*sigh* Think we are going to look for another parish

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whatevergirl

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Hi everyone–hope you’re all doing well…as the weekend winds down.🙂

My family and I just got back from mass tonight…sigh I dunno. Sometimes, the mass is very reverent at our new parish (we have been attending for a while since we moved to FL), and other times, the music sounds like showtunes or something. :rolleyes: Rambling bar type piano playing…I mean, it seems like the Music Minister only cares to be heard, drowning out everyone, like he’s auditioning for a Broadway play (seriously!)…this just is not the mass that my family and I are accustomed to. :nope: Granted Sunday night is reserved for the teen mass, but it has never been this showtune-ish. But, even Saturday evening and Sunday morning masses are getting to be this way.

Talking, laughing, carrying on, etc in the church before mass…loudly. NO KNEELERS, but we still kneel. Music that gets more and more modern every mass it seems…transient priests…I can’t keep track of them at this parish anymore…it seems like the young priest who we all enjoyed and got to know is gone…like for months. He gave a controversial sermon about 3 months ago, and ever since then–we have not seen him.😦 Not sure if that’s the reason–I’m planning to drop the head pastor an email about him, just asking if he has left the parish. Maybe his time was up there, but something tells me otherwise.🤷

I just don’t know…should I look for yet ANOTHER parish? I feel like the only traditional parishes and masses can be found up north…or in Rome!:o Even my 16 year old son (he’ll be 16 in a few weeks) said tonight…“I’m young, and I even miss the traditional mass and songs that we had.” (in PA)

We recently discovered another area, about 5 miles up the road from us, if that–it’s near where my dd’s music school is…and I think I’m going to see if there are any traditional parishes up that way.

What would you do? Does not having a traditional mass bother you…would it bother you enough to explore other churches in your area? SO NOT USED TO THIS. We were parishioners up in our Pittsburgh parish for YEARS, without a thought to searching. The one thing I’ll say however, is confession at this parish is wonderful–and they have a lot of thriving ministries. That’s definitely a plus.

But…Why oh why do people have to mess with the mass, mess with the music…make it something it was never intended to be–entertainment. If you want entertainment, go to the movies.😦

Ok, my vent is over…look forward to hearing your thoughts on this, and if you have had similiar experiences. Maybe I’m getting old or something…lol:o , but I’m sorry, I just like a reverent mass/parish, with traditional songs, decor, sermons, etc…
 
I don’t mean to sound uncaring or cold in any regard…but I couldn’t help but read your post and feel like your reasons for being unhappy with the mass were a little self-oriented. Please forgive me, I’m not trying to say your’e selfish! I know how easy it is to be distracted by “un-fitting music” and the people around you… Goodness, I have three antsy, noisy children with me for every mass and I get SO distracted!

But I don’t think those are reasons to leave a parish… If the priest was speaking heresy, or there was something blatently disrespectful to our Lord going on…I would contact the priest/bishop and change parishes…But I wouldnt’ leave over the atmosphere at all…

Even if the people “running” the mass aren’t doing so in the most reverent way possible…the fact remains it’s still Christ present:) I think masses like that force us to test our faith… To ask ourselves if we’re in the habbit of going to mass because we like the reverent feeling, the “pious” feeing it gives us to attend a truly traditional, solemn mass… Or are we going to share in intimate communion with our Lord?

These are just my personal thoughts on the matter, and I can’t say for sure what I would do in your situation unless I personally experienced it, but I pray that God will help you make the right decision 🙂

God bless!
 
When I came back to the faith I was blessed to find myself in a very traditional parish, they do exist in the south. Don’t be hard on yourself for wanting to find a different parish. There are folks I’ve met who have been to my parish, but who prefer the more “innovative” celebrations to be found elsewhere. I doubt they beat themselves up for wanting to find another place to worship!
 
WEG,

I think the sum of the parts are adding up-- piano bar music ministry, no kneelers, etc. Any one of those might be tolerable, but taken together seem to point to an overall attitude at the parish. Personally, the no kneelers is a dealbreaker for me.

I’d look around-- if you are fortunate enough to have many parishes to choose from, then take advantage of that. The day may come when you don’t. Like me-- moving from a city with tons of churches to choose from and mass times, to living in the sticks with a shared priest and churches very far apart. Fortunately, we have kneelers!
 
You probably won’t be happy staying and is more than likely to disrupt your family and hurt your children in the long run. I know from experience. I thought we could help change it but the forces were too strong.
 
AshleyBelle said:
I don’t mean to sound uncaring or cold in any regard…but I couldn’t help but read your post and feel like your reasons for being unhappy with the mass were a little self-oriented. Please forgive me, I’m not trying to say your’e selfish! I know how easy it is to be distracted by “un-fitting music” and the people around you… Goodness, I have three antsy, noisy children with me for every mass and I get SO distracted!

But I don’t think those are reasons to leave a parish… If the priest was speaking heresy, or there was something blatently disrespectful to our Lord going on…I would contact the priest/bishop and change parishes…But I wouldnt’ leave over the atmosphere at all…

Even if the people “running” the mass aren’t doing so in the most reverent way possible…the fact remains it’s still Christ present:) I think masses like that force us to test our faith… To ask ourselves if we’re in the habbit of going to mass because we like the reverent feeling, the “pious” feeing it gives us to attend a truly traditional, solemn mass… Or are we going to share in intimate communion with our Lord?

These are just my personal thoughts on the matter, and I can’t say for sure what I would do in your situation unless I personally experienced it, but I pray that God will help you make the right decision 🙂

God bless!
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Thank you for your thoughts here…I have prayed much about this. I am not a self oriented person though, you wouldn’t know that though, only knowing the snippits I post here. I just find that the attitude of the parish seems to be more Protesant in nature, than Catholic…as though they want to be more theatrical or something, than reverent. I also have one child who is confirmed, the other isn’t…I want her to have the fullness of the mass in much the way I had growing up…not an altered version that is meant to be more entertaining than nourishing. I will say though, in looking online tonight at different parishes, a pain ran through my stomach…it kind of took me aback. Like, a feeling of angst in thinking of leaving this church. I don’t really want to leave, but I just miss a more reverent mass. 😦 If that is selfish, not sure what to say.
 
1ke said:
WEG,

I think the sum of the parts are adding up-- piano bar music ministry, no kneelers, etc. Any one of those might be tolerable, but taken together seem to point to an overall attitude at the parish. Personally, the no kneelers is a dealbreaker for me.

I’d look around-- if you are fortunate enough to have many parishes to choose from, then take advantage of that. The day may come when you don’t. Like me-- moving from a city with tons of churches to choose from and mass times, to living in the sticks with a shared priest and churches very far apart. Fortunately, we have kneelers!
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Yeah, it can’t hurt to look around…right? I think attending a parish without kneelers…sigh, it has always troubled me. I have no idea why a parish would spend oodles upon oodles of money on marble pillars, and flooring, but not on kneelers. Maybe I’m looking at the wrong things, but I miss kneeling as a community during the Consecration of the host…after Communion. Standing seems …irreverent. The head pastor here explained to me that standing is acceptable…but, again, it is just not something I’m accustomed to. But, given all of this, I thought I could let that part go…but, seriously–bongos, drums, the music minister banging on the piano as though he were Billy Joel playing ‘The Piano Man,’ is just a bit much. Clapping after the music…again, if one wants to be entertained, go take in a show. Mass is not ‘a show.’ Lately, like over the past month or so, it seems to be turning into just that at this parish.
 
BeeSweet said:
When I came back to the faith I was blessed to find myself in a very traditional parish, they do exist in the south. Don’t be hard on yourself for wanting to find a different parish. There are folks I’ve met who have been to my parish, but who prefer the more “innovative” celebrations to be found elsewhere. I doubt they beat themselves up for wanting to find another place to worship!
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In some ways, I love this parish…I love the head pastor…I think that all priests are God’s blessings for us all, but it’s hard to get to know them anymore…they must have a shortage, maybe they need to rotate them often…I don’t know. I go to confession regularly here with my family…the festival is coming up, and we are excited about that. As a parish COMMUNITY, it is awesome. It’s the way this parish conducts mass, that I have a problem with. The priest that I mention in the above post, who was young, my kids really liked him–we hadn’t seen him in a while. Come to think of it, he was starting to ‘add’ things to the mass…saying things during Consecration that I know were wrong. Like he was changing the words…I can’t recall the exact things he said, but I remember even my kids looking at me, and others in the congregation looking around, with bewilderment. Maybe that is why he is gone. I don’t know. But, I remember thinking…so now basic tenets of the mass are changing? I think that’s when I started to wonder. Thanks for responding Bee!!:o
 
whatevergirl said:
In some ways, I love this parish…I love the head pastor…I think that all priests are God’s blessings for us all, but it’s hard to get to know them anymore…they must have a shortage, maybe they need to rotate them often…I don’t know. I go to confession regularly here with my family…the festival is coming up, and we are excited about that. As a parish COMMUNITY, it is awesome. It’s the way this parish conducts mass, that I have a problem with. The priest that I mention in the above post, who was young, my kids really liked him–we hadn’t seen him in a while. Come to think of it, he was starting to ‘add’ things to the mass…saying things during Consecration that I know were wrong. Like he was changing the words…I can’t recall the exact things he said, but I remember even my kids looking at me, and others in the congregation looking around, with bewilderment. Maybe that is why he is gone. I don’t know. But, I remember thinking…so now basic tenets of the mass are changing? I think that’s when I started to wonder. Thanks for responding Bee!!:o
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If your children are hungry for a more reverent Mass, find it for them. Leave no stone unturned, including the first one: Ask God to lead you to the parish he wants for you. Then, praying all the while, start looking. If nothing else, you will make it very clear to your children that their spiritual needs are very important to you.

As for trying to find edification in every liturgy, of course we should do that. This does not mean, however, that we should be careless of how edifying a particular parish tends to be for us. You don’t have to judge our brothers and sisters. You just have to discern what is best for you, and look for it, even if that is elsewhere.
 
Thanks Easterjoy–that’s definitely good food for thought.
I look at the music ministry, and I really see the zeal for the faith…I don’t judge them, I just think that it’s taking over the mass…the theatrics of the music, and the instruments…and the lack of kneelers. While every mass revolves around the Eucharist…it most certainly does, and we tell our kids this, it just seems to be (for this parish) to be revolving around the showtune type music ‘show’.

What is interesting, is that when older priests give mass at our parish (visiting priests)…the music is most reverent…I remember one older priest looking at the music minister, as he played a showtune type song one Sunday, with a look of…astonishment. The rest of the mass after that ‘look,’ was more reverent.

It’s not just us, I guess. lol
 
whatevergirl said:
Thank you for your thoughts here…I have prayed much about this. I am not a self oriented person though, you wouldn’t know that though, only knowing the snippits I post here. I just find that the attitude of the parish seems to be more Protesant in nature, than Catholic…as though they want to be more theatrical or something, than reverent. I also have one child who is confirmed, the other isn’t…I want her to have the fullness of the mass in much the way I had growing up…not an altered version that is meant to be more entertaining than nourishing. I will say though, in looking online tonight at different parishes, a pain ran through my stomach…it kind of took me aback. Like, a feeling of angst in thinking of leaving this church. I don’t really want to leave, but I just miss a more reverent mass. 😦 If that is selfish, not sure what to say.
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I think if you commit it to prayer, and you feel led to find another parish, then there's nothing selfish about it:)
Don't let anyone tell you they know your heart. If it really does pain you to leave, but it's out of a sincere desire to give our Lord the reverence HE deserves, I think your motives are very founded.

I hope I didn't come across before otherwise, it's so hard to understand a person's heart on the internet.  :hug1:
 
AshleyBelle said:
I think if you commit it to prayer, and you feel led to find another parish, then there’s nothing selfish about it:)
Don’t let anyone tell you they know your heart. If it really does pain you to leave, but it’s out of a sincere desire to give our Lord the reverence HE deserves, I think your motives are very founded.
Code: 
I hope I didn't come across before otherwise, it's so hard to understand a person's heart on the internet.  :hug1:
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No, I know that it’s hard to understand…I hope I came across ok too. Thank you, and I think that I will be praying fervently about this…! :hug1: I felt sad leaving mass tonight…I dunno…like I had just attended a big party or something, and not mass. Mass was given to us by Christ–it’s not a show, and should be treated with uniqueness, because it IS unique, and like nothing else that we will ever know.
 
Yes find another parish. We can’t let those that celebrate the Mass with irreverance win. We need to vote withour feet.
 
hammer–that’s an interesting way of putting it. lol
You know, the priests are very reverent…there have been times when they have turned their gaze to the music area, with a look of disdain, dare I say…there have been times when they have been singing, or playing music while the priest is consecrating the host…and we as the congregation, cannot hear him! I guess I don’t understand why the head pastor who has seemed displeased with them at times, say something…like…hello, this is mass, not Broadway.

Well, not in those words, exactly.😃
 
Whatevergirl:

Perhaps this quote from Redemptionis Sacramentum may help you as you discern what course of action to take:
it is the right of all of Christ’s faithful that the Liturgy, and in particular the celebration of Holy Mass, should truly be as the Church wishes, according to her stipulations as prescribed in the liturgical books and in the other laws and norms.** Likewise, the Catholic people have the right that the Sacrifice of the Holy Mass should be celebrated for them in an integral manner, according to the entire doctrine of the Church’s Magisterium. Finally, it is the Catholic community’s right that the celebration of the Most Holy Eucharist should be carried out for it in such a manner that it truly stands out as a sacrament of unity, to the exclusion of all blemishes and actions that might engender divisions and factions in the Church.32**
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You are well within your rights to have the Mass celebrated in a manner that is reverent and in conformity with what the Church requires. The fact that even your son notices a big difference is a tell-tale sign that you may have to shake the dust off your feet and move elsewhere.

I realize that we don’t worship in a vaccuum, but, sometimes, there are instances where the worshipping community may find that it is celebrating itself rather than paying due adoration to God.
 
Praying for you… . Don’t really have anything wise to share - it’s a tough decision. :twocents:
 
whatevergirl said:
hammer–that’s an interesting way of putting it. lol
You know, the priests are very reverent…there have been times when they have turned their gaze to the music area, with a look of disdain, dare I say…there have been times when they have been singing, or playing music while the priest is consecrating the host…and we as the congregation, cannot hear him! I guess I don’t understand why the head pastor who has seemed displeased with them at times, say something…like…hello, this is mass, not Broadway.

Well, not in those words, exactly.😃
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If the priests act displeased, too, take your concerns to them. Tell them that the music makes it very difficult for you to pray, and that your children have even complained, to the point that you are considering whether you should find a different parish…not as a threat, but as a real difficulty that you are having. If your parish has a liturgy committee, take the time to ask them for what you need, too. Where the problem is something that violates rubrics, you can mention that.

If you leave, please tell them that it wasn’t their ministry that fell short of what you needed. Promise to pray for them, and then do it.
 
Be sure to talk to the head pastor, and the liturgy committee. You never know; your voice just might be the “straw that broke the camel’s back” and bring a positive change.

Seems to me that there’s another thread around here, which gives “chapter and verse” on why music during the Consecration is illicit. … Yes, here it is. Take that with you.

I have to admit, one of the hopes I had about joining the Church was that, with 2000 years of tradition, the music was bound to be good. 🤷 I’m praying that this year, when our old OCP books are replaced, I’ll see St. Michael’s Hymnal or something similar. But I’m not getting my hopes up. Maybe I should ask Vivaldi, Bach, and St. Gregory to intercede!

God bless all Church musicians,

Ruthie
 
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