* sigh * 8 year old with NO self control

[ThereseOfRoses]

Offset 50 years ago by bare hand, bare butt spankings at a very early age.

I realize you are trying to be helpful, but there ARE neurotypical disorders that cannot be handled by whipping and humilating a child with a bare butt spanking…it would simply escalate an already edgy situation. That being said, I pray that none of your grandchildren or great-grandchildren ever suffer from a mental disorder. It’s no picnic and the OP needs support, instead of comments that it’s all due to a lack of discipline. While that could be the case when NO ONE can come up with a diagnosis and when it’s obvious the parents are not doing their part; but with all the specialists the OP has taken his child to and all he is doing to help his child, it’s pretty obvious that’s not the case here.

I’m sorry if my reply here sounds harsh, but there are several things that a bare-butt spanking will not cure and a mental illness is one of them!!!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Send him to a boot camp. They’ll scare him straight.

Lol jk. Reward him when he does something good, and discipline him when he does something bad. Of course theres more to it, but honestly, that is definitely something every parent should be doing. Sort of like God and humans, except his punishments are worse and the bible doesn’t really contain any cure for people with the types of problems that your son has. It would be nice if it did though.

I know you were kidding, but boot camps don’t really exist any more. Some of them were abusive and were sued out of existence, and the others that weren’t abusive were frightened by the threat of being sued and also went out of business. I don’t think any of them would have taken an 8-year-old anyway.

Having looked for out of home placement for our son for YEARS before finding what we did, I can tell you that the options are very few. Military schools are trying to attract good students so don’t market to troubled kids. Religious schools can be very expensive if out of state, and you have to watch for abuse or bullying. There are no boot camps. If you have to turn the kid over to juvie, he or she could be ruined forever. It’s a real problem for parents with this kind of kid.

 

[nana3]

My eight year old son, who is on meds, needs, even when the meds are in effect, to be in Line of Sight Control by a responsible adult 100% of the time he is awake. And he probably needs an alarm on his door even while sleeping, in case he wakes up. He sneaks food and items into his incredibly messy, and unsafe, room. Arguments are mostly what I get. For my wife’s health, I can;t indulge them. Even three feet away behind my back, he shoplifted from a hospital gift shop. Thankfully the volunteer, an older lady, didn’t call security or the police. Since I am working, and my wife isn’t well, this is a notable problem. I am not sure where to go from here. We can’t even let him go to the bathroom at home even, by himself. its a becoming a big issue. I expect this from a 4 year old, or even my 11 year old autistic nephew. But I didn’t think that my athletically talented, academically gifted, 8 year old son would still have these issues. We consulted 6 counselors( including 3 in home ), 2 psychiatrists, his pediatrician, and a neurologist. He is even in CCD, and we’ve prayed, and talked to the parish priest.I’m running out of options, especially since my wife is still trying not to get any sicker. School, home, stores, practice( basketball right now ) even church.

I will pray for you and your family. I have a nephew who has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD and now bipolar. He continues with his anger outburst and my poor sister, I don’t know how she deals with it all. I lived with her for a short time when the hurricane damage our home and let me tell you, I understand what you and your wife are going through. My nephew is a handful an continues to be. My sister is a single parent and her ex has made his sons’ continue worse by physical abuse for he thought spanking would help and that spanking became abuse and left marks on my nephew. This made him worse. He has been this ways since the age of 5 and he is now going to be 11 next month. I will mention some advice that I wish my sister would take and I don’t know if this is the same in your situation. Because my sister is so afraid of my nephews’ anger outburst, she gives in to him all the time. She is not consistent in her punishment when he misbehaves. There is no discipline really for this boy. I have read Dr. Ray Guarendi’s book and I really recommend them to you as well and he has CD’s as well. He says many kids are misdiagnosed and just need discipline. Again, I don’t know if that is the case with you. I know it is partly the case with my sister but I still think my nephew would need medication due to the child abuse he had in the past and he was also molested by his stepmother. So he has some other issues to deal with.

Also, diet has a huge role to play in the way a child behaves. I am reading a book called ADHD by Dr. Daniel Amen and it is full of information on how the diet affects the brain. There are different kinds of ADHD and so you have to read the book to see which kind your son is, but for the most part, a high protein diet is need and low simple carb diet as well.

Also, I met a woman and I have not done this myself and I am in the process of researching it myself, for my nephew for we have tried everyting, who tells me that she believes that metal toxicity in the children’s body has a huge role in how they behave and also can make them sick. I can give you more information on that if you want just PM me. Like I said, we have tried everything on my nephew from biofeedback to psychologist and spent thousands of dollars and nothing works. We know he is allergic to gluten but my sister can’t afford to buy all gluten free diet and I know for a fact gluten can cause a kid to become very violent and angry, so this may be the cause in my nephew. There are many causes that you need to try and see what can help your son. Try looking into the diet and eliminate gluten and see what happens and increase protein. A great protein shake that can be found a a whole food store with no sugar is by Jarrow and is called Brown Rice Protein Shake. I notice in a difference in my daughter’s behavior. Don’t mix it with juice, but use Rice Dream milk and mix with a fruit like a banana to give it more flavor.

I hope all this helps for I know the nightmare it can all me. We will add your family in our family Rosary every night.

 

[ThereseOfRoses]

I will pray for you and your family. I have a nephew who has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD and now bipolar. He continues with his anger outburst and my poor sister, I don’t know how she deals with it all. I lived with her for a short time when the hurricane damage our home and let me tell you, I understand what you and your wife are going through. My nephew is a handful an continues to be. My sister is a single parent and her ex has made his sons’ continue worse by physical abuse for he thought spanking would help and that spanking became abuse and left marks on my nephew. This made him worse. He has been this ways since the age of 5 and he is now going to be 11 next month. I will mention some advice that I wish my sister would take and I don’t know if this is the same in your situation. Because my sister is so afraid of my nephews’ anger outburst, she gives in to him all the time. She is not consistent in her punishment when he misbehaves. There is no discipline really for this boy. I have read Dr. Ray Guarendi’s book and I really recommend them to you as well and he has CD’s as well. He says many kids are misdiagnosed and just need discipline. Again, I don’t know if that is the case with you. I know it is partly the case with my sister but I still think my nephew would need medication due to the child abuse he had in the past and he was also molested by his stepmother. So he has some other issues to deal with.

Also, diet has a huge role to play in the way a child behaves. I am reading a book called ADHD by Dr. Daniel Amen and it is full of information on how the diet affects the brain. There are different kinds of ADHD and so you have to read the book to see which kind your son is, but for the most part, a high protein diet is need and low simple carb diet as well.

Also, I met a woman and I have not done this myself and I am in the process of researching it myself, for my nephew for we have tried everyting, who tells me that she believes that metal toxicity in the children’s body has a huge role in how they behave and also can make them sick. I can give you more information on that if you want just PM me. Like I said, we have tried everything on my nephew from biofeedback to psychologist and spent thousands of dollars and nothing works. We know he is allergic to gluten but my sister can’t afford to buy all gluten free diet and I know for a fact gluten can cause a kid to become very violent and angry, so this may be the cause in my nephew. There are many causes that you need to try and see what can help your son. Try looking into the diet and eliminate gluten and see what happens and increase protein. A great protein shake that can be found a a whole food store with no sugar is by Jarrow and is called Brown Rice Protein Shake. I notice in a difference in my daughter’s behavior. Don’t mix it with juice, but use Rice Dream milk and mix with a fruit like a banana to give it more flavor.

I hope all this helps for I know the nightmare it can all me. We will add your family in our family Rosary every night.

Dr Bill Sears (and his RN wife Martha) have a several books out about diet and ADD/ADHD. While it’s not a magic cure-all, it does have some great ideas about removing some of the “usual suspects” from children’s diets and that has shown some improvement with his young patients. A lot of his diet suggestions include working in conjunction with meds for neurotypical disorders. Also, Bill and Martha Sears are Catholic retroverts- they came back to the Catholic Church two years ago.

 

[Bluegoat]

This sounds hard. It seems to me that you need to find a counselor who can work with your son and family for the long term. It seems like you have been going to various people, and for something like this, you need long term help, someone who will get to know you and your son, and find solutions. It will probably take a lot of time.

The need for constant supervision is a problem. What resources do you have, family wise? Can you look into public programs for special needs kids? Does your school have him registered as having special needs? What about a school for kids with similar problems - where I live there is a school for kids with ADD and similar problems, and it is possible to get funded if you have a recommendation by a doctor.

As far as other things, remember to try and keep loving him, and focus on whatever talents and good days, or good moments - that he has. Positive reinforcement is always more powerful than negative, so you need to jump on those things when you see them.

 

[puzzleannie]

you are the same poster who has written before about your wife’s illness, even your most recent post weighing whether or not you should leave her, and about you difficulties finding and keeping full time employment, as well as other family problems. In all of your post you mention your wife and her illness, whatever it is.

It is not unusual for one child in a family to become a nexus through which other severe family problems are worked out, to become ground zero where the frustrations of other family members arising from other issues find a target.

as with others here, any response I give is based in part on my own experience and I heartily urge you to be assured that any counsellor or other professional working with your child knows about these other issues, especially the chronic illness of your wife.

If she is that ill there should be in home care for the problem child if she cannot handle the situation by herself, for the safety of all concerned.

I will only add for the benefit of those who have never had to deal with a child’s behavior problems that manifest to this degree, please do not make blanket assumptions about the quality of parenting or discipline that is going on. If you have not walked in those parents’ shoes you cannot judge.
Your out of control son may not be the problem, only the most obvious symptom of deeper issues with your marriage, family and home life.

Our prayers you have, but as you have also asked elsewhere “how to lead” read Ephesians, and start with yourself and your own personal issues, whatever they may be, and care for those entrusted to you in so doing.

 

[SamH]

I realize you are trying to be helpful, but there ARE neurotypical disorders that cannot be handled by whipping and humilating a child with a bare butt spanking…it would simply escalate an already edgy situation.

Yes there are, but there are many more that can be handled that way. If you take out the spankings you have removed the 90% of the parenting ability of my father. He raised 12 children - 9 college grads. A little humiliation is good for a child - and some adults - it’s how self respect is developed. There is a reason why the bible preaches humility and treats pride as a sin.

My older son was an exception the rule, his epilepsy drugs gave rise to behavioral issues that had to be dealt with in a different manner. I learned all about chemical imbalances and the need to deal with it in another way. However - discipline is still king along with a consistency and routine.

 

[Catydidd]

ADHD and ODD are the most common answers.

He is on meds for ADHD, but even so, its an issue. We’ve tried three or four different ones so far.

This might be difficult given your current circumstances, but I have been reading recently that martial arts classes are very helpful for children with ADD/ADHD. Perhaps enrolling in one of those programs could help your son?

I hope things get better for your family very soon.

 

[ThereseOfRoses]

Yes there are, but there are many more that can be handled that way. If you take out the spankings you have removed the 90% of the parenting ability of my father. He raised 12 children - 9 college grads. A little humiliation is good for a child - and some adults - it’s how self respect is developed. There is a reason why the bible preaches humility and treats pride as a sin.

My older son was an exception the rule, his epilepsy drugs gave rise to behavioral issues that had to be dealt with in a different manner. I learned all about chemical imbalances and the need to deal with it in another way. However - discipline is still king along with a consistency and routine.

I appreciate you sharing how your father did a good job raising you and your sibs, yet my response was geared towards kids with mental or neurotypical illnesses…not just high-spirited kids that needed discipline.

The person I was responding to made the OP sound like he simply needed to pull his son’s pants and underwear down and beat his bare butt to get him in line and all would be well, because “that’s what they did 50 years ago”. As you mentioned, your own son has neurological issues and needs to be dealt with differently. When children (and adults) are on the Autism spectrum, they don’t see and perceive things as we do. If they are spanked by a parent for doing wrong, they see that it’s now okay to use hitting (or other means of violence) as a way to “teach someone” a lesson or get their own way…such as when a child is spanked for not putting up their toys… While you and I see it as a punishment, they see it now as a way to deal with things and will use hitting/spanking/slapping as a way to attempt to get others to do what they want.

See where it just escalates things?

Unfortunately, they cannot help it…it’s the way their brain processes things. We would never think of hitting a child with Down’s Syndrome simply because they cannot comprehend things on the same level as a typical child can, so we cannot therefore think it’s okay to use corporal punishment on someone who doesn’t understand (and likely never will) what it’s purpose is. It would be abusive to do so. With that, I don’t mean slapping a hand that’s ready to touch a fan blade or hot stove, but a spanking because they did something earlier and now the parent is “trying to teach a lesson”.

I hope that all came across as charitably as I intended. As we all know, sometimes what we perceive as coming across nicely and with the best intentions can be interpreted as being harsh.