Should I Tell My Dad?

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Wow,

I’m new to this site, and i just read this thread. I am utterly amazed that the OP question led to such disagreement and with such venom.

I know the issue is likely resolved by now, so my opinion is likely moot.

However, i am a father of young children (3-7).

Your father seems like an involved and caring father. If my child came to me with any issue (almost no matter what), I would be totally disarmed because he came to me. I know that the teen years are fraught with peril - and i would be understanding of what temptations are surrounding my children.

I would like the opportunity to talk with my child and work through the issue together. Maybe, i would share some difficulties of my own teen years.

I don’t think the car analogy is wrong. But i would change it to this. Suppose you took your fathers car off-roading. A few weeks later, you realized that the car is shaking and the alignment seems off. It could be your fault, but you can’t be sure. Would you go off and have the car checked out secretly? would you talk to your dad and ask forgiveness?

You are the one who knows your father. By the time we are teenagers, we realize what goes through our parents heads. It seems that most parents would welcome an honest request for forgiveness, but there are some that would not. It is the cover-ups that get you into a lot more trouble.

If my son came to me tell me he had driven my car through a farm field, i wouldn’t be happy. I’d discuss the dangers, the inappropriateness, how he risked the trust i gave me to use my car. However, i would thank him for coming to me, and fessing up to his indiscretion. My guess is that he would feel relieved that the issue is over after whatever punishment i gave him.

If, however, I found out from someone else that observed my son riding through that same farm field - the consequences would be more severe. I would tell my son that I cannot trust him. He would likely feel less of himself because he was caught, and he did nothing to redeem that trust.

I hope you are able to ask your father’s forgiveness (as well as Gods). I think you will feel better, and it may open a better channel of commincation between the two of you.
 
ATeutonicKnight said:
I haven’t told him. I am waiting for Father Vincent Serpa’s opinion.
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I have no idea how old you are, but I will say this. There comes a time when you have to act like a man and make your own decisions. You know your own father better than anyone; you know the relationship you have with your own father and no-one else does; you know best your father’s ideas and attitudes and you’ve probably seen him react to all sorts of things like frustration and hurt and even change itself. It is you who must decide whether or not to tell him. Time to grow up. Will you run to a priest every time you swear? Will you run to a priest and ask “should I tell daddy” every ti9me you’ve done something you know is wrong?

You know you did wrong. That’s why this thread is in existence. You showed remorse and a willingness to make amends. Now it’s time to decide if you want to tell your father that you betrayed his trust; now is the time to decide whether you want to hurt your father and to make him wonder if he can trust you again. I argued earlier in the thread that there is no need to do any of this, because you already know you did wrong and are making amends.

Now it’s time to make your own decision. You’ve heard what we all had to say and so far you haven’t told your dad. By all means listen to what the priest says, but I think you’ve already made up your mind. As long as the descision is yours, you can feel grown up about it.
 
I think you should tell your dad what you did, especially if you think he can help you maintain your abstinence from porn. (a few months isn’t really that long for that sort of thing.)
 
Allegra said:
I think you should tell your dad what you did, especially if you think he can help you maintain your abstinence from porn. (a few months isn’t really that long for that sort of thing.)
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Half a year isn’t a few months. I have been tempted a few times, but each time it was disregarded immediately. Besides, I was never once addicted to pornography, I was addicted to masturbation. Pornography was never a temptation, it was a tool. The reason you get addicted to masturbation is because of endorphines and hormones. You train your body and brain to live off of the pleasure hormone, and you start to live off of it. When you stop, your body freaks, because it’s lost what it’s been living off of. This is why it’s been medically defined as an addiction, and this is also why it’s known to be just as difficult-If not more difficult-as drug addictions. It reacts and treats your body exactly the same way drugs do. By half a year I have broken my body’s and brain’s dependence on it. I am no longer depending on such extravagant amounts, therefore it is backed scientifically to say I’m out of the woods.
 
ATeutonicKnight said:
Half a year isn’t a few months. I have been tempted a few times, but each time it was disregarded immediately. Besides, I was never once addicted to pornography, I was addicted to masturbation. Pornography was never a temptation, it was a tool. The reason you get addicted to masturbation is because of endorphines and hormones. You train your body and brain to live off of the pleasure hormone, and you start to live off of it. When you stop, your body freaks, because it’s lost what it’s been living off of. This is why it’s been medically defined as an addiction, and this is also why it’s known to be just as difficult-If not more difficult-as drug addictions. It reacts and treats your body exactly the same way drugs do. By half a year I have broken my body’s and brain’s dependence on it. I am no longer depending on such extravagant amounts, therefore it is backed scientifically to say I’m out of the woods.
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I would be very interested in knowing where you got your information on addiction. As someone who has lived that life, I can tell you that there is no such thing as “out of the woods”.

I have been “clean” for over 23 years. For the most part, my addicition is very under control, but that does not mean that, some days, I have to fight the ugre to start using again “minute to minute”.

A true “addiction” never really goes away. I will always be an addict, I have just learned how to stay away from the things that help to trigger those old attitudes that used to get me in trouble. It is something that I will have to deal with until I take my last breath, and I can never take the good times for granted by saying I am “out of the woods”. That is the nature of addiciton.
 
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