Should I need to convalidate my marriage?

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I’ve been following this thread with interest and am just posting to double ensure that it isn’t closed before @Baho has chance to update us again. No doubt many folks who’ve been supporting him are metaphorically on the edge of their seats waiting for the final result. 😁
 
We haven’t heard back since that last email that I posted about but as soon as I have an update I’ll share it. Thanks for checking in to petition for it not to be closed, I appreciate it. I definitely want to share the result with you all. Can’t tell you how grateful we are for all of you and this community in general.
 
Update: We received the draft of our letter this morning. Our neighbor just came over to act and sign as a witness, giving SJF authority to act on our behalf in resolving this matter. I’m really happy and impressed with the letter. It’s extremely respectful and lays out the case well but it doesn’t fail to critically examine the actions of the parties involved where need be. It even addresses the name calling toward myself. We’re sending the documents back right now (just scanned them in) and they should be sent to the Bishop, JV, my pastor and my deacon today via email and fax.

I’m not sure how public I want to make the letter at this time since it hasn’t even been sent out yet, but I’ll keep you posted on how it’s received and what the result is. Perhaps when the matter is resolved I can redact our personal information and post it.
 
Baho said:
Update: We received the draft of our letter this morning. Our neighbor just came over to act and sign as a witness, giving SJF authority to act on our behalf in resolving this matter. I’m really happy and impressed with the letter. It’s extremely respectful and lays out the case well but it doesn’t fail to critically examine the actions of the parties involved where need be. It even addresses the name calling toward myself. We’re sending the documents back right now (just scanned them in) and they should be sent to the Bishop, JV, my pastor and my deacon today via email and fax.

I’m not sure how public I want to make the letter at this time since it hasn’t even been sent out yet, but I’ll keep you posted on how it’s received and what the result is. Perhaps when the matter is resolved I can redact our personal information and post it.
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Prayers.

Do not make your letters public, out of respect for all parties involved.
 
You’re right. I was just feeling like I owed anyone involved in the matter some closure as to how it’s ending up but sharing the final results should be enough to do that. Thank you for your prayers friend. It would seem they’re working.
 
First, let me start by agreeing with everyone else that it sounds like your marriage is valid, that no convalidation is needed, and that you are wrongly being directed to have your marriage convalidated. I wish you well in having that corrected.

That said, I did want to add a comment about convalidation, as I had one myself. I was a lapsed Catholic, married outside the Church, and came back when my wife converted. We didn’t have any children at the time, but still. Convalidation is not a condemnation of your prior life. It does not make your children illegitimate. It does not mean you were never civilly married or undo that portion of your life. It’s about regularizing an irregular situation.

I’m not saying you should do it. If your marriage is valid there is no reason to have a convalidation. But a convalidation isn’t some type of malevolent judgment about your prior life.

Edit: I’m very sorry that this has been part of your experience of joining the Church. The Church is holy and perfect. The men and women who help to administer it are very much not. But that’s part of what we recognize as Christians about the nature of humankind.
 
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I am glad you are making some headway. My wife and I went through a similar issue when we both converted a decade plus back. It seems to be rare enough for two validly married, non-Catholics to convert that many parishes do not know what to do with them so they just default to convalidation. It’s unfortunate that so few start from Canon 1060: “Marriage possesses the favor of law; therefore, in a case of doubt, the validity of a marriage must be upheld until the contrary is proven.”

While I would agree that you should not post the letter itself, you might find it helpful to extract some of the relevant arguments for future reference.

One other thing that you might run into based on my past experience… While I got the parishes to drop badgering us about convalidation, I found that they did not record our existing marriage. When I entered formation as a deacon we found that our records only included baptism and confirmation. The parish argument was that they only recorded “Catholic Marriages”. It took talking to the diocesan archivist and JV to get the parishes to update our records as per canon 535§2 - sacramental records are to note those things pertaining to canonical status of the faithful (i.e. confirmation, marriage, holy orders, religious vows).
 
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This is great news. The Devil is very angry. You persevered!

I would just note - that if you were really thinking, deliberately “to just not join the Church at this time and join another” or to “not be Catholic” - that could be worth bringing up in confession. It’s at least something to think on… don’t let the Devil get you from “beyond the grave,” so to speak… Entertaining such thoughts in a serious way is no small matter.

Eventually (not for a little while) you should sit down with someone responsible in your diocese and go through the case - with all your documents. If I am understanding your situation correctly, there was some alarming dysfunction in the chancery which calls for some serious attention - as you are surely not the only one, but maybe you are the first one to make a lot of noise about something like this.

Continued prayers for you and your REAL, NON-COVALIDATABLE, MATRIMONIAL WIFE! 👍

-K
 
Update: No word from anyone in the parish or diocese that the fax was received and also no contact from SJF today, which is fine because I imagine they have a lot of stuff going on and there have been no updates in our case.

I did go to our church today for our third scrutiny and confession. It was a bittersweet moment because we knew the next step was confirmation and the baptisms of our children, and we were definitely happy, but also we still have it looming over our heads that the parish insists we need a convalidation. Additionally, after we finished I had to help my sponsor pack up all of her things since she has been pushed out of the RCIA program over this. She has helped over 50 new Catholics get baptized at our parish and spent a lot of time, money and energy on the course content and classroom. She seemed really sad. She got my kids some amazing outfits for their baptisms too and my daughter was super happy and excited.

Side question, they’re baptizing pretty much everyone right at the start of next weeks stuff and doing the sacraments in order but our kids are going last after confirmation and the eucharist and all that. Is that normal and because we aren’t confirmed yet or is there a chance this is tied to the convalidation thing? I don’t know what’s normal and what isn’t but I feel very on alert now haha.
 
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Baho said:
Side question, they’re baptizing pretty much everyone right at the start of next weeks stuff and doing the sacraments in order but our kids are going last after confirmation and the eucharist
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Are your children under 7?
 
Baho said:
Side question, they’re baptizing pretty much everyone right at the start of next weeks stuff and doing the sacraments in order but our kids are going last after confirmation and the eucharist and all that. Is that normal and because we aren’t confirmed yet or is there a chance this is tied to the convalidation thing?
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Hard to know, because everything is topsy-turvy with the Covid situation.

If your kids are part of the Elect— over age 7– they should be baptized with all the other Elect.

If they are younger, I could see where they would be separate since it’s a different rite for infants.
 
Dude they has us all go, like all of the adult cradle Catholics who just want to be confirmed and everything even. Im not sure why they do what they do anymore, its apparently a very confused parish. We are though, yes.
 
They sure are. I’m guessing that means it’s normal then, yeah? Which would be great. I’m really tired and don’t want to argue ever again haha.
 
Baho said:
I did go to our church today for our third scrutiny
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AGGHHHH. Baptized people do not go through any scrutiny. Those are for the persons who will be baptized. (Bangs head against wall). Your love for Christ and His Church is very evident 🙂
 
Baho said:
Dude they has us all go, like all of the adult cradle Catholics who just want to be confirmed and everything even. Im not sure why they do what they do anymore, its apparently a very confused parish.
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Well it’s not the end of the world or anything, it’s just— ugh. Definitely some training needed.
 
Where is the priest in all this? Did the deacon dismiss the RCIA director? I can’t imagine your priest would get rid of her for being right?
 
stoplooklisten said:
To take the analogy one step further, when I have eaten with someone who is a vegetarian or vegan, I have also eaten vegetarian or vegan with them because of their doubts about the validity of eating meat (not my doubts).
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I think the analogy would be more like: “I’m a vegetarian, and I know that this dinner sitting in front of me has no meat, and therefore, I will eat it”, and being told by someone else “no – I say you’re wrong in asserting that it’s meatless, and therefore, you must set it aside and consume a different meal.”
 
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