Should we have a wedding Mass or ceremony?

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adrienne810

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My fiance and I getting married this June. We are both Catholic, and our immediate family (parents, siblings) are Catholic as well. However, we did the math, and only about 25% of our wedding guests will be Catholic. We are trying to decide if we should have a Mass at our wedding ceremony or a ceremony without the Mass. We are afraid that if we have the Mass, many people will feel uncomfortable, will not really participate, and perhaps take communion inappropriately. We do not want our wedding to have a feeling of disunity, but we also value the Mass so much and always thought we would have a wedding Mass. Any (name removed by moderator)ut would be greatly appreciated!
 
I suggest to have the Mass. It is such a beautiful gift to begin you marriage with the Mass and the Eucharist.
About the non-Catholic guests, don’t worry about them feeling left out. They know you are Catholic.
If you are worried about them receiving the Eucharist, the Priest can make an announcement about who should receive similarly to the announcement on EWTN before the Eucharist.

Congratulations!
 
adrienne810 said:
My fiance and I getting married this June. We are both Catholic, and our immediate family (parents, siblings) are Catholic as well. However, we did the math, and only about 25% of our wedding guests will be Catholic. We are trying to decide if we should have a Mass at our wedding ceremony or a ceremony without the Mass. !
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the nuptial Mass is for you, not your guests, and as long as both the bride and groom and their immediate family are Catholic, that is the only consideration. it is highly preferred that when possible marriage be celebrated in a nuptial Mass.

be sure the invitation mentions the sacrament will be in the context of a Mass, since most people know that means it will be longer than an average wedding and can opt for the reception only if that presents a problem for them.

so many non-Catholic guests told us after DD’s wedding that it was so beautiful, they had never been to Mass before, and how impressed they were with the reverence, and centrality of the Eucharist. one couple, fallen away Catholics who are business partners of ours, did subsequently return to the Church. don’t know if this Mass had an effect, but who knows. we also had many people predict their marriage would be lifelong-lasting since it was celebrated with such reverence and beauty, and NOT a diva wedding.
 
If you are both Catholic, then you should definitely have a Nuptial Mass. 🙂 Marriage is a sacrament, so for you to “skip the Mass part” would be very inappropriate, not to mention something I’m sure you’d regret! Don’t worry about the other guests – as someone else said, you are both Catholic and your family and friends know that, and the priest can make an announcement before about the guidelines for receiving Holy Communion.

Our marriage ceremony was a Mass and it was beautiful. My DH is not Catholic, but knew how important it was to me. His family and many of our friends are not Catholic, yet almost all of them commented after that it was the most beautiful, spiritual, God-filled marriage ceremony they had ever witnessed (which was no surprise for me 😉 ). Be God’s light to your guests – show them the beauty of what God gives us in each Mass, and enjoy it yourself too as you unite in Holy Matrimony! :love:

Best wishes and may God bless you marriage! 😃
[SIGN]Congratulations![/SIGN]
 
I agree with the previous posters…
The Nuptial Mass is a SACRAMENT between YOU and your FIANCE… it’s NOT a “show” for the guests…

Have the Mass.
 
The Nuptial Mass is the norm for two Catholics. You should only deviate with a very good reason. And, other people feeling “uncomfortable” is not a good reason.

I’m really struggling to see your rationale here. You and your fiance are entering into a Sacrament-- and the normal place that Sacraments are celebrated is the Mass. Only under extraordinary circumstances are they not.

Make a program for people to follow along, announce either in the program or from the pulpit that Catholics may come forward for Communion and non-Catholics may either come forward with arms crossed for a blessing or remain seated, and all will be well.

Honestly, your guests will be fine. They are adults. They will figure it out.
 
Thank you for all who have responded so quickly with your advice! I really appreciate it.

Just for a little more background: my family used to be Protestant, but converted to Catholicism about 10 years ago. Every time our extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) visits us, there is a great tension and ordeal about non-Catholics not being able to receive communion at Mass. Thus attending Mass when my extended family is present has been a divisive experience for my family. My concern is that I do not want the joy of our wedding to be clouded with a spirit of disunity.

But I understand that it’s not about our guests, it’s about the Sacrament of Marriage that we are entering into. I would appreciate any additional comments/suggestions!! Thank you!
 
adrienne810 said:
Thank you for all who have responded so quickly with your advice! I really appreciate it.

Just for a little more background: my family used to be Protestant, but converted to Catholicism about 10 years ago. Every time our extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) visits us, there is a great tension and ordeal about non-Catholics not being able to receive communion at Mass. Thus attending Mass when my extended family is present has been a divisive experience for my family. My concern is that I do not want the joy of our wedding to be clouded with a spirit of disunity.
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I’m not sure if this is the norm at every parish… but at mine the priest always announces that they invite EVERYONE (even non-Catholics) to walk up in the Communion line, then they cross their arms over their chest to receive a blessing (the priest or Eucharistic Minister will make a small cross on their forehead and say “May the Lord bless you and keep you”…)

Maybe talk to your priest about your situation and see if he can make it less of an issue, kwim? Make it a comfortable experience for everyone!
 
adrienne810 said:
Thank you for all who have responded so quickly with your advice! I really appreciate it.

Just for a little more background: my family used to be Protestant, but converted to Catholicism about 10 years ago. Every time our extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) visits us, there is a great tension and ordeal about non-Catholics not being able to receive communion at Mass. Thus attending Mass when my extended family is present has been a divisive experience for my family. My concern is that I do not want the joy of our wedding to be clouded with a spirit of disunity.

But I understand that it’s not about our guests, it’s about the Sacrament of Marriage that we are entering into. I would appreciate any additional comments/suggestions!! Thank you!
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Again, you should have the Mass, which it sounds like you want and plan to do. 🙂 I can understand your concerns about your family, and your compassion is admirable. However, if your family chooses to be grumpy because you are doing what is right for your wedding day and for your marriage, that’s their problem. As I mentioned, my DH is not Catholic (most of his family is Methodist and Presbyterian), but there was no question for me: we were having a Mass. If people in his family were going to have issues, that was just how it was going to be, because he and I decided what was appropriate for the beginning of our marriage. Everything turned out great (see my other post).

As a convert, you were probably aided by and know how important the strong faith of others has been in your journey home. Now you have a chance to be that strong example of faith in God, in the Church Jesus established, in the Church Jesus makes Himself physically available to us. ❤️ Start your marriage by uniting with your husband and Jesus in Holy Communion, and be a light to those you love. God bless you. :hug1:
 
I was hesitant to have a Mass as most of my extended family is lukewarm if even practicing, a lot of cohabitation, divorce, plus my FH converted so his whole side is Protestant. But when I brought it up FH was like, “hey I converted, I’m getting Mass at my wedding!” 😃 So we’re just trying to make sure our guests are aware, and there will be a note in the program about what to do at communion time. We decided it’s our marriage and that was important to us. Good luck with the wedding planning!
 
Em_in_FL said:
I agree with the previous posters…
The Nuptial Mass is a SACRAMENT between YOU and your FIANCE… it’s NOT a “show” for the guests…

Have the Mass.
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To clarify, Matrimony is a sacrament whether or not it occurs in the context of a Mass. My non-Catholic husband and I were married during a Nuptial Scripture service and our marriage is also valid and sacramental.

However, the norm for two Catholics is a Nuptial Mass. I see no reason for two Catholics NOT to marry within a Mass.
 
SeekerJen said:
To clarify, Matrimony is a sacrament whether or not it occurs in the context of a Mass. My non-Catholic husband and I were married during a Nuptial Scripture service and our marriage is also valid and sacramental.

However, the norm for two Catholics is a Nuptial Mass. I see no reason for two Catholics NOT to marry within a Mass.
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Thanks for the clarification… by the time I re-read that I couldn’t edit it…
It’s not the Mass that makes it a Sacrament… but the Mass is the norm for two Catholics… 👍
 
My husband and I were married in October and I converted to Catholicism the previous April. He is from a heavily Catholic region, but we were married in my hometown in a very Baptist community in the south. We decided that celebrating the Mass was very, very important for us even though over 75% of our guests (including most of my family) were not Catholic. We made detailed, easy to follow programs and this seemed to help a lot. In a lot of our pre-wedding pictures guests are seen thumbing through the programs. I was a little nervous about everyone’s reaction, but it went off well and many people commented on how beautiful it was and how meaningful it was. I think having most of the words right in front of them helped non Catholics better understand and appreciate what was happening, and the occasional “please stand” or “please be seated” made them feel a lot more comfortable.
 
hi! Good question. I think you should have the mass too for the following reasons:

1.) The regular non mass ceremony ( which I had since DH is not Catholic and nor is anybody in our entire families ) is almost the same as mass, but without the consecration as far as I know.

2.) You and your DH are Catholic. That is awesome. Also your families. 25% of the guests being Catholic is a pretty good number in my opinion. It is also a nice way to bear witness to those who aren’t.

3.) The Eucharist is for you - getting as much of it as possible is a blessing.

4.) As another poster said, your concern about people receiving the Eucharist improperly can be addressed by the priest or in the invitation. No worries!

Congrats on your engagement! June is a beautiful time of year for a wedding!
 
I have to agree with the Nuptial mass…

When dh and I got married, he had converted and all his family are Protestants and mine Catholic… only I live far from my relatives and close to his. Well over half of our guests were Protestants with a few very anti-Catholics family members thrown in there… We decided this was about OUR family. We had the mass… alot of the guests thought it was beautiful as well. MIL did ask about the Holy Family prayers (when the bride lays a bouquet at the Holy family shrine and prays while the husband joins her) because she couldn’t figure out what we were doing…
 
I think you should do whatever you both want.
Personally, I went for the Nuptial ceremony without the Mass.

It was beautiful. Neither of us felt that strongly about it, we went to Mass together regularly anyway, and have continued to do so. Since most of dh’s family is non-Catholic we felt it would be better. Some of his family is downright anti-Catholic, but they keep their opinions to themselves (mostly). We wanted everyone to enjoy and feel part of the wedding.

But the wedding is for you and dhtb, if you are looking forward to the full Mass, I think you should have what you want.
 
adrienne810 said:
My concern is that I do not want the joy of our wedding to be clouded with a spirit of disunity.
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Personally, I think I’d regret not having a Mass more than I’d regret someone making comments.

These people are what they are. They’re not unified now, so why expect your wedding to change that?
 
Thank you all for your advice and support! Last night my fiance and I decided that we will have a wedding Mass. We will have extensive programs that list the words of the priest and the people’s responses, as well as directions for when to stand/sit/kneel. We’ll have a printed explanation of guidelines for reception of communion. We’re happy with our decision – thank you for all your (name removed by moderator)ut! 🙂
 
adrienne810 said:
Thank you all for your advice and support! Last night my fiance and I decided that we will have a wedding Mass. We will have extensive programs that list the words of the priest and the people’s responses, as well as directions for when to stand/sit/kneel. We’ll have a printed explanation of guidelines for reception of communion. We’re happy with our decision – thank you for all your (name removed by moderator)ut! 🙂
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Good for you . It’s nice to have the deciscion made, I bet. I was going to suggest the programs. I think that will help a lot.
 
My husband and I are both converts to the faith, so when we got married most of the people who attended the wedding were not Catholic. None of our family members are Catholic, so no one in our immediate family could come up to receive. However, we definitely had our wedding within the context of Mass for a few reasons…
  1. we were both Catholic and as someone else said, it’s really what is the norm and what the Church expects when two Catholics marry
  2. we wanted the very first thing we did as a married couple to be to receive the Eucharist
  3. we understand the symbolic nature of the Eucharist and married love… many of the mystics of the Church refer to the Eucharist as a type of “love making” between Christ and the Church by where he physically enters our bodies… you get the picture. 🙂
For us, since we had soooo many non-Catholics present at the ceremony, we went with a wedding program that was more like a mini missle. I’d be happy to send you a copy of it, if you would like. It goes through when ppl should sit and stand and what their responses are at the appropriate time. Just PM me and I’ll get that to you. 🙂

It really helped the non-Catholics to still feel like they could participate in the ceremony so that not receiving communion was not a big deal.
 
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