Should I resign from the PTO?

[BeeSweet]

I ran for the office of PTO secretary last May, and bumped up to VP before the end of the election because no one else would run a higher office. The previous year’s president further bumped me up to president, and then later demoted me back to VP after she personally requested another woman take the office without this other woman even wanting to run for an office. So now they have a large festival planned for Saturday, which I have no desire to participate in, and furthermore the president has handed in her resignation. I want out of this badly organized organization; it’s become a very negative experience for me.

What would you do? My eldest is in 1st grade, so this is my first PTO experience.

 

[JerryZ]

I ran for the office of PTO secretary last May, and bumped up to VP before the end of the election because no one else would run a higher office. The previous year’s president further bumped me up to president, and then later demoted me back to VP after she personally requested another woman take the office without this other woman even wanting to run for an office. So now they have a large festival planned for Saturday, which I have no desire to participate in, and furthermore the president has handed in her resignation. I want out of this badly organized organization; it’s become a very negative experience for me.

What would you do? My eldest is in 1st grade, so this is my first PTO experience.

If you have the time maybe you can organize and make it work as it should?

 

[robwar]

I am not sure what is going on with this bumping around between positions. I am not sure how you can be president one day and then demoted the next but it sounds like that person is gone. If you don’t feel like going to the festival then don’t. what are they going to do. School politics can be petty and nasty with parents getting involved with these things to promote their own agenda. If you go back to president, then call a meeting and try to call order and have them start behaving like adults and for the better of the school. Sometime running for these offices when you are a very new parent (1st) grade without getting to know the school and teachers can be very difficult, it probably would have been better to volunteer in other areas for a couple years first then run for office in order to avoid becoming entangled in stupid school politics.

 

[Irishmom2]

You can support the PTO without being the president. If your child is in first grade, that may be the way to go for a couple of years. It will allow you to see how the PTO works (or not ) and then you can see how involved you want to be. From past experience, I will tell you that some people are only in it for the title and the power, but they usually don’t last long when they find they actually have to do things and take charge. You may be surprised 5 years from now how the leadership changes from this year. Totally different agendas, leaders and concerns. Help out however you feel you want to and see how it goes. Good luck!

 

[KCT]

People and their little kingdoms…

Stay if you think you can make a difference, leave if you don’t.

 

[HouseArrest]

Are there bylaws? Who is supposed to appoint/elect the president? I would go to at least one more meeting and read the bylaws, informing everyone there that they will be followed. Why did everyone follow “last year’s president”?

 

[BeeSweet]

There are bylaws which were written only last year. This is a newly organized PTO, despite the fact that this school celebrated its centennial year this year. The bylaws state that the previous year’s president is to stay and act as an adviser, and so that person has essentially created a new title for herself as “PTO Consultant.” She consulted no one when she appointed the current president. The current president has now resigned because she’s overwhelmed. They’re all overwhelmed, they bit off more than they could chew with this festival.

The problem is the PTO Consultant, who was last year’s president. She’s also been calling herself the Event Planner. I’m ticked off right now because there’s a meeting tonight specifically for this festival which they asked me only yesterday to lead because neither of these two ladies can attend. :dts: I’ve always told them I can not lead meetings, I never have led a meeting, because I have a three year old I have to keep an eye on constantly.

I left a paying job in event planning last year because it was too stressful. I told the president in the beginning I was not going to be involved in a big festival because it’s just too stressful to put one together. These people had stars in their eyes though.

Frustrated and ticked off!

 

[StJudePray4Me]

Perhaps this is not the right attitude…buy I personally would NOT be that involved with the PTO. I have found that the people who run these things are usually bullies. They are usually control freaks…they will say “It’s for the children!” and then they run their own personal agendas and harbor personal vendettas and grudges.
This is from personal experience… my oldest child is a teenager so I have been around the schools for a while now.

My recommendation is to be a “worker bee” and just volunteer to do things as your time and talent allows. Be helpful, be willing…but don’t be in charge!

 

[Z1Z2]

My recommendation is to be a “worker bee” and just volunteer to do things as your time and talent allows. Be helpful, be willing…but don’t be in charge!

I tried PTO when my daughter was in 1st grade. It wasn’t worth the stress it caused me. Now I volunteer as a worker bee once or twice a year and call it good. I find volunteer activities outside school give me more opportunities to use my talents, and set a good example (I hope!) for my kids.

 

[BeeSweet]

I’m actually trying to get my son into a different school, it’s a montessori program that goes through 8th grade. So this will hopefully be our last year in this school. The people are very sweet, but there is a particular brand of bullying, maybe a passive aggressive type of bullying, not sure what to call it.

I guess I’m not going to resign. It is just really bad form to do so, once you accept a commitment. I’m really disappointed that the president decided to hand in a resignation two weeks before the large scale event which she spearheaded. I don’t think she has been treated fairly, but even so, to bail out when she did is so very dramatic. Do all PTOs suffer from so much drama?

 

[mommy_k]

Set boundaries, tell them you can be secretary and that’s it. If they pressure you, stick ti your guns. If the bylaws state that you have to step up-tell thm sorry, you reconsidered and you can’t take on presidency, but are more than happy to help out.there mut be other pto members like treasurer etc-tell these people first. If no one will take no for an answer, too bad. You can tell them in person as a courtesy, but follow with an-email . THe principal should know too.
An emergency re election can take place. If you want to helpwith the fair-make sure othersa re helping too-don’t assume leadership role.

Very tricky - good luck and let us know what happens.

 

[ahaley]

Stay if you think you can make a difference, leave if you don’t.

BeeSweet,

The reason quoted above is why I won’t be a Cub Scout leader in my son’s unit after this year. The specifics are different than what you’re dealing with, but the frustrations are similar. The breaking point came when I realized that I could no longer affect positive change in the organization.

I often pray that God reveal to me the path that should be taken. Perhaps that would help you as well. Perhaps He will guide you to other volunteer opportunities that are fulfilling without being quite so frustrating.

Genuniely hoping for a good outcome for you.



Regards,
Alan

 

[oldcatholicguy]

You’ve been set up for failure. Resign.

 

[garn9173]

I love my son to death, but there’s no way I could deal with the ego-manics and be a part of a PTO or anything else kid related that’s ran by fellow parents, including youth sports, scouts, etc.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’m actually trying to get my son into a different school, it’s a montessori program that goes through 8th grade. So this will hopefully be our last year in this school. The people are very sweet, but there is a particular brand of bullying, maybe a passive aggressive type of bullying, not sure what to call it.

I guess I’m not going to resign. It is just really bad form to do so, once you accept a commitment. I’m really disappointed that the president decided to hand in a resignation two weeks before the large scale event which she spearheaded. I don’t think she has been treated fairly, but even so, to bail out when she did is so very dramatic. Do all PTOs suffer from so much drama?

Never found one that didn’t, unfortunately.

Even very small schools…maybe especially very small schools…Tend to be hotbeds of power-plays, politics, etc.

They are sticking you with the job no one wants. I think it’s noble of you to come through, but don’t play the martyr and expect them to give you kudos. You will probably get criticism for the way you handle things.

I hate PTOs.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I ran for the office of PTO secretary last May, and bumped up to VP before the end of the election because no one else would run a higher office. The previous year’s president further bumped me up to president, and then later demoted me back to VP after she personally requested another woman take the office without this other woman even wanting to run for an office. So now they have a large festival planned for Saturday, which I have no desire to participate in, and furthermore the president has handed in her resignation. I want out of this badly organized organization; it’s become a very negative experience for me.

What would you do? My eldest is in 1st grade, so this is my first PTO experience.

Seriously, in this situation, you are going to take the fall. YOU get all the stress and probably will hear all of the complaints as well. Don’t do it. The school can cancel if no one can run the event. You already said you did not want to have anything to do with this festival and the person who set it up quit 2 weeks before the event? That screams, “Prima Donna.” Get out now and stay well away - volunteer to read with the kids in your son’s classroom or whatever. PTOs are bad.

 

[BeeSweet]

Wow, I really wish I’d come on here last year and asked opinions on whether or not I should join the PTO! Oh well… water under the bridge, lesson learned. My group has found a way to muddle through without me. Apparently they got the message that I was sincere when I said I was not going to be involved in this event. I knew it was going to be a train wreck this week. God bless them.

 

[BeeSweet]

They are sticking you with the job no one wants. I think it’s noble of you to come through, but don’t play the martyr and expect them to give you kudos. You will probably get criticism for the way you handle things.

I hate PTOs.

I love this post! This is exactly what I’ve been seeing.

 

[_Jenn]

Do all PTOs suffer from so much drama?

No, they don’t. I was involved with the one at my son’s school from when he entered Kindergarten. I went to every meeting I could, and when he was in 4th grade, I was on the board as the secretary.

This year, when he made the move to 5th, I ran for VP for the board at that school. My friend ran for pres. Well, something came up, and they had to move across the state, so the bylaws stated that if I chose, I could move up to pres. I found a good person to be VP, and I moved up. Because of how close to the start of school all this happened, the former pres. & the existing current board (myself, my sec, and my treas, along w/ both principals) felt this was a wiser option than starting the year with an incomplete board and trying to hold a quick vote for it.

At any rate, I have loved it! It’s never felt like a clique; all are welcome to help, give ideas, chair/co-chair committees, etc. Does it always seem to be the same parents year after year? yes, but that seems to be something that has existed since the dawn of time. LOL I can rattle off the names of the parents who volunteered when I was a kid! It was always the same parents each year.

I’ve heard of schools like yours though - where it is just tons of drama & nobody wants to try to get involved because they know they won’t be heard. It makes me sad, because the kids are the ones who suffer in the end.

 

[StJudePray4Me]

At our school, it was always drama and back stabbing.

No good deed went unpunished, and no matter what decisions were made, someone would always be thrown under the bus.

There were a lot of moms with a lot of history of disliking each other… and that created an “us and them” mentality. If you tried to be neutral, that did not work either…someone was always asking you to align with them, to show you why they were right and things should be done their way.

People resigned with no notice, threw temper tantrums if they didn’t get their way… the best example that I can think of is: there was a group that ran a certain fundraiser several years in a row. The reservations for the venue were always made on the day of the event for the following year.

Well, this group decided that they did not want to run it the following year…so they made no reservation for the following year…but NEVER told anyone else, and didn’t inform anyone that they were not going to do it. So instead of having a year for the new group to plan it, they found out 3 months before…so they couldn’t get the usual venue and had to make last minute arrangements at a new venue. Yup…you guessed it…they killed themselves trying to get it together in three months, and then took a beating because the venue wasn’t as good, the food wasn’t as good, etc etc.