Should we have kid #2?

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AugustineFan

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My wife and I are trying to decide if we are going to have a second child. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. My wife will be 34 this summer and wants to start really trying to have a child now instead of later. But, we cannot decide if this is a good idea or not. We have good jobs, and are enjoying our life right now with our daughter. We just wonder about the extra expense, how can you love to kids the same, is 2 better than 1. Just not sure what to do here. I joined the Church three years ago, and before that I never wanted children. Christ opened up my eyes to having the first one, not sure about the second one. God Bless.
 
I assume you are still using contraception? Your post makes me think that you are. You must be open to life with every marital act. If you are using NFP, please consider allowing God to decide when to send you a new baby. I had my 2nd son at age 36. He’s 18 now and I am 55. It’s a little harder when you are older parents, but you also have a little more wisdom and patience with teens (maybe). Anyway, the more kids, the MORE love, not less.
 
We don’t use contraception, fyi. What really worries me is our daughter is healthy and happy. I just worry what if we roll the dice, and we have a child with a medical issue. Also, is having child #2 that more expensive?
 
AugustineFan said:
We don’t use contraception, fyi. What really worries me is our daughter is healthy and happy. I just worry what if we roll the dice, and we have a child with a medical issue. Also, is having child #2 that more expensive?
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Trust in God. No, #2 isn’t more expensive, overall. Especially if you happen to have another girl. Of course the food costs increase as they grow up! At 34, your risks of having problems are not that high, as I remember. Don’t let negative slants from the media make you afraid.
 
I usually can’t resist jumping in on posts like this. I was/am an only child and firmly believe that it’s not the preferred way to grow up for a child. With a sibling, there may be challenges, true, but there are also so many benefits. You have a shared history, you have a balance between the adult world and the child’s point of view - in other words, you feel more like you are allowed to have a childhood rather than having to be a miniature adult. And when your parents become elderly and/or debilitated, you have at least a shot at having someone to help shoulder the - I hate to use the word “burden” but . . . let’s say, “increased needs.” And you learn to relate to your peers better.
 
If you don’t have another child:

People who know your daughter is an only child will make negative assumptions about her. If you aren’t spoiling her, people will just assume lies about her. If you actually are spoiling her, nothng will stop you.

There is no place she will be able to work out peer relationships that is completely safe emotionally–a sibling can refuse to talk to you again, but it won’t actually happen (at least not as a child 🙂 ).

If your daughter has kids, there won’t be any chance of cousins. If she doesn’t have kids, she will have no direct connection to the next generation (or anyone at all, when you and your wife pass away).

Later, when you are older and your health is failing, it will be much more difficult for your daughter to handle all alone.

All her life, your daughter may feel lonely. There are kinds of relationship (sibling, aunt) that she will never have.

For your daughter’s sake, have at least one more child.

–Jen
 
3DOCTORS said:
I usually can’t resist jumping in on posts like this. I was/am an only child and firmly believe that it’s not the preferred way to grow up for a child. With a sibling, there may be challenges, true, but there are also so many benefits. You have a shared history, you have a balance between the adult world and the child’s point of view - in other words, you feel more like you are allowed to have a childhood rather than having to be a miniature adult. And when your parents become elderly and/or debilitated, you have at least a shot at having someone to help shoulder the - I hate to use the word “burden” but . . . let’s say, “increased needs.” And you learn to relate to your peers better.
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So true. My sons are very close. The younger one looks up to his big brother and I really wish we could have had another child so that the younger one could be a big brother to someone. I think perhaps he would have stayed on the straight and narrow if someone had been looking at him the way he looks at his older brother.
 
Having another really isn’t that much more expensive. We have three and don’t really notice much difference in cost of things than when we had two, or one, or none…Funny how that works, huh? You find ways to adapt to whatever your situation is, whether it be 4 kids or none. You are going to spend the same amount of money, it just gets spent on different things, like diapers instead of going out to a restaurant alone with your wife every weekend.

As far as medical issues, you really just have to trust that it won’t happen and if it does, God will give you the strength you need. We have our 4th on the way and I have been scared to death every pregnancy that something will be ‘wrong’ with the new baby. It hasn’t happened yet…You just can’t live your life in fear.

Oh, and two kids are way more fun than one. Watching them interact will make you crack up sometimes.

Go ahead and do it…so you can go crazy like the rest of us!😃
 
AugustineFan said:
My wife and I are trying to decide if we are going to have a second child. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. My wife will be 34 this summer and wants to start really trying to have a child now instead of later. But, we cannot decide if this is a good idea or not. We have good jobs, and are enjoying our life right now with our daughter. We just wonder about the extra expense, how can you love to kids the same, is 2 better than 1. Just not sure what to do here. I joined the Church three years ago, and before that I never wanted children. Christ opened up my eyes to having the first one, not sure about the second one. God Bless.
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You will never love your children the same, but that is not to say that you won’t love them equally. The love you feel for them will feel different because they ** are** different. When we only had one child, it was hard to think we could be happier. But then when we had our second, we were. We thought our family was complete, a boy and a girl. 👍 And then, 7 years later, at the age of 40, I had my last child, a son. It was a little scary after 7 years, but my children were so excited. We experience our last child through the eyes of the older children, and it continues to be a wonderful thing to see. 🙂

Pray about it, but don’t overthink it. If it is God’s will, it will happen. May God bless you and guide you.
 
Definitely trust in God. Don’t think of it as making a decision, rather being open to the potential life that can happen.
My wife and I just had our third child this past Dec. and the love certainly grows. Especially when seeing the older ones interact with the baby boy. 😃
I am the 4th out of 8 children, and although we didn’t always get along and we didn’t always have a lot, there always seemed to be enough.
 
28562 said:
Oh, and two kids are way more fun than one. Watching them interact will make you crack up sometimes.

Go ahead and do it…so you can go crazy like the rest of us!😃
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For sure, my wife and I just have to look at each other and laugh whenever we hear some of the conversations between our two older kids. they are hilarious.

I think I was already a little crazy before, but the kids definitely help the insanity. 😃
 
YES… have #2… and #3… but I still say #4 is the best!.. 😉 😛 😃
I’m withholding judgement on #5 only because we have no experience… yet… who knows what’s in our future.
 
I concur with 3Doctors. My wife was an only child and I grew up with 4 brothers and sisters. Both of our parents are in their late sixties or early seventies and with my parents we pool resources if mom or dad need some help. With my father in law it fall to me and my wife. When one of my siblings and I get into a fight my wife tells me how lucky I am to have brothers and sisters. As she sees it, for every fight we have had over 40+ years we have also had 40+ years of someone there to support us; laugh with us; cry with us. She envies me that I have had that, where she did not for the first 20 years of her life.

As for loving them the same, don’t worry about it. Love is not a finite resource where each child get a smaller and smaller share. The love for your children grows to envelope each child. If you’d asked me that 18 years ago I would have said no way, but after 5 kids I can tell you that it’s true. I am happier and healthier for the joy and love my children give me.

Final note, don’t let the statistics scare you. My wife just gave birth to number 5 and she is a couple month shy of 37. Both babies we’ve had since she hit the magic age of 35 were healthy. Even if they had not been, a child with medical or developmental problems deserves just as much love as any other child.
 
Usige said:
I concur with 3Doctors. My wife was an only child and I grew up with 4 brothers and sisters. Both of our parents are in their late sixties or early seventies and with my parents we pool resources if mom or dad need some help. With my father in law it fall to me and my wife. When one of my siblings and I get into a fight my wife tells me how lucky I am to have brothers and sisters. As she sees it, for every fight we have had over 40+ years we have also had 40+ years of someone there to support us; laugh with us; cry with us. She envies me that I have had that, where she did not for the first 20 years of her life.

As for loving them the same, don’t worry about it. Love is not a finite resource where each child get a smaller and smaller share. The love for your children grows to envelope each child. If you’d asked me that 18 years ago I would have said no way, but after 5 kids I can tell you that it’s true. I am happier and healthier for the joy and love my children give me.

Final note, don’t let the statistics scare you. My wife just gave birth to number 5 and she is a couple month shy of 37. Both babies we’ve had since she hit the magic age of 35 were healthy. Even if they had not been, a child with medical or developmental problems deserves just as much love as any other child.
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:amen: I’d also add that if there are complications, which of course pray fervently that there won’t be, but in the event there are, better to go through them at a younger age than waiting a few years. Also fertility is less likely to be an issue than if you wait too long - a woman can start to go through perimenopause in the 40s and that could complicate things.
 
Definitely have a second! Yes, there will be challenges but the benefits and rewards out weigh them a thousandfold.

The greatest thing I have ever given my kids were their siblings. They fight and we do have to watch our money but they love each other so much and take care of each other. They want ten more! :eek:

I am about to have #5 and I promise, each time we have had a kid the enjoyment and anticipation of meeting and getting to know the new addition increases. The kids are so excited about this baby. Each of them has told me on many occasions all the ways they plan to help take care of the baby and the things they are going to teach her. My four year old daughter is especially excited because this is the first time she will be able to take an active part in the care of the baby, since last time she was just a toddler herself. She firmly believes that she will be baby’s primary caregiver. 😃

Even though it’s so much work to take care of them and they frustrated me so much some times, I would have a dozen more kids. Pregnancy is pretty awful and childbirth is painful and newborn care is exhausting and toddlerhood is aggravating and I am pretty sure each age has its own frustrations and anxieties, but it is so worth it! I look at my little crew and I can see how strong the ties are between them and how much we have grown in holiness as a family as a result of each child and how we would be missing certain lessons if that child wasn’t there to teach us, etc.

It’s so worth it.
 
DH and I had the same questions, but when our son was 15 months, we decided to be open to it. Now we have another, and we couldn’t be happier. I will say that attachment parenting has really, really helped minimize sibling rivalry, of which we have had almost none.
 
as a mother of 4, I would say go for it! It’s not harder, it doesn’t cost much more, your daughter will have a playmate and will learn to get along with others. The church teaches to be open to life. good luck to you and your family.
 
I think it depends whether or not you guys have the economic resources and whether or not your surroundings allow it.

Try to make sure that both of you agree on the matter and that there are no disagreements. It all depends on whether or not you guys are ready and feel like it’s time before it is too late. Dont rush and everything will be fine. Blessings.🙂
 
We have a 4 bedroom home, and 2 full baths. Although a few of the bedrooms need to be updated we have the space. I guess we just need to get better at saving the addition would not be that big of a deal financially. I just get worried about having a child with a disease or handicap, not sure I am strong enough to handle it. Thanks for all the great answers it is exactly what I was looking for.
 
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