Should my wife convert?

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My wife is currently in RCIA and will be coming into the Church at Easter time.

However I’m not certain she should go through with it, for one she doesn’t believe in the Eucharist or what the Church teaches about it. She says she will convert and pray and hope belief comes in time. There are other things she takes issue with but nothing I would call a show stopper but this one.
 
ChristIsLord said:
My wife is currently in RCIA and will be coming into the Church at Easter time.

However I’m not certain she should go through with it, for one she doesn’t believe in the Eucharist or what the Church teaches about it. She says she will convert and pray and hope belief comes in time. There are other things she takes issue with but nothing I would call a show stopper but this one.
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Thats a tough one.

Believing that the Eucharist is the true body and blood of Jesus is so central and important to being Catholic. It is really what seperates us from the Protestants, and it is one of the things that I think converts to our faith have the most trouble dealing with. They come from a background where communion is symbolic and are taught that Jesus never meant what he said!:eek:

Sadly though, there are far to many cradle Catholics that don’t believe in the Eucharist these days, at least not in the way they are supposed to. So how do you convince a convert?😦

Maybe you should try going outside the RCIA program so your wife can hear from different sources on the subject. There are many good books on the subject, and EWTN would be a good place to start. The One True Faith is an excellent program, and the episode on the Eucharist makes a very compelling argument for our belief in it.

I pray and hope that in the time you have before Easter, your wife will come to see the truth…
 
I hope things turn around for her, I’ve showed her Bible verses and given her books to read, but in the end no Bible verse or author will convince someone who has such long seated doubts about it.

She was baptized Catholic but raised Lutheran so she’ll recieve Confirmation, Reconciliation and Holy Communion at Easter time. I think being raised Lutheran makes it very difficult for her. I’ve never pushed my religion on her I’ve tried to sway her to the Catholic Church but RCIA was her idea. She also gets interesting teachings from the RCIA instructor the latest one was that baptism didn’t wash away original sin, and original sin really didn’t exist. So I’m sure the RCIA instructor isn’t helping, I end up having to correct half the stuff she’s taught.

If it weren’t for the Eucharist I would’ve probably left the Church a long time ago, it’s one of the only things that have enabled me to persist in this Church against my doubts and the one thing keeping her from making a full conversion.
 
I think it’s important to make a distinction here between belief and understanding. If your wife is willing to accept the teaching of the Church on the Eucharist on faith, and pray for understanding at a later time, then this is acceptable. After all, there are things like the Trinity that we accept despite the fact that we don’t understand exactly how they work. If, however, she isn’t willing to believe in the actual presence, that would be a much larger stumbling block.

I hope that makes sense / helps.

-CK
 
Why don’t you leave that between her, the pastor of your parish, and the RCIA director? She is a grown woman, not a child. I have known people to say they have problems with belief on certain subjects (Mary, the Eucharist), only to receive a clearer picutre of the matter and develop faith during the process.

If she decides to become Catholic, as long as she is acting in good faith, it’s not up to you. I would even give my opinion that you suggest she make an appointment with the pastor or one of the other priests (if you’re lucky enough to have more than one priest) should she express doubts. That way, nobody can blame you for her thought process and choices.
 
OutinChgoburbs said:
**Why don’t you leave that between her, the pastor of your parish, **and the RCIA director? She is a grown woman, not a child. I have known people to say they have problems with belief on certain subjects (Mary, the Eucharist), only to receive a clearer picutre of the matter and develop faith during the process.

If she decides to become Catholic, as long as she is acting in good faith, it’s not up to you. I would even give my opinion that you suggest she make an appointment with the pastor or one of the other priests (if you’re lucky enough to have more than one priest) should she express doubts. That way, nobody can blame you for her thought process and choices.
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Simple, because I’m her husband and concerned for her spiritual well-being, as the husband I am called to be the spiritual leader of our household and I wouldn’t want her converting just so she can go up in the Communion line even though she doesn’t accept the Catholic teaching. I don’t think my wife a “child” I’m insulted by the assumption, it is quite a leap to say something like that from my very innocent original post.

Nothing is up to me of course I thought I was pretty clear on that in my OP. We’ve been married 7 years and I’ve never pushed her to convert, it’s always her decision. But for you to expect me to leave everything about my wifes conversion between her and her Pastor and take no part of the process is just bad advice I won’t heed at all, and totally unrealistic and frankly absurd.
 
Did you give her books on Eucharistic miracles? They were a help to this convert.

I progressed from accepting the Real Presence as a Church teaching, to intellectual belief, to whole-hearted belief. It took a while.

If she wants to convert because she believes that the Church is the one, holy, Apostolic Church founded by Christ, then I think she should convert. Belief in the Real Presence will come in time.

If she’s *only *converting because she wants to receive the Eucharist, then no.

But I can’t see into her heart - can you?

God bless both of you,

Ruthie
 
Your wife should remain in RCIA as long as she needs to. The “schedules” are a matter of convenience and are thus artificial. If she’s not ready next spring, she may be ready next fall, or the following spring, etc.
 
There is a difference between believing and understanding everything that we believe. If it is a matter of refusal to believe that is one thing, but failing to fully understand what the Church teaches is not a thing to be feared in terms of converting. In reciting the Act of Faith, we say:

O My God, I firmly believe that thou art one God in three Divine Persons, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I believe that Thy Divine Son became man, died for our sins, and that He will come again to judge the living and the dead. I believe these and all the truths which the Holy Catholic Church teaches because thou hast revealed them, Who canst neither deceive nor be deceived.

We accept the teachings because Jesus has revealed these teaching to His Church. A deeper understanding can come later.
 
ChristIsLord said:
My wife is currently in RCIA and will be coming into the Church at Easter time.

However I’m not certain she should go through with it, for one she doesn’t believe in the Eucharist or what the Church teaches about it. She says she will convert and pray and hope belief comes in time. There are other things she takes issue with but nothing I would call a show stopper but this one.
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That is between her, the priest and God.

I think that it would be a mistake to push her either direction.
 
ChristIsLord said:
Simple, because I’m her husband and concerned for her spiritual well-being, as the husband I am called to be the spiritual leader of our household and I wouldn’t want her converting just so she can go up in the Communion line even though she doesn’t accept the Catholic teaching. I don’t think my wife a “child” I’m insulted by the assumption, it is quite a leap to say something like that from my very innocent original post.

Nothing is up to me of course I thought I was pretty clear on that in my OP. We’ve been married 7 years and I’ve never pushed her to convert, it’s always her decision. But for you to expect me to leave everything about my wifes conversion between her and her Pastor and take no part of the process is just bad advice I won’t heed at all, and totally unrealistic and frankly absurd.
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Well, you ask for advice out in public, you’re going to get advice. It’s yours to take or not as you wish.🤷 Are you going to go to confession with her, as well, as in the confessional? No. Your thought process as your place as spiritual head of your family is extreme, in my opinon. She is entitled to pursue the process, even if you tell her no. Your pastor has the final authority as to whether or not she becomes Catholic. Not you.
 
Belief in the Eucharist is definitely a deal-breaker. It is a central dogma of our faith. When she enters the Church, she will have to make a profession of faith stating that she believes ALL that the Catholic Church teaches. To do so before she is ready would be a lie.

Let her take her time. Just because she is in RCIA now does not mean she has to be received into the Church this Easter. There should be no artificial deadlines. She needs to be given as much time as she needs to make sure she accepts ALL the Church’s teachings before she is received into the Church.

And don’t rush her. Saint Josemaria Escriva likened trying to rush a person’s conversion to taking a flower bud and trying to pull the petals open to force it to bloom. You end up killing the flower.
 
ChristIsLord said:
My wife is currently in RCIA and will be coming into the Church at Easter time.

However I’m not certain she should go through with it, for one she doesn’t believe in the Eucharist or what the Church teaches about it. She says she will convert and pray and hope belief comes in time. There are other things she takes issue with but nothing I would call a show stopper but this one.
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Keep in mind that the RCIA is a process, and learning about the faith & accepting the faith is a part of that process. If a person believes and professes everything that the Church teaches upon starting RCIA, there would be no need for it.

Right now is not the time to ask the question “am I ready to be received into the Church?” That time will come. She has already come to the conclusion that RCIA is the right thing for her to do, so she is headed in the right direction.

In the meantime, continue to guide her, support her, and teach her the eternal truths of the faith.
 
Just to clarify a few things for the topic, I don’t make spiritual decisions for my wife, if I did she would’ve converted years ago. I’ve prayed for her conversion but never even pushed the issue, simply explained the faith to her and answered questions.

However I do believe that the mans role inthe family is spiritual head of the household, I think as the Father goes with faith so does the family. If the Fahter is luke warm the family tends to follow, if the Father is on fire the family tends to follow. Not sure if that’s “PC” but it’s what I’ve seen, and the man is to be the spiritual head of the household it is Biblical and I see nothing extreme about it. I also work and earn all the money and my wife stays home, she retired at 25 and she couldn’t be happier and that chaff’s a lot of peoples backsides…

If after RCIA is complete and my wife is essentially a Protestant who just wants to recieve Communion then I would interject and say she should give it more time before going through with it.

Not believing int he Eucharist is essentially not believing in anything about the Catholic faith, not whatJesus says, not what the ECF’s said, not what the Catechism says, not what the Pope, Bishops, and Priests say, nothing. I would think she would be better off a believing Christian in the Lutheran Church than faking it in the Catholic Church…
 
ChristIsLord said:
However I do believe that the mans role inthe family is spiritual head of the household, I think as the Father goes with faith so does the family. If the Fahter is luke warm the family tends to follow, if the Father is on fire the family tends to follow. Not sure if that’s “PC” but it’s what I’ve seen, and the man is to be the spiritual head of the household it is Biblical and I see nothing extreme about it. …
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I’m with you!

You are the head of the family when it comes to matters of faith. As a matter of fact, it was exactly this point that brought me back to my faith.

When my children were very young, it was my wife who brought my kids to Church, and it was her that made sure they made it to religous instruction. I was to busy, to tired, overworked, bla bla bla. But one day my wife showed me a survey done by a Catholic organisation, whose name escapes me, but it said that only 30 something % of children will follow the mothers into the faith and continue in the faith if they are the only ones going to Mass, while over 80% of children would follow the fathers into the faith and stay in the faith! Well, right then and there I knew that it was my responsibility to get my kids to Church, and to re-connect myself to the faith so I can teach them properly. I haven’t looked back since, and it has been a wonderful connecting expierience not only to the Church, but to my wife and kids to! It has completed my fatherhood to see my kids actually excited about Church and it warms my heart when they ask me questions about it and when we say grace

So while it might not be PC, the father is in charge when it comes to matters of faith. But as you have stated, you cannot and have not pushed your wife into this, and thats a good thing. But you should be a part of the process, and your concern is warranted IMHO…
 
There is a fine line to follow between being the spiritual head of a family and becoming controlling. I hope that you have found that balance.

My husband and I have been married 43 years. He was not interested in religion. He never, in any way, denigrated my beliefs but he seldom came to church with me and was basically a gentle agnostic.

Two years ago he was baptised and is now a devout Catholic. It is wonderful for me to have him “the spiritual head of our family.” I love sitting next to him in Church and singing in the choir with him.

A man can only be the spiritual head of the family, if he is humble enough to realize that he is not the one in charge, but that God is.

It will be his love for Christ, his dedication to Mary, and the love and care that he gives to his wife and children that will be the deciding factor as to whether or not his family will indeed see him as someone worth emulating.
 
I agree with some of the others who said look into things like miracles of the eucharist (that was fascinating to me when I converted), and maybe reading about some other converts’ experiences might help. What helped me was reading about Dr. Scott Hahn’s explanation of his struggle with John chapter 6 - the bread of life discourse. When he said he read it over and over and realized that Jesus explicitly said 4 times that you must eat His flesh and drink His blood or you would not have life in you, and that many of His disciples walked away from Him (“the first protestants” as Dr. Hahn likes to say with a smile ), and that He didn’t send Peter after them to tell them they misunderstood him or that He was only speaking symbolically, and in fact asked Peter if he would leave as well, it really hit home with me. Jesus was always correcting and explaining his parables to his apostles and disciples. He did not do this when He gave His bread of life discourse. The people understood that He was not speaking symbolically - that’s why they said it was too hard, that’s why they walked away, because to them Jesus was talking like a cannibal. And Dr. Hahn isn’t the only one who has spoken about this, it seems I’ve heard many people on Marcus Grodi’s program “The Journey Home” talk about this, too. Dr. Hahn writes about it in his book “Rome, Sweet Home” and also in his excellent “The Lamb’s Supper”. So you might check out some of those. And of course pray for your wife. Easter is a ways away, and by then she may have an epiphany. Also, I don’t think you should talk her out of joining the church; if the Holy Spirit has led her this way, then let the Spirit work. She can talk with the priest about her doubts, and with you, and with the RCIA class, and leave the rest up to God. And if it helps, she could also read This Rock magazine (the articles are archived here), listen to any of the archived Catholic Answers shows, listen to any of a number of speakers like Dr. Hahn, Marcus Grodi, Tim Staples, etc., who have spoken about this subject. There certainly has been a lot written about it and a lot of discussion about it!
 
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I would think she would be better off a believing Christian in the Lutheran Church than faking it in the Catholic Church…
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I agree. Why is she in RCIA anyway, if you don't mind my asking? With all the doubts and all.
 
Xenos8 said:
I agree. Why is she in RCIA anyway, if you don’t mind my asking? With all the doubts and all.
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The Catholic Church was very kind to us after our son passed away, it gives her comfort to believe our son is a Saint in Heaven who can offer prayers for our family. In the Lutheran Church he’s just dead and gone. She has also engrossed herself in the early Christian Church which is undeniably Catholic and she can see that.

Like I said I’ve never pushed her into converting, this was solely her decision. Being the spiritual head of the household for me means ensuring everyone is up and off to Church, leading prayers, encouraging Bible reading, and overall being a good example etc…

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