Should I wait for confirmation?

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Clintond

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Hello, I am in a marriage that has not been con validated in the RCC. My wife and I are both in RCIA. We were scheduled to be married the week before confirmation (Easter). Covid ruined those plans, now our priest wants us to exchange vows the day of confirmation (this Saturday) with a few family members present, and later to have a “renewal of vows” that will look the same as a wedding essentially.

My question is this… if her family feels that this is unacceptable, is it wrong for me to postpone our confirmation so that we can have a full wedding? We got 1 week notice also, concerning confirmation etc.
 
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I don’t understand why a priest would suggest a renewal of vows at all.

I would get confirmed as planned and schedule your wedding for whatever is acceptable to you and your bride to be, taking into consideration who you want to attend, and when it can be arranged.
 
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Because my wife and her family/friends would like to see a ceremony.
 
I understand. I meant wait for the wedding date, get confirmed now.
 
I would follow your priest’s guidance. The Sacraments, the grace of the Sacraments, is the most important thing. You can throw a big party for family later.
 
The way COVID is going, I would suggest that you do what your priest says so you’re squared away with the Lord. You never know what will happen tomorrow.

I don’t see why her family would have a problem with a vow renewal ceremony if it was suggested by and officiated by the priest.
 
They could facebook live stream the exchange of vows for family.
 
Clintond said:
Hello, I am in a marriage that has not been con validated in the RCC. My wife and I are both in RCIA.
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Were either of you baptized as Catholics?

I am wondering why you are doing a convalidation at all?
 
Yeah sorry, my wife was baptized just not confirmed. She is going through the classes with me.
 
Clintond said:
Yeah sorry, my wife was baptized just not confirmed. She is going through the classes with me.
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Ah, gotcha.
Clintond said:
if her family feels that this is unacceptable,
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It’s not up to her family as to what is “acceptable” or “not acceptable”.

That is up to you, your wife, and the pastor.
Clintond said:
is it wrong for me to postpone our confirmation so that we can have a full wedding?
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I would suggest you follow your pastor’s advice.

Have your convalidation and confirmation, then have a party later. No need for renewal of vows, really. Just have a celebration.
 
I get that family wants to see a ceremony, but ultimately convalidation is about setting your marriage situation straight.

Assuming that there is a reason for the convalidation (i.e. you are in a legal marriage that is sacramentally invalid for some reason), then it is best to fix the defect as soon as reasonably possible. To put it into a certain light; would you and your wife be okay abstaining from marital relations until you can have a ceremony that family can attend?

That is really the basis of doing it before your reception into the Church. Until your marriage situation is fixed then every time you engage in marital relations you place your self into a state of sin. That either means frequent confession or abstaining from the sacraments which would seem extremely painful right after being received into the Church.
 
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Thank you, I missed the part (duh, my bad) that they were civilly married. 😊
 
I don’t think a priest would even agree to confirm someone in an irregular marriage. So you have the choice to both wait for confirmation after you convalidation of your marriage when you have the big deal. Or you can follow the will of God and get it all done this Saturday.
 
Only you know how important it is for them to get to see a ceremony. I’m hoping to get married as soon as possible, and I am just accepting that the ongoing pandemic will mean that my family and friends will be unable to attend. The alternative is to delay indefinitely. Thankfully, everyone understands. Your case seems a little different in that yours is a convalidation rather than a wedding. Arguably, there is more of a case for speeding up a convalidation, so I would suggest following the advice given.
 
hopeful3542 said:
Fixing their irregular marriage situation seems more pressing than even Confirmation at this point.
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Horton said:
I don’t think a priest would even agree to confirm someone in an irregular marriage.
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Canon Law, in fact, specifies that the marriage situation must be addressed first before one can be received/confirmed in the Church.
 
Perhaps I’m mistaken about it being in Canon Law; I can’t find the citation I was thinking of, so I’m not sure now where I read that (but I’ll keep looking). I did stumble upon a 2010 Q-and-A column from Fr. John Dietzen’s syndicated CNS series where he basically gave the same answer (convalidation must come first), and that, too, was missing the citation.

ETA: It’s in the RCIA Rite itself, paragraphs 446-458.
 
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I agree with @TheLittleLady, @Cor_ad_Cor and @1ke.

Also, Saturday is the Vigil of Pentecost. My late mother was baptized & confirmed on Pentecost, so don’t miss out on it imo.
 
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I’m going to concur with other posters and say that regularizing your irregular marriage should be a top priority. I understand why this could be disappointing to family, but this isn’t simply a matter of extending an engagement. The situation should be righted.

But please of course listen to your partner’s concerns on this as well. That’s more important than what we write. And of course consider the priest’s guidance.
 
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