Should I switch parishes?

  • Thread starter Thread starter StudentMI
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

StudentMI

Guest
I worked at my parish for almost a year as a maintenance person. I gave my two weeks notice and left when it was up, with due notice as to when I was leaving. I’ve continued going as a parishioner, and the staff there continue to treat me nicely as they did when I was an employee. Last week, an employee there met my mom for the first time and when I introduced her as such the employee said they missed me.

However, the priest seems to be a bit cold towards me. I left during Advent for health reasons. The physical aspect of the job just proved too much and I knew I couldn’t continue like that, as my back was in bad shape. Ever since the priest has been a bit short with me. I don’t talk with him much, just a quick hi here and there but when I have attempted to talk more personally he seems to be very short with me. He is much more personable with others, including my own mother.

The thought that he harbors a grudge against me distracts me even during Mass. I have OCD and anxiety so that might be a part of it but it just bothers me so much. I’ve never confessed to him, never talked with him privately. Yet, it seems he turns me away where he welcomes others. And because of that, I’ve thought about switching parishes. I love the people at my parish; even the Deacon sought me out after Mass to talk with me for just a minute a couple weeks ago, but the perceived dislike of the priest has just disconcerted me. It’s hard to explain without one having witnessed it, but the body language and discussion convinced me he dislikes me.

Should I go elsewhere for Mass?
 
If you are uncomfortable and distracted during Mass then a change might be best. Just go visit some other parishes and see how you feel it’s not like you have to commit right away.

Don’t stress it look at as an opportunity to meet new people.
 
StudentMI said:
I worked at my parish for almost a year as a maintenance person. I gave my two weeks notice and left when it was up, with due notice as to when I was leaving. I’ve continued going as a parishioner, and the staff there continue to treat me nicely as they did when I was an employee. Last week, an employee there met my mom for the first time and when I introduced her as such the employee said they missed me.

However, the priest seems to be a bit cold towards me. I left during Advent for health reasons. The physical aspect of the job just proved too much and I knew I couldn’t continue like that, as my back was in bad shape. Ever since the priest has been a bit short with me. I don’t talk with him much, just a quick hi here and there but when I have attempted to talk more personally he seems to be very short with me. He is much more personable with others, including my own mother.

The thought that he harbors a grudge against me distracts me even during Mass. I have OCD and anxiety so that might be a part of it but it just bothers me so much. I’ve never confessed to him, never talked with him privately. Yet, it seems he turns me away where he welcomes others. And because of that, I’ve thought about switching parishes. I love the people at my parish; even the Deacon sought me out after Mass to talk with me for just a minute a couple weeks ago, but the perceived dislike of the priest has just disconcerted me. It’s hard to explain without one having witnessed it, but the body language and discussion convinced me he dislikes me.

Should I go elsewhere for Mass?
Click to expand...
Priests are people too. They have feelings too. Perhaps he had a really hard time replacing you. It’s not right to snub you, but really, maybe he doesn’t mean to. My advice is to forgive perceived slights, (knowing that you tend to obsess) and go to Mass and put your focus where it needs to be. On the Liturgy. Your faith is so much more than worrying about what one person thinks of you. As you say, many there embrace you.
Forgive him, and continue as you always have. He’ll get over it, if it’s a real thing.
 
If you like the parish, though, and have friends there, you could just let him pout and wait it out till he gets rotated out.
 
I have certainly been there and it is a tough call. In one way you should stay because you love the people but if his coldness is going to affect your concentration or your ability to be with Christ during mass, then you should leave.

If you need some support message me. I’ve been there.

Blessings,

SG
 
Hello.

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this trouble in your parish.

Otherwise, I don’t know what to tell you, as you must make up your own mind, but the sentence quoted below from your post was rather telling, to me, and may bear on your decision

I could be wrong however, since it’s happened many times!

Placing you in the enclosed garden of the most Sacred Heart of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
StudentMI said:
I’ve never confessed to him, never talked with him privately.

Should I go elsewhere for Mass?
Click to expand...
 
The problem you describe is probably correctable by a frank conversation. Grab the bull by the horns. Talk to the priest, tell him you are sorry that you had to resign, explain why it was necessary, and tell him that you hope there are no hard feelings. Then see what he has to say.

It sounds like this parish is good for you. You should not abandon it over this issue.
 
Beryllos said:
The problem you describe is probably correctable by a frank conversation. Grab the bull by the horns. Talk to the priest, tell him you are sorry that you had to resign, explain why it was necessary, and tell him that you hope there are no hard feelings. Then see what he has to say.

It sounds like this parish is good for you. You should not abandon it over this issue.
Click to expand...
I agree. Maybe you are reading too much into it. Maybe there is another issue he is dealing with and he doesn’t realize the signals he is sending or you are misreading them. I have an ankle I broke in 3 places 4 years ago. I can’t do the things I used to or have a job that requires me to stand all the time. I would set up a time to talk with him.
Priests have a lot on their plates. We need to always remember to pray for them.
 
katy said:
If you like the parish, though, and have friends there, you could just let him pout and wait it out till he gets rotated out.
Click to expand...
This is my suggestion, also. You will likely be at that parish longer than him; and if he’s the one being disagreeable, why should YOU leave?
 
Beryllos said:
The problem you describe is probably correctable by a frank conversation. Grab the bull by the horns. Talk to the priest, tell him you are sorry that you had to resign, explain why it was necessary, and tell him that you hope there are no hard feelings. Then see what he has to say.

It sounds like this parish is good for you. You should not abandon it over this issue.
Click to expand...
+1 on this.

Just make an appointment to talk to the Priest and explain that you feel there has been a little tension and wanted to see if your resignation or some other issue has caused the tension. He will probably (like 99.999% probability) appreciate you having the fortitude to ask. If he says the timing of the resignation was an issue, then apologize for causing him grief. (It doesn’t mean you were wrong to leave when you did, just that you empathize with his situation).

One other thing. Don’t try to have this conversation after Mass. He will be too busy to give it full attention.

Good Luck and good job for raising the question!
 
Thank you all for the advice. I’m gonna stay where I am now. I’m not sure about talking with the priest at this time. I think I’m just gonna sit back and observe for now. If it becomes more pronounced, I’ll ask to talk with him.
 
StudentMI, just a thought…usually other people aren’t thinking about us more than a fraction of what we THINK they are! He sees and deals with so many people in the course of his days, and Sundays are particularly hectic, I’m sure. My guess is he is not even thinking much about any individual, more than a smile and a hello. You wisely said it’s your perception, rather than a “for sure” reality that he is treating you coldly. I would say there’s a good chance he is not at all upset over your leaving the job, and does indeed understand your reasons.

I’m glad you decided to stay at your parish. As another poster said, you will most likely be there much longer than he is.
 
Pax2u said:
StudentMI, just a thought…usually other people aren’t thinking about us more than a fraction of what we THINK they are! He sees and deals with so many people in the course of his days, and Sundays are particularly hectic, I’m sure. My guess is he is not even thinking much about any individual, more than a smile and a hello. You wisely said it’s your perception, rather than a “for sure” reality that he is treating you coldly. I would say there’s a good chance he is not at all upset over your leaving the job, and does indeed understand your reasons.

I’m glad you decided to stay at your parish. As another poster said, you will most likely be there much longer than he is.
Click to expand...
I see a psychologist to be honest, and he’s told me that over and over again, and he’s helped my with my anxiety. Thanks for your advice. 🙂
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top