Should our daughter be an altar girl??

[Tsuwano]

Whether or not you allow your daughter to be an altar girl, I’m proud of her. She has a desire to serve the people of God, a desire that is increasingly difficult to find either among children and adults. I believe her desire should be encouraged. If you do not allow your daughter to serve at the altar, you and your parish need to help her find meaningful ways in which she can serve. Remember, her call to service, even as an 11 year old, is a call from God and is as legitimate as any other call. She may need help in her discernment, but simply not allowing her to be an altar girl because she may at some future point desire to be a priest, is, in my opinion, not a proper response.

 

[Lee_M]

If you’re uncomfortable with your daughter being an altar server, don’t permit her to do that. I would put together the reasons why you’re telling her no to this and relay it to her in a way she’ll understand. Then, find other ways for her to serve within your church.

I don’t see any harm in letting her serve as an altar server. The church allows it. I don’t see any more harm in a female serving as an altar server as I would as a female reader, choir leader, or sacristan. When I read people write, let her help with the flowers or let her help clean the sanctuary, it disheartens me. And I am a male. Should women be priests? The popes have said no. So I respect that. But Pope John Paul II decided to let females serve and I respect that. We couldn’t get enough boys to participate as servers at our church and the females have helped fill the role and they are doing a good job with it. It has brought my daughter closer to Christ and I’m proud to see her up there serving our Lord.

 

[Lee_M]

Be warned, this subject of female altar servers is beating a dead horse. I’m sure this thread will lead to heated bickering and will wind up being closed.

 

[Lee_M]

One more thing I believe should be addressed. Before I would consider people’s opinions from the WWW that I did not even know, I would also talk to a priest that I knew and trusted. Tell him how you feel and ask him for his opinion and advice.

 

[aurora77]

I don’t see any harm in letting her serve as an altar server. The church allows it. I don’t see any more harm in a female serving as an altar server as I would as a female reader, choir leader, or sacristan. When I read people write, let her help with the flowers or let her help clean the sanctuary, it disheartens me. And I am a male. Should women be priests? The popes have said no. So I respect that. But Pope John Paul II decided to let females serve and I respect that. We couldn’t get enough boys to participate as servers at our church and the females have helped fill the role and they are doing a good job with it. It has brought my daughter closer to Christ and I’m proud to see her up there serving our Lord.

I didn’t give any opinion on the issue of female altar servers. The OP is uncomfortable with his/her daughter being an altar server. At 11, that decision lies in the hands of the parents, not the little girl. If her parents don’t want her to do this, they should find other outlets for her to serve the church.

Nowhere did I write that she should be cleaning the church or arranging flowers (as though those are unimportant tasks, they most certainly are not). There are many wonderful ways women and girls can serve the church–they aren’t relegated to “just” doing so-called menial tasks.

 

[Lee_M]

I didn’t give any opinion on the issue of female altar servers. The OP is uncomfortable with his/her daughter being an altar server. At 11, that decision lies in the hands of the parents, not the little girl. If her parents don’t want her to do this, they should find other outlets for her to serve the church.

Why are you quoting me as if I was addressing you? I was responding to the thread in general. If you took it as I was addressing you, I apologize. If I was I would have quoted you like I did on this post. Of course the decision lies with the parents.

P.S. Also I’m not saying that arranging flowers or cleaning isn’t an important position. It is just that some think that is the only things females can do inside of a church.

 

[Lee_M]

P.S. Also I’m not saying that arranging flowers or cleaning isn’t an important position. It is just that some think that is the only things females can do inside of a church.

 

[aurora77]

Why are you quoting me as if I was addressing you? I was responding to the thread in general. If you took it as I was addressing you, I apologize. If I was I would have quoted you like I did on this post. Of course the decision lies with the parents.

P.S. Also I’m not saying that arranging flowers or cleaning isn’t an important position. It is just that some think that is the only things females can do inside of a church.

You did quote me. Or maybe my computer is just making it look that way. Anyway, I think we’re in agreement!

 

[Lee_M]

You did quote me. Or maybe my computer is just making it look that way. Anyway, I think we’re in agreement!

Oops sorry. I did quote you. I meant to hit the post reply button and hit the quote button instead. I would edit it, but it won’t let me. I think it is time for bed. I’m truly sorry.

 

[KingAlfred]

I’d let her do it. I hope it works out. My son was an altar boy for years, and then one day he unceremoniously announced he didn’t believe in God anymore. He still doesn’t. I hope it’s just a phase (he’s in college).

 

[Ankabaranka_87]

I haven’t read all the other posts…but, in my opinion, I think you should let her do it. I see nothing wrong with her being an altar server except that it may go against the traditions that you were used to growing up. I had been an alter server for 4 years and I felt useful. Yes, i know I just could have helped with flowers and other things like that, but none of them fulfilled me (or connected me) as much as when i was an alter server. plus, for the first few years (sorry to admit this ), but I paid more attention to the service when i was a server than when I was in the audience. I think it was partially because i was an alter server that i became closer to my faith. Even after so many years, I still have fond memories of me serving.

I fear that your daughter may not understand your reasoning (and you might risk some potential issues…). I know for myself, if my parents disallowed me at that age, I would not understand and i may get upset. why don’t you give her a pleasant experience with the church?

 

[Lepanto]

Many opinions have been given on this thread so far, yet nobody has responded to the Vatican’s comments (post #10) or Fr. Markey’s letter (post #16).

I am interested in getting your take on them.

 

[Lee_M]

Many opinions have been given on this thread so far, yet nobody has responded to the Vatican’s comments (post #10) or Fr. Markey’s letter (post #16).

I am interested in getting your take on them.

Nowhere does it say that females are not to serve. If a pastor decides to have all male servers, then that would be his decision. No, the laity do not have the right to service at the altar, but the pastor at the local parish has authorized the use of female servers. It is my opinion that the OP’s daughter should be able to serve if the pastor has no problem with it. Many people are focused on the “traditional disciplines” of the church and feel that only men should have a role in service and that a female’s only place is in the pew. A lot of young Catholics could be discouraged and eventually fall from the Church and join the Protestant churches down the road where they feel that they are more welcome.

I’m not saying that there should be women priests and that women have as much right to be a priest as a man does. But currently the Vatican allows female altar servers and we should leave it at that.

 

[Lepanto]

Nowhere does it say that females are not to serve. If a pastor decides to have all male servers, then that would be his decision. No, the laity do not have the right to service at the altar, but the pastor at the local parish has authorized the use of female servers. It is my opinion that the OP’s daughter should be able to serve if the pastor has no problem with it.

You are commenting on what the Vatican document doesn’t say. Can you comment on what it does say? (I excerpted the key points in post #10). Thanks.

 

[mullenpm]

I must agree with the responders who said that your daughter should not be an altar girl.

As one person said - she will grow bored or frustrated when she learns that there is no advancement for her in the RCC.

There is enough turmoil in the Anglican Church because of the very idea of women serving at the altar (sorry, I just cannot call them priests).

:knight2:

 

[Lee_M]

I must agree with the responders who said that your daughter should not be an altar girl.

As one person said - she will grow bored or frustrated when she learns that there is no advancement for her in the RCC.

There is enough turmoil in the Anglican Church because of the very idea of women serving at the altar (sorry, I just cannot call them priests).

:knight2:

I don’t understand. I’m a married man. One of these days, I would like to be a deacon. But I guess I shouldn’t because I’ll grow bored and frustrated since there is no further advancement in the RCC. Therefore I should sit in the pew so I don’t grow bored. There are other things that she can do later down the road. The lay ministry can be very fulfilling.

 

[Lee_M]

You are commenting on what the Vatican document doesn’t say. Can you comment on what it does say? (I excerpted the key points in post #10). Thanks.

I believe if the time comes that His Excellency decrees that female altar servers are not to be used, I will respect his decision. That time has not yet come and it is up to the individual pastors.

 

[Edward62]

Yes for goodness sake let her serve. If she feels called she should do it.

My sister and I (a guy obviously) served from the time we were twelve until we went off for college… and still would if we didn’t move so far away. There were lots of young women who served at the altar in our parish and they did a great job… in fact I think a bit more reverently than most of us guys because they tended to pay more attention.

 

[Aramis]

Keep in mind: it is highly likely that His Holiness is likely to strike the permission for female altar servers; he’s implied (prior to his elevation) that he does not approve of them.

Many cite the primary reason for altar servers is to allow young men to be close to the priest, to be able to learn the liturgy, and develop those who have the call to the priesthood towards accepting that call. Every Roman priest I know who isn’t a convert was an altar server before the seminary, and even one convert was. Further, time as an Acolyte is required of seminarians, as is time as a Lector.

 

[snhs]

Our 11 year old daughter wants to be an altar girl, I am against it. I guess I’m “old school”, I think it should only be for boys and young men. She has a classmate (also an eleven year old), her best friend who serves at Mass. I’m not sure if our daughter wants to serve Mass because her friend is doing it or because she really wants to. What do you think?

You know your daughter far better than anyone on here, I’d be inclined to say you should trust your instincts and not allow it. There’s a strong temptation at that age (for boys and girls) to just go along with what your friends are doing. And while that, of itself, isn’t always bad in this case it could be, particularly if, say, her friend decides to quit at some point down the line.

What is more important is that you are able to explain your decision to her, and I think it might need to go into a bit more depth than being “old school”. As others have pointed out if she is just looking for a way to serve Our Lord there are other ways to do so, spending time at adoration, for example. If you explain the importance of encouraging boys to consider the Priesthood and how Altar serving has been such a successful way of doing that in the past, and something which has been supported by the Church then hopefully she will understand why you think its not the best idea.