Should kids date

[Feste_1242]

hey pal, take the high road if you’re going to stoop to ad homs. don’t try to be cute about it.

on to substance. that’s what dating does. it puts young men and women in social situations. that’s what dating is for. that’s the dating experience of 99%+ in the world. this is yet another thread where I wonder if you people are real. a kid whose first exposure to women outside the family is a wife hunt, is a kid doomed.

I’m afraid you misunderstood my post. I was not attacking you at all, and cuteness is one of my least favorite things. I was sincerely asking a question, even if in a lighthearted manner, and I want an answer.

Can’t people be in social situations without being on a date? You make it sound as though children are kept locked away until they have a sex drive, and then are released into the public like hungry lions in a small village. This, unfortunately, is not my view of reality. People are constantly in social situations from a very early age. We learn to communicate with members of both sexes before kissing even occurs to us. This is, at least, the ideal situation. Public school has squashed out much of this.

I see example and teaching as a better way to achieve this than banning, grounding and prohibiting, although a bit of the latter three may at times be necessary (everyone sometimes needs to cool down).

Precisely.

 

[stringbeanduck]

giving that dating includes harmless activities like movies, dinner, dancing, star watching, among, maybe, a hundred thousand other opportunities where you’re expected to learn adult social skills such as small talk and the ability to listen. I just don’t see this as a mentally healthy attitude.

and since you’re in need of guidance in this way, let me make a gratuitous suggestion: whenever you’re out on a date, always act as if she were the only woman on earth.

I most certainly do. My ultimate goal is to do my very best to a make a girl happy. Point is I don’t date girls who I don’t think are suitable for marriage as it is a waste of both of our time. Are you saying I should pick any girl to date just for experience? That sounds like using some1 just for my own personal gain.

 

[alejandrea]

I was quoting lines from Dr. Strangelove. that’s a movie. it was a joke.

Well I’m sorry I didn’t get your joke
maybe next time you could put a little smiley face or something so other people will know it’s a joke

 

[Caesar517]

Well I’m sorry I didn’t get your joke
maybe next time you could put a little smiley face or something so other people will know it’s a joke

Anyone who has seen the movie would get it. It’s a fantastic satire.

 

[Wirraway]

That wasn’t an ad hom.

You are using a different definition of “dating” than most people. You seem to difeine dating as “friends hanging out”.

I define “friends hanging out” as “friends hanging out” and “dating” as “friends hanging out with a predominant element of sexual tension”.

No one ever suggested than a man shouldn’t be exposed to women outside the family before “wife hunting”. It is easily possible for friends to hang out without that element of sexual tension (i.e. not dating).

I’m trying to get my mind in sync with this, and honestly, I’m thinking that among the posters on this thread, some of us didn’t grow up on planet earth.

because in my experience, which I suspect is nearly universal among your average american Catholics, a kid growing up is going to get his or her heart broken a dozen times between a first date and the wedding date. yes, that means, “romance”, including hand holding, kissing, and possibly or maybe probably more. sexual tension is a part of growing up because part of growing up means learning how to deal with it. in fact, I’d challenge you to find any unmarried couples where sexual tension wasn’t present.

perhaps you could draw out a roadmap between teen years and marriage (which might not be until the person is in his or her thirties) that doesn’t include “dating”, because for the life of me, I have no idea what that might be.

 

[Wirraway]

Well I’m sorry I didn’t get your joke
maybe next time you could put a little smiley face or something so other people will know it’s a joke

I dislike smileys. I did link to the american film institute’s website, you should follow it, and check out the plot summary. *Dr. Strangelove *is an epic satire of the military mind. Slim Pickens riding the Bomb is classic.

 

[Wirraway]

I’m afraid you misunderstood my post. I was not attacking you at all, and cuteness is one of my least favorite things. I was sincerely asking a question, even if in a lighthearted manner, and I want an answer.

Can’t people be in social situations without being on a date? You make it sound as though children are kept locked away until they have a sex drive, and then are released into the public like hungry lions in a small village. This, unfortunately, is not my view of reality. People are constantly in social situations from a very early age. We learn to communicate with members of both sexes before kissing even occurs to us. This is, at least, the ideal situation. Public school has squashed out much of this.

…:

ok, apologies for over reacting. of course people can be in social situations without being on a date. but the issue posed by the OP was “should kids date ?]”,

the social dynamics between boys and girls on a playground or in family gatherings and that of a young man and a woman *as a couple *are vastly different. I could instruct a son or daughter on proper behavior on a date, but actually learning the nuances of how men and women interact, learning self confidence, risking and dealing with rejection, is something that’s learned through experience. young people are going to make errors in judgment, to be sure, that’s an unavoidable result.

but shielding kids from “dating” by allowing only sexual tension free social gatherings carefully monitored by adults is unrealistic and harmful.

 

[Feste_1242]

because in my experience, which I suspect is nearly universal among your average american Catholics, a kid growing up is going to get his or her heart broken a dozen times between a first date and the wedding date. yes, that means, “romance”, including hand holding, kissing, and possibly or maybe probably more. sexual tension is a part of growing up because part of growing up means learning how to deal with it. in fact, I’d challenge you to find any unmarried couples where sexual tension wasn’t present

Er… no one here has contradicted this. Why do you sound as though you’re disagreeing with Caesar517, or anyone?

perhaps you could draw out a roadmap between teen years and marriage (which might not be until the person is in his or her thirties) that doesn’t include “dating”, because for the life of me, I have no idea what that might be.

Everyone on this thread definitely knows that dating exists. And we’re not saying it shouldn’t. We just believe that the approach most people take to it is very unwise.

of course people can be in social situations without being on a date.

Then you see my point? You were defending “early dating” (for lack of a better term) with the argument that it teaches the ability to engage in small talk, and to communicate properly with the opposite sex. But if someone can learn those things without dating…

but the issue posed by the OP was “should kids date ?]”,

I’m sorry, have I failed to address the OP’s question?

the social dynamics between boys and girls on a playground or in family gatherings and that of a young man and a woman *as a couple *are vastly different. I could instruct a son or daughter on proper behavior on a date, but actually learning the nuances of how men and women interact, learning self confidence, risking and dealing with rejection, is something that’s learned through experience.

Again, I don’t know why you sound as though you’re disagreeing with me. Except for the self-confidence part… surely you aren’t implying that a person can’t have self-confidence unless they date?

young people are going to make errors in judgment, to be sure, that’s an unavoidable result.

That’s one reason why dating should be done at a later age; people sometimes get less stupid as they age.

but shielding kids from “dating” by allowing only sexual tension free social gatherings carefully monitored by adults is unrealistic and harmful.

I already said: "Not too old fashioned though - kids shouldn’t have to try to date with their parents staring at them. " And who said anything about not allowing sexual tension? How exactly do you think that would be prevented?

 

[Caesar517]

Haha, you beat me to it Feste.

 

[coleraine]

Should kids date? It’s common to see teens date nowadays. But should they be dating? The purpose of dating is to get married but the kids are immature.

look, it is true that us teens are immature. but you cant just deprive us of social life. it is important to make sure we dont do stupid stuff… i mean, yah the purpose of dating is to get married. but socials change. you shouldn’t have pre-marital sex, but there is nothing wrong with being part of the social world as it is today. you just have to trust your kids. i know you will probably take my two-cents like a grain of salt, but you cant protect your kids forever. there is a world out there you know…its certainly not perfect but its there…

 

[Wirraway]

the OP asks “Should kids date ?”] and a sample of eight thread responses shows a strong preference for preventing or delimiting the practice:

*Dating is training in divorce.

The purpose of dating is to get married

Dating just to date is wrong

dating just to do it leads to lot of problems

We date to discern who is right for in Holy Matrimony.

If I had my way, nobody under the age of 21 would “date”…

NO! … The purpose of dating/courting is to prepare for marriage.

one on one dating is a horrible idea because it doesn’t lead to anything good, in most cases*

I’m at a complete loss for words in how to further respond. God forbid a couple dates just for fun without the motive of spouse evaluation. at least no one has called dating it a sin. yet.

 

[Pro_Domina]

To allow a near occasion for sin to arrise, because that is just what happens since there are no graces of state for doing things that are not ordained and neccessary, is obviously stupid.
Senior year and then sometimes it is still not neccesary. Not these days.

 

[Wirraway]

To allow a near occasion for sin to arrise, because that is just what happens since there are no graces of state for doing things that are not ordained and neccessary, is obviously stupid.
Senior year and then sometimes it is still not neccesary. Not these days.

did you just call dating a sin? I don’t think I understood any of that.

 

[alejandrea]

Thanks for the link

 

[stringbeanduck]

I’m at a complete loss for words in how to further respond. God forbid a couple dates just for fun without the motive of spouse evaluation. at least no one has called dating it a sin. yet.

Then you must think I’m very stick with my dates.

Actually no I’m not. Though I believe we should date those who may be suitable for marriage, there’s nothing with having fun with them too. Things like sneaking into rated R movies or just walking around holding hands are fine. All I’m saying is that one should be wise in who they pick; don’t date people you for sure wouldn’t marry. As we date, we examine their qualities and hopefully they do vice versa and thus begin to know more about each other.

 

[Isa_Almisry]

so a guy and a girl to to a movie and you’re saying what is the mostly like outcome?

and are you serious?

I was just reminded of the “outcome” of such a date when I was 17. Been there, don’t want the kids doing that.

 

[strngrnrth]

I believe in:
13-14: Group dating (friends hanging out but with mutually acknowledged courtship rehearsal/ attraction dimension to the event) in daylight hours at respectable location with responsible adults present (donut shop, game room, house with parent in next room listening).
15-16: Group dating as above, in first half of night, with half-hourly calls home and arranged transportation; one-on-one dating in daytime in safe locations with time alone amounting to a walk around tha block at reasonable speed or someone will come looking for them.
17-18-19: Should be serious about someone by then. If not, a break from dating scene for a year or so to collect thoughts. If serious about someone, may date as adults except that if they live at home or in supervised situation, they must both report to responsible person at arrival at location of date, an hour later and by midnight.
20: Adult. Parents have no power to stop persons over 18 from anything that’s legal, except possessing alcohol (not yet legal for them). Should ideally be engaged, but need not be. Definitely should keep it clean but parents just have no say at this time. May legitimately be married and have kids already but most would be happier to wait longer.
22: Most women and quite a few men are happy being married at this age. Unhealthy not to have at least dated by this time if planning to be married one day.
23: Good age for most woemn to have first baby.
26: Good age for most men to see their first baby’s birth.
28: If not serious about anyone by now, probably not cut out for married life.

 

[Pro_Domina]

did you just call dating a sin? I don’t think I understood any of that.

No, I said being with the opposite sex at a young age for no reason ordained by God will bring no protective graces that a young man and women have when sincerly looking to form a family.

 

[Wirraway]

I was just reminded of the “outcome” of such a date when I was 17. Been there, don’t want the kids doing that.

then isn’t the better response to teach them not to do that instead of barring dates?

 

[HannahLisa]

15-16: Group dating as above, in first half of night, with half-hourly calls home and arranged transportation; one-on-one dating in daytime in safe locations with time alone amounting to a walk around tha block at reasonable speed or someone will come looking for them.

Half-hourly calls home?!
That’s too much, in my opinion…

My parents’ opinion was that once I was eighteen, I was an adult, and I could make my own decisions. I wasn’t technically allowed to date, but I somewhat did anyway - dating in my case being spending a lot of time with a boy around his family, and in youth group. My mother, at least, knew about it and never said anything against it.

I don’t think teens, or anyone, should be in a relationship just to be in a relationship - but if a person finds someone they really like in high school, then I think they should see where that goes - hopefully with parental oversight of some sort such that any occasions for sin are limited.