Should I tell a Protestant friend that it's wrong to have a vasectomy?

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isidora99

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A friend’s husband is planning to have a vasectomy. As Protestants, they see nothing wrong with this. Is it my duty to tell them otherwise? If so, what’s the best way to approach the subject, since telling them “Well, the Catholic Church teaches sterilization is wrong…” will not likely convince them?
 
isidora99 said:
A friend’s husband is planning to have a vasectomy. As Protestants, they see nothing wrong with this. Is it my duty to tell them otherwise? If so, what’s the best way to approach the subject, since telling them “Well, the Catholic Church teaches sterilization is wrong…” will not likely convince them?
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No, they are going to following the teachings of their church. If they told you that contraception was OK would you suddenly change your opinion and start using it?
 
I think you can say your piece respectfully, make the case as a fellow believer in Christ, and then leave it at that.

There’s nothing wrong (and perhaps everything right) with making your/the Church’s view known. But bear in mind that a Protestant is unlikely to accept the argument. They’ve got their world view set, and it’s unlikely to change on an issue like this without making a broader change to accept the Church.
 
You sound as if your acceptance of the Church’s teachings is enough for you. This is beautiful obedience that is likely to save your soul.

However, the simple obedience is lacking when evangelizing others on the churches teachings. To simply “state” the teaching is not enough. You need a strong understanding of who, what, where, when, why, & how the teachings influence all peoples lives. You need to sell Gods merciful love in this teaching to let it penetrate (pun intended) their hearts. It is also good to go into an open dialog with them understandin how their church teaches on the same issue.

To educate you further on why the Chuch teaches what it does, I would recommend John Paul II’s (we love you) “Theology of the body”: and Christopher West, who simplifies Theology of the Body christopherwest.com/category/blog/hottopics/.

Good luck in your friendly debate.🙂
 
Isidora99,
before you broach the matter, keep in mind that “saying you peace” may not be the best for your friend.
1
Do you know the whole story? Perhaps there are mitigating circumstances…
I know a Catholic who did the same to herself. Circumstances were that she suffered from excessive bleeding. There was a good reason for her choice!
2
Do you have authority to advise?
I know a Catholic who was given permission by her parish priest to abort. Circumstances were that she had more children than the couple could handle either financially, or even physically (pastorally and medically).

Perhaps, you could consider, especially since our Protestant cousins enjoy prayer more than we do…, joining her and her husband in regular prayer? Request clarity of thought, peace in submitting to Jesus’s will and comfort in doing what God our Father wants!

All of us will feel better if you went ahead and told her to not have the procedure done… However, you will have to decide what is the best course of action for you to take for the benefit of your friend.

God bless and godspeed you!
Simon.
 
Irreverent, I agree that we don’t always know the whole story about a situation and sometimes need to keep our mouths shut until we know more. However, I would be highly suspicious of a story that includes an ordained Catholic priest giving permission to abort for any reason. I can easily see a priest SYMPATHIZING with the added financial, emotional, and physical burdens faced by a couple in the suggested scenario, but sympathizing and granting a dispensation to abort are two totally different things. Furthermore, such a dispensation would have had to have come from his Bishop, and it just ain’t done! I cannot imagine a Bishop granting such a request. If it happened it would have to have been by the decision of the priest, alone, and If this happened, the priest has a lot to answer for, in this world and in the next. His bishop should be notified, immediately. Period.
 
irreverentPS said:
I know a Catholic who was given permission by her parish priest to abort. Circumstances were that she had more children than the couple could handle either financially, or even physically (pastorally and medically).
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I sure hope that you are mistaken about that. Nobody has any right to kill an innocent child and nobody can give another person permission to do so!
 
Chrish, how much do you value this friendship? One of the current problems in this world today, at least in the USA, is that people are way too busy minding other people’s business, to the point of getting government involved in our private lives. I realize that you’re not suggesting getting the government involved in your friend’s private bedroom life, BUT is it truly your concern? And will such a discussion end or diminish your friendship?

I’m assuming that you care greatly for your friend and want her and her husband to be free of that sin, and that it’s because of your Christian love for her that you are considering this conversation. They will be held accountable for adhering to their beliefs, according to the way we’re now taught, and should they ever convert to Catholicism, they’ll essentially have a “get home free” card, since sterilization isn’t against the faith tenets of their current religion.

Unless the three of you sit around talking about sex, or how THEIR sex life is pleasing or not pleasing to God, I think you’re venturing into “No Man’s Land!” I don’t believe that ANYONE, other than a spiritual advisor, or medical representative, should broach bedroom topics with someone else unless that someone else has first introduced the subject.

If you and your friend discuss the upcoming vasectomy and you mention that no devout Catholic could ever consider vasectomy because…or that you could never condone your husband doing such a thing because…and she is receptive or asks questions, that is one thing, but if YOU initiate the subject with her and tell HER why it is wrong for THEM according to YOUR Catholic faith, that is quite another thing.

It’s difficult to put yourself in her shoes because the Protestant faiths don’t require their followers to adhere to all the rules that we must follow. If your friend and her husband believed that you must let rattlesnakes crawl all over you in hopes of not getting bitten in order to prove that you are a true believer in Christ, and were adamant that unless you subjected yourself to the possibility of the snake bites, you had no chance of going to heaven, would you be offended? Would you think they were nuttier than fruitcakes, but still love them, anyway? Would you still count them as your friends? Would you steer clear of them in the future?

I’m guessing that since you asked the opinion of others, you actually do have some reticence about following through with warning them. Think about this thoroughly and know all the fine points so that you can make a good case against sterilization, if you decide to go ahead with it. I can see such a discussion going okay, but ignored, with some of my friends, and simply ending friendships with others. You know your heart and conscience and those of your friend, so let them be your guide. Best wishes to you in whatever you decide to do.
 
isidora99 said:
A friend’s husband is planning to have a vasectomy. As Protestants, they see nothing wrong with this. Is it my duty to tell them otherwise? If so, what’s the best way to approach the subject, since telling them “Well, the Catholic Church teaches sterilization is wrong…” will not likely convince them?
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Yes, you should tell them it is wrong and sinful. I’ll guess they’ve “prayed about it” and “feel led” to have only two children, or whatever. If they tell you something like that, ask them if God only wants them to have two children (or however many), why don’t they trust God to work that in their lives? Apart from the sin aspect, there is also some indication that vasectomies hurt men’s immune systems. Many couples regret the vasectomy.

I hope these pages will help you think about how to present it:

Catholics and Evangelicals see contraception differently

ewtn.com/library/MARRIAGE/CCLBC.TXT

ewtn.com/library/MARRIAGE/CCLSTR.TXT

Depending on how serious they are about their faith, telling them that their having a vasectomy, that is not trusting God to reign over their lives, may present a stumbling block to others. (It did to me. When a Baptist missionary told me they had done this, I knew there was something off about the whole thing. I eventually became Catholic, so it was okay for me, but others might completely be turned off by the hypocrisy and become atheist).
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
There’s nothing wrong (and perhaps everything right) with making your/the Church’s view known.
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To another Catholic, yes. To anyone else, NO.

If it is a matter of discussion among other Catholics, then it’s fine to bring up Church teaching. But no one has any right to shove their religious beliefs down anyone’s throat.

Jala
 
GraceSofia said:
Yes, you should tell them it is wrong and sinful.
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Not in their religion, it isn’t.
I’ll guess they’ve “prayed about it” and “feel led” to have only two children, or whatever.
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You (and the OP) don’t know one way or the other what they have prayed about or what God has “led them to do.” Unless you possess psychic abilities?

Long story short: it’s none of your business. Get over it and move on with your own life.

Jala
 
Qwestions said:
Irreverent, I agree that we don’t always know the whole story about a situation and sometimes need to keep our mouths shut until we know more. However, I would be highly suspicious of a story that includes an ordained Catholic priest giving permission to abort for any reason.
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Peace be with you, Qwestions.

I summarise what I said: hold back because we don’t know and we have no authority.

Just as Isidora99 may not know the entire situation, likewise one sentence or two (from my post) is incapable of presenting the entire situation.

FYI: in cases where the lives of expecting mother and baby are in danger and a choice must be made between one or the other, the CCC recommends the life of the mother be preserved. No need for Dispensation (let alone so from a Bishop) because no error is committed.

In both incidents, laiety sought counsel without assuming their own intelligence (hold back because we don’t know and we have no authority).

Peace be with you, Qwestions.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
I sure hope that you are mistaken about that. Nobody has any right to kill an innocent child and nobody can give another person permission to do so!
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God’s peace, Paul.

Please read my answer to Qwestions above http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=9915687&postcount=1.

However, if issue is being taken with my use of the word ‘permission’, then let me say that I was paraphrasing above for reasons of simplicity and brevity. My fault if fault it be.

Please don’t let my incompetence distract from the basic intention of my post which is to advise Isidora99 to ‘hold back and pray’ with her friend.

God’s Peace, Paul.
 
Pray for them and if they ask you tell them what the church teaches and why.
 
isidora99 said:
A friend’s husband is planning to have a vasectomy. As Protestants, they see nothing wrong with this. Is it my duty to tell them otherwise? If so, what’s the best way to approach the subject, since telling them “Well, the Catholic Church teaches sterilization is wrong…” will not likely convince them?
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Isidora,

I believe it is your duty to share beliefs. If this were me, I would share what I believe and why. You can say based on your beliefs it is wrong. How you believe determines your actions. If they believe it is not wrong then you cannot change that belief. There may be room to cause doubt in that belief.
 
I had this very situation with a friend. In the end I told them it was against the Church teaching…but also explain WHY it is against Church teaching…so they could see affect that a vasectomy has on the meaning of the marital union.

The hard part is doing that in a respectful and gentle way, while not sacrificing truth, and at the same time maintaining the friendship (insofar as one is able). Prayer is the best preparation for that.

Ultimately, they DID have the vasectomy…which made me feel like I had failed. But…months later, I was asked by the same person…“so what does the Church teach about someone who had a vasectomy and regrets it? Do they have to get a reversal?” Perhaps that seed was planted on good soil afterall… 🙂
 
ahs said:
Ultimately, they DID have the vasectomy…which made me feel like I had failed. But…months later, I was asked by the same person…“so what does the Church teach about someone who had a vasectomy and regrets it? Do they have to get a reversal?” Perhaps that seed was planted on good soil afterall… 🙂
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Which brings up another point. It is estimated that the success rate of a vasectomy ***reversal ***is only 55%, if done within 10 years, and approximately 25% after more than 10 years. Around 10 per cent of men that have undergone vasectomy for sterilisation present to their doctor wanting the procedure reversed.

nhs.uk/chq/Pages/1971.aspx?CategoryID=117&SubCategoryID=116
netdoctor.co.uk/ate/menshealth/204088.html
 
Don’t say anything. I’m telling you as a protestant Evangelical that nothing is worse than someone violating another person’s religious liberty by telling them they can’t do something that is well within their Christian liberty (birth control is amoral to protestants when done within in marriage).
 
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