Should I take a "dating fast"?

[sugarmouse]

In the past week, I’ve been thinking about taking a “dating fast” next year. I’ve seen the idea a few times on Catholic sites, where you basically take a period of time and decide you’re not going to date at all during that time. Not sure if the term dating fast is totally accurate, since I’ve never actually dated before, but anyway, I’ve been thinking about doing it. I’m just not sure about it yet, and I can see reasons for and against:

Reasons for:

1. I’m still not 100% sure that I want to get married. I’m pretty sure I’m not being called to the religious life, but I’ve been wondering whether I might be called to the single life.
2. My relationship with God is not great at the moment (in my opinion). I believe everything the Church teaches fine, and I’m trying to grow in holiness, but my relationship with God feels very distant right now and has done for a while. My prayer life especially is pretty bad. I think maybe I need some more time to focus on fixing that first (especially if I’m going to decide whether or not to get married at all).
3. I’m still not sure I’m emotionally ready for marriage. I’m 21, but I still feel like I have lots of growing up to do. I have life skills I want to learn, and want to make/build friendships and things.
4. Some personal issues (illness, etc.) that mean I probably wouldn’t be well suited to dating right now.

Reasons against:

1. I’m not sure whether this is going to be of much use when it’s unlikely I’ll actually get asked out. I don’t know, maybe I’ll feel slightly better if I can pretend to myself that I’m single through choice, but maybe it’ll feel worse at the end of the year when I look back and realise another year has gone by without anyone guy wanting to go out with me. And I don’t think I’m being pessimistic here - I think it’s realistic to feel like I’m going to be single this year whether or not I want to be.
2. In the event that I DO get asked out, it’s going to feel pretty bad to turn the guy down. Even knowing that I probably do need to take some time to sort my life out. I don’t want to make a commitment to God for this year and then feel like I’m backtracking on it.
3. I’m worried that taking this year to focus on my relationship with God isn’t going to work. If that’s the case, then it’s going to be a lonely year.

Still not sure what I want to do. Even if I don’t decide to do a formal dating fast, I think I need some kind of time where I’m not dating, because I’m not sure I’m in a good place for it right now. Then the problem becomes how do I decide that the time is over and I’m ready for dating again.

Any advice?

 

[ClearWater]

In the past week, I’ve been thinking about taking a “dating fast” next year. I’ve seen the idea a few times on Catholic sites, where you basically take a period of time and decide you’re not going to date at all during that time. Not sure if the term dating fast is totally accurate, since I’ve never actually dated before, but anyway, I’ve been thinking about doing it. I’m just not sure about it yet, and I can see reasons for and against:

Reasons for:

1. I’m still not 100% sure that I want to get married. I’m pretty sure I’m not being called to the religious life, but I’ve been wondering whether I might be called to the single life.
2. My relationship with God is not great at the moment (in my opinion). I believe everything the Church teaches fine, and I’m trying to grow in holiness, but my relationship with God feels very distant right now and has done for a while. My prayer life especially is pretty bad. I think maybe I need some more time to focus on fixing that first (especially if I’m going to decide whether or not to get married at all).
3. I’m still not sure I’m emotionally ready for marriage. I’m 21, but I still feel like I have lots of growing up to do. I have life skills I want to learn, and want to make/build friendships and things.
4. Some personal issues (illness, etc.) that mean I probably wouldn’t be well suited to dating right now.

Reasons against:

1. I’m not sure whether this is going to be of much use when it’s unlikely I’ll actually get asked out. I don’t know, maybe I’ll feel slightly better if I can pretend to myself that I’m single through choice, but maybe it’ll feel worse at the end of the year when I look back and realise another year has gone by without anyone guy wanting to go out with me. And I don’t think I’m being pessimistic here - I think it’s realistic to feel like I’m going to be single this year whether or not I want to be.
2. In the event that I DO get asked out, it’s going to feel pretty bad to turn the guy down. Even knowing that I probably do need to take some time to sort my life out. I don’t want to make a commitment to God for this year and then feel like I’m backtracking on it.
3. I’m worried that taking this year to focus on my relationship with God isn’t going to work. If that’s the case, then it’s going to be a lonely year.

Still not sure what I want to do. Even if I don’t decide to do a formal dating fast, I think I need some kind of time where I’m not dating, because I’m not sure I’m in a good place for it right now. Then the problem becomes how do I decide that the time is over and I’m ready for dating again.

Any advice?

I’d say to be open to friendship and dating.

 

[Gia_B]

Reasons for:

1. I’m still not 100% sure that I want to get married. I’m pretty sure I’m not being called to the religious life, but I’ve been wondering whether I might be called to the single life.
2. My relationship with God is not great at the moment (in my opinion). I believe everything the Church teaches fine, and I’m trying to grow in holiness, but my relationship with God feels very distant right now and has done for a while. My prayer life especially is pretty bad. I think maybe I need some more time to focus on fixing that first (especially if I’m going to decide whether or not to get married at all).
3. I’m still not sure I’m emotionally ready for marriage. I’m 21, but I still feel like I have lots of growing up to do. I have life skills I want to learn, and want to make/build friendships and things.
4. Some personal issues (illness, etc.) that mean I probably wouldn’t be well suited to dating right now.

Those are great reasons. An important part of dating is making sure that you’re the person you want to be. Take some time to work on yourself. It’ll help you in the long run.

Reasons against:

1. I’m not sure whether this is going to be of much use when it’s unlikely I’ll actually get asked out. I don’t know, maybe I’ll feel slightly better if I can pretend to myself that I’m single through choice, but maybe it’ll feel worse at the end of the year when I look back and realise another year has gone by without anyone guy wanting to go out with me. And I don’t think I’m being pessimistic here - I think it’s realistic to feel like I’m going to be single this year whether or not I want to be.

1. In the event that I DO get asked out, it’s going to feel pretty bad to turn the guy down. Even knowing that I probably do need to take some time to sort my life out. I don’t want to make a commitment to God for this year and then feel like I’m backtracking on it.

Cross that bridge when you come to it. If you don’t feel that you are ready, then just be honest and say so. If they are the kind of person you would normally be interested in, let them know that you would be open to trying something in the future.

1. I’m worried that taking this year to focus on my relationship with God isn’t going to work. If that’s the case, then it’s going to be a lonely year.

If you don’t do something because you’re afraid it won’t work, then you automatically fail. Take a chance. You might do better than you think.

 

[EasterJoy]

How about you decide that you’ll consider each opportunity as it comes up? If nothing comes up, you’ll be content with that. If something does, you’ll consider whether it fits where you are at the time and what the person asking seems to need.

In other words, it is enough to renounce anxiety about dating and to resolve to be true to yourself and your spirituality in who and when you decide to accept social invitations that could lead to getting to know someone you might conceivably decide to marry. The only other thing you must do is to pay attention to the needs and feelings of the fellows asking you out. Be true to yourself, but not self-centered.

Be honest, be kind, be virtuous, be content, be not afraid. “Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.” (Matt. 6:34)

After that, accept invitations to go on dates or don’t, as each one comes up. If you “seek first the kingdom” and let the rest follow from that, whatever else you need will be given to you besides. Worry is from the evil one.

 

[Xantippe]

In the past week, I’ve been thinking about taking a “dating fast” next year. I’ve seen the idea a few times on Catholic sites, where you basically take a period of time and decide you’re not going to date at all during that time. Not sure if the term dating fast is totally accurate, since I’ve never actually dated before, but anyway, I’ve been thinking about doing it. I’m just not sure about it yet, and I can see reasons for and against:

Reasons for:

1. I’m still not 100% sure that I want to get married. I’m pretty sure I’m not being called to the religious life, but I’ve been wondering whether I might be called to the single life.
2. My relationship with God is not great at the moment (in my opinion). I believe everything the Church teaches fine, and I’m trying to grow in holiness, but my relationship with God feels very distant right now and has done for a while. My prayer life especially is pretty bad. I think maybe I need some more time to focus on fixing that first (especially if I’m going to decide whether or not to get married at all).
3. I’m still not sure I’m emotionally ready for marriage. I’m 21, but I still feel like I have lots of growing up to do. I have life skills I want to learn, and want to make/build friendships and things.
4. Some personal issues (illness, etc.) that mean I probably wouldn’t be well suited to dating right now.

Reasons against:

1. I’m not sure whether this is going to be of much use when it’s unlikely I’ll actually get asked out. I don’t know, maybe I’ll feel slightly better if I can pretend to myself that I’m single through choice, but maybe it’ll feel worse at the end of the year when I look back and realise another year has gone by without anyone guy wanting to go out with me. And I don’t think I’m being pessimistic here - I think it’s realistic to feel like I’m going to be single this year whether or not I want to be.
2. In the event that I DO get asked out, it’s going to feel pretty bad to turn the guy down. Even knowing that I probably do need to take some time to sort my life out. I don’t want to make a commitment to God for this year and then feel like I’m backtracking on it.
3. I’m worried that taking this year to focus on my relationship with God isn’t going to work. If that’s the case, then it’s going to be a lonely year.

Still not sure what I want to do. Even if I don’t decide to do a formal dating fast, I think I need some kind of time where I’m not dating, because I’m not sure I’m in a good place for it right now. Then the problem becomes how do I decide that the time is over and I’m ready for dating again.

Any advice?

I was on board with the idea of a dating fast right up until I read that you’re not being asked out. How about a year of across the board personal improvement instead? You could do it in stages to prevent overwhelming yourself.

How about taking a month or two to work on your spiritual life (an occasional daily Mass, more frequent confession, volunteering), add work on friendship and social activities (doing Meetups, going to Catholic young adult events, organizing events yourself) for a month or two, and then start relaunching yourself into the dating world (new haircut, help with hair and makeup, new clothes, doing more coed activities, etc.)? You’ll notice that there is a certain amount of overlap between some of those categories–volunteering can be both spiritual and social, Catholic young adult events can be both spiritual and social, etc.

If you’re in school right now, don’t be overly concerned about not having been asked out yet–there’s a well-known dating drought on college campuses. On some college campuses, there is a nearly 2:1 ratio of young women to young men, and of course some college majors are also lopsided (in either direction). Once you’ve done some work on yourself and have graduated from college and have a real job, think seriously about trying online dating, especially through one of the respected Catholic services. (I am tempted to suggest doing it in a few months, but I feel like getting slightly older and out of college will both discourage creepy people and encourage more solid prospects.)

If you are already out of school, think about online dating once you’re in a better place, are feeling confident, and have a good profile and pictures. But don’t get drawn into anything long-distance at this point.

Good luck!

 

[robertmidwest]

In the past week, I’ve been thinking about taking a “dating fast” next year. I’ve seen the idea a few times on Catholic sites, where you basically take a period of time and decide you’re not going to date at all during that time. Not sure if the term dating fast is totally accurate, since I’ve never actually dated before, but anyway, I’ve been thinking about doing it. I’m just not sure about it yet, and I can see reasons for and against:

Reasons for:

1. I’m still not 100% sure that I want to get married. I’m pretty sure I’m not being called to the religious life, but I’ve been wondering whether I might be called to the single life.
2. My relationship with God is not great at the moment (in my opinion). I believe everything the Church teaches fine, and I’m trying to grow in holiness, but my relationship with God feels very distant right now and has done for a while. My prayer life especially is pretty bad. I think maybe I need some more time to focus on fixing that first (especially if I’m going to decide whether or not to get married at all).
3. I’m still not sure I’m emotionally ready for marriage. I’m 21, but I still feel like I have lots of growing up to do. I have life skills I want to learn, and want to make/build friendships and things.
4. Some personal issues (illness, etc.) that mean I probably wouldn’t be well suited to dating right now.

Reasons against:

1. I’m not sure whether this is going to be of much use when it’s unlikely I’ll actually get asked out. I don’t know, maybe I’ll feel slightly better if I can pretend to myself that I’m single through choice, but maybe it’ll feel worse at the end of the year when I look back and realise another year has gone by without anyone guy wanting to go out with me. And I don’t think I’m being pessimistic here - I think it’s realistic to feel like I’m going to be single this year whether or not I want to be.
2. In the event that I DO get asked out, it’s going to feel pretty bad to turn the guy down. Even knowing that I probably do need to take some time to sort my life out. I don’t want to make a commitment to God for this year and then feel like I’m backtracking on it.
3. I’m worried that taking this year to focus on my relationship with God isn’t going to work. If that’s the case, then it’s going to be a lonely year.

Still not sure what I want to do. Even if I don’t decide to do a formal dating fast, I think I need some kind of time where I’m not dating, because I’m not sure I’m in a good place for it right now. Then the problem becomes how do I decide that the time is over and I’m ready for dating again.

Any advice?

That’s an awful lot of thinking going on!!!

Your 21. Relax.

 

[eatpraylove11]

Since you haven’t dated before and you are only 21, you still have plenty of time to decide whether or not to get married and to work on your relationship with God. Call it whatever you want, but it’s not really taking a break if you’ve never done it before.

 

[Angela77]

Hello there! Fellow 21-year-old Catholic lady here!

I obviously don’t know you personally, so I can’t truly advise, but based on what I’m hearing here, I wouldn’t do the dating fast.

In the past week, I’ve been thinking about taking a “dating fast” next year. I’ve seen the idea a few times on Catholic sites, where you basically take a period of time and decide you’re not going to date at all during that time. Not sure if the term dating fast is totally accurate, since I’ve never actually dated before, but anyway, I’ve been thinking about doing it. I’m just not sure about it yet, and I can see reasons for and against:

Reasons for:

1. I’m still not 100% sure that I want to get married. I’m pretty sure I’m not being called to the religious life, but I’ve been wondering whether I might be called to the single life.

Let’s suppose you are called to the single life. Then dating would help you to find out that you aren’t meant to marry…potentially more so than just staying single and not exploring the other option. I’ve heard many stories of guys who went to seminary to “make sure” they weren’t called to become priests. Some actually discovered a vocation to the priesthood, while others realized that it definitely wasn’t for them.

1. My relationship with God is not great at the moment (in my opinion). I believe everything the Church teaches fine, and I’m trying to grow in holiness, but my relationship with God feels very distant right now and has done for a while. My prayer life especially is pretty bad. I think maybe I need some more time to focus on fixing that first (especially if I’m going to decide whether or not to get married at all).

Remember that feelings don’t dictate our relationship with God. Our emotions are human and fleeting, and our convictions are what matter- they endure. So just because you “feel” distant from God doesn’t mean that you have a bad relationship with Him.
But it does sound like you’ve identified some areas of improvement you want to apply in your prayer life. (That’s really good )
Hypothetically, let’s say a devout Catholic guy asked you out. That might really help your prayer life–some such guy could be put into your life for a reason. (The only way a guy would botch your prayer life is if he’s some sort of bad influence.)
Further, I don’t think that having a boyfriend should hinder your prayer life. One’s prayer life should be consistent, no matter what the circumstances are–in a relationship, single…in school, on vacation…no homework, big exam tomorrow.

1. I’m still not sure I’m emotionally ready for marriage. I’m 21, but I still feel like I have lots of growing up to do. I have life skills I want to learn, and want to make/build friendships and things.

Preach. Me too. But having a boyfriend isn’t the same thing as a marriage proposal fortunately. (Of course, I wouldn’t just go out with any guy either–I would only say yes if I thought there was some potential chance at marriage some day. I think that the best thing to do is assess on a guy-by-guy basis.)

1. Some personal issues (illness, etc.) that mean I probably wouldn’t be well suited to dating right now.

Mmm. Depending on what the personal issues are, that could be a valid reason not to date.

Reasons against:

1. I’m not sure whether this is going to be of much use when it’s unlikely I’ll actually get asked out. I don’t know, maybe I’ll feel slightly better if I can pretend to myself that I’m single through choice, but maybe it’ll feel worse at the end of the year when I look back and realise another year has gone by without anyone guy wanting to go out with me. And I don’t think I’m being pessimistic here - I think it’s realistic to feel like I’m going to be single this year whether or not I want to be.

Yeah, I’ve never had a boyfriend either. But God has plans for us

1. In the event that I DO get asked out, it’s going to feel pretty bad to turn the guy down. Even knowing that I probably do need to take some time to sort my life out. I don’t want to make a commitment to God for this year and then feel like I’m backtracking on it.
2. I’m worried that taking this year to focus on my relationship with God isn’t going to work. If that’s the case, then it’s going to be a lonely year.

When I want to give my spiritual life a boost, I come up with some sort of “plan” and stick to it. You know, stuff like committing to pray the Rosary every day. Or committing to go to Adoration once a week (I can’t say enough good things about Adoration!!!). Or committing to reading a chapter or two of the Bible every morning.

Still not sure what I want to do. Even if I don’t decide to do a formal dating fast, I think I need some kind of time where I’m not dating, because I’m not sure I’m in a good place for it right now. Then the problem becomes how do I decide that the time is over and I’m ready for dating again.

Any advice?

Again, I don’t know you personally, so I can’t give good advice. But based on what you’ve said, I would maybe assess on a guy-to-guy basis. If a guy asks you out who would bring you closer to God, go for it. If he would drive you away from God, don’t go for it.

 

[Lily_Bernans]

If you’re not dating, you can’t take a break from dating. I agree with the poster who suggested you take some time to work on your spiritual life. Go to Mass daily if you can, pray three times a day, even if short prayers, fast on Fridays, try the rosary or a novena, read some books by Catholic authors. Discover what type of prayer suits you best, formal prayer, meditation, contemplation, etc. Try to discover God in the beauty of nature.

If you haven’t dated yet, you probably need to date to really know if you have a calling to the married life. You can let the guy know you’re happy to be “just friends.” I don’t know you, either, but it sounds like you need to widen your circle of relationships. You’re only 21, friendships, with girls and guys, should be very important right now.

How about a “time in” to do some charitable work? Volunteer at a homeless shelter, a children’s hospital, a home for the elderly, a hospice, etc. There are many places that would love your help.

Good luck and God bless.

 

[MaryHelp777]

In the past week, I’ve been thinking about taking a “dating fast” next year. I’ve seen the idea a few times on Catholic sites, where you basically take a period of time and decide you’re not going to date at all during that time. Not sure if the term dating fast is totally accurate, since I’ve never actually dated before, but anyway, I’ve been thinking about doing it. I’m just not sure about it yet, and I can see reasons for and against:

Reasons for:

1. I’m still not 100% sure that I want to get married. I’m pretty sure I’m not being called to the religious life, but I’ve been wondering whether I might be called to the single life.
2. My relationship with God is not great at the moment (in my opinion). I believe everything the Church teaches fine, and I’m trying to grow in holiness, but my relationship with God feels very distant right now and has done for a while. My prayer life especially is pretty bad. I think maybe I need some more time to focus on fixing that first (especially if I’m going to decide whether or not to get married at all).
3. I’m still not sure I’m emotionally ready for marriage. I’m 21, but I still feel like I have lots of growing up to do. I have life skills I want to learn, and want to make/build friendships and things.
4. Some personal issues (illness, etc.) that mean I probably wouldn’t be well suited to dating right now.

Reasons against:

1. I’m not sure whether this is going to be of much use when it’s unlikely I’ll actually get asked out. I don’t know, maybe I’ll feel slightly better if I can pretend to myself that I’m single through choice, but maybe it’ll feel worse at the end of the year when I look back and realise another year has gone by without anyone guy wanting to go out with me. And I don’t think I’m being pessimistic here - I think it’s realistic to feel like I’m going to be single this year whether or not I want to be.
2. In the event that I DO get asked out, it’s going to feel pretty bad to turn the guy down. Even knowing that I probably do need to take some time to sort my life out. I don’t want to make a commitment to God for this year and then feel like I’m backtracking on it.
3. I’m worried that taking this year to focus on my relationship with God isn’t going to work. If that’s the case, then it’s going to be a lonely year.

Still not sure what I want to do. Even if I don’t decide to do a formal dating fast, I think I need some kind of time where I’m not dating, because I’m not sure I’m in a good place for it right now. Then the problem becomes how do I decide that the time is over and I’m ready for dating again.

Any advice?

I would strongly advice;
If you are open to God’s will you will be open to dating as discernment of marriage.

Do not become someone who in their mid 30s realises that marriage is their calling and missed out on an awesome spouse that they turned down in their 20s.
Dating should have marriage in mind

If someone Holy and kind that you feel might be marriage material asks you out on a date, go for it,
They might be the One, don’t miss your chance,
You can still court them for a few years if you are not ready for marriage for a few years,

Don’t live.with regrets.that you let an awesome potential spouse get away,

 

[crystal_waters]

In the past week, I’ve been thinking about taking a “dating fast” next year. I’ve seen the idea a few times on Catholic sites, where you basically take a period of time and decide you’re not going to date at all during that time. Not sure if the term dating fast is totally accurate, since I’ve never actually dated before, but anyway, I’ve been thinking about doing it. I’m just not sure about it yet, and I can see reasons for and against:

Reasons for:

1. I’m still not 100% sure that I want to get married. I’m pretty sure I’m not being called to the religious life, but I’ve been wondering whether I might be called to the single life.
2. My relationship with God is not great at the moment (in my opinion). I believe everything the Church teaches fine, and I’m trying to grow in holiness, but my relationship with God feels very distant right now and has done for a while. My prayer life especially is pretty bad. I think maybe I need some more time to focus on fixing that first (especially if I’m going to decide whether or not to get married at all).
3. I’m still not sure I’m emotionally ready for marriage. I’m 21, but I still feel like I have lots of growing up to do. I have life skills I want to learn, and want to make/build friendships and things.
4. Some personal issues (illness, etc.) that mean I probably wouldn’t be well suited to dating right now.

Reasons against:

1. I’m not sure whether this is going to be of much use when it’s unlikely I’ll actually get asked out. I don’t know, maybe I’ll feel slightly better if I can pretend to myself that I’m single through choice, but maybe it’ll feel worse at the end of the year when I look back and realise another year has gone by without anyone guy wanting to go out with me. And I don’t think I’m being pessimistic here - I think it’s realistic to feel like I’m going to be single this year whether or not I want to be.
2. In the event that I DO get asked out, it’s going to feel pretty bad to turn the guy down. Even knowing that I probably do need to take some time to sort my life out. I don’t want to make a commitment to God for this year and then feel like I’m backtracking on it.
3. I’m worried that taking this year to focus on my relationship with God isn’t going to work. If that’s the case, then it’s going to be a lonely year.

Still not sure what I want to do. Even if I don’t decide to do a formal dating fast, I think I need some kind of time where I’m not dating, because I’m not sure I’m in a good place for it right now. Then the problem becomes how do I decide that the time is over and I’m ready for dating again.

Any advice?

My advice would be to talk to a spiritual director or priest to get guidance on where you feel called to be (married, religious life, single) as you seem very conflicted…

You could take a dating fast if you want to or maybe limit yourself to only dating guys who attend mass (so that you have someone who will help your prayer life)

If someone doesn’t want to date you because of illness then they aren’t worthy to be with you in the first place and you are better off without them…if you are meant to be married according to Gods will then the man God chooses for you will accept you regardless of illness or anything else…so dont worry about that

God bless you

Crystal waters

 

[St_Francis]

I think a dating fast would be good even if no one is asking you, simply because it would take that option off the table altogether, and leave you with one less distraction in your life.

You might consider taking it in 3- or 4-month stages, tho. You may feel daunted simply by tye length of the commitment of a full year, and you may not need a whole year. Before I married, I did that for 6 months and that worked well for me.

Also, a hint I find helpful wrt New Year’s resolutions was to say, I am going to *learn *how to do that, instead of saying I am going to *do *it–because I tend to say stuff like I am going to eat yogurt every day, and then feeling bad about not doing it. Saying I’m going to learn means that, for example, if I fail, I say, hmm, what should I do to make this work? instead of wailing about it, castigating myself for it, or despairing and giving up.

 

[Xantippe]

You could take a dating fast if you want to or maybe limit yourself to only dating guys who attend mass (so that you have someone who will help your prayer life)

That’s a very good half-way compromise, I think–rather than give up on dating entirely, give up on non-practicing Catholics.

 

[Used2beSherryG]

I was on board with the idea of a dating fast right up until I read that you’re not being asked out. How about a year of across the board personal improvement instead? You could do it in stages to prevent overwhelming yourself.

How about taking a month or two to work on your spiritual life (an occasional daily Mass, more frequent confession, volunteering), add work on friendship and social activities (doing Meetups, going to Catholic young adult events, organizing events yourself) for a month or two, and then start relaunching yourself into the dating world (new haircut, help with hair and makeup, new clothes, doing more coed activities, etc.)? You’ll notice that there is a certain amount of overlap between some of those categories–volunteering can be both spiritual and social, Catholic young adult events can be both spiritual and social, etc.

If you’re in school right now, don’t be overly concerned about not having been asked out yet–there’s a well-known dating drought on college campuses. On some college campuses, there is a nearly 2:1 ratio of young women to young men, and of course some college majors are also lopsided (in either direction). Once you’ve done some work on yourself and have graduated from college and have a real job, think seriously about trying online dating, especially through one of the respected Catholic services. (I am tempted to suggest doing it in a few months, but I feel like getting slightly older and out of college will both discourage creepy people and encourage more solid prospects.)

If you are already out of school, think about online dating once you’re in a better place, are feeling confident, and have a good profile and pictures. But don’t get drawn into anything long-distance at this point.

Good luck!

This is excellent advice!

 

[robertmidwest]

Since you haven’t dated before and you are only 21, you still have plenty of time to decide whether or not to get married and to work on your relationship with God. Call it whatever you want, but it’s not really taking a break if you’ve never done it before.

 

[sugarmouse]

Thank you to everyone who’s responded so far!

Okay, so I think from the replies I’ve gotten, I’m ruling out doing a complete dating fast I do think I’m not at a good point in my life to date right now (health issues that I mentioned), so I’m probably not going to be open to dating for a few months at least, but I think I’ll just make a judgement call if and when a dating opportunity comes up, rather than decide “I’m not dating for x amount of time”.

Xantippe, your advice was very helpful! I definitely want to focus on personal improvement next year, so that will be my first goal. I’m also going to be open to attending events for young adult Catholics in my area and get to know some more people and so on.

Well, I’m assuming some of you were praying for me since I posted this question, because today at Mass I had a really beautiful prayer experience! The feelings seem to have came back, and I was left joyful for pretty much the rest of the day. (Actually, at some points the feelings were almost a little TOO intense, so I reckon that’s God’s way of saying, “Hey, you asked for feelings when you prayed, so here they are and won’t you be sorry now for asking” ) So yeah, I’m feeling a lot more positive now. Even though I know the feelings don’t last, it’s nice to get them sometimes.

 

[Xantippe]

Thank you to everyone who’s responded so far!

Okay, so I think from the replies I’ve gotten, I’m ruling out doing a complete dating fast I do think I’m not at a good point in my life to date right now (health issues that I mentioned), so I’m probably not going to be open to dating for a few months at least, but I think I’ll just make a judgement call if and when a dating opportunity comes up, rather than decide “I’m not dating for x amount of time”.

Xantippe, your advice was very helpful! I definitely want to focus on personal improvement next year, so that will be my first goal. I’m also going to be open to attending events for young adult Catholics in my area and get to know some more people and so on.

Well, I’m assuming some of you were praying for me since I posted this question, because today at Mass I had a really beautiful prayer experience! The feelings seem to have came back, and I was left joyful for pretty much the rest of the day. (Actually, at some points the feelings were almost a little TOO intense, so I reckon that’s God’s way of saying, “Hey, you asked for feelings when you prayed, so here they are and won’t you be sorry now for asking” ) So yeah, I’m feeling a lot more positive now. Even though I know the feelings don’t last, it’s nice to get them sometimes.

Very good!