What that expression means, please?
Should I speak to my pastor?
- Thread starter Anicette
- Start date
- Status
H
heidi_storage
Guest
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing what is clearly a serious problem. It must feel very overwhelming. Sometimes it is very hard to see anything good in the future. We humans are so small, and we know so little, and so it is very easy for us to feel despair when things are bad. Worst of all, sometimes it can feel like God has left us; this is not true, but our feelings can be very powerful in making us think so!
There is always hope. Always. Maybe you will read this and think “not for us,” but people have found light in truly dark situations. Even if you do not feel that there is hope for you, know it in your mind.
I don’t know what laws are like in France (you are in France, right)? but if your problem involves legal trouble, anything said in Confession to a priest cannot be reported, and anything said to a therapist generally cannot be reported unless it involves abuse of a child or threats of harm to yourself or another. If you are carrying a heavy burden, talking to someone can make it feel better, even if the person cannot give practical help!
There is always hope. Always. Maybe you will read this and think “not for us,” but people have found light in truly dark situations. Even if you do not feel that there is hope for you, know it in your mind.
A “go-to” is someone or something that is often used as a solution. For instance, if you have a plumber you like, he might be your “go-to” if you have a plumbing problem; that is, you will try him first. Dollysro is saying that she has a list of people whom she can talk to about different kinds of problems. Do you have such a list? It sounds like some of the people closest to you might not be the right people to talk to, if you feel “pressured.”
I don’t know what laws are like in France (you are in France, right)? but if your problem involves legal trouble, anything said in Confession to a priest cannot be reported, and anything said to a therapist generally cannot be reported unless it involves abuse of a child or threats of harm to yourself or another. If you are carrying a heavy burden, talking to someone can make it feel better, even if the person cannot give practical help!
D
dollysro
Guest
Thank you @heidi_storage!
Anicette (what a pretty name), in cases like this when a spouse is involved, it is often best to leave parents and friends out of the loop. What is invaluable is a third party who can look at all sides.
For instance Couple Counselling, Marriage Therapy & Mediation - Paris & Ile-de-France Business Directory - Angloinfo
I believe in you and we are here to listen
Anicette (what a pretty name), in cases like this when a spouse is involved, it is often best to leave parents and friends out of the loop. What is invaluable is a third party who can look at all sides.
For instance Couple Counselling, Marriage Therapy & Mediation - Paris & Ile-de-France Business Directory - Angloinfo
I believe in you and we are here to listen
T
TheLittleLady
Guest
Do not give in to despair. Christ IS our hope.
I’ve been working for parishes for many years. I’ve yet to meet a priest who is too busy to speak with a parishioner. It is not unusual for one pastor to have several parishes and the care of thousands of souls, and they have time to speak to any parishioner who asks (and find time for non-parishioners and even non-Christians).
Your Diocese has a website, make some phonecalls, you are one of the sheep and your shepherd will not abandon you.
Thanks you for your messages and prayers.
I intellectually know that there is hope that everything go back to an happy end, but we are in very delicate situation where things can balance to one or the other side quickly. I can only have indirect and minimal control over it. And it doesn’t seem that I put all the chances on my side.
I understand that your advises are common sense and wise, and I agree but don’t feel it is easy for me.
For contacting a marriage counsellor, it was something we had done in the past. But currently it is an absolute “no” for my husband.
We have the solution of a psychologist, I go, my husband was almost obligated to follow two times, but expressed clearly that he would never go anymore. And psychologist allow to speak, that’s a lot, but it would not solve your problems.
I know that it is not wise to speak to parents, and my husband hates it, but given the circustances, we have no choice other than to rely on them. And I feel that the best choice is to make aware and involved at some level because I can’t handle all alone. Of course they give their opinion and made some mediation.
For diocesan priests, I didn’t try, it feels strange, but it is possible that I will try it later.
For the professionels, I have speak with one today, there is a professional secret, but not absolute. That’s why I am more than hesitant… If I refuse, I would probably made the situation of the family worst… And the professional would not accept us If I go there forced. And I feel forced.
I have an appointment tomorrow. I hope that I would see more clearly the situation after… (Sad that because of COVID we cannot go together…)
I have contacted another professional that I trusted around two weeks ago (someone that could be in a “go-tos” list) but no answer even with a relaunch (maybe the holidays…)
Of course the stress and disagreement on what to do make the situation difficult and the “problems” worst.
I intellectually know that there is hope that everything go back to an happy end, but we are in very delicate situation where things can balance to one or the other side quickly. I can only have indirect and minimal control over it. And it doesn’t seem that I put all the chances on my side.
I understand that your advises are common sense and wise, and I agree but don’t feel it is easy for me.
For contacting a marriage counsellor, it was something we had done in the past. But currently it is an absolute “no” for my husband.
We have the solution of a psychologist, I go, my husband was almost obligated to follow two times, but expressed clearly that he would never go anymore. And psychologist allow to speak, that’s a lot, but it would not solve your problems.
I know that it is not wise to speak to parents, and my husband hates it, but given the circustances, we have no choice other than to rely on them. And I feel that the best choice is to make aware and involved at some level because I can’t handle all alone. Of course they give their opinion and made some mediation.
For diocesan priests, I didn’t try, it feels strange, but it is possible that I will try it later.
For the professionels, I have speak with one today, there is a professional secret, but not absolute. That’s why I am more than hesitant… If I refuse, I would probably made the situation of the family worst… And the professional would not accept us If I go there forced. And I feel forced.
I have an appointment tomorrow. I hope that I would see more clearly the situation after… (Sad that because of COVID we cannot go together…)
I have contacted another professional that I trusted around two weeks ago (someone that could be in a “go-tos” list) but no answer even with a relaunch (maybe the holidays…)
Of course the stress and disagreement on what to do make the situation difficult and the “problems” worst.
Last edited:
Hi again,
Finally the priest sent me an email, inviting me to contact him via email or phone.
I am getting nervous how to contact, what to said and what to except.
I just sent an email with the introduction sentence proposed by the @TheLittleLady and ask if he prefered that I writte all by email, or by phone, and if this second possibility, when to contact to not annoyed him.
Well, seems that I turn again a circle and try to gain time…
Finally the priest sent me an email, inviting me to contact him via email or phone.
I am getting nervous how to contact, what to said and what to except.
I just sent an email with the introduction sentence proposed by the @TheLittleLady and ask if he prefered that I writte all by email, or by phone, and if this second possibility, when to contact to not annoyed him.
Well, seems that I turn again a circle and try to gain time…
Last edited:
The contact is establised. We have exchange mails and I have explain the main problem.
We see if he can give me an appointment, despite being in vocations…
I will see what the result will be. I am less anxious now that I have explain.
Thanks you all for your advise and support.
We see if he can give me an appointment, despite being in vocations…
I will see what the result will be. I am less anxious now that I have explain.
Thanks you all for your advise and support.
Last edited:
Update.
The advise of the priest, by email had been:
Of course it has more weight for someone concerned when it is said by your pastor!
We had already done 1, our family had said the same advise than 2 (I try but it is difficult and we are not often successfull), 3 not done, but I see psychologist, and would seen another to add (because I don’t have a lot of choice…)
The advise of the priest, by email had been:
- ask for advises on procedures with the relatives that are likely to help you
- support each other and stay unite
- speak with a physician.
Of course it has more weight for someone concerned when it is said by your pastor!
We had already done 1, our family had said the same advise than 2 (I try but it is difficult and we are not often successfull), 3 not done, but I see psychologist, and would seen another to add (because I don’t have a lot of choice…)
I see that there can be a confusion in mind (even mine!) but Psychology and confession are very different in nature.
The first is secular and for everyone. There is no religious dimension and few moral dimension. It has to be with the earthly well being of the client. To speak when there is noboy else to listen, mostly. But also sometimes the professional give advises.
The confession is to “reconcile” yourself with God and the Church. It has to do with earthly but moistly with Godly dimension.
I don’t like a lot and is suspicious about psychology, but currently don’t feel that I have a lot of choice.
I hate going to confession but, you are probably right, I should frequent confession more.
For daily mass, I don’t see it possible currently. As our parish offer only sunday mass and I have young children. But I am sure it would be benefical.
The first is secular and for everyone. There is no religious dimension and few moral dimension. It has to be with the earthly well being of the client. To speak when there is noboy else to listen, mostly. But also sometimes the professional give advises.
The confession is to “reconcile” yourself with God and the Church. It has to do with earthly but moistly with Godly dimension.
I don’t like a lot and is suspicious about psychology, but currently don’t feel that I have a lot of choice.
I hate going to confession but, you are probably right, I should frequent confession more.
For daily mass, I don’t see it possible currently. As our parish offer only sunday mass and I have young children. But I am sure it would be benefical.
- Status