Should the Church offer ministries for the single?

[CountrySinger]

Ha, that last line is funny, CountrySinger! I’m sure you were being sarcastic!

No really, the guy started a fight, and he was escorted out.

Or the guy who was so nervous that he got stoned, and talked about chicken and fries all night. My romantic life is like a comedy of errors.

 

[purplesunshine]

Many dioces do offer things here and there and most are getting better at it. The problem lies in the fact that in a good group singles do marry off and the group fades out. Unlike Highschool there is no natural start and stop time of being “single” and when marriage and children come into play many of those new couples no longer want to “do catholic things” or want to do them with familes.

As rascal said get out, do things.

 

[Rascalking]

I agree with you. I’m proactive and I’m always doing tons of different things and meeting new people. I don’t see the problem of not finding dates or getting attention from women. Eventually I know I will meet the right girl. But in the meantime I’ve met some amazing people and had some amazing experiences. I wouldn’t trade any of that.

Thanks! It’s good to see another Catholic in my boat.

I agree with this paragraph word for word.

 

[Norseman82]

For me I was thinking specifically a ministry for helping alleviate the issue of Catholic singles being unable to find spouses. Not specifically matchmaking in retrospect but something that is marriage’s equivalent to those diocesan offices responsible for handling priestly and religious vocations. It would include things like singles events with Catholic speakers, etc.

Look into the National Catholic Singles Conference when it comes to the People’s Republic of Daley:

nationalcatholicsingles.com

Unlike other singles events, this conference does not give people grief for wanting to get married or tell them that they have to be happy as singles first.

Plus it is run by a very orthodox Catholic family (who attend Fr. Loya’s Byzantine-rite parish in Homer Glen, IL).

 

[paperbackwinter]

If you’re in your 20’s 30’s, I wouldn’t sweat it. But as a single person approaching 50, I don’t think that the Church needs another ministry dedicated to one type of group. The biggest problem I have is the same problem I have in the secular world. Without a spouse, married people can’t relate to you. Without children, you have no connection to other people. Hobbies only go so far to help you bridge those connections.

I don’t know what would fix that, but further segregating single people in their own group isn’t the answer. We need to stop emphasizing our differences and start looking at what we have in common. I think that what would make single people feel better is if we could integrate better. The problem isn’t the Church, it’s the cultural view we have of those who never married.

 

[Norseman82]

If you’re in your 20’s 30’s, I wouldn’t sweat it. But as a single person approaching 50, I don’t think that the Church needs another ministry dedicated to one type of group. The biggest problem I have is the same problem I have in the secular world. Without a spouse, married people can’t relate to you. Without children, you have no connection to other people. Hobbies only go so far to help you bridge those connections.

I don’t know what would fix that, but further segregating single people in their own group isn’t the answer. We need to stop emphasizing our differences and start looking at what we have in common. I think that what would make single people feel better is if we could integrate better. The problem isn’t the Church, it’s the cultural view we have of those who never married.

I don’t think it’s a matter of “segregating” them; it’s a matter of drawing them out and bringing them together so that they can connect and socialize. (Or, as one of my friends once said, “flushing them out of the thickets”).

 

[shannyk]

yes

now to next question

should single parishioners actually attend the many events, meetings, programs and other offerings made by the parish and diocese on their behalf?

:yup:

Stop telling yourself you can’t be involved in something because you’re single. I’ve never heard of singles being excluded from things. Yes, some things are geared towards families. What is wrong with being around families? Families have sons and daughters, grandchildren, nieces and nephews that are young and single. Not every member of a family is married If you want to BE a family, you’d benefit you to be around them. Also, the folks that are in choir or are on this or that committee, while they may not themselves be single for sure know people who are. It’s called networking, getting to know people.

 

[valient_Lucy]

At first blush, no. I would rather see a Young Adult ministry than a singles ministry. (As a 26 year old woman, I don’t want to be in the group as 45 year old creepy guys! Sorry. It’s true.)

HOWEVER, the OP said something very important. We do spend a tremendous time talking about persuing a religious vocation, and encouraging other young people to take an active role in persuing a vocation to the priesthood and religous life. We don’t criticize young men and women for praying that their desire to be a priest or religous will be fulfilled. We also don’t spend a tremendous time telling people who want to be a priest or religous to “just relax, don’t worry, and it will just happen.” We also don’t criticize young people for feeling that society no longer supports their desire to be a priest or religous.

However
1 Catholics do sometimes criticize single Catholics for trying to actively persue marriage, even if they feel that it is their vocation.
2 Young single Catholics (myself included) sometimes feel guilty for praying for a spouse and children, and these fears need to be addressed and alleviated.
3 Sometimes Catholics tell single Catholics to not feel worried or concerned, and don’t listen to their frustrations.
4 Sometimes, Catholics, especially older Catholics, don’t fully appreciate what a countercultural decision marriage is. Especially so many of the decisions around it. No sex before marriage, no divorce (I’m not even going to bring up contraception. That’s on another level all together.)

Now, I’m STILL not overwhelmingly in favor of a singles ministry. But, these issues should be addressed.

 

[vera_dicere]

Guess it depends on where you are. I know of Parishes in other cities that have singles groups for Catholics, but where I am, there isn’t any.

Its kind of irritating really, because there’s the youth group, and I’m a bit past sitting with teenagers listening to their problems, and the other end of the spectrum is the older individuals.

Oh well, nothing is beyond God, if marriage is what He’s destined for me, then I’ll meet the future spouse regardless.

 

[newbetx]

Guess it depends on where you are. I know of Parishes in other cities that have singles groups for Catholics, but where I am, there isn’t any.

Its kind of irritating really, because there’s the youth group, and I’m a bit past sitting with teenagers listening to their problems, and the other end of the spectrum is the older individuals.

Oh well, nothing is beyond God, if marriage is what He’s destined for me, then I’ll meet the future spouse regardless.

They tried to change our “young adults” group to a “Catholic Singles” group. It didn’t go over well. I think the issue was more of a problem of “if it’s a singles group, once you get married, you’re not welcome to hang around.” So it changed back… however, they did finally have to put an upper bound on the age. So they call it a group of 20 somethings.

The thing I personally don’t like about “Catholic Singles group” is it sounds like a “meat market.” I completely understand the need/calling/desire to be married. As much as I honor those that have chosen the religious orders, many more of us choose the family. Please don’t think of the plea for singles to consider religious orders as a message that you are being discouraged from the married vocation. We do have a shortage of good priests and sisters here in America. There is no greater choice between the two. However, you are automatically a member of the Single Vocation until you commit to either Holy Orders or Marriage.

God has a plan for all of us. He is also more patient. Pray and discern. Who knows what doing good works with other singles might lead. I worry that people are too concerned with “wanting” a spouse or a child. It’s almost as if they (spouse or child) become a “thing” to possess. That’s not how it is suppose to be.

 

[Norseman82]

At first blush, no. I would rather see a Young Adult ministry than a singles ministry. (As a 26 year old woman, I don’t want to be in the group as 45 year old creepy guys! Sorry. It’s true.)

Are you saying that if a male is 45 and unmarried, he is creepy?

 

[CountrySinger]

valient Lucy;6563508:

At first blush, no. I would rather see a Young Adult ministry than a singles ministry. (As a 26 year old woman, I don’t want to be in the group as 45 year old creepy guys! Sorry. It’s true.)

Are you saying that if a male is 45 and unmarried, he is creepy?

Only if he says to a woman “do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk by again.” Oh wait, that applies to any man! .

I had a more inappropriate pick up line that was said to me recently, but this a family site.

 

[Norseman82]

However, you are automatically a member of the Single Vocation until you commit to either Holy Orders or Marriage.

That is incorrect on multiple counts.

First, “single” is a “state”, not a vocation. The Catechism never lists it as a “vocation”; the only state of life vocations listed are marriage and “virginity for the sake of the kingdom”, which is further qualified as priestly ministry or consecrated life.

Second, CCC 1603 lists marriage as the vocation planted in our nature, so until one discerns that one has a vocation to “virginity for the sake of the kingdom”, it is safe to conclude that the natural - some may call it default - vocation is marriage.

I worry that people are too concerned with “wanting” a spouse or a child. It’s almost as if they (spouse or child) become a “thing” to possess. That’s not how it is suppose to be.

Actually, that IS how it is supposed to be - you know, the whole “it is not good for the man to be alone” thing; we were put on this earth to “be fruitful and multiply”.

 

[chevalier]

I might ask my parish pastor to mention me in the announcements as a gift for 30th birthday.

 

[Norseman82]

I might ask my parish pastor to mention me in the announcements as a gift for 30th birthday.

You get a “gold star” for creative marketing!!!

 

[valient_Lucy]

Are you saying that if a male is 45 and unmarried, he is creepy?

If he starts hitting on me, yes!

 

[Norseman82]

If he starts hitting on me, yes!

A lot of the “creepy” 45 year old males are unmarried precisely because of the same things you are experiencing. So be careful, lest you yourself find yourself a 45 year old unmarried female who in turn will be considered “creepy”.

 

[CountrySinger]

I must say: older men are hot! When I was younger, I dated a man 20 years my senior, and it was the best relationship I’ve ever had. He was stable, and wanted to settle down, unlike younger men.

Two words: George Clooney.
Thud.

What was this thread about again?

 

[valient_Lucy]

A lot of the “creepy” 45 year old males are unmarried precisely because of the same things you are experiencing. So be careful, lest you yourself find yourself a 45 year old unmarried female who in turn will be considered “creepy”.

There are probably other 45 year old women who would love to marry. The 45 year old guy can go hit on them! Sorry, but ask any woman how she feels when a guy who is old enough to be her father starts hitting on her. I have one guy who comes up to me at work (I’m a bank teller) and he’s always hitting on me. His daughter is only 4 years younger than I am! (Catholic Ansewers Forum doesn’t have a vomit smiley.) I a few years ago, when I was 22, I was talking to a guy who was around 40. I was telling him about the careers I was looking at, and one of them was an Occupational Therapist. He said, “Great! You can give me a sponge bath. And I’m a lot older than you, so that’s not sexual.”

If a 45 year old guy wants to marry, he should look for a woman his own age.

 

[valient_Lucy]

I must say: older men are hot! When I was younger, I dated a man 20 years my senior, and it was the best relationship I’ve ever had. He was stable, and wanted to settle down, unlike younger men.

Two words: George Clooney.
Thud.

What was this thread about again?

You didn’t see Up in the Air, when the girl he’s travelling with is talking to her boyfriend on the phone. He asks about George Clooney and she says, “No, I don’t even think about him like that, he’s old!” (Actually, it’s a very good movie. I bought it a couple of weeks ago.)

It’s cool that you’ve met older men who are stable and wanted to settle down. I’ve never met an older man who treated me as anything other than a potential conquest. No thanks!

But, as you said, back to the thread.