Sibling, God children living in sin: my role

[stmk]

I will try to keep this short. I come from a family of 4 boys (all one year apart), all raised Catholic, altar boys, Mass every Sunday, said the family rosary, but my parents were “old school” Catholics. They didn’t ever read the Bible but lived what they knew of their faith and tried to be a good example to us. That being the case I still see our family as “cradle” Catholics. When we were in our early to mid-teens my parents had a separation. My mom ended up living with another man for a few months. That’s all I remember about it. My parents eventually reconciled and have been together for almost 50 years.
Now, me and my three brother’s are all in our mid to late 40s. I have never been married. Just was never in any serious relationships.
I started to learn to learn about and practice my faith in my mid to late twenties by the grace of God and after reading a few good books on Fatima and Our Lady.
The reason for this post: My younger brother got a girl pregnant when he was 17. They ended up getting married, having the baby, and stayed married for 13 years. They were married in the church and their wedding was recognized as being Sacramental. They also had a daughter.
Several years ago he had an affair that ultimately was the reason their marriage ended.
He did pursue an annulment but it never went through. Something with the timing of the paperwork he says. Now, a few girlfriends later (one he lived with for a couple years), he has had another baby with a new woman with whom he is engaged. I have asked him about his annulment status. He says he resubmitted all the paperwork and is still waiting to hear back with a final decision. Meanwhile, they are living together with a new baby and her two kids from previous relationships and moving into a new house today. I am very close to my brother and find it very easy to just enjoy his new family and just play golf and hang out. But it is ALWAYS in my head. Always feeling like I should be saying more. Thinking that I should have said more early on in his new relationship BEFORE a baby came.
Always waiting for an opportunity to ask him about his annulment, remind him he is living in a constant state of mortal sin, and not setting a good example to his older kids or his new family. But now we are where we are and I want to try and be supportive to help this new relationship work for the sake of the baby and everyone else.
Just need some (name removed by moderator)ut and advice. He has asked me to help him move into his new house today. It will just be the two of us this morning so I am going to try and find a window to ask him about his annulment status and his current living situation. Maybe I need to talk to a priest. Is it wrong of me to even be in his house if he is living in a constant state of mortal sin? Am I setting a bad example to his children (one of whom is my God daughter) by not being more vocal about his situation?
I feel the same way about his daughter, my God daughter, who is now 21 and living with her boyfriend.
I know I can only pray and ask for guidance. I just figured I would also ask for some guidance/(name removed by moderator)ut from the CA members as well.

Thanks all for your (name removed by moderator)ut and advice.

 

[puzzledtoo]

I’m not catholic so you can take this with a grain of salt. Christ said something to the effect of there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for a friend-this is in regards to helping your brother move. Don’t be scrupulous about this as far as being in his house or helping him in other ways. Be a good example for him and others. Christ was in the company of those less than perfect(sinners?) much of the time, yes?
Maybe let go of the annulment questions for a while? There comes a point when we transition from concern to nagging in my view. Always remember the verse in the bible that speaks of removing the log from our own eye before removing the splinter from the eye of another.
May you all be filled with loving kindness. May you all be well. May you all be peaceful and at ease. May you all be happy.

 

[stmk]

I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut. I guess it’s difficult to comment with minimal information.
He would definitely not see anything I say as nagging. I have been very cautious in this area in the past and being silent almost to a fault. This is why I come here. Because most devout practicing Catholics will tell me the truth and not just what I want to hear.
I want to help him move. I have no problem giving my time to help. In my family we’ve all moved each other MANY times. It’s fun to be around the family. That is part of my point. I’m moving him into another house he is going to share with his girlfriend. And I don’t think it’s judging him or overlooking my own sins by asking him if he’s sure about going down this road again with another woman before addressing his annulment. It’s not about not loving him enough to help him move. It’s about the message I send by helping him move in with another woman that is not his wife.
I do think I will get different responses from Catholics but I do appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut. In my case, I see “laying down my life for my friend (brother)” IS telling him the truth about the seriousness of sin even at the risk of negatively impacting our relationship.

We’ll see what others have to say.
Thank you

 

[1Lord1Faith]

Most people don’t say too much, if anything, in situations like this because they don’t want to alienate the person they are trying to get through to. But you said your brother won’t mind if you say something about it. In that case, I think you should say something to him, in private, about if he has appreciation/understanding for Catholic teaching and your concern for your responsibility as a godparent.

 

[Regina7]

Yes, Jesus ate with sinners, but people tend to forget the part where he rebuked them and said to sin no more.

Say something. Do it with love and kindness, but do it. If nothing else, tell him that you love him and ask whether he needs any help setting his life in order.

 

[LoveMercyGrace]

I think many many people find themselves in this kind of situation, such as you with your family, I for one.
What I do is pray very much for my family. I am the mother of the family, so my role is different maybe. I teach my grandchildren about the faith, with parental permission, but they are little. anyways, I feel God has called me to do this much.
If I were to directly confront my family I am sure it would damage relationships and alienate
and this most certainly would not help.
Ive had people say…get them a bible, mark some scriptures, and give it to them. you probably won’t hear from them for awhile. I’ve had others tell me I’m an accomplice to sin, and even avoid me because I do not chastise my family.

But what I know for certain is this. We do not “call God”… we can seek to get closer, to know God, but it is He who calls us. all is Grace. We can never know how God is working in another’s soul!
So my prayers for my family are always for conversion of their souls, including mine a deeper conversion, and for protection from the evil one,… and rosaries !

blessings!

 

[oneofmany]

Well with the Pope talking about marriages and how so many young couples enter marriage without the understanding they need I think it would be easy for your brother to get an annulment. After all, he was only 17 with a baby on the way. Not a good position to be in to get married.

Why don’t you bring that up to him and suggest he go to another priest who understands annulments to get the ball rolling again. If the woman he is living with wants to get married in the Church that would make it easier as well. Of course, her past relationship needs to be taking into account. Did she marry in the Church and why did she divorce, etc.