Should I write a letter about this....?

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billpenn

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Happy New Year everybody! 😃

My two cousins (20 and 19) are into that whole “goth” thing - hair dyed black, black fingernails, mostly black clothing…on a couple of occasions when visiting my family, my female cousin was wearing an upside-down cross.

Each time I have been appalled, and she had it on again over the holidays. I REALLY want to mention to her mom - my aunt - that I find it disgusting and ultra-offensive, so I’ve been thinking about writing her a letter. She can get really defensive where her children are concerned, so I don’t know what the outcome might be…thoughts?
 
Young people often go through phases like this–dressing oddly and pretending to be something they aren’t just for attention. I wouldn’t make a thing out of it with your aunt over this. All you’ll probably accomplish is creating a rift in your family that could last long after her kids have left this silliness behind and become normal adults. Unless they are into drugs or some other self-destructive behavior, I’d let it go, if I were you.
 
That is why I am apprehensive about writing her…but I visit my grandmother every weekend - it’s a 2-family house and they live above her, and it is not uncommon for me to see this cousin…I am just soooo disgusted by it! And she walks into my grandmother’s house with this thing on…right by a sort of “mini-shrine” that she has set-up on top of a dresser with a plethora of statues and icons!
 
Why not confront your cousin charitably? She’s old enough that you don’t have to go through her mother. But, she’s asking for attention, and if she is aware of other’s beliefs in the Catholic Church, I’m sure she’s trying to push your buttons on purpose.
 
billpenn said:
I REALLY want to mention to her mom - my aunt - that I find it disgusting and ultra-offensive, so I’ve been thinking about writing her a letter. She can get really defensive where her children are concerned, so I don’t know what the outcome might be…thoughts?
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I’m sure your aunt is already heartbroken. A letter from you expressing disgust will only make it worse.

Betsy
 
You could be annoying and make mention of the fact that there is a tradition that holds that St. Peter was crucified upside down…

In all honesty, consider it a cross and bear it as best as you can, if you are able.
 
For what it is worth an upside down cross is not a demonic not antichrist symbol. It is, however, associated with this dark and gothic but for purely misguided reasons.

It is the sign of Peter!

Look:
Cross of St. Peter

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


*
A Cross of St. Peter is an inverted Latin cross
*A St. Peter’s Cross is an inverted Latin cross. The origin of this symbol comes from the fact that the Catholic Church claims St. Peter was crucified upside down, as he felt he was unworthy to be crucified in the same manner that Christ died (upright). It is often used with two keys, symbolizing the keys of heaven.
The Alexandrian scholar Origen is the first to report that St. Peter ‘was crucified head downward, for he had asked that he might suffer in this way’. Some Catholics use this cross as a symbol of humility and unworthiness in comparison to Christ.
It is also often associated with Satanism. Aleister Crowley believed this cross to be a symbol of inverted grace, or falling away from Christ’s grace. As a result, this symbol has become very popular within the heavy metal, black metal and death metal music scenes (notably, members of bands such as Danzig, Deicide, and Gorgoroth have adorned themselves with large inverted cross pendants)
During the late Pope John Paul II’s visit to Israel, a picture of him with a backdrop of St. Peter’s cross was widely circulated on the Internet, propagating the belief of some that the Catholic Church is associated with Satanism. In fact the photograph is related to the Catholic tradition that St. Peter was martyred in Rome (and as Catholic tradition views the Pope as the successor of Peter, it is a logical symbol for the Roman Pontiff). The inverted cross is also one of the traditional symbols used by Petrine Orthodox Sebomenoi.
I would, the next time I see them, say “Oh I love your Petrine Cross!” and when they ask what you mean, then there is a time for catechisis!!

Simple!!

The Lord provides wonderful opportunities.
 
Why not just ask your cousin about the cross? Perhaps she only wears it because it’s the “fashion” and she doesn’t intend anything sinister.

(Okay, now I’m picturing how much fun it might be to say “I notice you often wear the cross of St. Peter. Is he your favorite saint?” The look on her face could be priceless… I’m having a mean moment. 😛 )
 
She told my sister she wears it to show that she’s against “organized religion.”
Lrning said:
Why not just ask your cousin about the cross? Perhaps she only wears it because it’s the “fashion” and she doesn’t intend anything sinister.

(Okay, now I’m picturing how much fun it might be to say “I notice you often wear the cross of St. Peter. Is he your favorite saint?” The look on her face could be priceless… I’m having a mean moment. 😛 )
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Lrning said:
(Okay, now I’m picturing how much fun it might be to say “I notice you often wear the cross of St. Peter. Is he your favorite saint?” The look on her face could be priceless… I’m having a mean moment. 😛 )
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I was about to suggest the same thing. I guess were both smart butts.😛
 
Kids do this goth thing to get attention. Don’t give her the payoff. Ignore it. She wants to shock. She’ll get over it eventually.
 
I don’t think it would be worth it. Goth is all but dead and gone. Do a google image search for “japanese street fashion” and see what I have to put up with. All of this is just a fad, a desire to be different and not fit in, and that is more normal than you might realize.
 
billpenn said:
Happy New Year everybody! 😃

My two cousins (20 and 19) are into that whole “goth” thing - hair dyed black, black fingernails, mostly black clothing…on a couple of occasions when visiting my family, my female cousin was wearing an upside-down cross.

?
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they are adults, do you have a habit of commenting on the hair and clothing style of your adult friends and relatives? why would you speak to their mother and not them directly if they did something in your home which you found offensive? if they are in their own home, obviously if you don’t like the way they live you won’t visit there.
 
puzzleannie said:
they are adults, do you have a habit of commenting on the hair and clothing style of your adult friends and relatives? why would you speak to their mother and not them directly if they did something in your home which you found offensive? if they are in their own home, obviously if you don’t like the way they live you won’t visit there.
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I don’t visit their home - I visit my grandmother, who lives downstairs from them, so it is not uncommon for them to be down there, or to see them somewhere around the house.
 
Several people have already asked the question I was wondering about, why bring your aunt into this? If you feel the girl is doing it for attention or to upset you just ignore her. If you are in a room and she enters, politely excuse yourself or tell her you would like some private time with your grandmother and politely ask her to leave.
 
While thoughts of speaking to my cousin about this have crossed my mind, since she still lives at home with her parents, it would seem to me that they should be parenting her - as in not allowing that in their Catholic home. So that is why I thought to address it with my aunt.
Lance said:
Several people have already asked the question I was wondering about, why bring your aunt into this? If you feel the girl is doing it for attention or to upset you just ignore her. If you are in a room and she enters, politely excuse yourself or tell her you would like some private time with your grandmother and politely ask her to leave.
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billpenn said:
While thoughts of speaking to my cousin about this have crossed my mind, since she still lives at home with her parents, it would seem to me that they should be parenting her - as in not allowing that in their Catholic home. So that is why I thought to address it with my aunt.
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I have a 25 year old son who lives at home and sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles. They may feel, as I do, that having her at home gives them some but not absolute control and if she moved out they would have no control. After you have your own kids and as they grow you will find that being a parent ain’t as easy as it looks.
 
Ask her why she’s wearing the cross of St. Peter, the founder of the Church which is (I believe) the largest organized religion on the planet. If she says it isn’t, tell her to look up the cross of St. Peter. If she tells you that she wears it for a different reason, shrug and tell her you think that it’s nice to see her wearing Catholic jewelry and leave it at that. And be thankful that it has a holy meaning, too. It’s always nice to see that however much people may try to turn from God, He seems to know how to keep His foot in the door to keep calling them back. Who knows, maybe if she keeps wearing it, maybe someone else will ask her about the cross of St. Peter.
 
Lance said:
I have a 25 year old son who lives at home and sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles. They may feel, as I do, that having her at home gives them some but not absolute control and if she moved out they would have no control. After you have your own kids and as they grow you will find that being a parent ain’t as easy as it looks.
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Amen, brother!
 
Can’t say that I like the “goth”, “punker”, “hooker” or “thrift shop reject” looks. I don’t. But what I don’t appreciate even more is the attitude of many of those wearing these styles, nor the excessive prices charged for much of these fashions.

Attitudes: It’s okay to get poor grades. It’s okay to give up your faith. It’s “cool” to ridicule peers and adults who value the principles of Duty to God, Service for Others. It’s okay to … Well, most of us have seen this…

With my 16-year-old, I try to “not see” some of these things. The hair-dye job that looked like a large bird had made a big drop on her head went away when I didn’t “notice” it. I did set my foot down when she wanted to pay $25 for a sweatshop T-shirt that looked like one I had discarded after several years’ wear.

Tonight, after two weeks with her “friends” and hours a day with MySpace, she couldn’t go to a meeting at church because of suddenly discovered homework. Maybe my urging her to bring her grades back up to where she’s always had them is starting to sink in. Maybe her non-goth, non-punker friends are starting to put on pressure, too. Maybe prayers are being answered, and she’ll adopt what we called “Mary-like” style that will reflect who and what she really is.
 
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