Should I Respond to an "Anti-Invitation to Christmas"?

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the_phoenix

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Just received a text message from a relative which goes something like this, and was wondering if I should just ignore it, or reply (which might start a fight right before Christmas)?

Message I Received: … “assuming you weren’t planning to come since you just started a new job…hopefully that’s still going well. Weather’s supposed to be sort of gross tomorrow anyway for driving” …

Apparently, this person doesn’t want to invite me over for Christmas, but is too polite to come right out and tell me, so they’re just “assuming” my feelings for me. They’re also “assuming” that I would let a little rain bother me, as there are no huge snowstorms forecast in the area.

In a way, I want to reply with the simple question. “Why would you assume that?”

However, I sense that if I reply like that, it will cause an argument, and the other person will then claim that I’m the bad guy in the situation.

This person also says they will call me … interestingly enough, it appears like they might try to call me when it’s too late for me to start out on a road trip to make it to their house for the Christmas festivities.

Opinions, anyone?
 
“Why would you assume that?” Seems like a good start. Remember to keep your cool if a fight does ensue: takes two to argue.
 
TheAmazingGrace said:
“Why would you assume that?” Seems like a good start. Remember to keep your cool if a fight does ensue: takes two to argue.
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So it seems you also see the possibility of an argument over this … I would rather not be baited into an argument in the first place. Better to avoid a near occasion of sin, I’m thinking.

…
 
We’re you planning on going? If you were, say, “What are you talking about? Flesh-eating reindeer couldn’t keep me away from your delicious potato casserole! I’ll be there with bells on! I’m bringing Farkle in case anyone wants to play! I was just telling everyone we mutually know about how excited I am to be spending the holidays with you guys and how I really need this after the year I’ve had. etc”

If not, say, “I’m glad you’re so understanding. I’ll be there next year for sure with grandma’s famous mince pies!”
 
the_phoenix said:
Just received a text message from a relative which goes something like this, and was wondering if I should just ignore it, or reply (which might start a fight right before Christmas)?

Message I Received: … “assuming you weren’t planning to come since you just started a new job…hopefully that’s still going well. Weather’s supposed to be sort of gross tomorrow anyway for driving” …

Apparently, this person doesn’t want to invite me over for Christmas, but is too polite to come right out and tell me, so they’re just “assuming” my feelings for me. They’re also “assuming” that I would let a little rain bother me, as there are no huge snowstorms forecast in the area.

In a way, I want to reply with the simple question. “Why would you assume that?”

However, I sense that if I reply like that, it will cause an argument, and the other person will then claim that I’m the bad guy in the situation.

This person also says they will call me … interestingly enough, it appears like they might try to call me when it’s too late for me to start out on a road trip to make it to their house for the Christmas festivities.

Opinions, anyone?
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I would reply: “Thank you for showing concern over my welfare about driving to see you for Christmas, but I have other plans all set up for my Christmas celebration. Maybe next year would be a more opportune time for both of us. Best wishes for the holidays. God bless!”
 
the_phoenix said:
Just received a text message from a relative which goes something like this, and was wondering if I should just ignore it, or reply (which might start a fight right before Christmas)?

Message I Received: … “assuming you weren’t planning to come since you just started a new job…hopefully that’s still going well. Weather’s supposed to be sort of gross tomorrow anyway for driving” …

Apparently, this person doesn’t want to invite me over for Christmas, but is too polite to come right out and tell me, so they’re just “assuming” my feelings for me. They’re also “assuming” that I would let a little rain bother me, as there are no huge snowstorms forecast in the area.

In a way, I want to reply with the simple question. “Why would you assume that?”

However, I sense that if I reply like that, it will cause an argument, and the other person will then claim that I’m the bad guy in the situation.

This person also says they will call me … interestingly enough, it appears like they might try to call me when it’s too late for me to start out on a road trip to make it to their house for the Christmas festivities.

Opinions, anyone?
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That doesn’t sound like an anti-invite to me at all. It sounds like they genuinely thought you weren’t coming because of your job. I would tell them your job isn’t getting in the way of you visiting and ask if you can stop, if you want to visit.
 
Allegra said:
We’re you planning on going? If you were, say, “What are you talking about? Flesh-eating reindeer couldn’t keep me away from your delicious potato casserole! I’ll be there with bells on! I’m bringing Farkle in case anyone wants to play! I was just telling everyone we mutually know about how excited I am to be spending the holidays with you guys and how I really need this after the year I’ve had. etc”

If not, say, “I’m glad you’re so understanding. I’ll be there next year for sure with grandma’s famous mince pies!”
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If I were welcome I’d be happy to go.
 
Allegra said:
We’re you planning on going? If you were, say, “What are you talking about? Flesh-eating reindeer couldn’t keep me away from your delicious potato casserole! I’ll be there with bells on! I’m bringing Farkle in case anyone wants to play! I was just telling everyone we mutually know about how excited I am to be spending the holidays with you guys and how I really need this after the year I’ve had. etc”

If not, say, “I’m glad you’re so understanding. I’ll be there next year for sure with grandma’s famous mince pies!”
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^^^That. 🙂
 
Adonia said:
I would reply: “Thank you for showing concern over my welfare about driving to see you for Christmas, but I have other plans all set up for my Christmas celebration. Maybe next year would be a more opportune time for both of us. Best wishes for the holidays. God bless!”
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Now this sounds the most realistic in my particular situation. * nods *

Edited to Add: Sad thing though, this is a close family member. Who might at that point start asking about my “plans” … at which point, drama could once again break out. Which is why I’m also thinking it might be best to just keep silent, stay a good safe distance away, and just pray for my family. I’ve tried reaching out, maybe it’s now time to step back a bit.
 
the_phoenix said:
Now this sounds the most realistic in my particular situation. * nods *

Edited to Add: Sad thing though, this is a close family member. Who might at that point start asking about my “plans” … at which point, drama could once again break out. Which is why I’m also thinking it might be best to just keep silent, stay a good safe distance away, and just pray for my family. I’ve tried reaching out, maybe it’s now time to step back a bit.
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If you don’t have other plans, I’d definitely avoid a pointless lie about it.

A lot of times, when you get a new job, you just get the one day off for Christmas, which makes it hard to go anywhere. If they haven’t been planning on having you come, it’s a little late to change it, for practical reasons. It might have been a good idea to talk to the person a little earlier to settle the question of whether you were coming or not. You might want to do that next year.

I’d probably go with something like, “I’d love to come, but you’re probably right–maybe this isn’t the best year for it.”

–Jen
 
One is always better served by assuming the best in others. If you weren’t going, appreciate their thoughtfulness. If you wanted to attend, call them and tell them so, but be polite and willing to inquire if it is an undue hardship on them. Love isn’t about being fair. It is about always putting the feelings of others first.
 
Dont know the exact circumstances here but in general it’s not a good idea to assume that you are invited somewhere unless someone has actually invited you. Have you and this person actually had a conversation about what you are doing this Christmas?
 
I am amazed that so close to Christmas who is going to spend it with whom hasn’'t been long settled.

You could read this email as your prospective host gently fishing to discover whether you are in fact going - even if you usually spend Christmas with someone it is always good to know definitely each year that they still intend to.come, especially if they are staying over.

This sounds to me as though he just wants to know how many beds to change, because you haven’t actually said you are going but is giving you a graceful get out if you do indeed have other plans.

So if you want to go just say you’d love to join them as usual - and if you prefer to spend Christmas alone or elsewhere, then you have a ready made excuse in the new job.

But there is absolutely no reason to cause upset, not least because emails are not the most nuanced methods of communication.

I expect his wife just said “for heaven’s sake just contact your cousin/friend/brother and find out if he is coming or not…”
 
Gilly_flower said:
I am amazed that so close to Christmas who is going to spend it with whom hasn’'t been long settled.

You could read this email as your prospective host gently fishing to discover whether you are in fact going - even if you usually spend Christmas with someone it is always good to know definitely each year that they still intend to.come, especially if they are staying over.

This sounds to me as though he just wants to know how many beds to change, because you haven’t actually said you are going but is giving you a graceful get out if you do indeed have other plans.

So if you want to go just say you’d love to join them as usual - and if you prefer to spend Christmas alone or elsewhere, then you have a ready made excuse in the new job.

But there is absolutely no reason to cause upset, not least because emails are not the most nuanced methods of communication.

I expect his wife just said “for heaven’s sake just contact your cousin/friend/brother and find out if he is coming or not…”
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Well said 👍
 
Adonia said:
I would reply: “Thank you for showing concern over my welfare about driving to see you for Christmas, but I have other plans all set up for my Christmas celebration. Maybe next year would be a more opportune time for both of us. Best wishes for the holidays. God bless!”
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That would be hurtful
 
the_phoenix said:
Just received a text message from a relative which goes something like this, and was wondering if I should just ignore it, or reply (which might start a fight right before Christmas)?

Message I Received: … “assuming you weren’t planning to come since you just started a new job…hopefully that’s still going well. Weather’s supposed to be sort of gross tomorrow anyway for driving” …

Apparently, this person doesn’t want to invite me over for Christmas, but is too polite to come right out and tell me, so they’re just “assuming” my feelings for me. They’re also “assuming” that I would let a little rain bother me, as there are no huge snowstorms forecast in the area.

In a way, I want to reply with the simple question. “Why would you assume that?”

However, I sense that if I reply like that, it will cause an argument, and the other person will then claim that I’m the bad guy in the situation.

This person also says they will call me … interestingly enough, it appears like they might try to call me when it’s too late for me to start out on a road trip to make it to their house for the Christmas festivities.

Opinions, anyone?
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It’s Christmas; take the high road and ignore the email. On Christmas Day, call them, briefly, and wish everyone there a Merry Christmas. You can’t talk, you have plans.
 
the_phoenix said:
Just received a text message from a relative which goes something like this, and was wondering if I should just ignore it, or reply (which might start a fight right before Christmas)?

Message I Received: … “assuming you weren’t planning to come since you just started a new job…hopefully that’s still going well. Weather’s supposed to be sort of gross tomorrow anyway for driving” …

Apparently, this person doesn’t want to invite me over for Christmas, but is too polite to come right out and tell me, so they’re just “assuming” my feelings for me. They’re also “assuming” that I would let a little rain bother me, as there are no huge snowstorms forecast in the area.

In a way, I want to reply with the simple question. “Why would you assume that?”

However, I sense that if I reply like that, it will cause an argument, and the other person will then claim that I’m the bad guy in the situation.

This person also says they will call me … interestingly enough, it appears like they might try to call me when it’s too late for me to start out on a road trip to make it to their house for the Christmas festivities.

Opinions, anyone?
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Message I Received: … “assuming you weren’t planning to come since you just started a new job…hopefully that’s still going well. Weather’s supposed to be sort of gross tomorrow anyway for driving” …

Id just reply something like -

“Yea, not sure about the weather, I can still make it though if you would like, if you think it will be too much hassle, just let me know and I wont worry about it, have a Merry Christmas, Thanks.”

This way you can cut through all the games and you give him/her an easy way out it. If someone is not too keen on having me at a party, I wouldn’t want to be at the party anyway.

I hope this has helped and have a Merry Christmas the phoenix 🙂

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh
 
I have just realised that you posted the message went “something like this” and was not verbatim.

I’d be interested to see the actual words, as you may have flavoured your précis through the filter of your own interpretation…

So what did the email in fact say unedited? Might be easier to read between the actual lines…although I still suspect this is simply a case where everyone simply wants to know what’s going on…
 
the_phoenix said:
Just received a text message from a relative which goes something like this, and was wondering if I should just ignore it, or reply (which might start a fight right before Christmas)?

Message I Received: … “assuming you weren’t planning to come since you just started a new job…hopefully that’s still going well. Weather’s supposed to be sort of gross tomorrow anyway for driving” …

Apparently, this person doesn’t want to invite me over for Christmas, but is too polite to come right out and tell me, so they’re just “assuming” my feelings for me. They’re also “assuming” that I would let a little rain bother me, as there are no huge snowstorms forecast in the area.

In a way, I want to reply with the simple question. “Why would you assume that?”

However, I sense that if I reply like that, it will cause an argument, and the other person will then claim that I’m the bad guy in the situation.

This person also says they will call me … interestingly enough, it appears like they might try to call me when it’s too late for me to start out on a road trip to make it to their on time for festivities.

Salutations,
I received your text. It was so nice of you to check the weather out for me for safety sake. You know I will miss this event and your company.
I will have to take a rain check, pun intended, as I don’thave time to prepare for the excursion. Please pass my love to all, I will miss greatly on this time of celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus with you and all.
Next year, the weather may be clearer and my driving skills better. Just invite me and I’ll communicate what is possible.
Dear Lord,
On this celebration of your birthday, this situation leaves me a little wounded. Create in me a clean heart, Oh,Lord. Leave your peace in its place. If it is just you and I celebrating your coming to earth, I am doubly blessed. I am never alone. i am never unloved. Thank you Lord.
in Jesus name Amen.
I prayed in the first person Lord for this child of yours. Let him feel your love.
Ephesians 3 : 14 - 21.
in Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
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Sorry Alice - that still sounds very passive aggressive huffy…I think the O P just needs to ask himself if he wants to go- if he does, say so plainly, go and enjoy Christmas - if he doesn’t want to go, then send happy Christmas greetings…

But it would be foolish to spend Christmas alone just to make a point over a badly worded email, or to cause upset when it is not at all clear that any offence was intended…
 
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