Silly Confession Question...

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ChildofGod2091

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How exactly do you word things in Confession? I’ve only been to Confession 3 times in my life (this past evening being the 3rd time, and just to settle down any confusion, I’m a convert of 1 1/2 years so I haven’t been avoiding it my whole life haha^^) and I always have a hard time trying to figure out how to say things. I always end up tripping over my words, and I’ve never been very good at speaking my thoughts (occasionally makes me wish I could communicate telepathically to the priest!) And sometimes I just feel that it turns into a little rambly thing.

So I was just wondering if anyone out there has an idea of how I guess I could go about this? I mean…for example…lets say I stole a candy bar from a store and I was too lazy to go to Mass two sundays in a row and then I baked a bunch of cookies and was selfish by eating them all in front of my family without letting them have some …it sort of just comes out like…“One time I stole a candy bar from a store, and that wasn’t very good…and I was really tired and the ride to church is too long and I haven’t gone to church the past two weeks because I was being lazy, and that’s not good, and then I made a bunch of cookies and didn’t share which was really rude and selfish of me and my family was really hungry and I ate them all.”

So yeah that obviously just isn’t…the best way to go about it. I don’t knwo if it’s just because I turn into a rambly mess when I’m nervous, or maybe everyone just confesses differently? Is there a better way to go about this? Perhaps and tips and tricks? Haha I don’t know 🤷 Any ideas?
 
Remember you’re obligated to confess the KIND of sin, not the specifics, not the back story. The priest will always ask questions if he needs extra information.

So, which commandment did you break? Thou shalt not steal? Well - say ‘I committed the sin of theft’.

You only need to include specifics that relate to the seriousness of the sin, so the fact that it was a candy bar (an item of low value) should be confessed - ‘I stole a candy bar’ in this case.

On the other hand, no one needs really to know the reason you didn’t make it to mass - if you didn’t have a legitimate reason to miss it there’s only one real reason which is laziness anyway.

As for the cookies incident - you can say the same thing in fewer words. ‘I made cookies, my family were hungry, but I ate them all and didn’t share any.’

One thing that occurs to me to prevent rambling is to think about how you want to word things well beforehand. Write it down, and if need be take the writing into the confessional. Say ONLY what you’ve planned beforehand, unless a forgotten sin comes to mind while you’re in there.

Imagine you’re in one of those ‘25 words or less’ competitions 🙂
 
^^Kind AND number for mortal sins, as much as you can remember.
 
Using a good examination of conscience beforehand will make things much easier. It will help you know what to confess and help you with the words.
 
ChildofGod2091 said:
How exactly do you word things in Confession? I’ve only been to Confession 3 times in my life (this past evening being the 3rd time, and just to settle down any confusion, I’m a convert of 1 1/2 years so I haven’t been avoiding it my whole life haha^^) and I always have a hard time trying to figure out how to say things. I always end up tripping over my words, and I’ve never been very good at speaking my thoughts (occasionally makes me wish I could communicate telepathically to the priest!) And sometimes I just feel that it turns into a little rambly thing.

So I was just wondering if anyone out there has an idea of how I guess I could go about this? I mean…for example…lets say I stole a candy bar from a store and I was too lazy to go to Mass two sundays in a row and then I baked a bunch of cookies and was selfish by eating them all in front of my family without letting them have some …it sort of just comes out like…“One time I stole a candy bar from a store, and that wasn’t very good…and I was really tired and the ride to church is too long and I haven’t gone to church the past two weeks because I was being lazy, and that’s not good, and then I made a bunch of cookies and didn’t share which was really rude and selfish of me and my family was really hungry and I ate them all.”

So yeah that obviously just isn’t…the best way to go about it. I don’t knwo if it’s just because I turn into a rambly mess when I’m nervous, or maybe everyone just confesses differently? Is there a better way to go about this? Perhaps and tips and tricks? Haha I don’t know 🤷 Any ideas?
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I’m’ the same as you, lol. It helps to practice beforehand, and keep things simple unless there’s something important about the sin that affects its gravity or nature. Using your example, it might go something like this: “Bless me Father for I have sinned. It’s been … since my last confession. These are my sins. I stole a candy bar from a store. I missed Mass two Sundays. I made cookies but did not share them with my family though they were hungry. For these and all the sins of my life I am truly sorry”

But don’t beat yourself up if it takes time to master this “skill” of concise confessions 🙂 I still ramble no matter how much I try :o and it’s hard to control when you’re nervous. That’s not what’s most important in a confession… it’s not really how you say it, as long as you’re:
  • repentant (you intend to never do this again, never sin again)
  • honest
  • don’t conceal sins or important information about sins
  • say all the mortal sins you remember
  • contrite and trustful in God’s mercy
Remember it’s Christ who is hearing your confession and He already knows it all. You need to just tell the priest what you did and how many times.

Sometimes maybe we fall into telling a story in confession. For example: “Last friday around noon I was walking through the mall and I met my friend and then we gossiped about another friend”. 99% of this is completely unecessary and adds nothing to the confession. It’s enough to say: “I gossiped, x amount of times”.

God bless 🙂
 
If possible, I would also suggest finding a good confessor and stick with them as much as possible. Perhaps they could help you by asking pointed and specific questions to keep you from rambling or getting lost in your thoughts. If your rambling is too much of a problem I’m sure the priest might say something to speed things up.

But just think of it this way: would you rather ramble in confession and get absolution or not go to confession and risk the spiritual consequences? I think most Catholics and any good priest would tell you to go to confession.

ChadS
 
Haha I will point out that those aren’t actual sins I’ve committed haha^^ but just three random things that came to mind 😛

I actually love all three priests at my parish. They are all fantastic!

So I’m guessing this is something that will just take practice, but I’ve enjoyed everyones advice so far 🙂

I do have another question though. Now that I think about it. This is the second time I’ve gone to confession and had to confess about my thoughts/acts of cutting. I know the act of cutting would be a sin am I correct? But both priests I’ve confessed it too have said that thinking about it is not a sin due to having depression and the thoughts sort of…force their way into my head. Which I can understand, but when does that become a sin? I mean…say someone made you really super duper mad and you like these intrusive thoughts of wanting to kill them enters your head. Now if you brush away the thoughts, is that not a sin? But like if you entertained the thoughts and thought about how you would do it and such…that would be a sin right? So if I end up sitting there thinking “Well I have razor blades in the bathroom, and there’s some scissors in the kitchen…” and if I’m thinking about how it feels to cut and such…is that a sin much like entertaining thoughts of murder? (Which I don’t do haha…just an example :P)

It’s just both priests have told me it’s not, and I’ve felt that both of them (both being a bit older as well. not incredibly, but I definitely feel a younger priest might understand better just because it is kind of a bigger topic in society now) didn’t quite understand that it’s an addiction, and that the thoughts are very intrusive, but sometimes I’m not doing my best to push them away but thinking about it. Do you get what I mean?
 
LilyM said:
On the other hand, no one needs really to know the reason you didn’t make it to mass - if you didn’t have a legitimate reason to miss it there’s only one real reason which is laziness anyway.
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I would argue this. There are two sins there. The sin of failing to keep the holy day of obligation, and the sin of spiritual sloth. Confess both and receive the graces to overcome both sins.
 
I often write mine out ahead of time…then when I get home I shred the paper. It helps keep me on track since I’m always worried I’ll forget something. Keeping everything worded well is just an added bonus.

Some people can just go in and work from memory… I can sometimes if I don’t have much to confess, but I generally like to have notes :-).

Of course, you have to be very careful to keep the notes private and I highly recommend destroying them afterwards.
 
Here’s two resources to not only figure out how to confess, but to understand the sacrament better.

First, here’s a list by Fr. Z about how to confess (from his blog):
Fr. Z’s 20 Tips For Making A Good Confession
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We should…
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  1. …examine our consciences regularly and thoroughly;
  2. …wait our turn in line patiently;
  3. …come at the time confessions are scheduled, not a few minutes before they are to end;
  4. …speak distinctly but never so loudly that we might be overheard;
  5. …state our sins clearly and briefly without rambling;
  6. …confess all mortal sins in number and kind;
  7. …listen carefully to the advice the priest gives;
  8. …confess our own sins and not someone else’s;
  9. …carefully listen to and remember the penance and be sure to understand it;
  10. …use a regular formula for confession so that it is familiar and comfortable;
  11. …never be afraid to say something “embarrassing”… just say it;
  12. …never worry that the priest thinks we are jerks…. he is usually impressed by our courage;
  13. …never fear that the priest will not keep our confession secret… he is bound by the Seal;
  14. …never confess “tendencies” or “struggles”… just sins;
  15. …never leave the confessional before the priest has finished giving absolution;
  16. …memorize an Act of Contrition;
  17. …answer the priest’s questions briefly if he asks for a clarification;
  18. …ask questions if we can’t understand what he means when he tells us something;
  19. …keep in mind that sometimes priests can have bad days just like we do;
  20. …remember that priests must go to confession too … they know what we are going through.
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As for how to confess specific sins, I have found that starting out a sentence with “I’m not sure how to confess this …” often leads to fruitful spiritual direction from the priest, both in taming scruples and in helping to break free from venial sins.

Also, any time I need to build up some courage to go into that confessional booth, I listen to my favorite homily on Audio Sancto.

The Sacrament of Penance (Part 1)
 
It has been mentioned already, but get a good examination of conscience. I like longer ones, I figure the more topic and questions, the better the examination. Writing out your confession is always helpful. Keep it simple, confess type and number of sins, if the priest needs more info, he will ask.

Recognizing our need for confession and acting on that need helps. I try to go every 2 weeks, if I go longer things seem to build up and keep me from wanting to go.

Remember, we are not there to be scolded by God, we come before Him as a sorry child. He gave us this sacrament to reconcile us to Himself. If we aren’t good at confessing yet, He understands we will get better. The most important part is that you are going to confession, some people avoid it for years.
 
ChildofGod2091 said:
How exactly do you word things in Confession? I’ve only been to Confession 3 times in my life (this past evening being the 3rd time, and just to settle down any confusion, I’m a convert of 1 1/2 years so I haven’t been avoiding it my whole life haha^^) and I always have a hard time trying to figure out how to say things. I always end up tripping over my words, and I’ve never been very good at speaking my thoughts (occasionally makes me wish I could communicate telepathically to the priest!) And sometimes I just feel that it turns into a little rambly thing.

So I was just wondering if anyone out there has an idea of how I guess I could go about this? I mean…for example…lets say I stole a candy bar from a store and I was too lazy to go to Mass two sundays in a row and then I baked a bunch of cookies and was selfish by eating them all in front of my family without letting them have some …it sort of just comes out like…“One time I stole a candy bar from a store, and that wasn’t very good…and I was really tired and the ride to church is too long and I haven’t gone to church the past two weeks because I was being lazy, and that’s not good, and then I made a bunch of cookies and didn’t share which was really rude and selfish of me and my family was really hungry and I ate them all.”

So yeah that obviously just isn’t…the best way to go about it. I don’t knwo if it’s just because I turn into a rambly mess when I’m nervous, or maybe everyone just confesses differently? Is there a better way to go about this? Perhaps and tips and tricks? Haha I don’t know 🤷 Any ideas?
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My Advice…

You can always start with humor… “Short of killing a man, I’ve broken just about every commandment” - that is usually an exaggeration, but closer to the truth and then may compel yourself to clarify what you mean… which serves 2 purposes… 1) starts the ball rolling 2) swings the door wide open, so after that… admitting your mortal sins is easier.

Secondly, state each sin in a general sense… then clarify what you mean.

example: If I struggle with gossip I might say: “I have an issue with gossip. I tend to think I am better then others and talk behind people’s back at work and about family.”
Then I might talk briefly about how I realize this is uncharitable and stems from pride.

example: If my sin was not loving my spouse… I might say: “I am sometimes most cruel to my spouse. Projecting onto her what I myself am guilty of. Acting high and mighty and feeling superior, and not admitting my own faults or saying I’m sorry.”

I often wrap up by naming 1 sin as the one I struggle with the most by saying… "But I guess above all else… I have the most problem with: _________ which then all the other sins seem to flow from. "

This last confession… I started off differently and cited the prayer we say at the beginning of mass. I told the priest that I definitely have sinned in “my thoughts and in my words, in what I’ve done, in what I’ve failed to do” This was mostly an intro for myself, rather then the priest… so I could then transition to more specifics.
 
ChildofGod2091 said:
“One time I stole a candy bar from a store, and that wasn’t very good…and I was really tired and the ride to church is too long and I haven’t gone to church the past two weeks because I was being lazy, and that’s not good, and then I made a bunch of cookies and didn’t share which was really rude and selfish of me and my family was really hungry and I ate them all.”
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i like it. simple and straight… and honest
 
I used to be really detailed - one of those annoying people who would tell the whole back story for 10 minutes and leave the priest thinking, “so which bit exactly was the sin?”

So I’ve trained myself to be succinct (and, as other posters have said, if the priest needs more information he will ask for it):
  1. I write my sins down every night when I do my examination of conscience (in a safe place and to be destroyed after confessing!)
  2. When it’s time for confession, I rewrite the whole list in a more ordered way (so similar sins come one after the other, the most grave sins come first) with the number of each
  3. I memorise the list by using my fingers as counters and practise it a few times till I know I’ve got the wording right
  4. Obviously I pray between and during each of these!
It might seem a bit of a scrupulous way to approach the sacrament, but I’m really not scrupulous and it helps me to be able to relax as I have everything planned so I can be confident that I’m going to get everything said in a comprehensible and concise way. Plus, using the fingers to count means that I keep track even if the priest talks to me in the middle, which he usually doesn’t.
 
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