Should I return to the church or NOT?

[Bklynguy]

I won’t repeat the advice given above regarding artificial birth control, because it is sound, as is the advice, from a couple of posts, that you seek counsel with a priest or spiritual advisor.

The one thing I can say is, yes, you should return to the Church because you belong to it. No matter how overwhelmed or mired in sin that you feel, the Church wants you back.

 

[fontgoddess]

A couple of thoughts:

As a scientist, I am sure you are aware of the failure rates of ABC? So suppose you conceive a baby while taking the pill, or using a condom, or whatever? Would you have an abortion? Or would you accept that life? I won’t do the hard sell on NFP, as many other posters have given you excellent info. But I will say it’s just as scientific, and much more healthy, than any form of ABC.

When I came back to the church, I still thought much as you do. However, I decided to open myself to the idea that I could be wrong. I studied, and prayed, and I let the Holy Spirit work in me. We really do have to let go of our pride in our self-sufficiency, and the idea that we know best. What good things draw you to the church? Do you think there might be even more goodness and truth and beauty there to discover? Come home. Open your heart and mind and let it all in.

I will pray for you.

 

[Peter_Plato]

But isn’t there a section of the CCC (or somewhere) that instructs us to follow our conscience? I don’t recall the exact wording, and maybe I misunderstand it, but from what I do understand, it is our obligation to contemplate, discern, etc. Granted, this doesn’t abrogate the Church’s teaching on contraception; however, Holy Mother the Church doesn’t want us to turn into the Borg. If the Vatican were to start making bad decisions, it would be even worse if we simply accepted the directives because they told us to.

We are obligated to follow a well-formed conscience. That obligates us to form our conscience in line with the teaching of the Church. We will be held accountable for how well we do that.

The “Vatican” isn’t the source of Church teaching. The Holy Spirit inspired magisterium is and Christ definitively said the gates of hell would not prevail against it, ever.

It is our obligation to form our conscience in line with the moral authority of the Church.

If we are in a position of ignorance regarding Church teaching, then our conscience should be our guide. However, where our conscience is not aligned with defined Church teaching, then our conscience is errant and we are obligated to reform our conscience.

That does not mean we blindly become Borgs, it means we seek the deepest truth as to why the Church teaches what she does. True assent and conviction can only come with understanding. Saints are not Borgs.

 

[Kal2012]

1. Talk to your priest.
2. Yes, you should return to church.

 

[EasterJoy]

The church is always welcome to everyone regardless of what they have done in the past or if they have used birth control or not. Truth be told there are many practicing Catholics who use birth control because it works best for their personal situation.

Many people will debate the two sides but in the end it is a personal choice. Everyone has a reason: some for medical reasons and others for practical reasons as in your case.

If God is calling you to return, then come home and while you are here, you can always investigate the faith further and ask your various questions. Remember to be a Catholic doesn’t mean one has to agree with everything the church teaches. The issue of birth control has been a topic the church has been debating since at least the 1960’s and I don’t see the debate end anytime soon.

It’s up to you to decide can you live with the teachings the church practices. No christian denomination is perfect therefore let’s see where the Lord leads you.

That the Church welcomes everyone, full in the knowledge that some unrepentantly use birth control, cheat on their taxes, take stuff from work, badmouth their enemies, lie to their mothers to “keep the peace”, flatter others in order to get what they want, and do all those things and more without a twinge of conscience does not mean that the Church really doesn’t think that any of this stuff is important.

Do not teach people that following a malformed conscience is to go “where the Lord leads you.” That is one of the great moral errors being passed around in our time. That is not obedience, but obstinance. It is hard-heartedness. It is according to the plain meaning of Holy Scriptures that we are to follow those teachings handed on to us from the Apostles and that the Church interprets these so that we know what to do. Let the one who thinks that morality lies in doing only what your personal conscience pricks you to do please stand corrected!! That is not what mercy teaches, for mercy and compassion want the crown of sainthood for those who are beloved, not the false warmth of self-satisfied complacency.

Here is an example of the Lord teaching along these lines: That is, just because something is “widely accepted” does not make it right:

Some Pharisees approached him, and tested him, saying, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause whatever?” He said in reply, “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” They said to him, “Then why did Moses command that the man give the woman a bill of divorce and dismiss [her]?” He said to them, “Because of the hardness of your hearts Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) and marries another commits adultery.”* Matt. 19:3-9

 

[EasterJoy]

Instead, it is good to realize that hard-heartedness is something that everyone has to struggle with. We all have some spriritual arteriosclerosis; we come to Church for treatment. It is not that it is “OK”, but that it is the reason the Church is there for us. We do not “get right” and then come back. We come in order to go through the process of getting right, a process that most of us can probably expect to continue through Purgatory, but a process that God will complete so that we will reach the perfection intended when we were made, with the happiness that goes with it.

 

[jmcrae]

I will try to find more information on NFP, but some things I have read and then had concerns were:

• Before BC, I had extremely painful periods that were very irregular (I can go from not having a period a few months, to having several really close together that are very heavy, painful, and debilitating). This apparently can make NFP less effective since my “signs” may not be accurate enough.

-I’ve got a list of medical issues that screw up with every system in my body, including my reproductive cycle. So, I’m not sure how I couls use NFP would work for me.

• I work over full time, with several jobs and I go to college full time. This means, I actually only see my husband an hour here and there throughout the week. When we have time together, it is so precious. I can hardly remember what day of the week it is and just have a hard time remembering things in general because I am so busy. I am worried how NFP would hinder my time with my husband or how I could use it effectively. Sex is NOT the basis of our relationship. But, we are so in love with each other, and physical relationships are just a natural manifestation of love.

-Scientists have discovered that some women ovulate more than once per month (and sometimes more than one egg each time).

With NFP, you would know when you are ovulating, and you would be able to tell how many times a month you ovulate.

• I have lots of Catholic friends. Many of which tried NFP. Some used it to try and postpone children until after college or until they were more financially secure. Others used it to space their children out. But, it didn’t work for them. They went back on birth control but stayed in the Catholic Church.

• (Source: Understanding Human Sexuality, Eighth Edition, by Janet Shibley Hyde and John D. Delamater, pages 202-204) Fertility awareness methods of contraception have a typical-user failure rate of 25%. This means out of 100 women, 25 will be pregnant in a year. In contrast, birht control failure rate is 0.1-5% (depending on is you use it perfectly or not).

Be sure not to confuse NFP with “the calendar method.”

NFP is a way of knowing “Am I fertile right now?”

The calendar method is a way of trying to predict “When will I ovulate this month?”

Since ovulation can happen within a four-day span, the calendar method is less reliable. But with NFP, you know right now whether you are fertile or not, and if your husband is asking for sex, you can tell him, “I am ovulating right now. Are we ready for me to get pregnant?”

Are there any sources out there that you can point me to regarding how NFP can be effectively used? Maybe there is one method that is more effective than another??? If you know of any good sources, please share so I can look more into it!

There are lots of different methods.

 

[jmcrae]

But isn’t there a section of the CCC (or somewhere) that instructs us to follow our conscience?

Your conscience is the knowledge you have about what the Church authentically teaches, and it is God’s voice calling you to higher and greater things.

It is not your “how can I get out of this difficult thing” card - it is not your “I can’t, because I’m special because …” card - It’s not your fears of what others will think, or your fear of pain, or your fear of losing a job, position, prestige, or reputation.

I would say, if what your conscience is telling you isn’t actually more difficult and more terrifying than what the Church is teaching you to do, then it isn’t God’s voice at all that is speaking to you, but something else.

 

[Nelka]

Go to church!

God didn’t give you science so you could build atom bombs and create aids.

Your argument is like saying God gave us fire so we should be allowed to burn people’s houses down.

 

[1ke]

But isn’t there a section of the CCC (or somewhere) that instructs us to follow our conscience? I don’t recall the exact wording, and maybe I misunderstand it, but from what I do understand, it is our obligation to contemplate, discern, etc. Granted, this doesn’t abrogate the Church’s teaching on contraception; however, Holy Mother the Church doesn’t want us to turn into the Borg. If the Vatican were to start making bad decisions, it would be even worse if we simply accepted the directives because they told us to.

Yes, you are misunderstanding.

We must follow our WELL FORMED conscience. Our conscience must be formed by Church teaching first and foremost. One cannot claim to have a well formed conscience when it ignores a clear teaching of the Church.

If there were no teaching, as for example people considering IVF in the 1970s before the Church issued Donum Vitae, then one would have a good argument for having both a well formed conscience AND proceeding with IVF based on available information at the time. After the Church issued Donum Vitae, one could no longer say that.

 

[David011]

Looks like we’re on the same boat.

Can’t give you much advice because my wife and I are also conflicting with this teaching, among others, but I will definitely agree that NFP can work very well. My wife is a physician (and a perfectionist) so she used multiple methods of NFP at once to have an almost fool proof fertility awareness method. We planned our second child and knew the exact date of conception before the ob/gyn told us.

In the end, we stopped using it for it’s lack of convenience. It just wasn’t for us, but it’s certainly something I would recommend trying, who knows? Maybe you’ll end up liking it!