Should I let this upset me?

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Bulldawg

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My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 months (its long distance). And everything is going fine. But today I found out that she still has not told her Aunt or her choir teacher about me because she is scared how they will react. Should I be upset by this?
 
It sounds a bit hurtful…but are you both very young? You’ve not explained the situation.
Even though it’s hurtful, I do hope you won’t let it upset you and spoil your Christmas celebrations.

God bless you and your girlfriend.
 
Trishie said:
It sounds a bit hurtful…but are you both very young? You’ve not explained the situation.
Even though it’s hurtful, I do hope you won’t let it upset you and spoil your Christmas celebrations.

God bless you and your girlfriend.
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Iam not going to let it spoil Christmas. I didnt even let her know I was upset by it. She just turned 20 and I am 22. I mean she has told everyone else. But shes scared of how her Aunt and choir teacher will react.
 
I’ll pray for her to have maturity and courage to be honest about her life. She may need more maturity and a balanced sense of self to be able to be confident in her choices.
 
BamaRider said:
Didja ask her why?
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Yeah I asked her why. And she said its because she is scared of how they will react because the last relationship she was in ended bad and she things her Aunt and choir teacher will freak. My parents say I should just let it go and not worry about it.
 
Bulldawg, you’re thinking like a guy. But life isn’t just about facts. It’s about emotion. She knows Auntie and Choir teacher. They’re obviously long-term in her life and she cares about their opinion.

Three months isn’t that long. Especially if you’re in a long distance relationship. She doesn’t know if you’re going to crash and burn. She’d rather not hear the chorus of Itoldyousos that may come from Auntie and Choir teacher. She’s waiting to see if you have durability before she opens that door.

I’d bet money that’s really the issue.

Nothing for you to deal with right now. If you are a keeper, down the line you may meet Auntie and Co. and realize why she didn’t want to introduce you too early. If you’re not a keeper, or you do something to hurt her too, or it may not work, or whatever, it’s one less thing she has to explain to people.

What you have learned is her personality is one that doesn’t like confrontation. She’s cautious about telling people things till she has certainty. If you can deal with that, good. If not, best to let her know you prefer someone who will tell the whole world about you before she even knows herself what she really feels.

Did I say three months isn’t that long a period of time? Especially when you are 20 and new to dating and have been hurt before. And how well does she know you if it’s long distance? Another social hurdle. Many people don’t agree long distance is wise.

This is about her not wanting people who are important to her to question her judgment. She probably still is questioning her own judgment from the last debacle and needs to sort things out still.

Listen to your parents. Don’t make a big deal about this. It isn’t about you.
 
Bulldawg said:
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 months (its long distance). And everything is going fine. But today I found out that she still has not told her Aunt or her choir teacher about me because she is scared how they will react. Should I be upset by this?
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First, if you weren’t thinking like a guy, I’d be scared 😃 .

However, since you said she did not tell her aunt and choir director, I have to ask you this: did she tell her parents? That is MUCH more important than her aunt or choir director, unless her parents are dead and her aunt and choir director raised her.

Additionally, have you met her in person? If you didn’t, maybe your relationship isn’t far enough along to play “meet the parents”, otherwise you could end up making the parents of some girl who you just saved from being hit by a subway or “L” train mistakenly think you are her fiancee while she is in a coma (if anyone gets the movie reference:D ).
 
Bulldawg said:
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 months (its long distance). And everything is going fine. But today I found out that she still has not told her Aunt or her choir teacher about me because she is scared how they will react. Should I be upset by this?
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Not necessarily. Why would you be?
 
Norseman82 said:
First, if you weren’t thinking like a guy, I’d be scared 😃 .

However, since you said she did not tell her aunt and choir director, I have to ask you this: did she tell her parents? That is MUCH more important than her aunt or choir director, unless her parents are dead and her aunt and choir director raised her.

Additionally, have you met her in person? If you didn’t, maybe your relationship isn’t far enough along to play “meet the parents”, otherwise you could end up making the parents of some girl who you just saved from being hit by a subway or “L” train mistakenly think you are her fiancee while she is in a coma (if anyone gets the movie reference:D ).
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Yeah she has told her parents. And they seem to like me:)
 
Since she told everyone else and not those two people, I would think the problem lies between her and those two people…not you.
 
Bulldawg said:
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 months (its long distance). And everything is going fine. But today I found out that she still has not told her Aunt or her choir teacher about me because she is scared how they will react. Should I be upset by this?
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puzzled maybe, nothing in subsequent discussion gives reason why should would care about opinions of these people.; before progressing further in this very new relationship I would want an idea of how much she allows other people to direct her life. her choir director? is he also her father?
 
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