Should I need to convalidate my marriage?

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Baho

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I married my wife 9 years ago in a civil ceremony as an unbaptized non-believer. She was a baptized protestant at the time. As I understand it, my marriage was valid as there was no expectation or requirement for me to be married in the church at that time. We’re being told that we need to convalidate the marriage. If that is right, what does that mean? Were my children born out of wedlock?
 
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Baho, I was born and baptized Catholic. Later, I was confirmed as a Catholic. Later after that, I left the Catholic Church (gradually beginning at age 17) and got married outside the Catholic Church. When I came back to the Catholic Church, we needed to get our marriage to be convalidated which we did do.
 
Yeah but you were Catholic even if you left. For someone who has never been Catholic the church recognizes marriages that happen outside of it. Only Catholics are expected to be married in the church.
 
Marriage is one of the seven sacraments of the Church. We make vows to be part of the Church. These vows can be made on our behalf at the time of infant baptism. They are also re-confirmed when we are confirmed (age 13 for me) and annually during the end of Holy week services before Easter.

Can you share more of your story? Did you receive other Catholic sacraments (Baptism, Holy Communion, Reconciliation, Confirmation) before you got married? Thanks.
 
Baho said:
For someone who has never been Catholic the church recognizes marriages that happen outside of it. Only Catholics are expected to be married in the church.
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I am not a canon lawyer. But, that does sound right to me.
 
My wife was baptized as a Mennonite at 12, we were married at 18 & 19, I was baptized in a non-denominational church in '17. We’ll both be confirmed and receive first communion in a couple weeks and our original baptisms are being considered valid. Neither of us has ever been Catholic before.
 
my husband and i married unpracticing catholics in a civil marriage years later i wanted to marry in the church he didnt. The priest said we must never force anyone not even our spouse, He pardoned me from not being married in the church and that was it. He emphasized that each person has their own free will. The priest was a retired Jesuit priest who i firmly beleive knew what was right.
 
Baho said:
As I understand it, my marriage was valid as there was no expectation or requirement for me to be married in the church at that time.
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This is true.

Are one or both of you seeking to become a Catholic?
Baho said:
My wife and I pushed back last week about needing convalidation now my deacon is asserting that it dies in fact need to be done. Is he right?
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If you were unbaptized and she was baptized in a Protestant denomination and she had not entered the Catholic Church via a profession of faith before/at the time of your marriage, which is what your description of the situation seems to be saying…

then you are right and your deacon is wrong.
Baho said:
Were my children born out of wedlock?
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No.
 
I just want to say how wonderful you two are following God together!

May God bless both of you richly!
 
i mean we were young and catholic but not practicing and didnt want to wait the six weeks of classes to get married in the church so had a civil marriage.
 
mary77 said:
He pardoned me from not being married in the church and that was it.
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Ok, given your explanation of both being Catholics when you married civilly, then this is a problem. If you did not convalidate your marriage by exchanging vows in the Catholic form or ask for a radical sanation (which means making your marriage valid without a new exchange of consent) then you are not validly married.

Your priest gave you terrible guidance.

Please go talk to your current pastor.
 
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I already refused to do the prenuptial agreement (because I’m already married) and told my RCIA coordinator that I was validly married and would like it elevated and now my deacon has replied that we do need it done. Our confirmation and the like is in roughly 2 weeks time. To appeal again now and raise it higher would likely mean waiting even longer to be confirmed/receive first communion/have my children baptized. What do I do?
 
Too late, my husband died a few months ago! I think the point is legally we were married, in the eyes of the church not however, the Priest recognized me as an active member of the church who by no fault of my own could not be married in the church as long as my husband was being a stubborn goat.
 
Baho said:
To appeal again now and raise it higher would likely mean waiting even longer to be confirmed/receive first communion/have my children baptized. What do I do?
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Can’t you call the pastor? They should be able to be cleared up really quickly.

You cannot have your marriage convalidated because it’s already valid, it’s not possible to convalidate a valid marriage.

Even if it takes an extra two weeks, you need to get this cleared up with the proper authority. That would be the pastor. If even the pastor says that you need to convalidation, then you really need to get someone involved from the diocese who knows what the heck they’re doing.

I am so sorry that you were experiencing this. Hopefully this will be a learning experience for both the RCIA director in the deacon to prevent this from happening to anyone else.
 
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mary77 said:
the Priest recognized me as an active member of the church who by no fault of my own could not be married in the church as long as my husband was being a stubborn goat.
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I’m sorry to hear about your husband.

However this was still terrible advice on the part of your priest, it put you in an irregular marriage for years when you do not have to be. The pastor could have helped you petition for a radical sanitation, which would have been a validation of your marriage without a new exchange of consent.

Frankly, he should not have been administering the sacrament if you were continuing to have relations with your husband while remaining in an invalid marriage. He did not do you any favors with his attempt to be “pastoral” while leaving you in the situation.
 
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