Showering with children?

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wonderingCatholic

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Hi there, my 5 year old daughter just said that her grandmas wi wi was really hairy. She’s been seeing her go to the bathroom when she stays there. Also they’ve taken a shower together, which makes me really uncomfortable. How should I approach this with her? It was common practice when I was a child. She also drinks way too much and lives nearby. Our kids adore their grandparents, and they are so good with them. I’ve gotten mad so many times and called them drunks. I’m just not sure how to approach this?
 
As I see it you have two options. One, don’t let the kids be alone with grandma and grandpa. Option two, Let grandma know your concerns ( I guess you already have). Then, have a talk with your daughter about grandma. Tell your daughter that grandma “ain’t right”, or whatever version of ‘ain’t right’ you think your daughter will understand.

I would chose option one.
 
Reminds me of when my daughter was around the same age. She was in the shower with me and as the boys might know, water tends to run off various parts of the body (ahem). Which prompted her to call out to my wife: ‘Mummyyyyy, Daddy is peeing in the shower!’
 
As I have understood it, this kind of thing a while ago was considered healthy, and I think in some ways it might be, but I have too much French Canadian blood running through my veins, it creeps me out.

Question for you. Are these your husband’s parents? I would gauge some of my feelings about it based on his reaction. Next question, did he shower with his parents when he was young? If not, that might be a red flag,. Not abuse, but a change in behavior on the part of Grandma. That would cause me some discomfort, which you say you already have. That would add to it.

Based on those questions, if there is a change, I would gently go to whatever lengths I needed to, to make sure that didn’t happen again. We don’t want to upset grandma, but I think it is better to error on the side of caution.
That is just my 2cents.
 
I believe that five is far too old to be showering with adults,
and that a grandparent or any other relative has no right to shower with anyone’s child,
or to allow them in the bathroom while the grandparent or other relative is using the facility.

As parent you have the right to protect your child from information and situations that you don’t consider your child needs at this time of life.
She’s five. She will never forget. I clearly remember events from when I was three.

What the grandmother did was take down safety barriers from your daughter.

I would feel it as an abuse of my child for another person to shower with my child and to take my child with them while using the toilet, whoever the person is.

I am fearful of those who drink heavily and wouldn’t leave my child with anyone who is likely to drink heavily. That’s poor example to young children and there is potential neglect or diminished judgement
My response to this situation would be not to allow my children to be at their grandparents unless my husband or I were with them.

May God bless you, your daughter, and all your family, including the children’s grandparents.
 
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Assuming this is an actual scenario (and not a brand new poster wanting to have fun with us). Just don’t allow alone time with grandma. Especially if she’s a “drunk” as you put it.
 
Yes this an actual scenario. Why would I make this up? I really did t know what to do, and that was a little rude thank you to everyone who has replied so far. I take your suggestions very seriously.
 
I did not mean to offend. It’s happened in the past that people post odd scenarios and then don’t participate anymore.

Don’t allow access alone with your daughter or any other children. If she’s an alcoholic especially so.
 
I personally see no problem with showering with a child of the same sex. It is pretty much the same visually as going to the public beach after traveling a long way to get there.

The women young and old alike go into the public women’s restroom, removed their clothes exposing themselves and subsequently putting on swimwear and at the end of the day doing the reverse.

Also the aspect of showing together is a water saving feature.

Now the OP should have left out the DRINKING part and put that in another post and let that aspect be discussed separately.
 
I don’t know your culture, but in Japan, it’s common for boys and girls to even go to the public baths of the opposite sex until they reach puberty. It can be said there is nothing wrong with the act in itself. The question becomes of what else your daughter says. Children don’t have a large vocabulary, but if there is something wrong, they try to tell you. If something bad is happening (such as drinking in the shower or abuse), then you certainly need to step in.

One thing you can say is to your daughter that she is becoming a big girl and big girls take showers by themselves. My guess is a sudden break will be disheartening, but a slow break should be fine
 
My take on this is that an extended family member is teaching a young child that they do not have to be modest around them, and has impaired judgement due to alcohol problem.

This sounds pretty serious to me, and I would end this now, op.
 
I don’t know how to my kids love them and they live right down the street within walking distance.
 
Teach bathroom privacy to your little one, which includes closing doors when she uses rest room, and bathing only at home with a parent supervising.

Tell your little one she cannot go over there unless you walk her over, and visit too.
 
In my opinion, this is an issue about privacy and modesty. I don’t think an adult has a right to expose their naked bodies to children whatever the context. It’s not as if it’s impossible to dress or bathe or go to the bathroom privately. The child should learn to have boundaries with herself and other people. She should feel that it is her complete right to be able to undress only in private alone. I know that it’s hard to draw a line now that it’s been crossed. But you don’t want your daughter in other situations with other people who want to cross some line of decency and she isn’t prepared to say NO and get away.

I remember as a child several family members who were a little too free and easy with nudity around the house and going to the bathroom and showering. My feeling as a little girl your daughter’s age was intense discomfort, shame and embarrassment for them. And frankly, it was repulsive. Later it was women in a public pool locker room, with no modesty at all … and then there was a couple times where perverts in the park exposed themselves. So, yeah. Great memories. I know now it was a violation of my privacy and my right to feel safe and secure.

The drinking is another big concern and another reason to only visit Grandma and Grandpa as a family. Sorry that your folks are making an issue where there shouldn’t be one.

God Bless.
 
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You and your husband have the perfect right to decide the age you feel that showering together is inappropriate. Five seems as good an age as any. I would just tell her that you don’t want her showering with your daughter any more. I wouldn’t get all judgmental about this. As weird as it seems, lots of families have no problem with nudity in the house. I remember visiting my aunt in another state when I was around 22 or so, and being really shocked to see my 9yo cousin hop out of the shower and parade around the house completely bare-butt naked. It’s just not weird to them, I guess.
 
I should say this is the husband, and it’s my family I’m having trouble with. Sorry I didn’t clarify earlier.
 
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