Should you visit a dying person?

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gam197

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This question has come up in my family and I wondered what others thought about this.

She has her own family that are there taking care of her and she is at home. Her own family comes in all the time so others feel like they are intruding on her family time.

The family has said it is ok to visit but still everyone seems to think they are just being polite .
 
If she’s a friend I would! It can mean a lot both to the dying person and their family. 🙂
 
Intruding on family time sounds like a bad reason to not visit if they are there all the time. I’d absolutely visit her. She’s probably getting tired of seeing the same people all the time, even if they are loved ones.

I felt that way when I was in the hospital recently. As much as I love my family, it meant a lot to have my friend visit me (and give me a break from my family). I can only imagine what it’s like to be dying, but it is probably similar and even more meaningful.
 
The trouble is we don’t know how long she will live, if it will be one week or 1 month or longer.

If it is only 1 week, we kind of feel we are intruding on what little time her own family has with her.

However if we don’t visit then we kind of feel like we should have.

Is it better to wait and miss the chance?
 
gam197 said:
The trouble is we don’t know how long she will live, if it will be one week or 1 month or longer.

If it is only 1 week, we kind of feel we are intruding on what little time her own family has with her.

However if we don’t visit then we kind of feel like we should have.

Is it better to wait and miss the chance?
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No don’t wait! Sure keep your visit short 15-20 minutes, unless you were really close friends then maybe 30/40. Visit! 🙂 I have been through more deaths than I can count. It really does mean a lot to patient and their families alike.
 
Convert_in_99 said:
No don’t wait! Sure keep your visit short 15-20 minutes, unless you were really close friends then maybe 30/40. Visit! 🙂 I have been through more deaths than I can count. It really does mean a lot to patient and their families alike.
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That’s what I was thinking. Once you get there you can feel it out and adjust the time accordingly.

Keep in mind that as people get closer they often have good days and bad days. If the day you try just happens to be a bad day and they are not up to it, don’t take that as they don’t want you to try again.

Prayers said for you and your friend.
 
gam197 said:
This question has come up in my family and I wondered what others thought about this.

She has her own family that are there taking care of her and she is at home. Her own family comes in all the time so others feel like they are intruding on her family time.

The family has said it is ok to visit but still everyone seems to think they are just being polite .
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There is no harm in visiting her if you are friends. She’ll appreciate your presence and time, you won’t feel you missed the opportunity to bring her some comfort, and the family may also be grateful for your caring.
 
meltzerboy said:
There is no harm in visiting her if you are friends. She’ll appreciate your presence and time, you won’t feel you missed the opportunity to bring her some comfort, and the family may also be grateful for your caring.
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This^^^
Absolutely.
We are called to comfort the sick and dying. Don’t wait until the wake or the funeral to express your friendship and love.
Do it now.
 
My mother’s best friend knew for months that Mom was dying, but didn’t bother to visit until just a few days before her death, when she was in a coma.

It’s been over 10 years now, and I haven’t forgotten that she abandoned my mother, whom she called her friend.

So yes - visit.
 
Make a phone call and talk to one of her family members…tell him/her that you would like to stop over for a short visit but you are afraid of causing an inconvenience or taking away their time with your friend…are they ok with you visiting or would they rather not have visitors?

Then do whatever the person suggests. If they say it’s fine to visit, I would definitely make it brief…as another poster said, 15-20 minutes tops. It also would be a nice thing to take a container of soup or something for the family members, as I’m sure it would be appreciated and they probably aren’t feeling like cooking.

I’ll say a prayer for your friend and the family.
 
I think it depends on how close you are with the person dying.

If you were close friends, then yes… go. Like others said, be sure and ask the family when a good time would be. They know best of all from being there for their loved one just what their loved one can handle. If the family says its not a good time, respect that.

If you were not close, I’m not sure it would be good to visit. It could bring more discomfort than comfort to the dying and their family. I would send food and offerings of help instead, and pray for them all.

It depends also on what stage of dying the person is in as well. If its just the early stages of death- don’t hesitate to go. Now is your chance. Don’t wait. You don’t know how much time you have left and I think in those last stages only those who are really close should be there. Do pray very much before you make your visit too.
 
Yes, absolutely go.
If it’s inconvenient, they can let you know. But an opportunity lost may be lost forever,
You could go and ask if she minds if you pray with her, Everyone appreciates that, no matter what their beliefs are.
 
Pax2u said:
Make a phone call and talk to one of her family members…tell him/her that you would like to stop over for a short visit but you are afraid of causing an inconvenience or taking away their time with your friend…are they ok with you visiting or would they rather not have visitors?

Then do whatever the person suggests. If they say it’s fine to visit, I would definitely make it brief…as another poster said, 15-20 minutes tops. It also would be a nice thing to take a container of soup or something for the family members, as I’m sure it would be appreciated and they probably aren’t feeling like cooking.

I’ll say a prayer for your friend and the family.
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This sounds like excellent advice that I would want followed if it were my family member (or me) in such a state. Try not to miss a chance to comfort or say anything caring that you’ve been meaning to - such as how much you’ve appreciated their friendship throughout the years or how much they mean to you. As suggested, I would definitely also bring something such as a container of soup or pudding, etc., that you think the friend might be able to eat as a special treat (or for the family caring for them, too, to share). If you know they can’t eat anything at all, a delicious milkshake might be in order! Or perhaps some pretty flowers to cheer up the room. Don’t go empty handed!
Another important thing to note is whether the dying person seems to be coherent. If they are in a coma or non-responsive, please don’t hesitate to still say loving, comforting words to them even if you think they may not be able to hear you. In many cases they actually CAN hear you - and would likely be very appreciative to hear your loving words.
Prayers for all of you.
 
gam197 said:
This question has come up in my family and I wondered what others thought about this.

She has her own family that are there taking care of her and she is at home. Her own family comes in all the time so others feel like they are intruding on her family time.

The family has said it is ok to visit but still everyone seems to think they are just being polite .
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10 years from now, will you regret not having visited them?

I go along with the other folks who said- call ahead to ensure its a good time. Keep your visit short (…but, be flexible if things seem to be going well or poorly and lengthen/shorten as appropriate). Let the family know you are there for them, that their family member is truly loved and respected by you.

If you’re going to attend the funeral to support the family, I would definitely take the time to visit.
 
Convert_in_99 said:
No don’t wait! Sure keep your visit short 15-20 minutes, unless you were really close friends then maybe 30/40. Visit! 🙂 I have been through more deaths than I can count. It really does mean a lot to patient and their families alike.
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Agree. Agree. Agree.
For us, when we were losing our father, we welcomed the visits. They meant the world to him, and were a wonderful break in our otherwise sad day.
But yes, please please keep them brief.
 
gam197 said:
This question has come up in my family and I wondered what others thought about this.

She has her own family that are there taking care of her and she is at home. Her own family comes in all the time so others feel like they are intruding on her family time.

The family has said it is ok to visit but still everyone seems to think they are just being polite .
Click to expand...
I agree with what others have said. Call ahead and say you’d like to visit and ask when a good time would be. If they are just being polite they probably won’t suggest a “good” time.
 
Here is a slightly different look at things.

My dad died a few months ago. He was in the hospital and then at hospice. We were always with him, but when a friend showed up, it allowed us to decompress for a short period of time and not be “on”, if you know what I mean. The visits were welcomed. His friends needed to see him, too.
 
When my grandfather was dying it ment so much to both him and us that his friends kept in touch, even a simple 5 minute phone call from his dearest friend who was away when he started to slip away ment so much to us all. So please don’t be afraid to call and ask if its ok to visit, even for your friend to know that you called and that you and your loved ones are praying for her will mean so so much
 
PaulinVA said:
Here is a slightly different look at things.

My dad died a few months ago. He was in the hospital and then at hospice. We were always with him, but when a friend showed up, it allowed us to decompress for a short period of time and not be “on”, if you know what I mean. The visits were welcomed. His friends needed to see him, too.
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Hugs
 
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