Sibling's civil marriage

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This is something I have been thinking about for what seems like quite a while now…

My brother had a civil marriage ceremony last year, he and his fiance both being Catholic.

I was asked beforehand to be a bridesmaid in the wedding and accepted. To give a very brief background I was raised Catholic but had not begun to really learn about and understand the laws of the church until probably a year or two ago at the beginning of college.
Therefore, at this time in my eyes getting married in the church was the ideal thing to do but I did not realize that in not doing so it would be seen as invalid.

They looked into getting married in the church for a while and this is what they wanted to do, but they had moved to a new location about a year beforehand and were not yet part of a parish (they aren’t heavily practicing Catholics, but will go to church when asked with no problem and on Easter and Christmas with the family). They were told that they would need to be part of the parish in their new location for some time before the ceremony could take place and after weighing their options they decided to go with the civil ceremony. Another factor in this is that they live in a gorgeous area and really wished to have the ceremony outside near the beach, another thing that they found out they wouldn’t be able to do in a Catholic ceremony very easily.

I partook in the ceremony as a bridesmaid. My dad had talked to my brother about having it in the church and sent him information about it to help with the decision but ultimately my brother and his fiance decided to go the other way.

After the wedding (unfortunately not beforehand) I did some research and found out that this civil marriage would not be seen as a marriage in the eyes of the church. I felt bad that I did not know this previously, as I could have talked to him about it and have chosen otherwise about being in the ceremony.

I brought up to him a couple of months later the option of having the marriage blessed. We only talked briefly about it, he asked me a question or two and said, “Oh, sounds good, we’ll sign up!” However, this is the last we’ve talked about it and that was about six months ago.

I’m not sure what to do, I truly want what is best for them but as I have brought it up once before I’m not sure if I should again or simply let it be in their hands. As far as I know no one in the rest of my family has and as I am his much younger sister-by nine years-I’m not sure how much impact it would have.

I would really appreciate some insight on this. Thank you. 🙂
 
You didn’t know any better at the time. When you knew better, you tried to talk to you brother about this and suggest he rectify the situation. Your father also tried to persuade your brother to do the right thing. Your brother and his civil-bride are responsible for their choices. They are now fully informed and what they do is ultimately their call. There’s nothing more you can do. Pray for them and maybe they’ll realize their mistake before it’s too late. God Bless.
 
How about something along the lines of: “Hey bro, I was thinking, have you thought any more about getting your marriage blessed? If you would like for me to help in help finding out the info, let me know! I would be more than happy to help out!” …?
 
Hi,

I would suggest you pray for them for their reversion to the Church - if they are seeking your counsel, I would suggest that they immediately go talk to their parish Priest and investigate the convalidation process - they will need to have a good confession and live as brother and sister until they can have their marriage blessed. At least that is the advice I would try and give. I will pray for you, your brother and sister in law.
 
They are not married, actually. They need to be married in the Church and will have to go to their priest and let him know that they are not technically married. It’s not convalidation, it’s not a blessing - it’s an actual, real marriage performed by a priest. They don’t have to have any ceremony other than being in front of the priest and 2 witnesses. But they do need to do this as soon as possible. If no one has actually stated this to your brother, you can tell him point-blank that he needs to get this done ASAP. If they plan to raise their children as Catholics, they need to fix their mistake and get married first.
 
Juliane is right - the Convalidation doesn’t have to be a big deal . . . . on the other hand, it CAN be! You could be a bridesmaid!! And she could wear her wedding dress again . . .
 
mls2593 said:
…they aren’t heavily practicing Catholics, but will go to church when asked with no problem and on Easter and Christmas with the family.
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This is the problem. They don’t take the faith seriously so they don’t understand the importance of Christian marriage.

What you can do is pray that they experience a deepening of their faith, as you have. Be a good example of Catholic Christianity to them. You may be the only heavily practicing Christian they know, I can almost guarantee that they know many heavily practicing secularists.
 
It seems that they simply don’t care about God. They know the facts and have the info. You can’t make them do the right thing, you can only suggest they take the required steps, to provide information and help them if they need it. And this is what you have been doing so far.

Who knows, maybe they will change their attitude when the children come. I have seen it happen.
 
I would say continue to pray is all you can do. If it were me I would try to keep a good relationship with your brother because without saying a word your actions and involvement in the church you may inspire them. I wouldn’t bring it up again tho.
 
Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this, I appreciate it. 🙂

I will continue to pray for them and be of help to them if they do seek it out.
 
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