Should someone date if they are discerning a religious life?

[McKevin]

Interesting. I didn’t know that in the Protestant Church your expected to marry but is it required? Very interesting. I know its a heavy yoke for a young person to bear. Only you can dicide if your up for it. I wish there was an easy answer for you my friend. Your definitly in a good position to help unify Catholics and Protestants.

I’m not sure about marriage being a requirement, but in this particular denomination the Church board interviews the pastor-elect’s wife and family as part of the selection process, and I haven’t seen or heard of any single preachers.

 

[McKevin]

Knowing “the rest of the story” helps clear things up. Okay, I would suggest that you forget my last post then. You have too many other decisions that need to be made first before you decide on a life-long decision between ordination and marriage. You first need to decide between Catholic or Protestant. Because your father is/was a Protestant preacher and is attempting to re-enter as a preacher, it can be a tough. Undoubtedly, you love your father and have a desire to help him — but at the same time, you feel a connection to the Catholic Church. This situation coupled with the decision of marriage vs. Priesthood will only serve to cause the situation to become overly tough. You’re sounding as though you are considering it this way:

If I help my father, I can serve God as a Church leader AND be married. All I would have to do is leave the Catholic Church and I can then pursue the things I want without restriction.

Herein lays the problem. As Catholics, we believe the Church (the Catholic Church) to be the “pillar of Truth” talked about in the book of James. Reread the above italics text substituting the words Catholic Church with the words “pillar of Truth.”
Again, I feel that your first decision should be in deciding whether you wish to be a Catholic or Protestant. It’s noble to want to help you father restart his desire, but your life belongs to you and what you do with it will be held accountable only to you.
Now having said all that… is there any chance that you might be able to help your father cross the Tiber (in other words, come home to the Catholic Church)? God bless.

Thanks for taking the time to post your responses.

You really hit the nail on the head with your intuition. However, a new understanding of John chapter 6 and the Roman Church is why I converted, and it’s also why I took a lay-certification class at the seminary and plan on attending a discernment weekend there this winter.

After 4 years of being Catholic I just managed to get one of my sister’s in RCIA, and I think the rest of my family is on the bubble…so my dad’s return to ministry will no-doubt complicate their decisions. As for my dad becoming Catholic, I’m pretty sure that isn’t going to happen. He is scheduled to meet with some folks from the denomination and then preach there this Sunday.

There are some members at this church who I have known my entire life but not seen in many years, and he would like for me to go to church with him this Sunday…as much as I would like to see these people and be reacquainted with old memories, it just doesn’t seem like a wise thing for me to do.

 

[KatholikosMercy]

I’m not sure about marriage being a requirement, but in this particular denomination the Church board interviews the pastor-elect’s wife and family as part of the selection process, and I haven’t seen or heard of any single preachers.

Doesn’t sound like it is required officially but may be expected. To me the problem for you there would be how you could teach Protestant doctrine that is at odds with Catholicism. I think you said before that you are a Catholic. I am assuming you are confirmed and make Communion when in a state of grace. I don’t see how you could be a Protestant minister and follow the obligations of the Catholic Church and ever be viewed as any more than an infiltrator within a Protestant congregation. Don’t get me wrong, I have no way of knowing your situation but to do what your claiming wouldn’t you have to deny such truths as The True Presence of Christ in the Eucharist, guidance of the apostolic succession, the doctrine of reconciliation, and so on and so on? As a Catholic I don’t see how you could avoid denying the validity of the sacraments preaching to Protestants as I would think that would most certainly come up.

 

[McKevin]

Knowing “the rest of the story” helps clear things up. …

My dad just told me his news after my original post. So, this is a very new development and really threw this thread off target. I originally asked about dating because I’ve committed to a discernment weekend at the seminary this winter and have since met a girl at work who I am very interested in getting to know better…so my plan was to ask her out to lunch and just take things from there.

 

[KatholikosMercy]

Thanks for taking the time to post your responses.

You really hit the nail on the head with your intuition. However, a new understanding of John chapter 6 and the Roman Church is why I converted, and it’s also why I took a lay-certification class at the seminary and plan on attending a discernment weekend there this winter.

After 4 years of being Catholic I just managed to get one of my sister’s in RCIA, and I think the rest of my family is on the bubble…so my dad’s return to ministry will no-doubt complicate their decisions. As for my dad becoming Catholic, I’m pretty sure that isn’t going to happen. He is scheduled to meet with some folks from the denomination and then preach there this Sunday.

There are some members at this church who I have known my entire life but not seen in many years, and he would like for me to go to church with him this Sunday…as much as I would like to see these people and be reacquainted with old memories, it just doesn’t seem like a wise thing for me to do.

I am sorry, that must be a tough tough situation for you. I can’t even recommend to what to do in this trial for you brother. As much I would like to give you the right answer I don’t know if I can. However, I can sympathize and offer you prayers and ask for the intercession of all the angels and saints for you as well. I can speak from my own experiences in hopes something might help. If I were in your shoes which I am not and I can only speculate if we even have anything in common I would naturally suspect the invitation to go there this Sunday to be to revert you back. I apologize for my cynicism. That being said though I would at the very least say the 3 biggest reason people avoid the Catholic Church are Lack of data (ignorance of the facts), prejudice and bad Catholics so the best way we can evangelize sometime is simply by the example we can set by living the most holy life we can. Stay firm in the Faith and waiver not my friend. Prayers are with you.

 

[KatholikosMercy]

My dad just told me his news after my original post. So, this is a very new development and really threw this thread off target. I originally asked about dating because I’ve committed to a discernment weekend at the seminary this winter and have since met a girl at work who I am very interested in getting to know better…so my plan was to ask her out to lunch and just take things from there.

Ah, Well life is seldom simple eh. If your interested in this girl then ask her out, just don’t sin. A discernment weekend isn’t actually entering the seminary. The post about the analogy of the Church as a spouse too should be revisited. I would say you don’t sound sure of which way you want to go and thats ok. I would say try both and maybe from that you will be able to make your final dicision on which path to take. No matter what path you take you have still already converted to the Chruch and should stay there either way. There is no shame in marriage within the Chruch and though marriage would open the door to Protestant ministry for you the fact that you have already come home has already closed that door. So please do not see marriage as a means to that end because it is a means to parenting children. Like I said before though, that most definitly would not preclude you to becoming a Deacon at a later date if you were to decide to marry instead of seek a Pastoral or other form of Celibate Priesthood.

Peace and best wishes in choosing the best option for you.

Is this girl Catholic?

 

[mary_kaufmann]

A thought to consider- you mentioned that to follow this heart pull into an ordained celibate calling would require you to give up female companionship. If you are able to read your motives and your heart, you could have holy friendship with women that could encourage you towards God. In fact, ideally, a celibate calling should be a setting that allows you to live a holy friendship with both male and female friends. If we think of a celibate calling as a situation where healthy closeness with members of the opposite sex is prohibited by definition, it is no wonder that you are struggling.

 

[KatholikosMercy]

A thought to consider- you mentioned that to follow this heart pull into an ordained celibate calling would require you to give up female companionship. If you are able to read your motives and your heart, you could have holy friendship with women that could encourage you towards God. In fact, ideally, a celibate calling should be a setting that allows you to live a holy friendship with both male and female friends. If we think of a celibate calling as a situation where healthy closeness with members of the opposite sex is prohibited by definition, it is no wonder that you are struggling.

Were you addressing me here Mary or the Gentleman struggling with discerment?

I am having difficulty seeing how you derived that anyone suggested a celibate calling would prohibit having a holy frienship between a male and a female. Celibate or not we are all called to that situation. I admire your postition that you could have holy friendships with women that could encourage you towards God. If I could find the woman who could do that I would ask her out myself. Unfortunately those women in my life to this date that have fit that bill of encouraging me toward God for some reason or other didn’t fit the spousal bill. Those reasons that weren’t obvious like the woman being a nun or a much older widow have caused me to make many mistakes in my life. Maybe you could fit that bill. Lol

 

[TobyLue]

I supposed it all has to do with where you are in a relationship with a woman. If you are dating I see no reason to stop dating. The thing to do is to express yourself to the woman you are dating and if she is a good Catholic Christian woman she will not stand in your way. I heard this young man once give testimony right after mass once that he was just a week or so away from being ordained into the priesthood and one of the persons he wanted to thank was his fiancée. He said that she was very supportive of his decision. They prayed a lot together. She kept contact with him all through the training but she never pressured him to marry her. It was hard on her but she realized that he loved God more than he loved her and she was determined to see him through if it was God really calling him to the priesthood. I thought that was pretty cool of this young woman to realize that she had lost her fiancée to someone better.

 

[mdstanzel]

A good self evaluation of ones beliefs are in order here. Why convert if you’re not convicted to the beliefs of the Church? Are you chaste in your relationships? Do you really know what the priesthood calling is all about? Even the diaconate has the issue of remaining celibate once your spouse passes on or, sadly, leaves you.

You sound like a very young man with a calling. But that calling could be either. Do not jump the gun without giving it a try for a couple of years. Try to remember that there are so many practical issues to deal with here. Not to sound crude, but you will remain functional if you go to the seminary and later decide that you desire to marry. I’m a married bishop… that is a bishop in the domestic church. That’s a pretty important role. I was so focused on a priestly role that I overlooked this as a vocation. It’s really ashamed that the Church doesn’t ask for vocations to the married life after they ask for prayers to the priesthood and religious life – especially with the family unit being attacked throughout the western world. Pornography is killing us. We are all called to holiness and are to be chaste in what ever vocation we choose

Practical Information to consider if you choose to give the priesthood a chance:

What would you do if you don’t become a priest? Would you seek a degree or a technical skill? Either way a liberal arts degree is a wonderful thing to possess. When people know your background, they seem to respect you much more than those outside of the experience. Just today in confession a priest acknowledged the facts about or similar experiences as seminarians. Seminarians are quite respected by others for just discerning a vocation to the priesthood. Seminarian Faith Formation reflects a deep commitment to follow God’s will. I work with/for engineers as in my case while I seek licensing in my mid 40’s – delayed by chasing too many ideas. I laugh at all the seemingly illiterate men from a pure technical discipline. It’s kind of cool knowing things that are considered useless to the world. But it’s not. People with people skills climb careers better than pure technical people. In other words, seminary is not a waste of time. And you have plenty of time to get you life on the road. Take your time either way.

As far as your father is concerned, take my advice on this, he’s trying to pull you back. He may have returned to ministry because of your example to your family. Protestants are scard of effective Catholics. It shakes the core of their beliefs. A ministers son converted Catholic brings shame on him. I know, I married a non-Catholic Bishop’s daughter and whose 2 oldest sons are ministers - very anti-Catholic. Don’t do what I did. Don’t marry a non-Catholic. It will bring you much sadness and only the strong can survive. More on that on another thread.

 

[DiscerningDave]

No.
Celibacy is part of religous life. Start getting used to it.

 

[mdstanzel]

No.
Celibacy is part of religous life. Start getting used to it.

I agree with your simple post, DD. The answer is that simple. Seminarian formation is about practicing celebacy and growing spiritually. Not dating because the girls find you more attractive now that “God has chosen you”. Trust me on this. That’s why I dropped out the first time, so that I did not play games. Of course my dropping out was out of pain over a bad priest that set a horrible example that cause me to run.

If you feel called, cut off the relationship cleanly - be chaste about it. However, breaking up is difficult, but to ignore this is to set yourself and others up for future failure. If you can not comform then how will you be of use to God in the future? I saw lots of horrible seminarian formation that led to horrible acts. I saw forrible priestly formation that led to present day scandal clean-up. Scandal ran ramped in the 70’s at the peak of the sexual revolution. Don’t kid yourself. This is serious.