’s. i have a question. last night my girlfriend took a nap around 6pm and i didn’t hear from her till 2am. should i worry? she says she was asleep the whole time. and when we talked at 2am she did sound like she just woke up. she said she didn’t mean to sleep that long. she has been under a lot of stress so she said thats why. it bothered me but this is the first time that she has done something like this and i do tend to worry and be paranoid a lot.

(we are in a long distance relationship)
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I don’t know much of the story but I will tell you this…And another thing why should you worry has she done something to start this distrust?

Anyhow…Let me tell you that I can go for months sleeping 5-6 hours, but once my body needs it I will pass out as soon as I walk in the door of my house…
A while back I came in said hi to my kids told them to call my db because I wasn’t feeling well, and passed out in the couch…I didn’t know what happened, nor how long I was out until I looked at the clock and it was 10 pm from 3 pm coming home from work! I was exhausted and my body broke down on me…

After that I went on again as if nothing had happened…Then it happened several months again…

So it’s normal, if you don’t sleep well, if you don’t eat well, and if you are over working yourself, eventually your body will tell you I NEED A BREAK and will take it!!! If anything tell her to go to the doctor they could help her better…

Good luck!
 
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