Shouldn’t everyone discern a vocation to marriage just like for the priesthood or religious life?

[vocatio]

It seems that vocations begin in the domestic church; shouldn’t the Church place a mandatory longer discernment on the vocation to marriage? In many ways the vocation to marriage is more important, but not really. But the same could be said about holy orders…priests. Marriage brings far more children in the world than priests or religious. And the role of the domestic church is very critical to the stability of the Church.

Men are the bishop of the domestic church. The practice of blessing children go way before the Early Church. Vocations come out of families. Divorce is so rampant and people have been plugged into the idea of “pursuit of happiness”. People are getting “happiness” confused with “joy”. We are to do the right thing and be joyful in doing it. Statistically though about 78% of all first time marriages last. It’s the other 22% that keep getting remairried over and over. That is a minority that seems to be getting more attention that the overwhelming majority that hold fast to marriage. It’s the births out of wedlock that are freightening, especially among minority groups [many of these groups have been marginalized and may be the reason for the 70% born out of wedlock.] But that’s another thread for another day. This thread attempts to deal with fostering vocations in a more productive way that may make us feel uncomfortable. It seems that children should be required to attend classes while in high school, just like they need training in budgeting.

People don’t seem to know how to discern they want everything now. Just something to think about.

We should be teaching the truth about the 50% divorce rate. Remember that around 78% of all first time marriages actually last. The high divorce rate is actually caused by those that have not respect for the sanctity of marriage. Annulments may be valid, but they are still scandalous, per says the Church from my reading…would have to look for it again to give references though.

Maybe all parents should be members of Serra?

 

[Norseman82]

It seems that vocations begin in the domestic church; shouldn’t the Church place a mandatory longer discernment on the vocation to marriage? In many ways the vocation to marriage is more important, but not really.

What do you mean by “longer discernment on the vocation to marriage”? Do you mean longer to determine if the person you are considering to marry is the right one for you? Or do you mean longer to determine whether or not you should seek marriage in the first place? Remember, the Cathechism states that “the vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator” (CCC 1603), so why is there a need to over-discern what is our “natural” (or, as some would say, “default”) vocation?

 

[vocatio]

That’s interesting and something I really didn’t think about. It’s a thought that came to mind while reading some of the confused people that are allowing so many temptations to continue in their married state. And with so many people failing to remain chaste in marriage it seems that many need more time practicing chastity.

Married people desperately need help understanding their obligations in marriage. A single man who is ordained to the priesthood is said to be married to the Church. That’s just metaphorically speaking. The same is true for religious orders. But people who feel called to marriage are in fact truly married and marked. It is different, making me think that sense Holy Orders require discernment over the long haul, why not do the same with married people? I know this is not realistic, but it is interesting to think about. Can you tell I have too much time on my hands. Not true, just making time for thinking. It’s my way of figuring things out…coming to a better understanding. I’ve been away for some time and it will take a while to get things together making sense. I plan to attend a lay Light of Christ Institute this coming summer with my wife to see where it lead us. It’s a 3 year program. I am also planning on getting a Masters of Theology from FU via distance learning.

 

[Ridgerunner]

I don’t know about anybody else, and I don’t claim to be particularly wise. But from the time I was just a little kid I knew my vocation was to be married. I knew from at least the first grade on, that I did not have a vocation to the priesthood. I don’t know how I knew it. I just did. By the time I was in the third or fourth grade, I had pretty well figured out what I needed to do to be a married person; finances, how I would need to educate myself, how I would try to be a proper husband and father, how I would need to work hard to support them, how my childrens’ education would be important, etc… I don’t know how I knew any of that. I just did.

I don’t know how, exactly, I knew the lady I married would be my wife when I met her. At first, I didn’t even like her, nor did she like me. Or, I don’t think she did. Well, I liked her some, I guess, despite myself, but I was trying to put on a big show for another girl at a party (and not doing too badly at it), and my future wife, whom I had never met before then, kept making sarcastic remarks about my overweening male vanity; rolling her eyes at my “killer lines”, etc. I took her aside and asked her not to do that. I admitted I was trying to get somewhere with the other girl and told her she shouldn’t mess me up like that. She told me she wouldn’t, as long as I quit putting on a big act. I promised I wouldn’t. Well, after returning my attention to the other girl, I became increasingly intrigued by my future wife. It was an election victory party for a candidate that we were at, so I asked her if she wanted to watch the other returns come in with me. She consented. We exchanged a few barbs about our respective states of origin as their returns came in, but in increasingly good humor. I asked her if, now that I was charged by her with being honest and was obliged to abandon all vanity in her presence, she would be my confidante, to which she agreed, on condition that I would be her confidant. I knew right then that I wanted to marry her, and rather thought we would marry eventually. The fact that she truly was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen didn’t hurt. (Still is, even my mother admitted it.) I already figured she was Catholic because she was going to a Catholic college at the time, and back then almost everybody who did was Catholic. From that moment on, even though we both went out with others somewhat disinterestedly, supposing that we should, neither of us ever thought of marrying another, and merely being in her presence caused me always to rejoice in her existence. We did marry, and have remained so these 38 years.

So, I don’t know. I’m not sure whether I was stupid in not discerning more systematically, or in not having some advice in the whole process, and was just lucky. I don’t doubt that some people who marry, shouldn’t or that some marriages are ill-conceived. I’ve seen a lot of both.

On the other hand, I think maybe there are some people who just plain know their vocation is marriage, just because they know, and know when a person is the right person just because they know that too. The truth is, no one could have ever persuaded me that I shouldn’t marry, no matter what they said. And, after the night I met her, no amount of discernment or advice would have dissuaded me from marrying the woman I married.

 

[Ridgerunner]

But Vocatio, don’t let what I said turn you from your course. If I had to guess or die, I would guess my certainty that my vocation was marriage came as a result of observing my own parents’ marriage. I imagine I saw the pattern of what a man did; what his obligations are, how he should focus his attention and efforts from watching my father.

I’m going to say too that I was a very critical “wife-searcher”. First of all I admitted to myself that’s what I was doing…every time…every date. If a girl seemed loose or stupid or spoiled or improvident or unbalanced, I would end it with her right away, as a waste of my time and hers. My own mother educated herself at great effort and was smart. She educated herself to the degree that she could actually make her own living if she had to, and I admired that greatly. It wasn’t that I looked down on women who didn’t prepare themselves for life, exactly, but I had automatic admiration for those who did, as compared to those who didn’t. I admired wit and spunk. My father’s sisters, whom I was around a great deal, were witty and spunky and knew how to make it in what was then a “man’s world”. In short, I was a terrible guy for a girl to go out with.

But Vocatio, I will have to admit I was lucky in that, while nobody took me aside and gave me advice or direction, it was there in front of me all the time. I expect a lot of people aren’t so lucky. If they don’t have the models, who is going to tell them what they need to know? So, despite everything I have said here, I think what you are thinking is a good thing.

 

[Cloisters]

It seems that vocations begin in the domestic church; shouldn’t the Church place a mandatory longer discernment on the vocation to marriage? In many ways the vocation to marriage is more important, but not really. But the same could be said about holy orders…priests. Marriage brings far more children in the world than priests or religious. And the role of the domestic church is very critical to the stability of the Church.

Men are the bishop of the domestic church. The practice of blessing children go way before the Early Church. Vocations come out of families. Divorce is so rampant and people have been plugged into the idea of “pursuit of happiness”. People are getting “happiness” confused with “joy”. We are to do the right thing and be joyful in doing it. Statistically though about 78% of all first time marriages last. It’s the other 22% that keep getting remairried over and over. That is a minority that seems to be getting more attention that the overwhelming majority that hold fast to marriage. It’s the births out of wedlock that are freightening, especially among minority groups [many of these groups have been marginalized and may be the reason for the 70% born out of wedlock.] But that’s another thread for another day. This thread attempts to deal with fostering vocations in a more productive way that may make us feel uncomfortable. It seems that children should be required to attend classes while in high school, just like they need training in budgeting.

People don’t seem to know how to discern they want everything now. Just something to think about.

We should be teaching the truth about the 50% divorce rate. Remember that around 78% of all first time marriages actually last. The high divorce rate is actually caused by those that have not respect for the sanctity of marriage. Annulments may be valid, but they are still scandalous, per says the Church from my reading…would have to look for it again to give references though.

Maybe all parents should be members of Serra?

Up to 60 percent of Americans don’t think marriage is necessary anymore.

The main problem is hedonism. Men “in position” also think it’s their place to have a mistress, and to give in to any bimbo who wants to take them to the bedroom. (Can we say “walking petri dishes”)?

The whole thing is a huge mess. The media is constantly creating monsters of this sort.

However, I can trace it all back to the start of the Church of the “Opposing Side” (I hope you know what I mean). When the “black” bible is outselling the Holy Bible on college campuses, you know there’s a problem.

Along with that came the “reforms” of the Second Vatican Council which were misinterpreted in the U.S. Then the nuns threw away their habits. No more overt witness to God found on the streets.

“People spit on us,” the nuns complained. Hummm. I wonder who else was spit upon for sticking up for what He believed in. Oh, yeah, I think His Name was JESUS.

But, back to your question. When you meet the right one, YOU KNOW IT. I’ve been married for just over 17 years, and the “just too good to be true” from the songs is right. We also had Gulf War I looming on the horizon, and so got in under the diocesan requirement of 4 months by 4 or so days. We were married on October 13, 1990, and Uncle Sam whisked the bridegroom off to Ft. Bragg, then Saudi Arabia. Hubby returned a different and embittered man, and it’s taken a lot of assertiveness and prayer to get him to where he is now.

As for vocations, I realized as a mom that God had given the boys gifts, and it was up to me to help them realize said gifts, and develop them for God’s use in the world. We were put on this Earth to do a job that only we can do. As to whether or not they become priests or brothers is unknown at this time. I want them focusing on school and doing their best there. After some years of homeschooling, they are doing God’s work in the public schools by helping other kids who have issues.

My 2 cents.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[johnnydigit]

**Shouldn’t everyone discern a vocation to marriage just like for the priesthood or religious life?
**
absolutely. i was the only single/non-engaged person attending an engagement encounter and wondered why every single person wasn’t required to attend in the Catholic Church. it’s such a shame. most of the couples there seemed like they just wanted to pass the requirements to get married. no genuine interest in Our Lord whatsoever.

Theology of the Body also comes to mind regarding discernment to any of the three vocations. let us pray for our generation…