Should I need to convalidate my marriage?

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I called and left a voice mail requesting an appointment with my priest. I also called the parish next to me to speak with their priest (its the parish I should belong to but didn’t attend because the RCIA hours conflicted with work). Im going to talk to both of them. I won’t convalidate because my marriage is valid. I had a fight over whether or not I would be baptized again or not too, when my baptism was valid. I really appreciate your help friend.
 
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jlc2k2 said:
I agree with everyone saying your original wedding was valid and requires no convalidation but this is to assure you that even if you proceed with a convalidation, you can continue to celebrate your original wedding date just the same now as you did before. If you were to receive a convalidation, you could also celebrate that day, make a small remark about it on the anniversary, or ignore it entirely.
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When we had our marriage convalidated (it was necessary, I was a baptized but non-practicing Catholic at the time of our civil marriage), we originally tried to set it up on the date of our civil wedding anniversary, but that didn’t work out. Our plan “B” was the date we first started dating, which we always continued to celebrate even after getting married.
 
You have really been through a bad RCIA program, I am so sorry. I came through RCIA myself and was blessed to attend a great program.

As some have said your marriage is valid & sacramental. The deacon is wrong, the RCIA coordinator is wrong. The parish I attend now has a deacon who gets that stuff wrong all the time, his wife is the RCIA coordinator and so does she. Hopefully you will get some better news from at least one of the priests you speak to.

In addition to that please send a letter to the Catechetical office at your diocese outlining what you have been told. Not so much to get relief for your issue but to let them know there is a problem that needs to be corrected.

The area of marriage can be complicated and if they don’t know what their doing, they can get it so very wrong for so many people. This is what happened with our deacon & his wife. Rather than giving people bad information about marriage issues, they ignored the whole thing. Once I saw what was happening I went to the priest and told him about how they were handling marriage cases. Needless to say I am no longer welcome on the RCIA team but marriage cases are being taken care of.

Again I am sorry this is happening to you but welcome home to the Catholic Church.
 
Baho said:
I’ve stated in the thread that I’ve been baptized.
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I missed it - my apologies.

God bless both of you on your spiritual journey through life. The other parish (as it sounds as if it may be your parish) may be the better route.
 
I have worked with annulment cases for a dozen years in different roles such as judge, advocate, and defender of the bond. RCIA people often get things wrong. Those of us who are canon lawyers - I am one, got my degree from Rome - study for years and marriage law is a primary focus. Deacons and priests rarely get more than a class or two of canon law whereas those of us who are canon lawyers spend years at it. This is a no brainer situation. There is absolutely no reason to consider this an invalid marriage. The whole point of a convalidation is to get married for the FIRST TIME in God’s eyes. It isn’t a blessing or simple recognition ceremony of an already existing marriage. A convalidation is when someone gets married. Defend your marriage. Ask the priest/deacon/RCIA person under what grounds they consider your marriage to be invalid and what kind of a formal case it would fall under if you were to get it declared invalid by trial since it doesn’t qualify as a lack of form because you weren’t bound by form…
 
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Also, I should add… this is the kind of thing that takes only a 5 minute phone call from a canon lawyer to clear up. This situation of a natural marriage turning into a sacramental one by baptism is not common enough for RCIA peeps and deacons to treat as they need to, and even priests get tripped up on this one because they forget that a natural (valid) marriage turns sacramental when the party(ies) become baptized. I’ve talked to at least one priest who assumed that it would need a convalidation and had the smarts to call me at the tribunal to verify.
 
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How do I, candidate, get in touch with a canon law expert in my dioces?
 
Baho said:
How do I, candidate, get in touch with a canon law expert in my dioces?
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Simple. Look up your diocesan chancery phone number/tribunal number and ask to speak to the canonist on duty. Tell them your situation and ask why a natural marriage turned sacramental by baptism is being deemed invalid by the RCIA team. If they give you the run around, ask under what specific grounds your marriage is being deemed invalid and demand to talk with the promoter of justice. Only the spouses and the promoter of justice have the ability to challenge the validity of a marriage… and a promoter of justice should be able to help you show that there are no grounds…
but it shouldn’t get to that point.
 
I left a voicemail for the secretary of the guy listed as the judicial vicar. Its the person my deacon already spoke to though…

My sponsor has started fighting it with me and she says they’re really not willing to discuss it anymore. I’m feeling like my options are to have a second marriage, which honestly feels very wrong to me, or to not be Catholic. Or move. Really bad feeling.
 
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Baho said:
or to not be Catholic.
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J
I hope that isn’t what you decide.

I doubt there is any malice on the part of the deacon and the RCIA person, they are trying to do what’s right. But they are misinformed.

Maybe they explained it to the diocesan person incorrectly? You speaking direct to the diocesan person should clear it up.

I know it must be frustrating, but please try to be patient!
 
Baho said:
I married my wife 9 years ago in a civil ceremony as an unbaptized non-believer.
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@Baho,

Your descriptions of the situation confuse me, as they do others on this thread. I don’t recall it being mentioned, so, might I ask… is this the first marriage for both you and your wife? Also, are you considered validly married by the civil government?
 
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I don’t think anyone else seems confused really but yes, we were married at 18 & 19 which was i years ago. At the time she belonged to a Methodist church and I was not baptized, but I later was. Its a legal marriage.
 
I know, I shouldn’t be so melodramatic. Its been such a long journey and it could be over a couple weeks from now if this could be cleared up. My wife and I are switching parishes regardless I think, after this. I mean my deacon really kind of blew up on me today. He’s taking my discomfort with it very personally and I don’t think it’ll be a comfortable vibe after this. I called and left a message with the guy at the diocese but, honestly, I’m not even out of RCIA yet so I’m just so nervous that I’m going to sound like an idiot. I’ll end up talking to the same guy my deacon did and when he tells me I don’t know what I’m talking about I feel like ill just cave.

Now I’m starting to wonder, why not just get it over with? It would be so easy to just convalidate and move on with my life. But it just seems so wrong, too. Like baptizing someone twice.
 
You are in the right. You will not sound “like an idiot” except to people who actually don’t know what they are talking about.

It’s a hill worth dying on. I’ll be praying for you and your wife!
 
Gorgias said:
We seem to be confused why Baho is getting the answer he’s getting. 😉
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Definitely that!! And I agree that this is a hill worth dying on, so to speak. Pretending a valid marriage needs convalidation is just wrong.
 
otjm said:
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Baho:
I’ve stated in the thread that I’ve been baptized.
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I missed it - my apologies.

God bless both of you on your spiritual journey through life. The other parish (as it sounds as if it may be your parish) may be the better route.
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God bless you and your family, Baho. I hope and pray that you all will eventually settle well into the best, one, holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church on earth, imperfect as it may be.

Personally, I like to stay within parish boundaries as my primary place to go. But, I will visit other parishes and the Franciscans. Sometimes, I do travel for days at a time and visit other places that way.

If multiple local parishes are involved, know, of course, that both report into the same diocese and bishop.
 
Baho said:
Now I’m starting to wonder, why not just get it over with? It would be so easy to just convalidate and move on with my life. But it just seems so wrong, too. Like baptizing someone twice.
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One reason to help inform and educate the people at your Diocese for the sake of the next couple who is in the same situation. They may not be as confident as you are, and might simply walk away from Holy Mother Church.
 
Baho said:
Its the person my deacon already spoke to though…
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I would guess either the deacon miscommunicated your situation, although it is pretty straight forward, or he didn’t speak to the guy at all.

I agree with the others, defend your marriage. If you hear back by Tuesday, call again.
 
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