Should We Ask My In-Laws to Pay For This?

[bitterhope]

It’s not shaming–I am just pointing out to any readers that are thinking of doing the same thing that some of this extreme frugality stuff could get them reported and investigated. I’m not saying that children would be removed (as you say, that’s an uncommon measure) but anybody could be investigated, and doing that extreme stuff greatly raises the probability that a concerned acquaintance, neighbor or family member will drop a dime.

A large family with no washer or dryer where the mom can’t drive to the laundromat because dad has the car all day has the potential for some really horrific sanitation problems. We’re finishing up with a tummy bug at our house right now and yesterday I had our washer and dryer running from dawn to dusk and it was barely enough. Without adequate laundry facilities, there’s no way we could have cleared all those vomit flecked items and it’s likely that instead of just two sick children all of us would have gone down.

(People may ask, what about the good old days? I’d say two things: 1) richer people had laundry help 2) poorer people put up with filth that we would find unimaginable and their babies died like flies.)

With regard to cars, let’s do a little alternate math.

latimes.com/business/autos/la-fi-hy-ihs-automotive-average-age-car-20140609-story.html

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_the_United_States

quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/00000.html

There are 253 million cars in the US. Also, there are 322 million men, women and children in the US and about 116 million households in the US.

That means that yes, there are on average slightly over two cars per US household.

As I said, where I live and among the families I live around, that is not the case. Apparently that means we pull the averages down. Somehow we manage. And yes, we all survive and are happy, healthy and full of peace. And we don’t live in fear of minor annoyances because things like that don’t bother us. We stay on top of repairs instead of letting them pile up. We take care of ourselves instead of assuming someone will always be there to help out.

And yes, it IS shaming. CPS is many parents’ nightmare. It’s viewed negatively by nearly everyone to have CPS investigate your home. It shouldn’t be and many families find much needed help from them, but honestly no one uses CPS as anything but a scare tactic to instill fear and/or shame. You can try to back pedal and sugar coat things and at the same time throw in more jabs and stabs while you do it, but it is still rude and wrong. Always will be.

 

[pianistclare]

I’m beginning to loathe the family forums for all the sniping and holier than thou attitudes.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s a competition to see who’s worse off than others.
Like it’s some badge of Catholic honor to see who has it the worst.
Complete lunacy and nothing to do with being a good parent or a lousy parent.

But back to the OP:
The door needs fixing.
How much do you think is it going to cost?

.

 

[Xantippe]

That’s interesting, because I’m from a rural area, and it’s common for rural people who are short on cash to have deferred maintenance get really out of hand. There are a number of Jeff Foxworthy jokes on the subject, and they’re all true.

As I said, where I live and among the families I live around, that is not the case. Apparently that means we pull the averages down. Somehow we manage. And yes, we all survive and are happy, healthy and full of peace. And we don’t live in fear of minor annoyances because things like that don’t bother us. We stay on top of repairs instead of letting them pile up. We take care of ourselves instead of assuming someone will always be there to help out.

 

[MomaMary8]

OTC pain relief, heat packs, sleeping sitting up (lying on a bed is really awful), and rest to the extent possible. Time should heal it within a week or two.

Sounds good, but seek medical help if you need to. Hurting to breathe is a bit much to ignore. Next question: what will you do to prevent a reoccurrence? You just had a baby, your muscle tone is probably under par and you may be heavy on top with milk. These are all common reasons for back pain, but you may still want to think about what to do to avoid another round of pain. :console:

 

[UbiCaritas]

That’s interesting, because I’m from a rural area, and it’s common for rural people who are short on cash to have deferred maintenance get really out of hand. There are a number of Jeff Foxworthy jokes on the subject, and they’re all true.

cringes So true, at least in some cases.

I remember visiting my parents in their middle-of-nowhere farmhouse years ago, and finding that they all but out of the propane used to heat the house, the water heater wasn’t working, the kitchen sink wasn’t draining, and neither the shower nor the toilet in the downstairs bathroom were functional. In each case, it was either a combination of not doing simple maintenance (don’t pour grease down the sink, use a plunger on the toilet if it clogs) and deferring predictable needs (propane tank) in order to spend money on unnecessaries/substance abuse instead. This is by far not the case for every family in need, but it certainly was there.

 

[jlc2k2]

I’m beginning to loathe the family forums for all the sniping and holier than thou attitudes.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s a competition to see who’s worse off than others.
Like it’s some badge of Catholic honor to see who has it the worst.
Complete lunacy and nothing to do with being a good parent or a lousy parent.

.

Agreed. What I’ve gotten from this board lately can pretty much be summed up as:

1. Trust God to provide and have more babies
2. But don’t ask for help when trouble comes

But as you said, back to the OP.

Pensmama - I missed a few pages so forgive me if this has been covered. Do you know anyone locally who is mechanically inclined? If not, could you advertise in the church bulletin or with flyers at church? You might be able to get cheaper labor that way and can shop around for parts. Then when you do have the funds (however you get them) it will be less of a hit.

A family friend helped us with some electrical work on our van. And my BIL is helping to replace our flooring since we had a bad seal on the toilet. (That we admittedly let go too long as well. This month is my 3 paycheck month so I feel you there. ) So if you ask around, you might be able to find someone who can help.

 

[Xantippe]

cringes So true, at least in some cases.

I remember visiting my parents in their middle-of-nowhere farmhouse years ago, and finding that they all but out of the propane used to heat the house, the water heater wasn’t working, the kitchen sink wasn’t draining, and neither the shower nor the toilet in the downstairs bathroom were functional. In each case, it was either a combination of not doing simple maintenance (don’t pour grease down the sink, use a plunger on the toilet if it clogs) and deferring predictable needs (propane tank) in order to spend money on unnecessaries/substance abuse instead. This is by far not the case for every family in need, but it certainly was there.

Off-topic–my mom has been known to cook indoors during power outages on a gas camping stove. You’re not supposed to do that.

Also, doesn’t every old homestead have at least one old car that is just rusting into the ground?

 

[Xantippe]

Agreed. What I’ve gotten from this board lately can pretty much be summed up as:

1. Trust God to provide and have more babies
2. But don’t ask for help when trouble comes

Yeah. That’s kind of a doozy.

 

[UbiCaritas]

Off-topic–my mom has been known to cook indoors during power outages on a gas camping stove. You’re not supposed to do that.

Also, doesn’t every old homestead have at least one old car that is just rusting into the ground?

Re the stove: carbon monoxide poisoning, anyone?

Up there, at least, yes. Last I heard, the grass had become one with the innards of the thing. Totally functional car when it was parked there, but they just never got around to moving it for a year or two (?!?!?!!), and long grass+moisture+gas tanks rarely ends well for the gas tank.

This was followed, naturally, by the expectation that Someone should get them a new car, and Someone (not me, I assure you) did.

(As said above, this is not to knock those who are suffering genuine hardships. I’ve been there. I’ve had all of $10 to spend on groceries for a week. It really, really sucked, and I’ll always be grateful to people who offered a helping hand during that time. Being a city girl through and through, I’m being a bit tongue-in-cheek about some of the stuff you see in a lot of rural areas. I’m also being more than a bit snarky about the refusal to perform the simplest maintenance–just move the car onto gravel, and take it for a spin around the block once a month, for goodness’ sakes!–rather than expect someone else to purchase another car for you. Which is absolutely, positively not what the OP is doing.)

 

[truetofaith]

Just go to a local mechanic, ( much cheaper than a car dealer ) and get the door fixed. Pay it off little by little.

Forget the in-laws…scheech!

 

[Xantippe]

Re the stove: carbon monoxide poisoning, anyone?

Up there, at least, yes. Last I heard, the grass had become one with the innards of the thing. Totally functional car when it was parked there, but they just never got around to moving it for a year or two (?!?!?!!), and long grass+moisture+gas tanks rarely ends well for the gas tank.

This was followed, naturally, by the expectation that Someone should get them a new car, and Someone (not me, I assure you) did.

(As said above, this is not to knock those who are suffering genuine hardships. I’ve been there. I’ve had all of $10 to spend on groceries for a week. It really, really sucked, and I’ll always be grateful to people who offered a helping hand during that time. Being a city girl through and through, I’m being a bit tongue-in-cheek about some of the stuff you see in a lot of rural areas. I’m also being more than a bit snarky about the refusal to perform the simplest maintenance–just move the car onto gravel, and take it for a spin around the block once a month, for goodness’ sakes!–rather than expect someone else to purchase another car for you. Which is absolutely, positively not what the OP is doing.)

The good thing is that my parents’ house is nice and drafty, so I’m hoping my mom is safe from CO poisoning.

 

[pianistclare]

Another resource is going to the parish Knights of Columbus. Our Council just lives for these kinds of things. They LOVE to help a young family, and a pile of them will come and fix it for you. Call the Grand Knight. You’ll only have to buy parts, which at Auto Zone are really reasonable. Also, I had a major repair done with brand new parts: How? There are people that buy the damaged cars off the freight trains. The dealer won’t accept delivery, and they can’t take them back to the factory. These guys take the brand new but scratched up cars to their salvage yards, and take them apart. People call, ask if they have a “such and such” and they box it up all shiny and new and sell it to you for near nothing. I bought a steering column motor that the deal was going to charge me 2000 for, for around $156.00. Entire repair was to be 2500, I spent 275 total. The guy next door to AutoZone at Precision Tune did the repair for 123 bucks and change.

Call the Knights and a salvage yard.

 

[DeniseNY]

I’m beginning to loathe the family forums for all the sniping and holier than thou attitudes.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s a competition to see who’s worse off than others.
Like it’s some badge of Catholic honor to see who has it the worst.
Complete lunacy and nothing to do with being a good parent or a lousy parent.

But back to the OP:
The door needs fixing.
How much do you think is it going to cost?

.

But most times, the OP doesn’t matter much when someone else has a point to prove.

 

[Convert_in_99]

I’m beginning to loathe the family forums for all the sniping and holier than thou attitudes.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s a competition to see who’s worse off than others.
Like it’s some badge of Catholic honor to see who has it the worst.
Complete lunacy and nothing to do with being a good parent or a lousy parent.

THIS

I even remember starting a whole thread about it a couple months back. Which if I remember right also ended up in a big to-do!

 

[pensmama87]

Sounds good, but seek medical help if you need to. Hurting to breathe is a bit much to ignore. Next question: what will you do to prevent a reoccurrence? You just had a baby, your muscle tone is probably under par and you may be heavy on top with milk. These are all common reasons for back pain, but you may still want to think about what to do to avoid another round of pain. :console:

I am actually doing a lot better this morning. If it was still really, really bad today, I would have gone to the doctor.

I did try to do too much too early - my recovery was going really well so I bit off more than I could chew. It happened when I was trying to herd my kids into the house while holding my baby in his carseat plus lots of heavy groceries. Whoops.

I don’t like it, but I am going to have to remember to take it easy. I have never been good at that.

Thank you for your concern.

 

[pensmama87]

Thanks all for the suggestions on how to get the repair done more cheaply, as well! I really don’t care what the door looks like as long as it works. I still have a suspicion we might have to replace the entire door, not just a part of it, but I’m not very knowledgeable about mechanics so hopefully I am wrong.

I don’t have much in the way of frugal knowledge about car maintenance (besides putting it off ) so I’m very glad to have some ideas.

 

[truetofaith]

The OP has been putting this door repair off for almost a year. I doubt it will ever get fixed!

 

[PhiloMed]

The OP has been putting this door repair off for almost a year. I doubt it will ever get fixed!

Sure because when someone doesn’t have the money to do something RIGHT NOW it will never get done.

That loud thud was the sound of my eyes rolling.

 

[Xantippe]

The OP has been putting this door repair off for almost a year. I doubt it will ever get fixed!

That was really rude and uncalled for.

 

[pensmama87]

The OP has been putting this door repair off for almost a year. I doubt it will ever get fixed!

I know it’s probably just that I’m too lazy to put the work in to understand your meaning, but I would be incredibly appreciative if you would take the time to explain, with all Christian charity, exactly what you mean by this comment.