Should I raise my son Catholic?

[youdontsay]

I know the answer to this seems obvious, but our situation has changed and I would like some guidance. My wife converted to Catholicism before we were married, we agreed to raise our children Catholic, etc. Fast forward a few years later, she is leaving me for her boss at work, tells me she never truly accepted the Catholic faith, and is reverting back to her old protestant faith. The terms of the divorce state I only get custody every other week, so he will be going to church with me those weeks and with her at whatever church she ends up going to the next week.

So here is my dilemma. The Catholic faith is pretty clear on what gets you to heaven and what gets you to hell. However, the Catechism also teaches that those “born into” other faiths can still reach salvation because of the grace of the Catholic Church. In other words, they don’t have to hold themselves to the same standards we hold ourselves to, because they “don’t know the truth”. I (along with my priest) can teach my son the truth, but my wife and her church will be teaching him a different one simultaneously. There is no such thing as “half Catholic”. So I know the church has a soft spot (for lack of better term) for those born into another faith, but what about those brought up in the faith that choose a different one? Does my son have a better chance at salvation if I just let him be raised a protestant vs teaching him the truth and risking him selecting her religion? I mean, at the end of the day we do hold ourselves to a higher standard. We don’t get saved just because we believe. We can’t do essentially whatever we want, we have to behave or repent when we don’t. That said, as a child growing up, being a protestant vs being a Catholic is kind of the easy/obvious choice. I feel if I try to raise him Catholic it will be an uphill battle with very little chance of success. I have also read numerous stories about children brought up in “mixed faiths” who don’t truly identify with either and end up agnostic or atheist. I want to raise my son to be a good man and have the best possible chance of salvation. Isn’t the conservative play here to just let him be raised in one faith as a protestant? He is only 2, doesn’t know anything yet one way or the other. And I understand my duty as a Catholic is to raise him in the faith, but quite frankly I am not worried about my soul here, I am more worried about my son being saved and will just have to hope God can forgive me.

 

[1ke]

Your son was baptized a Catholic. That means he IS a Catholic.

You are obligated to raise him in the Catholic Church. You are obligated to continue to fulfill the promises you made at his baptism.

Talk to your attorney regarding specification of his continued practice of the Catholic faith and reception of the sacraments.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I have no advice right now I just wanted to say that you sound like a very loving and caring father.

 

[EasterJoy]

…So here is my dilemma. The Catholic faith is pretty clear on what gets you to heaven and what gets you to hell. However, the Catechism also teaches that those “born into” other faiths can still reach salvation because of the grace of the Catholic Church. In other words, they don’t have to hold themselves to the same standards we hold ourselves to, because they “don’t know the truth”. I (along with my priest) can teach my son the truth, but my wife and her church will be teaching him a different one simultaneously. There is no such thing as “half Catholic”. So I know the church has a soft spot (for lack of better term) for those born into another faith, but what about those brought up in the faith that choose a different one? Does my son have a better chance at salvation if I just let him be raised a protestant vs teaching him the truth and risking him selecting her religion? I mean, at the end of the day we do hold ourselves to a higher standard. We don’t get saved just because we believe. We can’t do essentially whatever we want, we have to behave or repent when we don’t. That said, as a child growing up, being a protestant vs being a Catholic is kind of the easy/obvious choice. I feel if I try to raise him Catholic it will be an uphill battle with very little chance of success. I have also read numerous stories about children brought up in “mixed faiths” who don’t truly identify with either and end up agnostic or atheist. I want to raise my son to be a good man and have the best possible chance of salvation. Isn’t the conservative play here to just let him be raised in one faith as a protestant? He is only 2, doesn’t know anything yet one way or the other. And I understand my duty as a Catholic is to raise him in the faith, but quite frankly I am not worried about my soul here, I am more worried about my son being saved and will just have to hope God can forgive me.

Well, first off, a Catholic has a duty to raise his child in the faith, when it is possible. This really isn’t a question.

You don’t have a dilemma about other faiths, either. God reads hearts, God judges, that is not in our job description. The idea that all salvation comes through the Church makes us the particular conduit of grace, in ways both seen and unseen. It doesn’t give us a monopoly on the Holy Spirit! The idea is that knowing the true faith gives the best chance that the Holy Spirit is to have the monopoly on us! You had better not teach your son that people of other faiths aren’t going to Heaven, because the Church does not teach that. God knows what’s in your son’s heart. Don’t try to do a shell game with that, OK…and give your son a little credit, too?

If you have a bad map, you are not held accountable for having trouble finding the venue. Most people would rather have a good map and just get there. If your son is given more than one map, he still has the best chances if one of those is actually the definitive map. Your son’s best chances are to raise him in the faith, not just by teaching him the facts, but by living them yourself and actively opening yourself to an ever-deepening relationship with God. The more you get there, the more you will realize that the Faith is not about shutting people out of Heaven, but a thirst to get as many souls as possible into it.

You can’t raise your son in any faith by not having a concern for your own soul, BTW. As they say when you get on the airplane, you have to get the oxygen flowing to your own mask before you can hope to assist anyone else!!

Do what the Church guides you to do, and dare to trust in that over what is really your fear that your son won’t be competent to stick to the truth if he’s taught the truth. It is far better to do your best to find the right way than to take a wrong turn on purpose and then hope for forgiveness. If your son does take a wrong turn, God will be there with you to cross that bridge when you come to it. He’s been there before; He’ll get you through it!

 

[GraceDK]

I know the answer to this seems obvious, but our situation has changed and I would like some guidance. My wife converted to Catholicism before we were married, we agreed to raise our children Catholic, etc. Fast forward a few years later, she is leaving me for her boss at work, tells me she never truly accepted the Catholic faith, and is reverting back to her old protestant faith. The terms of the divorce state I only get custody every other week, so he will be going to church with me those weeks and with her at whatever church she ends up going to the next week.

So here is my dilemma. The Catholic faith is pretty clear on what gets you to heaven and what gets you to hell. However, the Catechism also teaches that those “born into” other faiths can still reach salvation because of the grace of the Catholic Church. In other words, they don’t have to hold themselves to the same standards we hold ourselves to, because they “don’t know the truth”. I (along with my priest) can teach my son the truth, but my wife and her church will be teaching him a different one simultaneously. There is no such thing as “half Catholic”. So I know the church has a soft spot (for lack of better term) for those born into another faith, but what about those brought up in the faith that choose a different one? Does my son have a better chance at salvation if I just let him be raised a protestant vs teaching him the truth and risking him selecting her religion? I mean, at the end of the day we do hold ourselves to a higher standard. We don’t get saved just because we believe. We can’t do essentially whatever we want, we have to behave or repent when we don’t. That said, as a child growing up, being a protestant vs being a Catholic is kind of the easy/obvious choice. I feel if I try to raise him Catholic it will be an uphill battle with very little chance of success. I have also read numerous stories about children brought up in “mixed faiths” who don’t truly identify with either and end up agnostic or atheist. I want to raise my son to be a good man and have the best possible chance of salvation. Isn’t the conservative play here to just let him be raised in one faith as a protestant? He is only 2, doesn’t know anything yet one way or the other. And I understand my duty as a Catholic is to raise him in the faith, but quite frankly I am not worried about my soul here, I am more worried about my son being saved and will just have to hope God can forgive me.

Give your son the best you have: Your faith in Jesus Christ and your love and fidelity to his mother even as she strays.
He will not be that confused. You take Christ seriously and follow Him to the best of your understanding and teach your son to do likewise. You are Catholic and he is Catholic.
His mother will maybe go to another church… If that church is a Bible believing church she should be encouraged there to repent from her sin there.
Keep your own life constant. Both you and your son need Christ at this time more than ever.

 

[youdontsay]

Your son was baptized a Catholic. That means he IS a Catholic.

You are obligated to raise him in the Catholic Church. You are obligated to continue to fulfill the promises you made at his baptism.

Talk to your attorney regarding specification of his continued practice of the Catholic faith and reception of the sacraments.

I know what my obligation is. If I have to decide between salvation for myself or salvation for my son, I think you know the choice there. Again, I would just have to hope God can forgive me… but my primary concern is my son’s soul. There is nothing any attorney can do here. She has custody every other week and thus can take him to whatever church she sees fit, that part isn’t up for discussion unfortunately.

 

[youdontsay]

Well, first off, a Catholic has a duty to raise his child in the faith, when it is possible. This really isn’t a question.

You don’t have a dilemma about other faiths, either. God reads hearts, God judges, that is not in our job description. The idea that all salvation comes through the Church makes us the particular conduit of grace, in ways both seen and unseen. It doesn’t give us a monopoly on the Holy Spirit! The idea is that knowing the true faith gives the best chance that the Holy Spirit is to have the monopoly on us! You had better not teach your son that people of other faiths aren’t going to Heaven, because the Church does not teach that. God knows what’s in your son’s heart. Don’t try to do a shell game with that, OK…and give your son a little credit, too?

If you have a bad map, you are not held accountable for having trouble finding the venue. Most people would rather have a good map and just get there. If your son is given more than one map, he still has the best chances if one of those is actually the definitive map. Your son’s best chances are to raise him in the faith, not just by teaching him the facts, but by living them yourself and actively opening yourself to an ever-deepening relationship with God. The more you get there, the more you will realize that the Faith is not about shutting people out of Heaven, but a thirst to get as many souls as possible into it.

You can’t raise your son in any faith by not having a concern for your own soul, BTW. As they say when you get on the airplane, you have to get the oxygen flowing to your own mask before you can hope to assist anyone else!!

Do what the Church guides you to do, and dare to trust in that over what is really your fear that your son won’t be competent to stick to the truth if he’s taught the truth. It is far better to do your best to find the right way than to take a wrong turn on purpose and then hope for forgiveness. If your son does take a wrong turn, God will be there with you to cross that bridge when you come to it. He’s been there before; He’ll get you through it!

I understand those of other faiths can achieve salvation, otherwise why would I even be considering raising him that way? CC 818-819 are very clear that we beleive that other Christians can achieve salvation as well. It’s just the verbiage of the CC is unclear if he is raised in both and chooses the wrong one if that is still possible vs if he is just raised in another faith altogether. But for me worst case scenerio is my son doesnt identify with either faith and ends up a non-believer. How can someone be raised being told 2 “truths” by his 2 parents ever come to the conclusion of there being “one truth”? I can see the logic steps he will go through that will lead him to believe we are both wrong and just not beleive in anything. I am just trying to do what is best for my son.

 

[Cristiano]

I know what my obligation is. If I have to decide between salvation for myself or salvation for my son, I think you know the choice there. Again, I would just have to hope God can forgive me… but my primary concern is my son’s soul. There is nothing any attorney can do here. She has custody every other week and thus can take him to whatever church she sees fit, that part isn’t up for discussion unfortunately.

I think that you are very confused it is not either your salvation or your son’s salvation. That is is a very poor understanding of God. You must work to accept your own salvation and that includes to do your best to raise your son as a Catholic . Your son will have work to do to accept his own salvation and that is between him and God. You are quite silly and arrogant if you truly believe that your son will end up in heaven or hell just because of your actions, that would imply no trust in the Divine Providence.
Think about yourself going the heaven and God will take care of your son for things that are outside your responsibilities and capabilities.

 

[Aeden]

Well, God wouldn’t want you to sacrifice your soul to do what sounds like an attempt at a loophole. Heres the thing: when you baptized your son, you agreed to teach him the faith. It is a mortal sin, and I’m pretty sure sacrilige, to fail to do so through your own fault. You are offering him one map, your wife is offering him another, your map is the correct one which leads to heaven. Allowing your son to use a bad map after being given a good one at baptism risks both your souls, whereas teaching your son ensures that you do not sin and gives your son a greter chance at salvation, especially since he has been raised as a catholic until now, and thus the raised in different faith issue would not apply. I pray that you make the right choice. God bless!

 

[TexCatholic4JMJ]

When she married you, she was a Catholic and , therefore, had her child baptized as a
Catholic. She made a promise to God to raise him as a Catholic. Her reversion should
not negate that promise. She reverted for herself, but it should not affect her child.
I suppose it is easier to revert and ease her mind about what she had done…
But as far as it goes for you, yes, do raise him as a Catholic.

 

[wasserfall]

but my primary concern is my son’s soul.

Then you have to raise him Catholic.

You are misunderstanding the catechism. It is much harder for non-Catholics to enter into Heaven than it is for Catholics.

In fact, the Athanasian Creed, an official statement of belief of the Catholic Church begins thus:

*Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold the catholic faith; which faith except every one do keep whole and undefiled, without doubt he shall perish everlastingly.
*

 

[BcuzISaidSo]

I know the answer to this seems obvious, but our situation has changed and I would like some guidance. My wife converted to Catholicism before we were married, we agreed to raise our children Catholic, etc. Fast forward a few years later, she is leaving me for her boss at work, tells me she never truly accepted the Catholic faith, and is reverting back to her old protestant faith. The terms of the divorce state I only get custody every other week, so he will be going to church with me those weeks and with her at whatever church she ends up going to the next week.

So here is my dilemma. The Catholic faith is pretty clear on what gets you to heaven and what gets you to hell. However, the Catechism also teaches that those “born into” other faiths can still reach salvation because of the grace of the Catholic Church. In other words, they don’t have to hold themselves to the same standards we hold ourselves to, because they “don’t know the truth”. I (along with my priest) can teach my son the truth, but my wife and her church will be teaching him a different one simultaneously. There is no such thing as “half Catholic”. So I know the church has a soft spot (for lack of better term) for those born into another faith, but what about those brought up in the faith that choose a different one? Does my son have a better chance at salvation if I just let him be
raised a protestant vs teaching him the truth and risking him selecting her religion? I mean, at the end of the day we do hold ourselves to a higher standard. We don’t get saved just because we believe. We can’t do essentially whatever we want, we have to behave or repent when we don’t. That said, as a child growing up, being a protestant vs being a Catholic is kind of the easy/obvious choice. I feel if I try to raise him Catholic it will be an uphill battle with very little chance of success. I have also read numerous stories about children brought up in “mixed faiths” who don’t truly identify with either and end up agnostic or atheist. I want to raise my son to be a good man and have the best possible chance of salvation. Isn’t the conservative play here to just let him be raised in one faith as a protestant? He is only 2, doesn’t know anything yet one way or the other. And I understand my duty as a Catholic is to raise him in the faith, but quite frankly I am not worried about my soul here, I am more worried about my son being saved and will just have to hope God can forgive me.

I see where you are coming from, and I understand your dilemma, but you have an obligation to teach your son the truth. He will be exposed to all kinds of things as he grows. Your job is to guide him as best you can. Salvation belongs to God alone…we can only do our part by being faithful to what we believe. Yes, it will be confusing for him, but that is where you need to be strong in your own faith, so as to be able to answer those tough questions. How likely is he to choose to grow in the truth if it is not presented to him? Do what you promised to do at his baptism, and pray, pray, pray!

 

[youdontsay]

@TexCatholic4JMJ - Totally agree. What she is doing is garbage. Her changing her mind shouldnt effect how our son is raised. But it is, and short of kidnapping him and running off to another country (which I am pretty sure the church would probably frown upon too) there really isn’t anything I can do about that.

@Aeden - I dont know that I would call this a loophole, I am just looking at the rules of our faith, none of which cover this impossible situation I am in, to try to determine the best way I need to raise my son so he has the best chance of being saved. I need to talk to my priest about this.

@Cristiano - I dont think I would call it silly or arrogant to say that how a parent chooses to raise their child has a pretty big impact on the likelyhood of said child’s salvation. Say i raise him to think murder is OK and he goes and kills poeple (obviously hypothetical), I think that hurts his chances. How a parent raises their child matters, a lot.

@wasserfall - Athanasian Creed is being taken out of context here, catholic faith there is with a lower case c, not Catholic faith. If that were the case this would be directly contrary to CC 818-819 stating people of all faiths can be saved. This creed was also dropped from the mass completely after Vatican II.

@BcuzISaidSo - pray, pray, pray… you got that right

 

[Veronica97]

We don’t have a crystal ball to know what our children are going to choose when they grow up. Even if we raise them Catholic, some still leave the Church. My own son is 19 and refuses to attend Mass. I can no longer force him to do so. All I can do now is pray for him and try to set a good example for him by the way I live my life. Other children, raised Protestant (like myself), convert to Catholicism later in life on their own. When you married and when you had your son baptized you made vows to God to raise him Catholic. I agree with one of the above posters: see an attorney to see if you can take your son to Mass every weekend somehow even if you don’t have visitation every weekend. IF your lawyer sees no way possible or if it is sought and the judge denies it, AT LEAST take your son to Mass every chance you get. If you know he has missed Mass, explain to him why he can’t take communion. He will at least be EXPOSED to the truth. You have no idea that one day he might very well choose the Catholic Church on his own–that he will choose the Protestant Church is simply your “guess”. Finally, never underestimate the power of prayer, especially the Rosary.

 

[Cristiano]

We don’t have a crystal ball to know what our children are going to choose when they grow up. Even if we raise them Catholic, some still leave the Church. My own son is 19 and refuses to attend Mass. I can no longer force him to do so. All I can do now is pray for him and try to set a good example for him by the way I live my life. Other children, raised Protestant (like myself), convert to Catholicism later in life on their own. When you married and when you had your son baptized you made vows to God to raise him Catholic. I agree with one of the above posters: see an attorney to see if you can take your son to Mass every weekend somehow even if you don’t have visitation every weekend. IF your lawyer sees no way possible or if it is sought and the judge denies it, AT LEAST take your son to Mass every chance you get. If you know he has missed Mass, explain to him why he can’t take communion. He will at least be EXPOSED to the truth. You have no idea that one day he might very well choose the Catholic Church on his own–that he will choose the Protestant Church is simply your “guess”. Finally, never underestimate the power of prayer, especially the Rosary.

I highlighted (bold font) a statement that is incorrect. Catholic children that miss Mass because of their parents (e.g. protestant mother) are not culpable thus they are not in a state of mortal sin and so they could and should receive communion when possible.

 

[AdDeum]

He was baptized Catholic and is therefore obligated to follow that path. Your job is to show him that path. Pray for help from the Holy Spirit… He will come through.

Of course, he can choose otherwise. We are all free to make those choices, right or wrong. The point is you want him to have all the possible tools in his toolbelt to get him there. If you neglect to give him the tools he needs, he runs the risk of making the wrong choice.

 

[wasserfall]

@wasserfall - Athanasian Creed is being taken out of context here, catholic faith there is with a lower case c, not Catholic faith. If that were the case this would be directly contrary to CC 818-819 stating people of all faiths can be saved. This creed was also dropped from the mass completely after Vatican II.

1. Vatican II did not change any dogma of the Church
2. Extra ecclesiam nulla salus is a dogma of the Church
3. The CCC is not an infallible document.

 

[Jim_Dandy]

About your wife’s possible status:

Catechism of the Catholic Church 846 -

. . . ] QUOTE:
Hence they could not be saved who, knowing that the Catholic Church was founded as necessary by God through Christ, would refuse either to enter it or to remain in it. END QUOTE

Would you give your son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread (the truth)? Or a snake (a lie) when he asks for a fish? Mt 7:9-10, Lk 11:11-12

Raise him in Christ’s true religion… Protestantism is comprised of thousands of false, man-made religions. Learn when your wife’s ecclesial communion was started and by whom. Explain the difference to your son when he is old enough to understand.

Jim Dandy
Ex-Southern Baptist, ex-agnostic, ex-atheist, ecstatic to be Catholic!

 

[youdontsay]

He was baptized Catholic and is therefore obligated to follow that path.

A couple of people have said this so far, and I dont think that is true. I can’t find anything in the Catechism that clarifies this, but he was baptized at a few months old, he obviously didnt make a choice there, I did. In my opinion, and again I couldnt find an official ruling here, I dont think this obligation is on my son at all until after confermation… that’s when he makes the choice. Otherwise what is the point, confermation is “… conferred only on persons old enough to understand it”. But until then, in the eyes of the church he is a child.

 

[Cristiano]

A couple of people have said this so far, and I dont think that is true. I can’t find anything in the Catechism that clarifies this, but he was baptized at a few months old, he obviously didnt make a choice there, I did. In my opinion, and again I couldnt find an official ruling here, I dont think this obligation is on my son at all until after confermation… that’s when he makes the choice. Otherwise what is the point, confermation is “… conferred only on persons old enough to understand it”. But until then, in the eyes of the church he is a child.

I think that you are very confused about what the Church teaches and what the sacraments are. If you think that a Catholic can abandon the Church you are wrong, age of baptism does not matter. If you were correct with your idea of assent to baptism then the sacrament would not be valid at all either if the person leaves the Church or stays with the Church after being baptized as an infant, with your assumption only adult baptism is valid. Confirmation is a sacrament that does not require personal choice either, as an example we can see that in a lot of cases infants are confirmed in the faith.