Sibling Love or Sibling Rivalry?

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7 boys in our family, No sisters. I used to be close in some ways to one of them. But as the years pass, and geography separates, I’ve grown distant. I have to ask myself now, do I truly love my siblings? I feel like I should but maybe I don’t.
I’m less interested in what they are doing or their opinions. Because I feel I know their view of life anyway. I’m sure they have me pegged. “Same old unstable Ron. I wonder how long he will stick in this current job.”
I don’t know what it is like with sisters. maybe it breaks up the feeling of competition and pecking order. I’m 5th eldest. I have to respect my older ones especially but do they show the same respect towards me?
Faith wise. One still goes to a Catholic Church but never talks about religion. Another became a born again Pentecostal. The rest are pretty much lapsed catholics. Believe it or not I sometimes pray that we all end up in Heaven. But at the same time, do I want to see them there? 🙂
Our dear parents were heaven sent to be honest. So humble, so unassertive, so meek. Blessed are the meek. That is good to hear. Not that I think “meek” is a trait I want to aspire too. maybe I should eh.
I’m sharing this with you because I feel there are many of you that suffer family dysfunction. Do you think it is possible to be friends with your siblings? I’ve concluded that is impossible. because in a big family there are different cliques and gossip unfortunately occurs. It’s like an office. Trusting others appears naïve.
I feel my partner and I are a family unit and trust and love can only occur in this environment.
 
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Hey. Happy birthday.

In our combined family my (half) sister and I have 5 additional sisters and 3 brothers. Yep, lots of rivalry. Sis and I are pretty close, but we do argue… mostly in jest. But with the others… well, that’s a different story.
 
goodcatholic said:
Do you think it is possible to be friends with your siblings?
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My sister and I were never particularly close and didn’t get along well when we were growing up. It wasn’t until our mother got sick and then died, that she and I became closer. Now, we are definitely friends (it only took us 40 something years). I think we always loved each other, but we didn’t like each other. We unfortunately needed a tragic, life changing event to bring us together. Our mother always wanted us to be “best friends”. I guess in a sense, she made that happen.
 
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Should add… my brother, when he was alive, was a priest. He is also someone I absolutely implicitly trusted. I miss him.

My sis and I share a house. We do a lot of things together. I thank God every day for her.

I’m not at all close to the rest of the siblings.
 
This varies a lot. Siblings probably don’t think about this, but your siblings are the people you have or will have known longer than most other people in your life. It seems that it would be best to stay on good terms, if possible.

I know two brothers who have feuded over $50. They were young when this started, so $50 meant a lot to them at the time. Such feuds can last a lifetime.

Parents can have a big influence on sibling relationships. Somehow they have to defuse the idea that there is a favorite among the brood.

If mental health problems crop up, it can be difficult to stay in touch, no matter how much you try. My sister plays the ‘victim’ card and has for most of her life. Nothing I do is good enough for her.

Lots of different stories her, I presume.
 
I consider my siblings my best friends now,a large family also but we all got along pretty well when we were younger.
 
goodcatholic said:
I’m less interested in what they are doing or their opinions.
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I’m the fifth of six kids. We’re all between the ages of 58 and 70 now and I feel much as you do. I’m friends with one brother and one sister but rarely see them. The others I see as people I once lived with a long time ago but really have little to no interest in them now. I don’t know where most of my nieces and nephews live. One brother I haven’t seen since 2005 at mom’s funeral. I don’t think it’s necessary to be close to family. Sometimes that just isn’t going to be the case. I don’t actively dislike them, I’m just totally indifferent.
 
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I have 3 siblings. So moderate in terms of size I guess.

3/4 of us are adults now. So it’s easier to be friends with them. I notice my brothers talk to me about their personal life more now that my mother is gone. I think they’re probably trying to use me in a way, to replace her. I don’t know. But we do talk about random things and joke around and stuff.

But there is definitely gossiping at times. But I think the love is mostly genuine. I hope. But we all still live together. So maybe everything changes when we are all separated.

I think sisters have it’s own unique set of problems. I notice tension between me and my sister at times (as well as in my friend’s family). Comparisons over who’s the prettiest for example. I know I am vocally jealous over my sister,hahahah.
 
Had a friend whose wife was so terrific - pastors kid, mid 40’s, pretty, smart, funny, faith-filled. We were talking about siblings one day and she said, “My older brother never missed an opportunity to call me ugly, fat and stupid. To this day I feel uncomfortable around him”. He could have had her as a lifelong friend but he squandered the opportunity.

I was the oldest, and I did it differently, although it was more accidental than intentional. When I was about 15 my younger sister got Epilepsy out of nowhere. I felt so bad for her, I started to treat her really extra nice and do nice things for her for no reason. It’s 40 years later and she and I are still benefiting from that decision. With my own children, I’ve told him that story about my friend over and over, and I challenge them to treat each other like they would treat their best friends. I tell them they have only about 18 years max to build a foundation - either for lifelong friendship or for lifelong hurt and animosity.
 
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