Should I put off discerning for now?

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Hi again,
I need to ask a question. For those who don’t know my story, it’s listed under “Vocations and Impediments.” I have been having some problems these last few days with various religious communities. None of them are willing to accept me (at least the ones with the habit) since I have a history of depression and I am currently on medication. I just spoke to a sister from the Sisters of Life last night and we got to talking about my depression. She told me that I would have to be off my medication and doing very well before they would even consider starting the application process. I wasn’t considering joining them any longer because I know I am supposed to be a Carmelite, but I had put in a request for more vocation information a few months ago.

I am just wondering if God is telling me to wait right now. I was hoping to at least find the community that is my future home so that I could start building a relationship with them before I apply, but it seems that isn’t to be. I’ve gotten back some very nasty replies from 2 religious communities already, and the one that I thought was the right one turned out to be a non-habited order (they don’t have pictures on their website. I found a picture through Google). I know I am supposed to be habited.

How does one start the process of forming their own religious community if they feel the Holy Spirit is pulling them towards that path? I have been receiving little signs here and there that it’s what God wants me to do, but I may be reading them wrong. I just want to know the process and then take it to prayer in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Any help would be appreciated!

 

[Danuska]

Have you attended any retreats that would help you discern? Or do you have a spiritual director? I think it would be best for you to have someone who you could discuss your issues in real life…

I do not know if anyone can help you, just do what St. Faustina did, be patient, if that is God’s plan for you, he will find a way, so trust in Him.

 

[water]

yes, talking to a Spiritual Director will help you a lot. I pray that you will get better. About discerning, no one should ever stop discerning his/her vocation. I believe discerning process is part of your life. It’s a long process and we don’t just start discerning when we think we are ready. Discerning includes taking both “No”, “Yes”, and “Maybe” repsonses.

I think that you need to be patient with yourself and work on your health issue – pray for that healing – I believe that the institutions’ answers are not “nasty” but those answers might come from the Holy Spirit - If few of them said “No” to you, you should thank God that the answers help you to discern even better though it might sadden you. I could only think that their answer is out of love.

If you are thinking about forming a new community, then you should first thinking about your health and many other things! Do you know that you will be more responsible for many more souls? It seems that your desire to enter a community is great; however, your patience is not on the same level as your desire – thus, you think of creating a new community.

I hope that I didn’t offend you but I cared for your desire and only tried to share my thoughts.

God bless you!

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

yes, talking to a Spiritual Director will help you a lot. I pray that you will get better. About discerning, no one should ever stop discerning his/her vocation. I believe discerning process is part of your life. It’s a long process and we don’t just start discerning when we think we are ready. Discerning includes taking both “No”, “Yes”, and “Maybe” repsonses.

I think that you need to be patient with yourself and work on your health issue – pray for that healing – I believe that the institutions’ answers are not “nasty” but those answers might come from the Holy Spirit - If few of them said “No” to you, you should thank God that the answers help you to discern even better though it might sadden you. I could only think that their answer is out of love.

If you are thinking about forming a new community, then you should first thinking about your health and many other things! Do you know that you will be more responsible for many more souls? It seems that your desire to enter a community is great; however, your patience is not on the same level as your desire – thus, you think of creating a new community.

I hope that I didn’t offend you but I cared for your desire and only tried to share my thoughts.

God bless you!

I don’t think I could add much to what is already posted above and in other posts.

However to add or recap my own thoughts:

1) Find a good spiritual director and follow what they tell you.
If they feel that you do indeed have a valid call to religious life then continue with your discernment at all means.*

My thoughts here are this. If you director says you are called then it won’t hurt to wait for a year [or the suggested time] to be off your medication. There are many things you can do in the meanwhile. You would be able to go on retreats, become active in your parish, connect with your vocations director for your Diocese, go on days of discernment. Again the first step is to have the director and validate the call. If it is truely there then there is no reason you can’t wait for a year to begin to contact the communities. [You could always browse websites in the meanwhile just maybe not contact them yet?]
[One thought also… if your director confirms the call… let him help you to develope a plan for the comming year so you can see progress in your move towards a community. Don’t forget religious life can be stressful especially formation time… so it may be for the best to have to wait for about a year… just to do all the practical things having to do with entertaining the thought of religious life]
As for starting a new community??? [Trust me on this one… I was one of the founders of a new community]
There would be a long process involved in that:
Just to give you some idea…
You would need to contact your Bishop [after your spiritual director confirmed your call and your plan]on that and just the starting of the process is quite complex[Look at the various threads re new communites found just on here] Again if that were where the Lord were leading you the first step would still be to follow the directions of your spiritual director [before the Bishop]
Involved with that process is also most times psychological testing and interviews many many interviews]

Again the post quoted above says it much better than I ever could… rather than thinking of the no’s as being nasty think of them as rather a wait and pray and discern. So again do follow the lead of your spiritual director… they know you better than we ever could and while we can give you personal advice based on our own life experiences?? Only he knows you in real life and can give you pratical help.

Blessings my friend and keep posting please!

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Thank you all for your replies. I know that I am called to religious life, so I am just trying to be patient. I didn’t mean the religious communities themselves were nasty, just that their replies were incorrectly worded. One emailed me and told me I didn’t have a genuine vocation, and I know in my heart that I do. I’ve talked to my parish priest about this call and he never suggested that I don’t have a vocation. My friend told me that it’s between me and God, and not for anyone else to decide, especially if they’ve never met me in person. I’ve been on one vocation retreat in St. Louis, MO with the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus. While it was beautiful there and I learned a lot, I feel more pulled towards the cloistered lifestyle. My priest did suggest that I talk to a Social Ministries Coordinator in our diocese who is also a Benedictine sister. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to see her because my car broke down. I’m trying to get there as soon as I can.

Thanks, water, for your advice. I will continue to discern, but I just won’t contact anymore communities right now. I’ll wait until my spiritual director tells me to do so and that way, I won’t burn my bridges.

I appreciate your responses. God bless you all!

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I just spoke to a sister from the Sisters of Life last night and we got to talking about my depression. She told me that I would have to be off my medication and doing very well before they would even consider starting the application process.

I wonder if they say the same thing to someone with high blood pressure or asthma. Or is it only mental health problems where they feel you should get off medication? I would take it as a huge red flag about the community.

I wasn’t considering joining them any longer because I know I am supposed to be a Carmelite…
[snip]

I know I am supposed to be habited.

Perhaps God is trying to tell you that what you “know” is not correct.

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

I wonder if they say the same thing to someone with high blood pressure or asthma. Or is it only mental health problems where they feel you should get off medication? I would take it as a huge red flag about the community.

Perhaps God is trying to tell you that what you “know” is not correct.

Well, I always try to remain open to what He says because I am human and I do make mistakes, but I am sure that He wants me to be habited. About the communities, I have asthma, which I have not told any of them, so I don’t know what they do about that, but the depression seems to be a huge issue with them. They are not the only ones who have said this. The Carmelite sisters in St. Louis said the same thing. One factor that doesn’t make sense to me is how they can say that you can’t live in their community with depression…but God allowed you to have that illness to make you stronger. I have learned so much about myself just by having the depression. Many people have told me that I am more mature and able to handle things better than others that are my age. Of course, there are things I need to work on. But I think they forget that they need to let God be God. If He’s calling someone to religious life, they can’t just turn someone away because they have depression, especially if it’s controlled.

 

[Inity]

First: just don’t give up! I believe you’d be able to find a community that will accept you.
Second: Starting new community is, IMHO, too hard. It’s better to look for an existing one - and may be later you will be sent to build new house for them? 8)
About the heavenly signs…
When we were in Rome in dominican monastery of S.Sisto, one girl had a “vision”. When I was away in another part of the city, she noticed a sister in monastery garden, who looked exactly like me. She came closer, and that sister just disappeared. The girl (who was not very mentally stable) claimed that she had a vision about me and that it’s sure sign that I will be a dominican in this monastery…
I didn’t really believe her, but I secretly wanted to believe. I’ve had many signs pointing to that monastery too, but because of their age limit I can’t be there. When I will be in Rome, I will try to talk with the sisters anyway, but I have already accepted the sad truth that I most probably will be destined to another congregation. But I know for sure that I’m going to be a dominican… (I’m not ready to start a new community, even if I wanted to do that once 8) I think that many of us sometimes dream about becoming founders of new orders
One thing I think… If I were you, I just won’t draw sisters’ attention to depression you have (had in the past!)… Especially if you are quitting the medications. (As I think, asthma can be more troublesome than the depression.) Write them more about your desire to be a carmelite, than about depressive thoughts you had in the past.

“My” sisters of Holy Spirit continue to write me (they don’t speak english, I don’t know italian yet, so we use help of one kind girl who serves as a translator) and guide me in my spiritual journey. They recommended me a lot of books (sadly not all of them are available in russian, and reading huge amounts of text in english is hard for me), and also said that I should pray the liturgy of the Hours and the Rosary daily. So I started doing so, and it brings me a lot of inspiration and encouragement!
I started new job, and it’s quite boring and hard. I can’t wait for leaving this world for the monastery…

Today I was at the meeting with our archbishop Paolo Pezzi. I dared to ask him about prayers for my vocation, and he agreed

Keeping you in prayer! Don’t give up and “keep your nose up”, as we say in Russia! Don’t stop discerning, and pray to st.Therese and St.Rita who were first denied to enter the convents, but succeeded later and became saints!

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

First: just don’t give up! I believe you’d be able to find a community that will accept you.
Second: Starting new community is, IMHO, too hard. It’s better to look for an existing one - and may be later you will be sent to build new house for them? 8)
About the heavenly signs…
When we were in Rome in dominican monastery of S.Sisto, one girl had a “vision”. When I was away in another part of the city, she noticed a sister in monastery garden, who looked exactly like me. She came closer, and that sister just disappeared. The girl (who was not very mentally stable) claimed that she had a vision about me and that it’s sure sign that I will be a dominican in this monastery…
I didn’t really believe her, but I secretly wanted to believe. I’ve had many signs pointing to that monastery too, but because of their age limit I can’t be there. When I will be in Rome, I will try to talk with the sisters anyway, but I have already accepted the sad truth that I most probably will be destined to another congregation. But I know for sure that I’m going to be a dominican… (I’m not ready to start a new community, even if I wanted to do that once 8) I think that many of us sometimes dream about becoming founders of new orders
One thing I think… If I were you, I just won’t draw sisters’ attention to depression you have (had in the past!)… Especially if you are quitting the medications. (As I think, asthma can be more troublesome than the depression.) Write them more about your desire to be a carmelite, than about depressive thoughts you had in the past.

“My” sisters of Holy Spirit continue to write me (they don’t speak english, I don’t know italian yet, so we use help of one kind girl who serves as a translator) and guide me in my spiritual journey. They recommended me a lot of books (sadly not all of them are available in russian, and reading huge amounts of text in english is hard for me), and also said that I should pray the liturgy of the Hours and the Rosary daily. So I started doing so, and it brings me a lot of inspiration and encouragement!
I started new job, and it’s quite boring and hard. I can’t wait for leaving this world for the monastery…

Today I was at the meeting with our archbishop Paolo Pezzi. I dared to ask him about prayers for my vocation, and he agreed

Keeping you in prayer! Don’t give up and “keep your nose up”, as we say in Russia! Don’t stop discerning, and pray to st.Therese and St.Rita who were first denied to enter the convents, but succeeded later and became saints!

Thank you, Inity. I especially like the part you included in the end about St. Therese and St. Rita. I know both their stories, more St. Therese, but I know how they were turned away. I’m always striving for perfection, even if I may never get there. I realize that something St. Therese said is very true, “God does not inspire unrealizable desires.” Amen to that! I know He’ll guide me, I just need to continue to put my faith in Him and let Him show me where to go. He holds the compass, I am just waiting for Him to point me in the right direction.

Thank you all for your inspiring words. I realize how hard it would be for me to make a new congregation and I really don’t want to do that. I want to join an already established order and live my life like St. Therese did. Even though she appeared little and weak, the Lord manifested His greatness in her and she performed such beautiful tasks in His name. I am so inspired by her.

I won’t give up! I promise!

 

[Formosus]

I wouldn’t be too discouraged, but perhaps you should consider following the advice of waiting till your off your medication. If you continue following God and doing your best to follow His will, then He will not abandon you. Speak with your Vocations director, and your confessor and keep a constant contact with the religious orders you feel you might have a calling to so as to seek their spiritual advice. It doesn’t hurt to examine all sorts of other orders though either, or to spend some time living with them to see and experiance the life.

 

[kramerkan]

Boy, do I have a story to tell you.
I was actually in a community in 2000-2002 for 18 months. At first things were great, but then ALOT of stuff started coming up from my childhood… flashbacks, nightmares, guilt, anger… I didn’t remember some of the abuse because I was so young and I figured that every family goes through some rough patches so none of it was brought up during the application process. My immune system crashed and so I could get some rest they had me working for the vocations director writing emails to girls inquiring about the community. One girl wrote that she was afraid that she wouldn’t be accepted because of the abuse in her past. I sat there and sobbed. The sisters reply was “these women cannot live peacefully in our community”… they sent me to another convent for a few months to get some help but when I got back I didn’t have any support. The sisters were very much against antidepressants and therapy. When it came time that I had to ask to become a novice (and let the community vote on me, letting them know about my past) or leave, I decided to leave. I went through a very hard time after that. I’m finally back on level ground now. I’m trying to wean myself off of the sleeping pills because I would like to enter a community as soon as I can.

I went through the same process of being rejected by several communities who I just told I was abused. But there is alot more under that. Depression, self harm, etc that they didn’t even know about.

There are 2 communities I know that are okay with my past. They even know that I have scars from when I used to hurt myself. They are the Religious Sisters of Mercy in Alma MI who have some sisters who are psychologists and psychiatrists and so they are very aware and accepting of people like us… also the Missionary Benedictine Sisters in Norfolk NE, which is the community I’m going to visit in November. I don’t know if you need to be off medication with them. Since I’ve done alot of therapy and have had a lot of healing in the past years, I’m at a point where I don’t really need the sleeping pills anymore but if I stop taking them I have withdrawl. That’s why I’m slowly tapering off.

Even if you don’t go visit any communities right now, know that there are communities out there that do accept people who have these challenges… it made a huge difference to me when I heard from them that they believed that these things didn’t mean I wasn’t called to religious life.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Thank you, Inity. I especially like the part you included in the end about St. Therese and St. Rita. I know both their stories, more St. Therese, but I know how they were turned away. I’m always striving for perfection, even if I may never get there. I realize that something St. Therese said is very true, “God does not inspire unrealizable desires.” Amen to that! I know He’ll guide me, I just need to continue to put my faith in Him and let Him show me where to go. He holds the compass, I am just waiting for Him to point me in the right direction.

Thank you all for your inspiring words. I realize how hard it would be for me to make a new congregation and I really don’t want to do that. I want to join an already established order and live my life like St. Therese did. Even though she appeared little and weak, the Lord manifested His greatness in her and she performed such beautiful tasks in His name. I am so inspired by her.

I won’t give up! I promise!

Hang on to this:

Therese said is very true, “God does not inspire unrealizable desires.” Amen to that! I know He’ll guide me, I just need to continue to put my faith in Him and let Him show me where to go. He holds the compass, I am just waiting for Him to point me in the right direction.

…let go of your own desires and ask God to make His quite clear to you…and be patient and trusting…and keep on looking and do try to find a good spiritual director, certainly before you begin to think of founding your own religious community (although a good spiritual director is spiritual gold, treasure for anyone living a truly committed relationship with The Lord) - as another Poster said, to found an Order is a long and difficult road and does ask special Graces and if The Lord means you to be a foundress, then you will be - perhaps not as you understand it right now, but if God Wills it, it will be …and Grace will not be lacking…

I have not read all posts…apologies. Off to bed for me - its 12.45am in the morning!!!

.

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Hang on to this:

…let go of your own desires and ask God to make His quite clear to you…and be patient and trusting…and keep on looking and do try to find a good spiritual director, certainly before you begin to think of founding your own religious community (although a good spiritual director is spiritual gold, treasure for anyone living a truly committed relationship with The Lord) - as another Poster said, to found an Order is a long and difficult road and does ask special Graces and if The Lord means you to be a foundress, then you will be - perhaps not as you understand it right now, but if God Wills it, it will be …and Grace will not be lacking…

I have not read all posts…apologies. Off to bed for me - its 12.45am in the morning!!!

.

Thank you BarbaraTherese, but I should have reiterated that they are not my desires, they are all His. I desire to do only His will, not mine. In fact, I didn’t even want to be a religious sister until He spoke up and told me that this would make me truly happy and that’s all He wants. The day that happened–I literally broke into tears. I could not understand why He’d want me. I mean, I am the worst He could find, but He still calls, so I must go. There is no logical excuse for saying “No” even when everything told me that I was crazy. And now that I’ve accepted His call, I’m anxious to begin whatever He has prepared me for, but He told me yesterday while I was in prayer in front of the Blessed Sacrament that I must wait. He reaffirmed in my heart that I am called to the cloister, but He won’t tell me where yet.

If He calls me to form a new order, I know that it will be rough, but so was His suffering on the cross. I can’t imagine ever saying “no” to Him. I just can’t do that. I hope that if He calls me to do this for Him, that He gives me the courage and grace to complete it because I can’t do it on my own.

God bless!

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Boy, do I have a story to tell you.
I was actually in a community in 2000-2002 for 18 months. At first things were great, but then ALOT of stuff started coming up from my childhood… flashbacks, nightmares, guilt, anger… I didn’t remember some of the abuse because I was so young and I figured that every family goes through some rough patches so none of it was brought up during the application process. My immune system crashed and so I could get some rest they had me working for the vocations director writing emails to girls inquiring about the community. One girl wrote that she was afraid that she wouldn’t be accepted because of the abuse in her past. I sat there and sobbed. The sisters reply was “these women cannot live peacefully in our community”… they sent me to another convent for a few months to get some help but when I got back I didn’t have any support. The sisters were very much against antidepressants and therapy. When it came time that I had to ask to become a novice (and let the community vote on me, letting them know about my past) or leave, I decided to leave. I went through a very hard time after that. I’m finally back on level ground now. I’m trying to wean myself off of the sleeping pills because I would like to enter a community as soon as I can.

I went through the same process of being rejected by several communities who I just told I was abused. But there is alot more under that. Depression, self harm, etc that they didn’t even know about.

There are 2 communities I know that are okay with my past. They even know that I have scars from when I used to hurt myself. They are the Religious Sisters of Mercy in Alma MI who have some sisters who are psychologists and psychiatrists and so they are very aware and accepting of people like us… also the Missionary Benedictine Sisters in Norfolk NE, which is the community I’m going to visit in November. I don’t know if you need to be off medication with them. Since I’ve done alot of therapy and have had a lot of healing in the past years, I’m at a point where I don’t really need the sleeping pills anymore but if I stop taking them I have withdrawl. That’s why I’m slowly tapering off.

Even if you don’t go visit any communities right now, know that there are communities out there that do accept people who have these challenges… it made a huge difference to me when I heard from them that they believed that these things didn’t mean I wasn’t called to religious life.

Thank you so much for sharing that story! Wow! I am so glad that you are doing well and that you are anxious to start up religious life again, but please, do be sure that you can handle it completely before you go. God will give you the grace if you ask Him. Bless you!

I have never heard about the sisters that you mentioned, but I will check them out. I wonder if I could be of any help to them as a nursing assistant or LPN? I am about to get done with the nursing assistant program. God really didn’t tell me yesterday where I was called, He just told me that I am called to the cloister, but if I heard Him wrong, then I will check the others out. I appreciate the advice!

Stay strong! May His blessings be upon you!

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Thank you BarbaraTherese, but I should have reiterated that they are not my desires, they are all His. I desire to do only His will, not mine. In fact, I didn’t even want to be a religious sister until He spoke up and told me that this would make me truly happy and that’s all He wants. The day that happened–I literally broke into tears. I could not understand why He’d want me. I mean, I am the worst He could find, but He still calls, so I must go. There is no logical excuse for saying “No” even when everything told me that I was crazy. And now that I’ve accepted His call, I’m anxious to begin whatever He has prepared me for, but He told me yesterday while I was in prayer in front of the Blessed Sacrament that I must wait. He reaffirmed in my heart that I am called to the cloister, but He won’t tell me where yet.

If He calls me to form a new order, I know that it will be rough, but so was His suffering on the cross. I can’t imagine ever saying “no” to Him. I just can’t do that. I hope that if He calls me to do this for Him, that He gives me the courage and grace to complete it because I can’t do it on my own.

God bless!

Hi CG…Nothing can transcend God’s Will for a person! Be at Peace in that always and completely.
Have you thought about a spiritual director? As well as important spiritual guidance with discernment and wisdom, letters of referral from one’s parish priest and also spiritual director (if they are not one and the same) can be an excellent introduction of oneself to a religious order.

I felt a strong call to religious life from the age of 7yrs and this never abandoned me, not even during my 15yr marriage to my absolute confusion (marriage now annulled & prior to private vows). Since no religious order would accept me because of Bipolar, for the past 20 years I have lived alone under private vows with a priest spiritual director. Although I am certainly not a religious sister as The Church formally defines one, I have been told by an Order priest respected in our diocese that I am a religious sister of type, a type of religious sister. I did have a break in the past 20yrs when I was in my early forties and a strictly enclosed contemplative community accepted me, but it was not my call nor vocation and I left at my own request. As very hard and sad as it was for me to leave, I really knew it was not my vocation in that community and Order. I was very grateful to them and to The Lord for the opportunity, however, to experience how a nun actually lives in the day to day in a post Vatican2 ‘climate’ although they did retain much indeed from pre V2 days.
I am not saying that your experience will be mine…simply sharing my own experience of a religious call. I think even now at 62yrs if an enclosed contemplative community would accept me, you would not see me for dust. I would most certainly try and test my vocation and call to that order.

I have received communication from a Carmelite prioress in another state, that her only problem is that all the sisters are very elderly indeed and some quite ill and/or incapacitated and they cannot accept mature age vocations for practical reasons. She did send me a lovely and quite long email stating that mature aged vocations have much to offer a community in her opinion. I plan to keep in touch with her from time to time as her email was a clear invitation to do so. I have very close indeed personal ties with Carmel for over 40 years, and even closer for the last 25yrs. This Carmel is here in my residential state.

But I have had your experience in the main with some very short and rather sharp - totally disheartening - replies given to my enquiries.

Have you considered the Servants of The Sacred Cross, my age and illness are no impediment at all there. I have not applied myself to enter but have had correspondence with Mother Wendy. In the following thread you will find all the links, and also a couple of posts by Mother Wendy James, foundress and superior. She is a very approachable, helpful, warm and friendly woman…also most astute and discerning.

SERVANTS OF THE SACRED CROSS - Updated website including video - CLOTHING OF A NOVICE
here

If He calls me to form a new order, I know that it will be rough, but so was His suffering on the cross. I can’t imagine ever saying “no” to Him. I just can’t do that. I hope that if He calls me to do this for Him, that He gives me the courage and grace to complete it because I can’t do it on my own.

Be very confident that should The Lord call you to found a new religious order, then the Grace most certainly will not be lacking. However, things do not always move along happily. We have one saint who was expelled from the Order she had founded…I think later she may have been reinstated, I cannot recall details really. And she was either expelled, or she was voted out as superior and spent her days as simply another member of the community. I cannot quite recall. In our lives as in the lives of the saints there is always the cross in some form or other, small or great…and the cross is our glory - and a stumbling block to many that it is indeed. Our own Australian Blessed Mary MacKillop who founded our Sisters of St. Joseph was actually excommunicated…this was latter lifted but it was a dreadful time for her indeed. Her life had much suffering indeed including in her mature years prior to death. But Grace never abandoned them and they did become declared saints…Bl. Mary of course is almost there. Grace is always in abundance for the Work and workings of God.

God bless you in your vocation…Barb

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Hi CG…Nothing can transcend God’s Will for a person! Be at Peace in that always and completely.
Have you thought about a spiritual director? As well as important spiritual guidance with discernment and wisdom, letters of referral from one’s parish priest and also spiritual director (if they are not one and the same) can be an excellent introduction of oneself to a religious order.

I felt a strong call to religious life from the age of 7yrs and this never abandoned me, not even during my 15yr marriage to my absolute confusion (marriage now annulled & prior to private vows). Since no religious order would accept me because of Bipolar, for the past 20 years I have lived alone under private vows with a priest spiritual director. Although I am certainly not a religious sister as The Church formally defines one, I have been told by an Order priest respected in our diocese that I am a religious sister of type, a type of religious sister. I did have a break in the past 20yrs when I was in my early forties and a strictly enclosed contemplative community accepted me, but it was not my call nor vocation and I left at my own request. As very hard and sad as it was for me to leave, I really knew it was not my vocation in that community and Order. I was very grateful to them and to The Lord for the opportunity, however, to experience how a nun actually lives in the day to day in a post Vatican2 ‘climate’ although they did retain much indeed from pre V2 days.
I am not saying that your experience will be mine…simply sharing my own experience of a religious call. I think even now at 62yrs if an enclosed contemplative community would accept me, you would not see me for dust. I would most certainly try and test my vocation and call to that order.

I have received communication from a Carmelite prioress in another state, that her only problem is that all the sisters are very elderly indeed and some quite ill and/or incapacitated and they cannot accept mature age vocations for practical reasons. She did send me a lovely and quite long email stating that mature aged vocations have much to offer a community in her opinion. I plan to keep in touch with her from time to time as her email was a clear invitation to do so. I have very close indeed personal ties with Carmel for over 40 years, and even closer for the last 25yrs. This Carmel is here in my residential state.

But I have had your experience in the main with some very short and rather sharp - totally disheartening - replies given to my enquiries.

Have you considered the Servants of The Sacred Cross, my age and illness are no impediment at all there. I have not applied myself to enter but have had correspondence with Mother Wendy. In the following thread you will find all the links, and also a couple of posts by Mother Wendy James, foundress and superior. She is a very approachable, helpful, warm and friendly woman…also most astute and discerning.

SERVANTS OF THE SACRED CROSS - Updated website including video - CLOTHING OF A NOVICE
here

Be very confident that should The Lord call you to found a new religious order, then the Grace most certainly will not be lacking. However, things do not always move along happily. We have one saint who was expelled from the Order she had founded…I think later she may have been reinstated, I cannot recall details really. And she was either expelled, or she was voted out as superior and spent her days as simply another member of the community. I cannot quite recall. In our lives as in the lives of the saints there is always the cross in some form or other, small or great…and the cross is our glory - and a stumbling block to many that it is indeed. Our own Australian Blessed Mary MacKillop who founded our Sisters of St. Joseph was actually excommunicated…this was latter lifted but it was a dreadful time for her indeed. Her life had much suffering indeed including in her mature years prior to death. But Grace never abandoned them and they did become declared saints…Bl. Mary of course is almost there. Grace is always in abundance for the Work and workings of God.

God bless you in your vocation…Barb

I have come across the order you mentioned but I don’t feel any connection with them. It is a good order in that they allow Catholic, Eastern Orthodox and Anglican all in the same order, but it’s not for me. I appreciate the interest though.

If it were my time, you wouldn’t see me for dust either. I almost wonder if when the time comes if I will even be able to settle everything (getting rid of my possessions, closing my bank account, etc) before I leave, LOL. I pray to God often that I am doing His will and not my own. I think sometimes people can mistake their wills instead of the Father’s, and I am trying hard to make sure I am following His before I do anything. I know I will never be 100% certain until I do it.

Thank you for your kind words, BarbaraTherese. It was lovely to hear your inspiring words and may the Lord’s blessings be upon you! I hope that someday, if it is His will, that you will enter another religious community. You have so much to offer. God bless you!

Also, to everyone, please pray for my friend, Ali, who is starting the application process to the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus in Kirkwood, MO. She has discovered that it is the only place that feels like home, so I pray that she is accepted. The provincial superior seems to encourage her so that is good news. Thanks!

 

[BarbaraTherese]

I have come across the order you mentioned but I don’t feel any connection with them. It is a good order in that they allow Catholic, Eastern Orthodox and Anglican all in the same order, but it’s not for me. I appreciate the interest though.

…

If it were my time, you wouldn’t see me for dust either. I almost wonder if when the time comes if I will even be able to settle everything (getting rid of my possessions, closing my bank account, etc) before I leave, LOL. I pray to God often that I am doing His will and not my own. I think sometimes people can mistake their wills instead of the Father’s, and I am trying hard to make sure I am following His before I do anything. I know I will never be 100% certain until I do it.

I think most all relgious orders nowadays allow one to live usually up to three months I think it might be in the community and living the way of life before actually entering into posulancy. This I think was a great innovation enabling one to discern if one actually may have a vocation to the life. After this period, usually called aspirancy I think, if one decides to indeed enter, and one is accepted, one returns home and sells up everything or whatever - effect whatever plans they may have for their worldly goods etc. One does not make this move until after aspirancy. After aspirancy, and then returning home and disposing of one’s worldly goods whatever way one has decided, one may then return to the community and be formally accepted into the Order and the postulancy formation period, usually 6- 12 months prior to receving the habit and the required, at least 2 years of noviciate formation. Then there are simple or temporary vows and receiving the black or whatever colour veil (novices usually white veil) of profession, and usually for three years. After that usually final and perpetual vows or profession. But in some orders these time spans may vary.

Thank you for your kind words, BarbaraTherese. It was lovely to hear your inspiring words and may the Lord’s blessings be upon you! I hope that someday, if it is His will, that you will enter another religious community. You have so much to offer. God bless you!

Most of our orders here are dying out mainly comprised of quite elderly nuns some are ill and infirm and it is not practical to undertake into formation in the Order the young. Or even those mature, since the Order is already struggling with mature age nuns. I tend to think Bethany here is my vocation, as difficult as I can find it at times living alone and without the support of an ongoing formation program and a community around me.

Also, to everyone, please pray for my friend, Ali, who is starting the application process to the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus in Kirkwood, MO. She has discovered that it is the only place that feels like home, so I pray that she is accepted. The provincial superior seems to encourage her so that is good news. Thanks!

I will be keeping you both in prayer…Encouragement from leadership re enquiries about an Order is always a very good indication; however communities of the same Order can and often do vary in the leadership and their attitudes and style of leadership. But none of this should be discouragement if one feels indeed one is called. The Lord will never confound and show one the way, even if it is not as one thought. “So far are my thoughts above yours, and my ways, not yours”…I can dig out the Scripture reference details if you would like it.

Re your opening question. Were it me, I would not give up the discernment process. I would look for a good spiritual director…perhaps an Order priest … and continue to pray and ask The Lord to reveal His Will clearly and “make straight the path” and give me the Graces to respond faithfully and totally. I would continue to investigate religious orders that attract me.

I hope that someday, if it is His will, that you will enter another religious community.

Thank you from my heart for this…I will be praying that your own dreams will be realized …and your friends also.
Blessings and my regards…Barb

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

I am familar with the formal discernment process, for the most part. I just hate the waiting game, LOL. But I would much rather take it slowly than be too hasty and do something that is going against His will. I will probably either sell my belongings and use the money for the first year of insurance (I was told that most orders require that you pay for the first year, and then they take you on theirs) or donate my stuff if I already have enough (I would rather do this).

I am pretty sure that Ali belongs with those sisters. She fits in beautifully, from what I witnessed while on the vocation retreat. She was so joyful while she was there, leading others in song and just beaming. If He truly wants her there, I know He will find a way.

I am in the process of locating a spiritual director. My priest recommended that I talk to a Dominican sister that worked at a neighboring parish, but she ended her tenure there a few weeks ago, so I need to ask him what to do now, or ask another priest.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

.Quoting CarmeliteGirl

I am familar with the formal discernment process, for the most part. I just hate the waiting game, LOL. But I would much rather take it slowly than be too hasty and do something that is going against His will. I will probably either sell my belongings and use the money for the first year of insurance (I was told that most orders require that you pay for the first year, and then they take you on theirs) or donate my stuff if I already have enough (I would rather do this).

…

I am pretty sure that Ali belongs with those sisters. She fits in beautifully, from what I witnessed while on the vocation retreat. She was so joyful while she was there, leading others in song and just beaming. If He truly wants her there, I know He will find a way.

**… Laus Deo **

I am in the process of locating a spiritual director. My priest recommended that I talk to a Dominican sister that worked at a neighboring parish, but she ended her tenure there a few weeks ago, so I need to ask him what to do now, or ask another priest.

Couple of ways here in Australia we can locate a spiritual director.

• Phone diocesan offices and ask how to locate one
• Phone an Order of priests and brothers and ask do they undertake individual spiritual direction
• Or, as you are doing, speak to your parish priest
  May The Lord bless your discernment and grant you “straight paths” with clarity of His Will for your life…

arb