Should my priest have refused me absolution?

[solanus]

I went to confession today and the priest whom I was confessing to refused me absolution. He explained to me that the sins I have committed are sins I have confessed before and he does not believe my actions of repeating these sins are a sign that I am repentant.

Here is my situation and question. The sin he was referring to was the fact that my wife and I are not open to life during our marital relations. I believe firmly in the Church’s teaching on this matter but my wife does not. I explained this to Father and he stated that I have a responsibility to evangelize her.

So am I to with hold marital relations from my wife?

Also, he told me to come back when I have prepared properly and have truly made repentance of my sins. Do I go back to him after explaining to my wife that I can’t have relations with her and ask for absolution? Help!

Oh yes, I made the mistake of telling him at one point that after reading a book on St. Padre Pio’s life I came back to the Church. Before I left he mentioned to me that St. Pio only absolved one out of four penitents and that this day was the Feast Day of St. Pio.

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Assuming that your report of his actions is correct, it sounds to me that you need a new confessor. While undoubtedly well-intentioned in wanting to uphold the Church’s teaching on contraception, this priest is wrong in its application. What he should have told you is that you did not sin *at all *by having marital relations while tolerating your wife’s insistence on using contraception.

Although you cannot yourself use contraception (e.g., condoms), you can engage in marital relations with your wife even if she insists on using contraception herself (e.g., the Pill). You are required to make known to her your objection to using contraception, to pray for her and to provide her with information on the issue of why you oppose contraception (e.g., moral and physical dangers); but, for the sake of maintaining the marriage, you are not required to abstain from the marital act with her.

Also problematic is your priest’s apparent idea that he should refuse absolution to people based on St. Pio of Pietrelcina’s alleged record of refusing absolution to many of his penitents. St. Pio was reputedly able to read the souls of his penitents and thus know with certainty their interior dispositions. Your priest, unless he is able to claim the same rare spiritual gift, should be basing his decision for absolution on the manifest repentance of his penitents. Even if a penitent repeatedly commits the same sin – and, I must reiterate, by your report, it does not appear that you sinned *at all *in this area *-- *all that is required for absolution is the firm purpose of amendment *at the time of the confession *not to repeat the sin. Only if the priest has reason to believe the confession is insincere should he consider refusing absolution.

All in all, I recommend going to another priest, explaining the situation, and asking him to hear your confession. I also recommend giving a copy of the document linked below to the confessor who refused you absolution.

Recommended reading:

Vademecum for Confessors by the Pontifical Council for the Family