Should I send money to my boyfriend's family?

[melimelomelissa]

I’m 30 years old, and I’ve been with the same wonderful guy for almost two years. I met him in the Philippines while I was visiting there and his family is “lower class.” His dad has just recently been diagnosed with tuberculosis. Their health centers are supposed to provide free medications but they are out-of-stock. Pharmacies charge the equivalent of $50 per week for TB meds, and he could be taking them from six weeks to two years! My boyfriend’s family can’t afford this. Should I help them?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

If you’re able to, it would be a kind thing to do. But keep in mind that there is a possibility that there could be a something fishy going on. Here are some points to consider:

• Does your boyfriend currently live in the Philippines while you live abroad and are conducting a long-distance relationship? If so, that is a red flag. If your boyfriend lives locally to you, then why isn’t he sending money to his family? If he can’t afford to send money to his family, that is another red flag.
• How long will the health centers be “out of stock” of medication for patients? The Philippines is a third-world country, but you seem to be suggesting that the health centers will be “out of stock” of medications for up to two years. It may well be the case, but if so, then that should be put in writing by an official from the health center on the health center’s letterhead.
• Even if you have plenty of money to spare, you should be wary of giving it outright to people you do not know and cannot check up on. If it is possible to pay the pharmacy directly on this man’s behalf, that would be safer than giving the money to him. In any case, be aware of any attempts to increase the amount of money you are being asked to send.
• You and your boyfriend are not married, so you don’t have an actual obligation here to help his family. If he pressures you to do so, that is also a red flag.