Should I speak up???

[ej_27]

My girlfriend and her family have fallen away from the church but with God’s grace she has come home. Leaving the church was her mother’s decision not her own since she was only a teenager at that time. For the past 4 weeks we have been going to church together on sundays while her family still goes to this non-denominational christian church. Her father has been indifferent to her these past few days and he doesn’t want to talk, specially with me (although when I start a conversation he would respond and I can feel the tension). I can’t say that my girlfriend’s decision of going to church with me is the reason why he feels so intimidated ( i think he is ) because this did not happen until they all had a fight over a simple household chore. To make the very long story short, the relationship in her family is full of distrust and conditional love. There are times she would resent her parents but I often remind her that “They still are your family” (but most of the time I agree with her). My girlfriend is very submissive and obedient (she’s an A student knows her priorities and responsible that my family loves her so much!) but her parents just really are very difficult to please. Both her parents were the youngest in their family and I would often joke that maybe it is the reason why they are acting like babies. We would always fight because she doesn’t want to go home anymore! The very thought of it scares her.

I need some advice… I think I should speak up and talk to her parents (her sister has the same problem)… Would that be a good idea?

God bless!

 

[mfj]

I’m not sure that any one can address your issues, that is, with out more information. You need some one to talk to face to face, so, the privacy issue is respectfully addressed. There should be good councelers at your church, her chuch or nearby. I say councelers because, there are several things at play that you mentioned. First and foremost to me is, no child should be scared to go home. I mean not on a continuing basis. Any one who’s ever stayed out later than their curfew were leary about going home. Next on my list is 99% of parents love their kids to death. It may not always seem so though. Parents are not perfect but they want the best for their children. So any thing you do, you must do with great charity. Remember they have been loving her a lot longer than you have and will the rest of their lives. I guess this part of your question prompts me to say slow down. " I think I should speak up and talk to her parents" You probably didn’t mean being confrontational but I don’t know that for sure. That said, a person should always be able to address any concern. It may be nothing that some understanding of others’ intensions wouldn’t cure. Saying they act like babies even jokingly won’t help. Trying to understand where they are coming from and making sure they know where you are coming from really seems to be the key issue here.
As for the church part, there have been a lot of people hurt by bad experiences. Real things that have happened. I’ve heard apologists quoting some one saying, "I have not met one person who hates what mother church teaches but I have met thousands who hate what they think she does. Take it from me or not, you can’t argue some one into the church but you can tell them how beautiful you see her. Again, knowing they love her you
should figure that her salvation is of utmost importance to them.

Also, can you work out a schedule where the two of you can attend a service with her family on occasion and make it to mass. I know most parishes have Saturday evening.
Some thing like that could lead to a conversation!!!

There is to much to say in these areas. I could blunder on and on. Like, I’m wondering why her parents haven’t sat down with you.

Anyway I will confront our Father on your behalf.

 

[Julian0404]

Have Masses said for the entire family. Pray the rosary for them. Pray the rosary with your girlfriend for them, but DO NOT intervene and lecture or speak or talk to with any sense of “doing the right thing” address them on their behavior of choices.

Support your girlfriend, and pray for the intercession of the Holy Spirit within the family.

 

[ej_27]

Of course I agree 101% that they love her as most parents do, I wouldn’t dare argue about that. But there is definitely something wrong in the way they show their concern. In my own experience with my parents, they would show me my mistakes, tell me why I’m wrong but they would do it with great charity and I feel their love and concern until now that I’m 25. After I get into an argument with my mom or dad, the next hour they treat me as nothing ever happened. If they are wrong they would apologize and would try better the next time. I thank God for giving me the most wonderful parents a person can ever have, they fear God and treat other people with respect that everyone should deserve.

I don’t plan to go on a shooting rampage against her parents. I am not a confrontational person and I never will be. Its just that I can really see something is wrong not because I THINK it is wrong but because I KNOW it is wrong based on my relationship with my parents. They do not use constructive criticism but instead would prefer to ridicule or insult my girlfriend and her sister, they would compare other people with their children often saying “oh I wish you were like him/her” in front of their face… Sometimes her mom would open up to me about their family problems but I just don’t feel if I should speak up…

Thank you all for your insight on this, I really appreciate it.

God bless you all!

 

[kib]

Hi ej, I am in something of a similar situation. My girlfriend’s dad acts like a 55 year old infant. He treats his family, especially his wife, as if they have been placed on this earth to serve him and live according to his arbitrary rules and regulations. He won’t even allow her mother to drive her car when it snows!! I hate going to their house because everyone walks on eggshells when he is around. Sometimes I just want to tell him to go to hell. However, I have found that it is often best for me to shut my mouth. For the most part, my girlfriend is aware of how much of a fool her father is. All she needs from me is encouragement and to show her how a man should treat the woman he loves. That is not to say I don’t make comments about him occasionally. I often say, “you wouldn’t put up with me treating you like that,” but that is as far as I think it is appropriate for me to go in my role as a long term boyfriend. However, here is the big BUT- if she and I do get married, and he treats my wife as he does now, words will be exchanged.

Good luck and God bless.

 

[mfj]

Hey Postal EJ-27
Wow, you have the parents of every kids’ dreams. And if you’ll allow, it sounds like they have done an extraordinary job raising a man like you. I hope you have a lot of brothers and sisters the world needs more like you, seems to me.

Some folk do live in really sad situations and some come out the better for it. I hope that’s true in her case. Kib has good insight.

I shouldn’t add a thing but this presses me. I made a decision a long time ago not to bring up a very justifiable issue with in my family. I was afraid it would fragment us. So I took the hit. I relish in that decision today because my family is still together. Not all have taken on a saintly character but we are together, family.

I’m still praying, rotsa ruck!

 

[ej_27]

Thank you so much for the replies. They are indeed very helpful!!!

God bless!