Should I talk to her

[_isuru]

This is a some story and it is bugging me. There was a one girl and she loved me so much between 2007-2009. She used to come my home and she sacrificed her whole time for me. But I did not realize that because I used to love another girl and I posted that in this thread(forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=632258). Since I did put all my thoughts on girl who didn’t love, I didn’t love the girl who loved me.

Day before yesterday my sister called her and she talked with me too. She seems really sad and regret about those days(she is not catholic, she is Buddhist). So it is useless to tell her what happened. I am so lonely, and I feel like I did really bad thing. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know whether I should talk to her. She seems pretty angry too. She would not understand me. To be honest, I think I am wrong. What should I do? Is it ok to enter to her life again? or should I put this matter to God’s hand and stay away.

P.S - My mother and sister really like this girl and my mother tells me to marry her, she is ready to propose her to me.(In South Asia Parents Arrange Marriages). But I told her no.

Tell me what to do.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am confused. Is the girl a Buddhist? If so, this would not be a good match for you.

So your parents want you to marry a girl who is Buddhist and who is sad and angry at you? Doesn’t sound like a good plan to me. If you feel guilty about the way you ignored her over your fantasy with the other girl, go to confession and talk to the priest about it.

I still feel you need some maturity and not to get caught up in these fantasy relationships. Are you starting to join other activities, clubs, volunteering, etc. with your church? Meet some Catholic girls and get to know them and don’t fantasize!

 

[FightingFat]

I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

In Memoriam A.H.H. by Alfred, Lord Tennyson, completed in 1849.

Go for it son. You may regret it if you never reach out.

 

[_isuru]

I am confused. Is the girl a Buddhist? If so, this would not be a good match for you.

It is hard for me to speak to the aspect of this being a one-way relationship - you don’t mention loving this girl but that she loves or loved you. Arranged marriages are not the norm here in America, and we depend upon a mutual attraction and emotional attachment as well as shared interests and backgrounds to help us choose our mates and to stay married.

I will wait to hear whether this girl is a Buddhist or you meant that your sister is.

This girl is Buddhist. And I never felt like loving my first love towards her, but if she loves me shouldn’t I love her? I feel like I owe her. My sister is catholic as I am.

 

[_isuru]

I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

In Memoriam A.H.H. by Alfred, Lord Tennyson, completed in 1849.

Go for it son. You may regret it if you never reach out.

Thank you!

But don’t you think that she already made up her mind. She changed, what will Jesus think? I am bad person, will I poison her life too?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

This girl is Buddhist. And I never felt like loving my first love towards her, but if she loves me shouldn’t I love her? I feel like I owe her. My sister is catholic as I am.

No, you don’t “owe her” anything. You both were fantasizing about someone - you for the other girl, she for you. Longing for someone who doesn’t love you is unhealthy. If you married her, you might learn to love her, but you also might grow to despise her for the one-way feelings. I have seen that kind of relationship and the results are not good. The person who doesn’t love can sometimes end up being quite abusive and treating the other person badly because they know that the person won’t leave them.

How can you marry a Buddhist? That is being unequally yoked. I realize that Buddhism is a rather inclusive religion but seriously.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

In Memoriam A.H.H. by Alfred, Lord Tennyson, completed in 1849.

Go for it son. You may regret it if you never reach out.

Please ignore this advice. I have no idea what this poster is trying to say. Marrying a person of a different religion whom you do not love is a recipe for disaster and will create more pain than benefits.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thank you!

But don’t you think that she already made up her mind. She changed, what will Jesus think? I am bad person, will I poison her life too?

You aren’t a bad person who will poison anyone’s life. You are someone who needs some maturing, that’s all.

 

[_isuru]

No, you don’t “owe her” anything. You both were fantasizing about someone - you for the other girl, she for you. Longing for someone who doesn’t love you is unhealthy. If you married her, you might learn to love her, but you also might grow to despise her for the one-way feelings. I have seen that kind of relationship and the results are not good. The person who doesn’t love can sometimes end up being quite abusive and treating the other person badly because they know that the person won’t leave them.

How can you marry a Buddhist? That is being unequally yoked. I realize that Buddhism is a rather inclusive religion but seriously.

This answer rises more questions than answers.(Not to be rude, you are so advanced you must be really educated on social science.he he)

My first love failed, so I know the pain. I am her first love(as she told). That is why my heart yield.

 

[chevalier]

Isuru, you need to take some rest. The 6th of January was not long ago, really.

You were not evil or anything of the sort for not focusing on a different girl from the one that you were in love with. You were loyal to your choice. In love, you’ve got to choose. You sometimes need to skip one person in favour of the other. Sometimes you choose the wrong person, which means you skipped the wrong person too. But often, later on, you meet someone yet else and it doesn’t matter.

I’ve been through things similar to what you describe. Many times actually. Those feelings of rejection, lost chance, missed opportunity and what else are natural but you shouldn’t allow them to rule you. They are telling you something but they aren’t there to rule your decisions. Your reason is there for it. Sometimes you need to make clear, logical decisions, even if you are suffering from emotional pain.

Don’t make any hasty decisions, don’t act on mere emotions (especially if your reason sees a problem with whatever your emotions want you to do), don’t give in to pressure from your parents. You don’t actually owe (romantic) love to the Buddhist young lady, not even as a kind of reparation for ignoring her.

Focus on prayer, find some exhausting physical work (to burn the energy), make sure you aren’t left alone with nothing to do other than having sad thoughts. Hang out with friends and family.

As for the Buddhist girl, you need to see the difference between actual love and the fear that you could miss a chance, or some feelings of guilty, or the rebound (it’s actually some what easy to “fall in love” with someone while falling out of love with someone else! those “rebound relationships”, as they are called in everyday English, tend to be poor choices).

Also, there can be a lot of problems associated with marrying someone of a different faith. It’s already hard with a non-Catholic Christian. You need to have your children baptised Catholic and you need to bring them up as Catholics and teach them the faith. What will a non-Catholic parent be doing at the time? Won’t she feel sad and rejected that she can’t teach her faith to her children? And you can’t let her because your obligation is to do your best to bring them up Catholic. This is not to say interreligious marriages don’t work out, but they are very hard.

My first love failed, so I know the pain. I am her first love(as she told). That is why my heart yield.

It’s better to have a first love that failed than to live in a marriage that failed (or even stop living in it). Be careful and extra gentle but you don’t owe the (romantic) love. Your empathy is a good thing but it shouldn’t compel you to give in and marry her (just treat her the way you’d like to be treated).

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

This is a some story and it is bugging me. There was a one girl and she loved me so much between 2007-2009. She used to come my home and she sacrificed her whole time for me. But I did not realize that because I used to love another girl and I posted that in this thread(forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=632258). Since I did put all my thoughts on girl who didn’t love, I didn’t love the girl who loved me.

Day before yesterday my sister called her and she talked with me too. She seems really sad and regret about those days(she is not catholic, she is Buddhist). So it is useless to tell her what happened. I am so lonely, and I feel like I did really bad thing. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know whether I should talk to her. She seems pretty angry too. She would not understand me. To be honest, I think I am wrong. What should I do? Is it ok to enter to her life again? or should I put this matter to God’s hand and stay away.

P.S - My mother and sister really like this girl and my mother tells me to marry her, she is ready to propose her to me.(In South Asia Parents Arrange Marriages). But I told her no.

Tell me what to do.

I would not hesitate and go for her.
I know your situation as my family is from Goa. My uncles’ marriages was arranged and I never saw anybody love so much a woman as mu uncle loved my aunty. When my auntie died, my uncle got sick and died 1 year after her.
Arranged marriages are not a good thing says the full of Romantic Thoughts the Western World where divorce is 50% for … love marriages what may ask to re-define what "love"0 is.
Mothers do not make mistakes. Your mother loves her. She loves you. What else can you want?
Buddhist? I do not see much problem. Were she Muslim then the case would be different. If you are a good Catholic, she even may convert to our Church.
My opinion.
Your decision, not mine !!!

 

[Trishie]

I hope you will make the right choices for your life.
May God guide you.
We should be kind to people but we don’t have to marry someone just because we feel guilty that they like us.

It is true that mixed faith marriages can be difficult especially when children are born.
As a Catholic, you are obliged to raise your children as Catholic and but in a mixed faith marriage that is often a problem.

We can set you thinking about things, but we cannot tell you what to do.

Please ask your priest’s advice.

 

[Luvtosew]

I pray you make the right decision, not one out of quilt or obligation, she needs to be loved
by you as well.