Should I wait to ask her out?

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Hey, I’m 14, I was wondering when one would know when they’re mature and ready enough to date someone because of what a good catholic friend of mine told me. When I told about how much I liked her, he responded with this, and I quote:

“I promise you, I cannot stress enough… if you really want to date this girl; fall in Love with Christ first… desire to think no other thoughts than of His glory… He WILL give you what you need, and if He sees that you should date this young lady, then trust Him that it will happen.”

…how am I supposed to do that? She’s finally single now because her boyfriend moved away, and she hasn’t been single for months…I guess I’ve been waiting for an opportunity all this time, but now that she’s single…but, I don’t understand exactly what it is to fall in love with Christ, and how I know when I have that love. All I know is, I feel a great deal of pressure since I want to ask her while I have the opportunity I was waiting for. Should I wait before asking her? I’m lost here…
 
Max,

“How to love Christ” can be tough to follow. Love Jesus Christ because he is God in the flesh (if you don’t who God is and have no clue to who He is, look no further than Jesus, the 2nd person in the Trinity. That should give you an idea).

You depend on the Lord for each and every breath you take, a girl cannot give you that. A girl did not have herself willingly crucified to take away your sins, Jesus did!

In short, put God first above all else, for when you are in a relationship with the Lord, you very well could have everything else given to you by Him. Go to angelfire.com/weird2/joestuff/Commandment.html I wrote a little bit on this there.

BTW I may have sounded a little cynical in this post because I just saw my ex with another guy yesterday.

God Bless and good luck. Just ask for God’s guidance.
 
I didn’t notice any cynicism, because you actually bring up very good points…but, still, the thought of completely falling in love with Christ sounds hard, since my feelings for the girl are…wow…yeah, I guess I do need to get my priorities straight. I was about to say that my feelings for her practically rival the love I had for God, which is not good! I will definitely work on my love and devotion to God first, I guess, because she was on my mind more than He was for a while. But, if I do develop a stronger bond with God that I need…I actually have another question, which I will post in a different topic because it is very long.
 
Let me give a little advice on this, too. First, be in no rush to ask her out. You state that she is now single for the first time in a while. She has things to work out herself. AS far as loving Christ first, that is the best way to start. Besides, “love” is a decision, a decision to focus on self sacrifice regardless of the reward. That is why it is said that hate is not the opposite of love, but indifference is. Loving God means forcing your mind, heart, and will to focus upon him as the all important person in your life. That is one reason that you feelings for her can rival those for God. One is just an emotion (a very, very strong one) and the other involves intellect, faith, and emotions together. Just keep the faith and everything will work out.
 
:confused: All right, but how will I KNOW when I finally achieved complete love in God? Is there some sort of step-by-step process I can follow, or is it not that easy…
 
I wish it was that easy. Nothing is that easy. The closer you get to God, the more you will know it. There were and are people who detest the smallest sin because it offends God. They would not even consider a mortal sin. They are called saints. There are people who know that they should not sin, and are sorry because sin can send them to hell and deprives them of communion. They are called Catholics. There are people who do not care. They are called Catholic Politicians (joke). But, as we get closer to God, the more we dislike sin becuase of how it offends God. It is no longer just the fear of hell. The closer you get to God, the more you feel it, you know it. It is an experiance. Like training for a race. As hard as it is at first, you begin to crave it. You miss it when you miss a day. Eventually, you know what you cna do and if you are ready. And you will never go back.
 
Wow…what an awesome thought. To actually hate sin, not only out of fear…but out of love. I’m still partly in the fear stage, but I really want to be at the level where it’s out of love for God. But, as for your comparison to training for a race? I’ve never trained for a race before…but, heh, I’m not the best shape when it comes to running and sports. But hey, I can always work on that too…ahh…so much to improve on in my life…but I will remember to put the Lord first, of course! 😃
 
I could have look at your profile first. It can be like writing. At first, it is hard just to get a coherant thought down. Eventually, the hard part becomes keeping a clear line of reason, etc. You get the point. I am not at the hating sin because of love stage either. Right now the Holy Spirit is “blessing” me with a detachment from material things. A great blessing, except that I am in sales and find myself having to try not to talk the customer out of the excesses!
 
You’re 14, don’t do it, it’s not worth it at that age.
 
I think 14 is a natural age to want to spend more time with one particualar person. There are some things I think you should try to keep in mind, though.

**To be a real (Catholic/Christian) man, you are not out to “conquer” girls. They are not to be “yours”. You are to GUARD them!! You are the protector of all that is good and right. If you ask this girl out, and you are thinking, “this girl is mine to protect”, you will treat her so differently than if you’re thinking “this girl is mine to conquer”!!!

**Be the kind of friend to ALL girls that they’ll always treasure. This goes for girl friends as well as girlfriends. Imagine a particular girl saying to you one day: “I’m so glad I’m marrying you! You have always cared for me and protected me!!” But you never know until that day WHICH girl it’s going to be who will say that to you. MOST girls should be able to invite you to their wedding to someone ELSE, at which point her new husband should be able to say to you: “I’m go glad she had you for a friend. Thank you for protecting her for me.”

Most girls you like will NOT end up marrying you. 😉 Be the kind of guy they want to tell their future husbands about, and compare them to. Don’t be the kind of guy they want to hide from their future spouse; the kind of guy they regret being involved with.

And go sloooooooow.

You are spending time with a girl, wondering if it will last forever. If it DOES last forever, there is no RUSH to “do” anything with her–you have your whole lifetime!! If you rush and do a whole lotta things with her, what’s the rest of your time with her for?? :o If it does NOT last forever with any particular girl, and you didn’t rush, then you have no regrets. Are you following this??

I hope so.

Good luck. 😃
 
Oh. I also recommend highly this video set:

christiananswers.net/catalog/kissed-set-vs.html

It’s not Catholic, so in places, it could be better. But overall, it is very good. We read the book it’s based on, and the book is good too. But for our boys (we have twins who just turned 15), we got these videos. They were asking questions, just like you are now, Max, and we made them WATCH these videos before they were allowed to “go out” with any girls.

They groaned a little bit, but the videos are only like an hour long each, and they’re fun to watch. After we watched them, we talked, and there were definitely certain parts that really hit home with them.

I’d recommend them to any parent for a teenager who is about to start dating. I recommend them to YOU Max!! (I bet if you went to your parents and told them you want to see these videos before you start dating girls, they’d be so surprised and GLAD to get them for you!!!)

And, Catholic Cadet, buddy, you need to see them too. 😉
 
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kristalyn:
And, Catholic Cadet, buddy, you need to see them too. 😉
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I learned it all through trial and error and by the time I did so girls in general decided that they didn’t particularly care for me. One year and counting 😦
 
Catholic Cadet:
I learned it all through trial and error and by the time I did so girls in general decided that they didn’t particularly care for me. One year and counting 😦
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If you’re using sad faces, then you REALLY need to see the series. Kissing Dating Goodbye is not giving UP!! It’s trusting God, and living for HIM, with joy!!, while you wait for your spouse to arrive.

Don’t discourage Max!! He can learn to care for girls right, and then no matter how long it takes, he has faith and hope.
 
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kristalyn:
If you’re using sad faces, then you REALLY need to see the series. Kissing Dating Goodbye is not giving UP!! It’s trusting God, and living for HIM, with joy!!, while you wait for your spouse to arrive.
Click to expand...
I haven’t given up. The sad face is in reference to the fact that I don’t exactly enjoy not having been on a date in over a year.
Don’t discourage Max!! He can learn to care for girls right, and then no matter how long it takes, he has faith and hope.
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Yes, but a relationship at 14 is definitely not going to end up in marriage, and the point of dating is to find a marriage partner.
 
The point of dating is to get to know people of the opposite sex, to find out there are different kinds of people, and be more comfortable with all kinds.
Dating ideally should start with going out in groups, not coupled up but just a bunch of kids, and should start at 15 or 16. You should practice being a leader, helping steer the group into wholesome, fun activities.
Then about 17 you could start asking girls out on a date. Avoid going steady. Figure five years from starting to date until marriage.

Max, 14 is way too young to start dating, unless you’re going the way the world goes and plan to start sleeping with girls before you’re 20.
Your choice, but not recommended.
 
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Viki59:
Then about 17 you could start asking girls out on a date. Avoid going steady. Figure five years from starting to date until marriage.
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Don’t you think that getting married at 22 is exceedingly optimistic?
 
Catholic Cadet:
Don’t you think that getting married at 22 is exceedingly optimistic?
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You don’t think you’ll find someone by then?
Maybe not, but your hormones will be ready by then. You don’t want to start dating too soon because staying chaste is hard.
Better to start slow and be more mature when you get serious.
Pray that you’ll find the person God has for you.
 
Catholic Cadet:
Don’t you think that getting married at 22 is exceedingly optimistic?
Click to expand...
I read an article the other day…that stated that most marriages below the age of ~28 end in divorce. The reason is because that young adults rush into things…they have this misconceived image of marriage…that it’s all sunshine and lemonade…they aren’t prepared mentally…financially, etc.
 
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