Should we forgive someone even if they don't ask for forgiveness?

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DMITRIYL

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Hello, I was wondering if anybody has thoughts on this? I am concerned because I am the type who forgives pretty much anything if the other person apologizes, but don’t really forgive anything if they do not. Thanks.
 
Forgive them in your heart, because that is for your benefit not them.

I would never “tell them that I forgive them” if they didn’t ask for forgiveness, because then I’m claiming they sinned when they didn’t know, and if I’ve let it go then it doesn’t help to bring it up unless it’s likely to happen again and I need to avoid setting a precedent.

Plus, forgiving someone for a crime they haven’t confessed to, is actually an accusation. So like I say, unless it’s a pattern that has to break, let it go and pretend it didn’t happen, because in their eyes it apparently didn’t so this keeps you together.

It takes one person to insult the other. Whether the other “becomes offended” is 100% optional. Just because I become offended, doesn’t mean that I am sentenced to having my feelings jerked around by everyone else. Be slow to offend; I refuse to be offended. If someone says stuff about me, it doesn’t hurt me any more than hearing a Robin singing in the morning, so why bother wasting energy “being offended” which pretty much cinches my role as “fuel for the fight” instead of “peace maker.” If peacemakers are the children of God, then how about those who can’t stop getting riled up about what others say.

MS
 
For many, forgiveness is a difficult virtue to master. When we learn the power and wisdom of forgiveness, we are bound to have reached an advanced level of spiritual maturity. Regardless the nature of any possible abuse that we may have endured, nor the severity of that abuse, full recovery from abuse cannot be achieved until we truly forgive our abuser(s). Any anger or resentment we hold within us, live and thrive within us, and become a part of our very self. We will never rid ourselves of this anger and resentment until we experience true forgiveness towards all. Seeing our tormentors suffer a thousand times over will only add to our own misery.

On the other hand, to endure unnecessary torment and misery is never righteous, but a perversion. Also, the righteousness of forgiveness should never involve our condoning abuse or any other forms of evil.

True forgiveness requires our valuing peace and love above all else. Experiencing forgiveness towards those who have wronged us resembles perfect love more so than perhaps any other human experience. Forgiveness involves recognizing and valuing the potential for love that exists within every human soul, including our own soul. Sins cannot be completely forgiven until we forgive, and find an inner peace with, everyone who has ever wronged us; for every ounce of anger and resentment that we hold against any other(s), there will surely exist an ounce of sin held against us – for harboring anger and resentment within our self is sin.

The Golden Rule states: “do unto others as you would have them do unto you!” Our forgiving everyone, especially those we consider our enemies or adversaries, is to demonstrate to God that we are worthy of His forgiveness. Likewise, to find love for all our enemies and adversaries is to demonstrate to God that we have suffered long enough with our anger and resentment, and we are ready to receive His love.

Again, to experience the true power and wisdom contained within the virtue of forgiveness is to develop great spiritual growth!
 
+JMJ+

Why not? It’s just gonna eat you anyways if you do not.
 
dr. ray says that most people who think that they need to forgive someone who hasn’t asked for forgiveness ought to look at themselves to try to figure out why they are so easily injured.
 
Yes.

For example, Christ forgave those crucifying him, though none of those asked for his forgiveness. So, we, too, are to use his example.
 
bisco said:
dr. ray says that most people who think that they need to forgive someone who hasn’t asked for forgiveness ought to look at themselves to try to figure out why they are so easily injured.
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Hmmmm. Touché.

Dr. Ray rocks!

👍
 
If you have trouble forgiving someone who doesn’t ask for forgiveness, it can sometimes be easier to ask God to forgive them until you’re ready.

On the cross, Jesus said “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.”
 
awke said:
If you have trouble forgiving someone who doesn’t ask for forgiveness, it can sometimes be easier to ask God to forgive them until you’re ready.

On the cross, Jesus said “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.”
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For me, that’s actually harder than forgiving them myself.

I want to say “I forgive them”, while hoping that God will punish them on my behalf!
 
bisco said:
dr. ray says that most people who think that they need to forgive someone who hasn’t asked for forgiveness ought to look at themselves to try to figure out why they are so easily injured.
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This makes no sense to me. If someone runs into me with their car and puts me in the hospital and then tries to claim that I was at fault (this actually happened to someone I know), then I am actually injured because I am a human being and not a robot made of titanium or something.

But I agree that I would still need to forgive the person whether they asked forgiveness or not. To me, forgiveness is just leaving them to God, Whose child and property I am.
 
bisco said:
dr. ray says that most people who think that they need to forgive someone who hasn’t asked for forgiveness ought to look at themselves to try to figure out why they are so easily injured.
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I think dr. ray is wrong.
 
Re: Should we forgive someone even if they don’t ask for forgiveness?

Yes.
The Gospel of Luke:
The Crucifixion of Jesus

34 And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.
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DMITRIYL said:
Hello, I was wondering if anybody has thoughts on this? I am concerned because I am the type who forgives pretty much anything if the other person apologizes, but don’t really forgive anything if they do not. Thanks.
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Dr Phil once said,* “Don’t get caught up in whether your situation is fair or unfair, get over it and figure out how to win.”* I believe forgiving is how you win, because it frees you! (Then with clarity you can see what needs to be done without your judgement being clouded with hatred, anger, resentment or vengeance), and not only that, but if the other party is repentant, it produces great fruits in them too, as I was reading from somewhere Jesus said ** “Forgive, not from the lips but from the heart, and then I can work.”**

I hope you don’t mind if I share some thoughts on forgiveness from the book ‘Life Code’ by Dr Phil and many other places.

‘Hating someone is like drinking a poison and expecting the other person to die’

I believe there is nothing to be gained by harboring emotions of hatred, anger or resentment toward someone … nothing but more pain and heartache for yourself and others.

I think it’s important to look at what hatred and vengeance are and what they do, if someone mistreats you, how does mistreating them back help you? instead of one person being mistreat, now two have been mistreated. Hatred begets more hatred, vengeance begets more vengeance.

Jesus to St Faustina -
“Mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to My mercy.” (Diary, 300)

I believe that If you feel hatred, anger or resentment, than you own those feelings and that is why there only is one thing worse than being hurt by someone and that is keeping that hurt alive, you have the ability to forgive those people who have mistreated you, not simply as a gift to them, but as a gift to yourself. (It’s a twofold gift if they are repentant)

Forgiveness will set you free from pain others have caused you in your life, forgiveness will free you from the hatred anger or resentment that you choose to carry.

To assume that you can turn your feelings of hate, anger or resentment on and off like a light switch is naïve, these feelings of bitterness and anger are such powerful influences that once they enter your heart, they are present in all of your relationships.

They truly do make you become a different person. Who you were goes away, and now you are defined by the hatred and bitterness. Ultimately, what makes these emotions so powerful is that they change who you are. Your hatred, anger, and resentment are absolutely incompatible with your peace, joy, and relaxation.

I believe There is something else you must consider: you cannot give away what you do not have.

You cannot give pure and accepting love from a pure and accepting heart if you have neither. That would mean giving away what you do not have. If the love in your heart is contaminated, if growing within it is the cancer of hatred, anger, and resentment, then that is the only love that you have to give.

If your heart has turned cold and hard because of hatred, anger, and resentment, then that is the heart from which all your emotions spring. That is the love and that is the heart that you have to offer your loved ones and fellow human beings. Hatred, anger, and resentment truly change who you are. They truly prevent you from being able to give to those you love that which you want them to have.

Many people say: “I can’t forgive because they aren’t sorry and they don’t deserve or even want my forgiveness.” If that’s the standard, there are many people in this world who, clearly, will never be entitled to forgiveness, however forgiveness is about you too, it’s about the gift of freeing yourself from such ugly emotions, you didn’t do the crime, so why do the additional time?

It’s about you saying *"I will not bond with you through hatred, anger, or resentment. I will not bond with you through fear. I will not allow you to drag me into your dark world. By forgiving you, I am releasing me, not you. You must live with yourself every day. You must live with the darkness in your heart. But I do not, and I will not, You are the one who committed the crime, I don’t have to continue to suffer for it and I refuse to, by forgiving you I am releasing myself from that emotional prison you have locked me in, you cannot mistreat me and than continue hurting me through those feelings of hatred, anger or resentment, I make that choice, not you.” *

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Paraphrased from 'The Seven Riddles of Life' by Bishop Fulton J. Sheen:
And the second reason for forgiving is to prevent the multiplication of hate, which is a seed and grows like a weed. If a number of men are standing in a line and the first slaps the cheek of the second, and the second the third, the only way to stop hate would be for one man in that crowd to turn his other cheek. By doing so he would say, “If I hate you, I add my quota to the sum total of the world’s hate. This I refuse to do. I will kill your hate. I will drive it even from the face of the Earth. And I will do it by loving you.”

The real test, then, of the Christian is not how much he loves his friends (for do not the heathens do this? Matthew 5:43-48) but, rather, how much he loves his enemies.

God cannot write on the pages of a heart when they are covered with the scribbling of hate. But he can write straight even with crooked lines on the blank page of he who loves. For by putting love where we do not find it, then everyone becomes lovable.
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Take the power back from those who have hurt you. The Choice is, and always has been, all yours. The power of forgiveness is the power to set yourself free from the bonds of hatred, anger, and resentment. Seize the power and rise above the pain. You are worth it, and everyone you love deserves it.

Christ told us that our Hearts are where our treasure is. “Your heart will always be where your treasure is.” Matthew 6:21. It’s a treasure that does not rust and cannot be stolen! It can only be thrown away, and we choose to throw it away when we harbor those ugly emotions of hatred anger, or resentment toward someone who has mistreated us, take the power back from those who have hurt you! take your treasure back! Forgiveness is a gift! reclaim your heart!

“Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.” - Romans 12:21

After forgiveness, I believe when you think of the wrong doing, instead of emotions such as hatred, anger or resentment, these will instead be emotions of pity.

Pity means feeling for others, particularly feelings of sadness or sorrow towards someone, this I believe is what replaces those ugly emotions of hatred, anger and resentment towards someone, this is what I believe forgiveness does, I believe you cannot become indifferent about such mistreatment, but you can remove those ugly emotions through forgiveness, forgiveness replaces those ugly emotions with pity, because I believe it doesn’t take much work to realize that those who have mistreated you are usually locked in their own emotional prison of hatred, anger and resentment themselves. Thus I believe it’s as Bishop Fulton J. Sheen mentioned, where the hatred gets passed on until the line is severed through forgiveness.

In saying all of this, I would also like to say that I believe forgiveness doesn’t mean putting yourself in vulnerable situations though, as it says in the gospels “don’t give to dogs what belongs to God as they will only turn and attack you.” Matthew 7:6 and “I am sending you like lambs into a pack of wolves. So be as wise as snakes and as innocent as doves. 17 Watch out for people who will take you to court and have you beaten in their meeting places.” Matthew 10:16-17

I believe you don’t judge people to be good or bad, you instead gather information about a person and make an informed decision. As Dr Phil say’s “I believe giving people the benefit of the doubt is reckless, not virtuous”

I would also like to share with you some Dr Phil quotes on forgiveness that I believe are very good.

Forgiveness is a choice. Don’t wait for it to just wash over you all of a sudden. You have to choose it. - Dr Phil

Don’t give your power away. The pain of what happened is inevitable, but continuing to suffer is optional. The only person you can control is you. By constantly re-living the pain of what happened, you are giving your power away to the person who wronged you. - Dr Phil

Don’t cling to negative feelings. Anger is nothing more than an outward sign of hurt, fear, guilt, grief or frustration. While the pain may never completely disappear, forgiveness can help you release the anger and bring those in your life closer to you. - Dr Phil

There is no right timeline for recovery. For some people, making peace happens suddenly and spontaneously. For others, it takes time and effort. You may have to make a conscious choice every day to forgive. To say, “I’m letting this go. I’m not going to invest hatred, bitterness, anger, resentment in this person anymore.” You can find closure in forgiveness. - Dr Phil

You can’t change the things that happened in your life, but you can decide how you interpret and respond to them. If you didn’t receive support when you needed it, give it to yourself now. - Dr Phil

The stronger the emotions of hatred, anger or resentment, the greater the gifts that you will receive when you let them go. “He who knows how to forgive prepares for himself many graces from God. As often as I look upon the cross, so often will I forgive with all my heart.” St Faustina (Diary, 390)

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I believe the following may also help.

Jesus to St. Faustina

"It is in My Passion that you must seek light and strength." (Diary, 654)
Jesus to Catalina:
The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**1) …Look at Me, My beloved ones. Letting Myself be led with the meekness of a lamb to the terrible torture of the scourging. On My Body, already covered with blows and overwhelmed with fatigue, the executioners cruelly discharge terrible lashes with braided rope, with rods. They punish Me so violently that there was no part of Me which was not prey to the most terrible pain… The blows and the kicks caused Me countless wounds… The rods tore away pieces of My skin and flesh. Blood flowed from all My limbs. Time after time I fell because of the pain caused by the blows to My manliness. My Body was in such a state that I resembled a monster more than a man. The features of My face had lost their shape; it was all swollen.
  1. The thought of so many souls, who would later be inspired to follow My footsteps, consumed Me with Love.
  2. During My hours in prison, I saw the faithful imitators learning from My meekness, patience, and serenity. Not only accepting suffering and scorn but even loving those who persecute them and, if necessary, sacrificing themselves for them as I sacrificed Myself.
  3. During those hours of solitude in the midst of so much pain, I became enflamed, more and more, with desires of fulfilling perfectly the Will of My Father. How I offered Myself in reparation for His deeply offended Glory! Thus you, religious souls who find yourselves in the prison chosen out of love, who more than once pass before the eyes of creatures as useless and possibly harmful, do not be afraid. Let them shout against you and, during those hours of pain and solitude, unite your heart intimately with your God, the only object of your love. Make reparation for His Glory violated by so many sins. **
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Jesus to Catalina:
The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**When I was seized in the Garden, My accusers were quick with every lie and I, without the least resistance, allowed them to take Me to wherever they wanted. And when they wanted to encircle My Head with the crown of thorns, I bowed My Head without resistance, because I took everything from the hands of the One who had sent Me into the world.
  1. When the arms of those cruel men were exhausted by the violence of discharging blows against My Body, they placed upon My head a crown woven with branches of thorns, and parading before Me they said: “So you are a King? We salute you!”
  2. Some spat at Me; others insulted Me; still others dealt further blows to My head, each one adding a new pain to My Body, so battered and destroyed.
  3. I am tired; I have nowhere to rest. Lend Me your heart and your arms to cover Myself in your love. I am cold and feverish; embrace Me for an instant before they continue destroying this temple of Love.**
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Jesus to Catalina:
The Stations of the Cross - loveandmercy.org/Eng-SOC-Reg.pdf

**Crowned with thorns and covered with a purple mantle, the soldiers presented Me again to Pilate. Not finding a crime that he could punish Me for, Pilate was looking for a way to set Me free. In the pitiable condition that I was in, Pilate showed Me to the mob. He proposed to give Me liberty and condemn Barrabas, a famous thief and murderer. The people shouted back: “Crucify Him and set Barrabas free!”

Souls who love Me, see how they have compared Me to a criminal. How they have lowered Me more than the worst criminal. Meditate for a moment upon the unspeakable martyrdom of My Heart: My Heart degraded beneath the heart of Barrabas. I am the most despised of men, and I am being condemned to death like an infamous criminal. Pilate has pronounced sentence. My little children, consider attentively how My Heart suffered…**
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Jesus to Catalina:
The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**5) The fatigue that I feel is so great and the Cross so heavy that halfway along the path, I fall from weakness. See how those inhuman men lift Me up in the most brutal manner. One grabs My arm, another pulls My clothes that are stuck to My wounds, tearing them open again… This one grabs Me by the neck, another by the hair; others discharge dreadful blows to My whole Body, with their fists, and even with their feet. The Cross falls upon Me and with its weight causes new wounds. My face is scraped by the stones in the road and the blood which runs down My face sticks to My eyes that are almost closed because of the blows they have received. The dust and the mud mingle with the blood and I am turned into the most repugnant of objects.
  1. My Father sends Angels to help support Me so that My Body does not lose consciousness when it falls, so that the battle may not be won before its time and all My souls are lost.
  2. I walk over the stones that destroy My feet. I stumble and fall time and time again. I look at both sides of the road, searching for the slightest look of love, of surrender, of union with My pain, but… I do not see anyone.
  3. My children, you who follow in My footsteps, do not let go of your cross no matter how heavy it seems to you. Do it for Me because by carrying your cross, you will help Me carry Mine, and on the difficult path, you will find My Mother and the holy souls who will give you encouragement and comfort. **
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Jesus to Catalina:
The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**Look with what cruelty these hardened men surround Me. Some pull the Cross and lay it on the ground; others tear off My clothes that adhere to the wounds that again open and blood again oozes out.
  1. Look, beloved children, at how much shame and confusion I suffer seeing Myself this way before that immense crowd… What sorrow for My soul!
  2. The executioners tear off My tunic and cast lots for it; the tunic with which My Mother so carefully clothed Me during My childhood, and which She had been increasing in size as I grew. What would be My Mother’s affliction as She contemplates this scene?
  3. How She must have desired to keep that tunic, now stained and soaked with My Blood.
  4. But the hour has arrived and the executioners stretching Me out upon the Cross, grab My arms and pull them until they reach the holes prepared in it. My whole Body is breaking; it swings from one side to the other and the thorns of the crown penetrate even deeper into My head. Listen to the first blow of the hammer that nails My right hand… It resounds to the depths of the earth. Listen yet again… now they are nailing My left hand and, in the presence of such a spectacle, the heavens tremble, and the Angels prostrate themselves. I keep the most profound silence. Neither a complaint, nor a moan escapes My lips, but My tears mingle with the blood that covers My face.
  5. After they have nailed My hands, they cruelly pull My feet… My wounds open, the nerves in My hands and arms tear; the bones are dislocated… The pain is intense!
  6. My feet are pierced and My Blood soaks the earth!…**
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http://s24.postimg.org/s91lh9u91/Crucifixion.jpg
The Gospel of Luke:
The Crucifixion of Jesus

34 And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.
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Jesus to Catalina:
The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**"Contemplate My wounds and see if there is anyone who has suffered as much as I, to show their love…

"Contemplate for a moment these bloodstained hands and feet… This naked body, covered with wounds, with urine, and blood. Dirty… This head punctured by sharp thorns, soaked in sweat, full of dust, and covered in Blood…

"Contemplate your Jesus, hanging on the Cross, without being able to make the slightest movement… naked, without fame, without honor, without liberty…

"Contemplate Me in the image of the Christ that weeps and bleeds. There and in this way the world has Me**
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Jesus to Catalina:
The Great Crusade of Mercy - loveandmercy.org/Eng-CM-Reg.pdf

**2) My beloved, make of your heart a brazier of love to shelter your God. I want to talk to you about My Mercy; I want to teach you Mercy; I want you to preach My Mercy. But in order to speak of it, you need to feel love because a person who does not love, cannot know Mercy.
  1. If you love, it is because I loved you first; just as I am Love. Whoever knows how to love remains in Me and I in him. My Father did not send Me as an offering for you to love Me, but because My Father is Love and I am one with My Father. Therefore, understand that nothing is sweeter than love, for it proceeds from the One who is the Creator of everything.
  2. And so, if you want to be merciful to your fellow human being, first you have to love and be compassionate to that person and if you want to receive Mercy, you must let yourself be loved. Mercy is the chain that unites with love, for one cannot love without being merciful. Understand that My love is without measure, it does not feel burdensome, nor does it value effort, it is simply given. You, on the other hand, are weak in love and imperfect in virtue; you are in need of My strength and of My comfort. I am the One who values the works that you do whether they be big or little.
  3. When I speak to you, I speak to My other children. I enkindle in you the desire to seek what is perfect. Always love Me more than yourself. Love all others in Me. All who are begotten of God can conquer the world with their faith and their love. All those who are not prepared to suffer and to resign themselves to the will of God are unworthy of being called loving creatures and, therefore, cannot know Mercy.
  4. I want you to delve deeply into all of this. Love is a fellowship where through My goodness, charity allows itself to be obtained. Love is gentleness, strength, and humble graces, for love keeps guard alertly over all the senses. Love is chaste and sensible through the union of its faithfulness. Love is prudent, valiant, patient, suffering, and enduring. I am Love.
  5. If you love each other, I will live in you and My love reaches perfection in you. On the path of love you will encounter difficulties and you will suffer, but you will always feel loved if you experience love. The true virtue of love is to offer itself wholeheartedly with all its being, to the will of God without seeking any kind of consolation. If suffering defeats you, do not think that you should stop suffering, but rather you should know that when interior consolation disappears, you are genuinely walking on the right path of peace no matter how dark it may be, waiting for the day when with great joy you will behold My face…
  6. And now, My sweet child, let us speak of pain and forgiveness, for in order to be able to understand Mercy, you must understand suffering and know how to forgive others. When you suffer an injustice, when you bear trials because you acknowledge My presence, consider that it is My grace working in you. When in suffering you submerge yourself in Me, you abandon yourself; then the suffering is very painful but it is the greatest proof of your faith in Me because you know that the result of My Mercy will be salvation.
  7. Inner suffering is the most viable because it is the suffering that humans cannot see with their eyes, but rather with their hearts. It allows your heart to unite with My Heart and allows you to be merciful, for it lets you love through compassion. When you are capable of uniting yourself in harmony and compassion with your fellowman, you are uniting with Me in Love and Mercy.
  8. I have said: “Do not judge, and you will not be judged; forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Now, I say to you: rid yourself of all bitterness, all evil passion and anger, rudeness, slander and malice; try to be kind and compassionate; forgive as I have forgiven you and you will receive My Merciful Love. Love and Mercy cannot exist where there is discord. Forgive yourself so that I may forgive you. Do not store up negative reproaches against yourself – love yourself, be merciful with yourself, be compassionate. You cannot forgive without forgetting, for you would be unable to have a pure heart, and Mercy is linked to forgiveness.**
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Continued:
**11) Mercy is love, My child. It is union with God and union with God is the certitude of victory and an everlasting abundance of virtues. Mercy is the unquestionable proof of love for Me.
  1. Human justice does not accompany Mercy. Justice is something imposed by mankind in retaliation for an injury done to one person by another. My Father did not send Me to condemn the world, but so that it might be saved through Me. Human beings should not undertake vengeance on their own but should leave that up to the will of God.
  2. If you have sinned, admit your faults, ask for forgiveness, and always return to Me. Submerge yourself in My Mercy, which will redeem you. Be merciful and compassionate towards anyone who offends you. Pray for them and for all who tread the path of evil. Forgive their sins, for the rest of their inheritance is in My hands. Do not continue to harbor anger and do not judge; have Mercy.
  3. My children, if you are guilty, return to Me, cleanse your hands and purify your hearts. Do not return evil with evil. Submit yourselves to Me; rise up against the evil that always tries to destroy love through the laws of mankind. You judge, you condemn, and, then, you say you are merciful and that you love Me. Is that Mercy? It cannot be. It is your sins that blind you and make you hide your faces from Me. I do not want that, My little ones…
  4. At the last moment you will have nothing to defend yourselves with except My Mercy. You should understand that Mercy is love and pure love strengthens the soul at the moment of death. Whoever lacks mercy is blind; he forgets to purify his own sins of the past. Obviously you will not prosper if you hide your sins, but you will obtain My Mercy if you repent and confess your faults. If I radiate abundant mercy upon you who are sinners, you should radiate Mercy upon your fellowman.
  5. It is I who have conquered the world, not you. If you love, you are begotten by My love; if you have Mercy, you will conquer the world, for you will live in Me and in the purity of love. The grace that I give you is Mercy because I give love to you, because I give Myself to you. So, use that grace and I will give you a new heart that will replace your cold hearts. Live under grace, not under the law.**
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