Should we go?

[KCT]

I must confess … I am also being selfish in some ways because I tell him that if he goes, then I will have to take care of the two kiddos on my own for however long he is gone. And it’s tough! I’m a stay at home Mom and I can’t imagine not having a small break in the evening, which is what I get when dh gets off work!

I’d stop making comments like that. If he really wants to go, make it easier for him. Plan ahead - play dates, trade kids w/ another mom so you get a break, easy meals, a babysitter at least once while he’s gone etc. Don’t rob him of the opportunity because it might be tough on you for a week. —KCT

 

[JLSacred]

I’d stop making comments like that. If he really wants to go, make it easier for him. Plan ahead - play dates, trade kids w/ another mom so you get a break, easy meals, a babysitter at least once while he’s gone etc. Don’t rob him of the opportunity because it might be tough on you for a week. —KCT

I didn’t want to say it, but I’m chime in with a ditto here. Treat yourself while he’s gone to some help around the house, you’ll be saving a bundle and alot of trouble doing it this way.

Men give up alot when their children are small. In the modern nuclear family, they’re expected to be hands on with young children, change diapers, etc. Their wife is less sexually available and focused more on the physical needs of helpless children. Your hubby sounds like he deserves a nice trip to Australia, he sounds like a peach!!!

 

[SDMom]

I’d stop making comments like that. If he really wants to go, make it easier for him. Plan ahead - play dates, trade kids w/ another mom so you get a break, easy meals, a babysitter at least once while he’s gone etc. Don’t rob him of the opportunity because it might be tough on you for a week. —KCT

Just to set the record straight: I’m not robbing him of the opportunity to go. He can go without us if that’s what he chooses. I was just trying to be honest with my husband when I told him how tough it is with the kids 24/7. He knows and understands.

 

[Cadence]

For what it’s worth, my parents took me and my sister when we were 1 1/2 and 31/2 to England from Australia. Thats over 24 hours! My mum said that in many ways it is easier travelling with little children than when we were grown a bit more and complained of being bored all the time! We didn’t suffer and I know of lots of other children who have travelled such distances and are fine.

 

[exiled]

Just to set the record straight: I’m not robbing him of the opportunity to go. He can go without us if that’s what he chooses. I was just trying to be honest with my husband when I told him how tough it is with the kids 24/7. He knows and understands.

With respect, if you are lamenting how hard it is with such young children, then you *are *robbing him of the freedom to go. I am pregnant with my 7th and my husband travels all the time for work. However, we have also determined that he will travel with our older children to the places they should see since it’s too expensive to go as a family. He and my 12 y/o son left this afternoon for the Grand Canyon (please pray, BTW) and I am left to cart the 1 1/2- 10 year olds to softball games, homeschool parties and who-knows where else while *they *enjoy sightseeing and relaxing by hotel pools. There is NO respite with DH and the oldest child gone. But!!! It is good and right that they go and God will bless us abundantly for our generosity.
If those two little ones are that much work, perhaps you need to establish a routine so that you can get some time out in the evening. Use paper plates, save movies for when hubby is gone, eat out when he is gone, etc. (All of this “constructive criticism” is only applicable if there is not some physical or mental challenge of which we are unaware)
Put a smile on and tell him that he must go, and you and the kids will find some special, fun things to do together while he is gone.
Oh, and I do agree with you that travelling such a distance for such a formal occasion is out-of-the-question at their ages.

 

[leaner]

I agree with the poster before me – I only have 2, but we’re military, so my DH was gone much of the “early days” – while it seems daunting at first to be alone and “not get that break” at night, it REALLY gets easier after the first couple of nights…I swear it does! You fall into a routine, and to be honest, it was nice to leave the laundry on the other side of the bed for a week without feeling any guilt over not having folded it…lol. It was also nice to just come down after FINALLY getting kids to bed and COMPLETELY veg out – not that I don’t like my husband around,I most certainly prefer it that way, but when he wasn’t, I took the time to do scrapbooking, or just watch tv, or read, without feeling like I was “wasting” what could be “us” time, kwim? I also went to bed early some nights with no guilt over “abandoning” my DH…it actually got to be nice after about the first two days…sure I still wanted him home with me, but I learned to appreciate the opportunities it afforded me (like an 8pm bedtime!!) and the “reunion” is always a nice plus too!

That said, I wouldn’t dream of taking those younguns that far…and I would tell my DH to go, have fun, and bring me lots of pictures and something nice back…they do give up a lot, and this would probably get great for him; encourage him to go, smile a lot about it, and it will be easier than you think – oh, and have the car serviced before he goes…it always seems to clunk out when they’re gone!!! LOL

 

[jmcrae]

Have you thought of sending a video of you and the kids giving them best wishes? They could send you a copy of their wedding video in return, and you could see the wedding with the “pause” button at the ready, so that you can attend to the kids as needed.

 

[Island_Oak]

Yes, that is possible. But he is very sensitive to our (me and the children’s) needs. He says he wouldn’t go if I decide not to go with the children, because he understands that he has responsibilities here ‘at home.’

I must confess … I am also being selfish in some ways because I tell him that if he goes, then I will have to take care of the two kiddos on my own for however long he is gone. And it’s tough! I’m a stay at home Mom and I can’t imagine not having a small break in the evening, which is what I get when dh gets off work!

Puuleeze. Weakness is not the place from which to operate and make decisions. You’re not ill, disabled, or incompetent. If you recognize you’re operating out of selfishness/self-interest–STOP immediately, buck up and encourage your husband to go without you if you are not up to the challenge of managing two little ones on a L O N G flight. I don’t blame you a bit if you lack the patience/sense of adventure/wanderlust…whatever it would take to motivate you to want to make this trip yourself w/ kiddos and congratulate you for possessing the wisdom to recognize that. BUT don’t deprive him by manipulating him (he sounds like a decent guy). Be upbeat, positive, encouraging and most of all convincingly confident in managing without him–I mean what are we really talking about…a few days? maybe a week? Hire a sitter a couple nights so you get a break. Make plans with a girlfriend or family for a little adult interaction. Kiss him goodbye with a smile, not a pout. Done.

(and as a little added incentive…consider that if you give pettiness, selfishness and weakness–you will reap what you sew. Act out of love and show confidence, generosity, and encouragement and I guarantee you will be blown away by how wonderfully he will reciprocate!)

 

[SDMom]

With respect, if you are lamenting how hard it is with such young children, then you *are *robbing him of the freedom to go. I am pregnant with my 7th and my husband travels all the time for work. However, we have also determined that he will travel with our older children to the places they should see since it’s too expensive to go as a family. He and my 12 y/o son left this afternoon for the Grand Canyon (please pray, BTW) and I am left to cart the 1 1/2- 10 year olds to softball games, homeschool parties and who-knows where else while *they *enjoy sightseeing and relaxing by hotel pools. There is NO respite with DH and the oldest child gone. But!!! It is good and right that they go and God will bless us abundantly for our generosity.
If those two little ones are that much work, perhaps you need to establish a routine so that you can get some time out in the evening. Use paper plates, save movies for when hubby is gone, eat out when he is gone, etc. (All of this “constructive criticism” is only applicable if there is not some physical or mental challenge of which we are unaware)
Put a smile on and tell him that he must go, and you and the kids will find some special, fun things to do together while he is gone.
Oh, and I do agree with you that travelling such a distance for such a formal occasion is out-of-the-question at their ages.

Thank you for your post! I appreciate your feedback. It is always nice to hear from a Mom who understands and has much more experience than I in the parenting department

I know I complain quite a bit about how tough it is with 2 little ones. Part of the problem is the post-partum pain I am experiencing in my lower back, arms, & wrists, which makes it even more difficult to care for the children. Some days it hurts so much just to carry my little one, and he’s only 3 months old. I pray every day, though, that the Lord will heal me and give me the strength to carry on.

I’ll keep your dh and your eldest in my prayers. Congratulations on the new baby and may the Lord continue to bless you and your family abundandtly

 

[DallasCatholic]

Just wondering why you think I should go. Have you traveled with children that young, on such long flights? I’m curious to hear your opinions and your experiences.

On a side note: it takes us ***at least ***2 hours every Sunday just to get everyone ready and out of the house … for mass! I can’t imagine getting ourselves - and the kiddies - ready for a wedding … and to have them sit through the reception! Just thinking about the # of diaper changes, feedings, tantrums, whines we’ll have to deal with makes me cringe!

I took my then 4 year old son on a trip to Germany/Austria. It was about a 12 hour flight. I had picked some DVD’s, books and games. We flew coach and did not have a problem and neither did the people around us We took my son on a 3 hour flight when he was about 2…also no problem. That said, every kid is different. Some take to travel well and others don’t. Personally, if cost were not an issue then I would go for it. I know that my son, now 9 still remembers the trip and is better for the exposure to different culture and language.

 

[Gearoidin]

My sister and her husband just left having visited me for 3 weeks with their very active 19-month-old son. They flew from Ireland to Heathrow, London, England, had a 5 hour wait there, then a 13-hour flight from Heathrow to Osaka, Japan followed by a 4-hour bus ride. They left yesterday for England to arrange my aunt’s funeral. From the time they left their door till they reached mine was 26 hours
The long flight from Heathrow to Osaka was an evening /night flight and they all slept most of the way so it was a lot better than they had expected. While travelling around Japan, they said people were so kind to a couple with a toddler. All in all, the trip wasn’t that troublesome. It can be done.
Gearoidin

 

[whatevergirl]

With respect, if you are lamenting how hard it is with such young children, then you *are *robbing him of the freedom to go. I am pregnant with my 7th and my husband travels all the time for work. However, we have also determined that he will travel with our older children to the places they should see since it’s too expensive to go as a family. He and my 12 y/o son left this afternoon for the Grand Canyon (please pray, BTW) and I am left to cart the 1 1/2- 10 year olds to softball games, homeschool parties and who-knows where else while *they *enjoy sightseeing and relaxing by hotel pools. There is NO respite with DH and the oldest child gone. But!!! It is good and right that they go and God will bless us abundantly for our generosity.
If those two little ones are that much work, perhaps you need to establish a routine so that you can get some time out in the evening. Use paper plates, save movies for when hubby is gone, eat out when he is gone, etc. (All of this “constructive criticism” is only applicable if there is not some physical or mental challenge of which we are unaware)
Put a smile on and tell him that he must go, and you and the kids will find some special, fun things to do together while he is gone.
Oh, and I do agree with you that travelling such a distance for such a formal occasion is out-of-the-question at their ages.

Your post is awesome. Although I don’t have 7 kids (God bless you!) I have two children, and my husband does go places without me…and I without him–depending on if it’s feasible to take the kids out of school for a family event, etc…

I’m not sure of the advice to give. I think that taking the kids would be tough at such young ages, but if my husband really wanted to go…I’d be for it. I mean, if he was close to this particular relative. On the other hand, going to a wedding without your wife/husband, that might be awkward, too…sorry I can’t be of more help!