Should my Husband become a Priest?

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Samaritan_Woman

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Since my husband’s (?) re-birth to his Catholic roots, he’s become - shall I soften it and call it - SERIOUS. He attends numerous masses daily, observes almost every old testament law and the Lord’s Day is treated like a Jewish Sabbath = no work. there’s the 3:00 PM Mercy Chaplet hour and the daily Rosary and 1/2 hour Bible reading to do. It has been a terribly hard life. This has been building for 3 years now. My loving husband calls me the devil for not wanting to get up early on a vacation day to attend a daily mass. He’s going to drive me insane. He gets very upset with the Liturgical abuses he sees up at the altars daily and has even written to the Bishop. I just believe that this man can be a priest if he’ll only renounce me and pick up the collar. He used to be loving and gentle and kind. I miss my husband.
 
Honey, I’m no expert, but it sounds like your husband and you have other issues to deal with that are more marriage related than faith related. If he’s as devout as that, he should be working to live out his vocation as husband, as well. I would suggest you find a Catholic mariage therapist, ASAP! There’s no telling whether or not he would go along with it, but it sounds necessary.

By the way, I’m not sure if he actually could become a priest. Your marriage would have to be annulled, and there is no telling if the tribunal would find what they consider to be legitimate grounds for annullment (your husband would probably by critical of their decisions, from the sound of it). Then, even if you were granted the annulment, he might not be accepted in to a seminary after having been married (and not widowed).

You sound so unhappy, and (I might be reading in to this) sound like you feel unloved by him. You might remind him that in Colossians 3:19, St. Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives, be kind to them and not harsh.” If he counters that it also says “Wives, be subordinate to your husbands” tell him that in Semitic logic, the whole truth is stated at once, and both statements are reciprocal. However, I would also point out that devotion in and of itself is a blessing, and be grateful that he isn’t a drinker or abuser.

You might also speak privately to your parish priest. He can point you toward good counseling resources. Good luck to you, and God bless.
 
That’s tough. Your question about him becoming a priest is probably rhetorical, but no he shouldn’t. He wouldn’t be a good one the way you describe him. All the things he is doing are good and praisworthy. But they should be helping him be a better husband since that is his vocation. From what you say, it sounds like something is wrong. Seek advice from a priest that he trusts. Ask him to talk to that priest as well. Or maybe there is someone else that you could talk to that your husband respects. Either way, you must somehow express your feelings to your husband without seeming like you don’t want him to be Catholic or he’s too holy or something.

Peace
 
Being a convert, I can relate to his enthusiasm, but I don’t share his compulsions. I believe you should seek counseling for yourself, to learn how to deal with your husband’s compulsions. You should seek counselling only from a Catholic, or at least Christian counsellor. I assume your husband wouldn’t consider counseling at this time.

A lot of people get so wrapped up in “religion” that they ignore their true vocation, which for our husband is to be a loving husband to you, and a father to any children you might have.

It is more a sin for your husband to ignore his vocation of being a loving husband than to skip mass daily, or violate Old Testament laws that we “gentiles” were freed from by the Apostles.

Many times, a religious following can become an obsession, or compulsion giving the person the feeling that they, themselves are “working” towards their salvation, rather than accepting the gift of salvation freely given by Christ.

I can only guess that your husband has a deep guilt for leaving the Church years ago, and is trying to make up for it now. If you aren’t a practicing Catholic, it may explain the animosity he directs towards you.

Maybe you can talk him into becoming “just” a deacon, so you can stay married. (just kidding)
 
He is going through a spiritual conversion of sorts,and there seems to be some spiritual pride that you need to talk to the priest about.I think he expects you to be as spiritual as he is compelled to be,calling you the devil is not good.It is good that he is praying,but he needs to rely on God in those things that are bothering him so much,and certainly not attack you.God Bless and I will pray for both of you
 
One thing you can do to assert a bit of your own space and sanity: talk to a priest and ask him what he thinks you should be doing daily. I’d say that the average lay person with a family would be doing fine with a daily rosary and some evening prayers as a family, with maybe extra weekday masses (perhaps once a week, or on First Fridays) or maybe an adoration hour once a month or so, provided your schedule allows. Anyway, ask the priest for a suggested regimine, then stick to it. That way, you can tell your husband “This is what my priest told me to do.”

If your husband is upset with you for not keeping pace with him, point out to him that it’s great that he’s getting into shape, and that he wants you to exercise with him, but maybe you’d rather do some stretching and pilates while HE does the spinning and the free weights… in other words, while a scheduled family prayer time together is a good thing, you both have unique spiritual needs and you should be doing what feels right for you.

Your husband sounds like he’s got some sort of anger thing going on. I’d just pray about that, and try to take comfort in the idea that everybody hits a dry spell at some point and maybe he’ll become a little less rigorous eventually.
 
Samaritan Woman:
Since my husband’s (?) re-birth to his Catholic roots, he’s become - shall I soften it and call it - SERIOUS. He attends numerous masses daily, observes almost every old testament law and the Lord’s Day is treated like a Jewish Sabbath = no work. there’s the 3:00 PM Mercy Chaplet hour and the daily Rosary and 1/2 hour Bible reading to do. It has been a terribly hard life. This has been building for 3 years now. My loving husband calls me the devil for not wanting to get up early on a vacation day to attend a daily mass. He’s going to drive me insane. He gets very upset with the Liturgical abuses he sees up at the altars daily and has even written to the Bishop. I just believe that this man can be a priest if he’ll only renounce me and pick up the collar. He used to be loving and gentle and kind. I miss my husband.
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I am no expert, but here is my $.02:

There is nothing wrong at all with your Husband’s devotion, since he is following God’s Law. He is making one big mistake though, from the way you described it. It sounds to me like he might be “comparing” other people, including you, to his level of devotion, which of course is a bad thing.

Make him aware of what he is doing, and if he truly has Jesus first in his life, he will consider this and correct it if it is true.

Peace of the Lord be with you,
Christ’s Love,
NotSoBigDan
 
Random thoughts from a convert:
My wife would be in your corner and be saying 'ya, mine too". I am in trouble just being on this forum and by having the “Journey Home” playing in the background. The truth is, we mid life converts are a big pain in the A… We are nearly as bad as those who quit smoking or drinking out there telling others that they should quit the same. It just so happens that I want to be right about my choice to become a Catholic, my wife was born that way. I feel compelled to defend my new way of life, my wife lives it like it is another culture. I need to learn about it, she is it. I am defensive about it, she don’t see the big deal about what others believe. We are clearly at different points in our journey and I have had to back off a little. I wouldn’t consider myself a compulsive person, but I have become somewhat compulsive about the Church. I agree with other posters that you should seek council from a good Catholic spiritual director or marriage counselor. When you husband realizes that you are his vocation, he might change his way of looking at you. You might have to meet him part way and put more effort in what is now such an important part of his life, but for that you will receive your own personal rewards.
Just my thoughts.
 
he can be sincere in his religious conversion and still be obsessive compulsive. has he always had this trait, and just transferred his OCD to the realm of religious practice? If he experience sincere conversion to the Catholic faith he would not be practicing Jewish law. His conversion requires discernment, and his mental state requires psychological diagnoses, help and treatment. You are not nuts, he is, but it may have a serious physical basis that requires medical diagnosis and intervention. the most likely is imbalance of medications or stroke/TIA. Get him to a doctor, and convince himself to get a good spiritual director and obey what he is told in that realm. In any case, whatever behavior he is exhibiting is not about you, and not directed at you, so don’t take it personally, try to love and forgive while he is going through this.
 
Samaritan Woman:
Since my husband’s (?) re-birth to his Catholic roots, he’s become - shall I soften it and call it - SERIOUS. He attends numerous masses daily, observes almost every old testament law and the Lord’s Day is treated like a Jewish Sabbath = no work.
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:hmmm: … Sounds to me that he has been reading Church History and researching Her Jewish Roots…. I went through a similar experience about 3 or 4 years ago and decided that I should do pretty much the same as your husband is doing. I became a Cooperator in Opus Dei during this period (a most blessed time in my life) and received some serious spiritual direction…then I gradually got back on the right track.

there’s the 3:00 PM Mercy Chaplet hour and the daily Rosary and 1/2 hour Bible reading to do. It has been a terribly hard life. This has been building for 3 years now.

*Here’s where it gets sticky for you because he is having a *conversion experience and has to learn how to put things into perspective…be patient!!! I can’t always get out to daily mass but I watch it on EWTN at least twice a day…Chaplet of Divine Mercy @ 3pm, at ½ hour of Scripture a day…. some spiritual reading and always 4 Rosaries a day if not more. None of this is inordinate…. I don’t allow this to interfere with the time I spend w/ my husband (had to learn to do that though).

My loving husband calls me the devil for not wanting to get up early on a vacation day to attend a daily mass.

I’m embarrassed to say I’ve done similar things to my husband… You/he have to remember that you are not in the same place just now on your “Faith’s Journey” everyone is different… again be patient! (Spiritual Direction is definitely needed here).
**

He’s going to drive me insane. He gets very upset with the Liturgical abuses he sees up at the altars daily and has even written to the Bishop.

Been there and done that too! But you really should consider that her is seeing w/ “new eye & heart” and everything is coming at him all at once!…it’s a tremendous experience for the receiver but I know it wasn’t for my husband…he thought I was becoming a fanatic and I was to a degree…. Scrupulosity can creep in here and a spirit of religion and or knowledge… He is becoming obsessive which is not from God there should be a balance—God is order…(.might want to talk to a spiritual director/counseling here too).

I just believe that this man can be a priest if he’ll only renounce me and pick up the collar. He used to be loving and gentle and kind. I miss my husband.

*I take it you are just jesting here? His vocation is his marriage. Or, maybe he has a calling to become a Deacon??? I hope this helps you. 🙂 *
  • I’ve since settled down and my husband is growing…hard for him though because he is a very liberal Catholic and we clash all the time. He is a “Cradle Catholic” and I’m a convert to the Faith so some things about the Faith are just a part of him and he has never questioned…as a convert, much studying goes on and on and on….! You’ll find that you can never ever know too much about the Faith. *
    Annunciata*:)*
 
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JackPaul:
Random thoughts from a convert:
My wife would be in your corner and be saying 'ya, mine too". I am in trouble just being on this forum and by having the “Journey Home” playing in the background. The truth is, we mid life converts are a big pain in the A… We are nearly as bad as those who quit smoking or drinking out there telling others that they should quit the same. It just so happens that I want to be right about my choice to become a Catholic, my wife was born that way. I feel compelled to defend my new way of life, my wife lives it like it is another culture. I need to learn about it, she is it. I am defensive about it, she don’t see the big deal about what others believe. We are clearly at different points in our journey and I have had to back off a little.
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Wow, we have a lot in common JackPaul!. I am not a midlife convert, but instead, was mired in a sort of spirituality that was left over from weak catechesis from the 1970’s (having been a cradle Catholic). But in the last few years, I have had an intense desire and hunger to learn about my faith. I read, watch EWTN, listen to Catholic radio,pray the rosary, do Eucharistic Adoration etc… and have fallen in love with the Catholic Faith.

The tough part comes though, not from my wife, but from lazy parishoners who are late for Mass and don’t seem to even care about their faith. It is a battle not to judge others. I try not to judge others, but I might be a bit overzealous in trying to tell others about the Eucharist and the real Catholic Faith. I find hardly anyone understands or cares to find out about Church moral teachings.

I guess it is all part of the journey. Right now, God is testing my patience with others, and he might want me to see the plank in my eye, the plank of judgment and impatience, more than the speck in fellow Catholic eyes. I just want to share the beautiful faith with others! Perhaps someday, God will point me to the diaconate.

BTW, I love “The Journey Home”!
 
Samaritan Woman:
I just believe that this man can be a priest if he’ll only renounce me and pick up the collar. He used to be loving and gentle and kind. I miss my husband.
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Oh Gosh, you are not alone! I’ve been there … It passed. Thank God it passed. We both of us never talk about those years.

There is probably a confusion in your husband’s head, and if he is sincere, he will find it and root it out. Then it will be fine. Assist him if you can (suggest spritual direction), but it may be difficult to get listened to. I’ll say a prayer for you.
 
Thank you ALL So Very Much for the wonderful advice and empathy especially the Humor! You’ve given me hope! Not bad for my first time “into the waters”.

I send up extra prayers of Thanksgiving to God for this forum and for each of you!

PS: I Love EWTN /I didn’t know we could refer to it, though 🙂
🙂 Prayerfully, S.
 
I hear ya, why is it when men hit their mid-life crisis they drag their wives along with them? We are still recovering from hub’s 180 redirection of his life, somebody needs to rewrite the better worse richer poorer thing to give all the facts so we know what we are getting into. at least the upheavel did not involve a motor cycle or a Heather.
 
How do I love the unmarried state, let me count the ways… 😃

Oh how I love time alone with God, all at my very own pace.
I love to sleep in my clothes at times, and wash the dishes the next day…

I love to leave orange peels on the window sill, listening to Celtic Melt audio stream, posting on the internet, my time to call my own…

I sure do enjoy eating cereal for dinner sometimes, and letting the clothes hang on the line for a week. I like to take off for the day on a whim, and I’m glad I don’t have a T.V. …

No jarring James Bond Marathon in my home, or irritating messes but my own. I sure do like my 2 cute dogs, and letting the dust gather behind the toilet seat…

It’s nice to go to bed at night, whenever I darned well please. And lounge around in my warm up pants, and raise my daughters the way I please.
 
Maybe he should think about being a deacon. The diaconate program makes it clear that the first vocation a married man has is his marriage. Hope that you find some professional help. However, chose wisely, there are a lot of kooks out there.

Deacon Tony SFO
 
Definitely get some Catholic marriage counseling. Your husband also needs some theology education because most of the old testament laws were abolished with the new covenant.

God Bless you!
 
He should seek and follow a spiritual director…

The seven habits suggested by Fr. McCloskey here will give some idea of a NORMAL spiritual life:

The Seven Habits of Holy Apostolic People (Catholicity)

I think he would need YOUR consent to become a priest; it would not require an anullment, to the best of my knowledge.

He should not be neglecting his family … loving your wife and children IS loving God.
 
If your husband is very serious about his faith he would be a very humble and gentle man. Obviously he is off track and not really living the Catholic faith.

He needs a spiritual director and fast! The saints talk about the importance of having one, St. Pio, St. Teresa… Has he read about the saint’s lives?

Peace,
Jen
 
Samaritan_Woman said:
…observes almost every old testament law and the Lord’s Day is treated like a Jewish Sabbath = no work…
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It sounds more like he wants to be Jewish or JW. Tell him to pray and read all the books St. Paul wrote in the bible and definately a spiritual director will help to keep him and yourself on track.
 
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