Silly dog dilemma

[NurseyJ]

I have a rather silly dilemma. I seem to have this insatiable desire to have a pet dog. I grew with many dogs and absolutely love them. Fast forward to today and now I am a mom of an almost 2 yr old as well as a 4 yr old. Our family has twice unsuccessfully tried to add dogs to our family and despite this, I still really want a dog.

The first dog we got was when my first born was around 2. The dog was a puppy and it was a super hyper breed and I was unprepared to properly train the dog as all of my time was now devoted to being a new mom. We re-homed the dog with an excellent family that loves and spoils her dearly.

Shortly after I had my second child, we adopted another puppy and while we loved her, we found that just like the first time, it was way too hard to juggle a newborn, a puppy as well as a toddler. I has some pretty severe postpartum depression to boot. We failed again and like the first time, we re-homed the dog, thankfully with an awesome family.

It’s been a couple of years and now my youngest is almost two and despite everything, I still deeply long for a dog. Of course my children want one too. I feel that maybe my first (and second) mistake was getting puppies as opposed to an older more mature dog. I feel that maybe if I hadn’t gone for a puppy, we’d have had much better success than we did. I feel like a crazy person for wanting something (so badly) that hasn’t worked out for us twice.

Am I being completely immature and unreasonable in feeling this way? I am normally an extremely level headed person but I can’t seem to see clearly on this issue.

 

[Ms_Manners]

It’s not unreasonable to want a dog, but since your experience has been so bad, maybe you should wait a little longer, until your kids are bigger. The additional bonus is that they will be able to help you and it will give your kids something to do so you will have less work on both sides.
I do think it would be a little immature to keep trying for it right now, with all the evidence that it’s not a very good idea.

And yes, I think it might be a good idea to consider an adult dog.
Not only should it take less training for some basic things, like peeing outside and chewing on things, you will be able to find a dog with a character more suitable for your family.

In total, my family adopted five dogs (all still living with us, 2 with my parents, 1 with my sister, 2 with hubby and me), four adopted as adults and one as a puppy. All four adult dogs put together didn’t give us half the trouble as the puppy. It was much easier with adult dogs.

 

[DeniseNY]

I think that since you have already had to rehome two dogs, I don’t think getting another one would be the right thing to do.

 

[Petaro]

All normal people rightly want a dog. Having said this with little ones, choice of breed is as important as age. You do not need a yappy nervous excitable dog who might mistake toddler affection for aggression.
I would suggest a visit to the pound and get an older dog that has been around families such as a Labrador. You get a fully vaccinated de-sexed animal cheaply and save a doggy life.
Good luck in your new family both two and four footed.

 

[Isca]

We have 2 dogs, one adopted as a 4-year-old (with some behavioural issues) and the other adopted as a puppy (abandoned in the road, hyperactive and quite destructive at the moment due to separation anxiety). They both take up a LOT of my time.

I really wouldn’t even think about it just now, if I were you - your kids are still small and a dog will tie you down. As you know, you can’t leave your dog alone for long, unless you are going to build it a pen/run outside the house. And there are many places where your kids will be welcomed, but your dog will not!

 

[ServusHumilis]

You never mentioned breeds. All I can suggest is to avoid the pick of the litter and that Bullmastiffs are terrific family dogs. I’m also partial to the Cane Corso.

 

[casslean]

Lots of people fail when trying to integrate dogs into a young, busy family, especially if they haven’t done a lot of research about the dogs or how to bring them into the family.

That being said, there is always a measure of concern (and I’m speaking as someone who raised champion show dogs for twenty years) when I meet someone who has gotten multiple dogs and gotten rid of them, because it suggests a personality that views pets as “disposable” (I’m not saying you do, I’m just saying that’s how I would see the situation).

I think what you need to do is do some research and decide (1) what you want in a dog and (2) what your family has to offer a dog. Then look at those breeds that fit your needs and get in touch with a reputable rescue to get an adult dog who has been raised in a family and around children. You may have to wait, and that’s a good thing - wait for the right dog for you, instead of any dog. Be honest with the people you are dealing with about what failed last time - whether it was because you picked puppies when you should have picked adults, the breeds were unsuitable, you didn’t avail yourself of the resources you should have (training classes) - admit your mistakes so you can learn from them. This will also give the rescue some confidence that you won’t repeat your mistakes with this new dog.

 

[on_the_hill]

We don’t own a dog for two reasons:

1. allergies. I’m allergic to various animals and don’t want to get one and then have to give it up because of my asthma/allergies.
2. I have three kids who are finally becoming independent. I don’t want to go through potty training a fourth.

 

[pianistclare]

You plan on living a long time, right?
I’d wait.
For several things:
1)Wait to do plenty of research on breeds, their needs, temperaments, and space requirements
2) Wait until your children are old enough to help you care for the dog!
3) Wait until your kids are school aged and you can spend time with a puppy without feeling like you’re taking precious time away from your young ones. They can still enjoy playing with the dog after school, (it can be an enjoyable release after a long day at school)

God bless.

 

[Aggie414]

I haven’t read all the replies, but I would suggest you find a local rescue that can help you find a dog that fits your lifestyle. Also, please consider adopting an “older” dog – perhaps two years old. You miss the puppy stage entirely, but you still have a long life with the dog.

 

[27lw]

NurseyJ,
I have completely opposite advice.
We tried getting an older shelter dog, during our first try to get a dog a few years ago. Didn’t work out, he snapped a couple of times at my older daughter (around 10, and a calm child). Then he bit my little guy, leaving very faint scratches on his face. Well. The dog got re-homed at that point. When I was telling my pediatrician about it, he looked at me very pointedly and said “that’s why lots of people get puppies, so they grow up around your kids and are used to them”.
So, I researched breeds, and as luck would have it, found a litter on ebay classifieds. We got a bichon / poodle mix, who is now 4. We love love love her, so much that we got another bichon puppy 2 weeks ago (purebred this time). I have to plug the bichon frise: 1. They don’t shed, so they are less likely to cause problems with allergic folks. 2. Compact size, but still rough and ready to play outdoors, and walk good distances. 3. Super companionable and loyal. 4. With a “puppy clip” grooming, they look super-cute and teddy-bear-like. The one downside is that you do have to have them professionally groomed…
I say consider it, at least! : )

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I think that since you have already had to rehome two dogs, I don’t think getting another one would be the right thing to do.

I agree. OP’s children are very small still.

Waiting until they are older and capable of caring for the dog as well might be an option.

 

[MJJean]

You never mentioned breeds. All I can suggest is to avoid the pick of the litter and that Bullmastiffs are terrific family dogs. I’m also partial to the Cane Corso.

I LOVE the Molossers. LOVE. One of my dream dogs is a Dogue De Bordeaux and the other is a Tibetan Mastiff. Unfortunately, a DDB and/or TM aren’t possible right now since we live in an urban environment and lack the space such large dogs need to thrive. I currently own two American Pit Bull Terriers, an American Bulldog, and a Basset Hound.

When researching the breeds we made a qualification list after many discussions. To qualify for the our family dog position we required a breed that was medium to x-large, did not have a lot of fur (easy grooming), intelligence, trainability, people orientedness, comparable activity level, generally free of breed specific genetic issues, etc. I highly recommend anyone looking at taking in a dog do the same. The list helped us narrow down our breed choices and made decisions much easier. Also probably saved us some heartache and vet bills.

The next thing to consider is breeder. Purebred, registered, show vs working lines etc means nothing if the breeder is not breeding for both health and temperament and can prove it. When discussing purchase with a breeder ask about things like the parents having been certified free of genetic defects through testing (NOT the same thing as the vet saying the dog is healthy, but actual certs for heart, eyes, hips, knees.), working/show titles on both parents, temperament testing such as AKC Good Citizen or through an organization like the ATTS.

Now I prefer a purebred so I know exactly what I am getting and what to expect from puppyhood to adulthood and I like knowing the genetic history which includes breed traits and temperament. Many people, however, like a good old fashioned mutt. And there is nothing wrong with that. You can head to a local shelter and save a life. In the cases of shelter or rescue group dogs I recommend getting an older dog (1 plus years old) that has been temperament tested. Many shelter dogs have also received some basic training in manners and going potty outside. Getting an older dog this way you have a very good idea what you’re going to be living with for the next decade.

I got all of my dogs almost a year apart and I raised my rambunctious pups when my kids were young. It can be done. Obedience classes and crate training are your friends! I took my kids with me to our obedience classes and had them learn right along with the adults. I had them help train at home, too. Toddlers can learn basic hand signals and one word commands like “sit”, “stay”, “down” and “off”. Also look into making or buying a “flirt pole”. If you get a dog that has decent prey drive a flirt pole is a great way to exercise the dog with minimal effort and time. I can wear mine out in about 20 minutes and I end up with 4 dogs napping happily. I made my flirt pole with some PVC, a couple end caps, some rope, and a toy tied to the end of it. Some people just buy lunge whips from Tractor Supply and tie a toy to the end.

Flirt pole
vimeo.com/26279876

If you, OP, decide to get another dog I highly recommend adopting a dog that is over a year old, is relatively mellow has experience living with children or reacts well to them during the meeting, and has had some training.

 

[kosull2]

If you, OP, decide to get another dog I highly recommend adopting a dog that is over a year old, is relatively mellow has experience living with children or reacts well to them during the meeting, and has had some training.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. My dog is a rescue. He was rescued by a family who re-homed him with our friend when the first family became pregnant and didn’t think they could handle two dogs and a baby. They chose to re-home him as they felt he had a better chance of being re-homed than their other dog. Our friend re-homed him to us as he has a taste for small animals and killed a kitten in a litter they had. He was great with their kids which is why it was hard for them.

With all that said, Pooka was somewhere between 5 and 6 when he came to live with us (he is somewhere between 13 and 14 now). There were a few challenges in the first 6 months (to be expected), but I don’t call him my bestest doggie evar (he is my first dog) for nothing.

 

[MJJean]

I would use extreme caution with a rescue dog. It is a nice sentiment, however these dogs are rescued for a reason they do not come from nurturing homes Unfortunately I know of cases where rescue dogs snapped at children and were aggressive. There is no guarantee with any animal of course, even puppies as you already know. Pray, pray, pray and it is good to want a dog!

Not all or even most rescue dogs have issues. A lot of dogs are turned in to shelters as strays (yard escapists), due to change in circumstance (loss of a job, loss of a home, new landlord says no pets, new baby etc) and others are turned in because the owners “don’t have time for them” or have failed utterly to train them and cannot handle their now adult untrained dog.

However, I do agree that caution is wise. Just like not all breeders are created equal, not all rescues and shelters are, either. Which is why independent 3rd party temperament testing is a MUST.

Nearly 7 years ago I took in a rescue dog from a Craigslist ad that attacked my son for literally walking near him and left his face scarred. Thankfully, the ER doc who did the repair was skilled and the scars are very light. Unnoticeable unless you’re looking. It was a hard lesson. I learned not to take anyones word for temperament and require a certificate the dog has been temperament tested or I will take the dog to be tested myself!

I had the dog euthanized. I firmly believe that with so many stable dogs out there looking for a home and being euthanized daily in shelters there is no excuse to keep an unstable dog alive.

My current crew of dogs consist of 3 reputable breeder dogs and one rescue I took in when she was a year old because she had allergy issues and the owner was unable to provide vet care. He was going to take her to a shelter. A high kill shelter since that’s the norm here. I took her instead. She’s one of my Pit Bulls. The family joke is we should have named her “Money Pit”! Like all of my other dogs, she is “bomb proof”. She’s 6 now and has spent her whole life putting up with the antics of young children between my kids, nieces, nephews, and neighbor kids. You can do anything to this dog and she just licks you. Even when she is itchy and suffering from one of her myriad ear and skin infections caused by the allergies she will let you medicate and treat her without a compalint. If she had ever given any indication she would snap at a human she’s have been euthanized humanely and immediately. The bonus? She was already housebroke and knew basic obedience when I got her. All I had to do was learn to recognize her “I have to potty!” signals because she doesn’t bark. Other than that, smooth sailing.

I’ve seen breeders producing litter after litter of temperamentally unstable pups bred from temperamentally unstable parents and charge top dollar because the parents are show dogs. I’ve seen rescues that refuse to put down bite cases after the dog has been adopted and returned for biting repeatedly and who just keep adopting out dogs that have no business in society because of the danger they pose.

I have also seen rescues and shelters that do NOT adopt out any dog that didn’t pass a comprehensive temperament test and breeders who are breeding for both health and temperament.

It’s a buyer beware world. Due diligence and all that.

 

[Aggie414]

I am a volunteer at a rescue – I foster dogs. Yes, some do have issues – that’s why a rescue who has foster dogs is a great resource. That foster parent can give you a lot of insight into a particular dog’s character – and doing research on a particular breed is great, but each dog is different.

I’ve helped place six dogs in loving homes – they just needed some time to learn to trust and be great pets. My seventh one never left. He’s my little Gizzy-meister

 

[27lw]

I would use extreme caution with a rescue dog. It is a nice sentiment, however these dogs are rescued for a reason they do not come from nurturing homes Unfortunately I know of cases where rescue dogs snapped at children and were aggressive. There is no guarantee with any animal of course, even puppies as you already know. Pray, pray, pray and it is good to want a dog!

Yes, I second this. I think shelter / rescue dogs are a great idea with older kids or adults, but I would be very very careful with an unknown dog and a 2-year-old. Especially if it a breed known to be “high energy”.

 

[newf]

I’m a dog lover, too. I didn’t get my first dog until my youngest child was 5 yrs. old. And that worked out really well. We had no one in diapers crawling around the floor and putting everything in their mouth. We got a Golden Retriever who was gentle and sweet. My kids would help take care of him but I always knew it was ultimately up to me.

OP, you have to think about grooming if you get a dog that needs it and vet bills. Also, if you travel like I do, you need to think about cost to have someone else care for your dog when you are gone.

I agree with MJJean on getting a purebred dog. The Newfoundland dog I have is purebred and I love her. Since I do travel, and my kids are gone, I got a rescue basset hound to keep my newf company. Such different breeds but they get along really well. I would say the basset is more ‘needy’ and her shedding short hairs bugs me way more than the newf’s shedding. But the basset is very, very sweet. She is great with grandkids. The downside of the rescue basset is that she urinates in my house occasionally. It drives me nuts. I found out later that was one of the reasons she was given away. So if you can find out what the reason for the rescue is, that would be helpful. I still keep her because she has so many other good qualities.

I will always have a newf because that really is my favorite kind of dog. She is costly, though. I pay to have her groomed. Her haircut actually costs more than mine And she is has some joint issues so I have her on meds that keep her comfortable. But she walks with me every day and I love having her around when strangers come to my door. At 125 lbs. she looks like a bear.

OP, I also think it might be nice for you to babysit some friends’ dogs to see how it goes for you. I did that and we learned early on that we are not a terrier family.

 

[masondoggy]

I can definitely understand your longing for a dog. I’ve had dogs all my life and don’t think I could live without one. I went 6 months between dogs and it was miserable.

I would suggest that you consider fostering a dog. That way you can get a taste for how a dog will fit into your family life right now without the commitment. Be very selective about what dogs you foster. You want to make sure any dog you take in has a history of being around young children or that’s a very young dog or puppy to reduce the risk of aggression problems. Don’t take in dogs whose history is unknown.

Who knows, you may wind up with a foster dog that’s a great fit for your family and you could adopt him.

 

[MJJean]

Thank you for sharing and I am glad to hear about your son’s recovery.

I believe we might be having a bit of regional difference in language? Where I live there is a difference between a “rescue” dog and a “shelter” dog. I have adopted animals myself that have come from unwanted litters or were surrendered because the family moved. Rescue animals are different though, must be a different thing here because they generally come from neglected or abused homes. God bless.

Yes, it’s a difference in language and maybe practices. Here, rescue dog refers to dogs gotten from shelters, rescue organizations (public and private), and even those that were found as strays with no owner coming forward to claim them or those that were given to their new owners by their previous owners.

Some shelters run by private organizations and by municipalities temperament test, do all vet work, spay/neuter, and have people who train their dogs in at least the basics of don’t jump and potty outdoors. Others do some or none of that. For example, my city shelter doesn’t do any vet work at all and they also do not temperament test or have anyone working with their dogs. They euthanize between once and twice a week to make space for intakes. The local Humane Society, however, temperament tests and does all vet work before the dog is adopted out. They also have a much lower rate of euthanization because they simply refuse intakes if they lack space.

I have seen some spectacular dogs at the city shelter and I have seen some that I wouldn’t touch with a 10 ft pole! And that’s saying something since I am a huge dog person!

So, I guess no matter where you get a “gently used dog” you should always check for temperament and behavior issues. If the shelter or rescue doesn’t temperament test it’s a good idea to arrange a temperament test yourself. It’s not expensive and it’s a load better than adopting a dog that is a nightmare and may cost you money in destroyed property and even a dog bite lawsuit!

I am a volunteer at a rescue – I foster dogs. Yes, some do have issues – that’s why a rescue who has foster dogs is a great resource. That foster parent can give you a lot of insight into a particular dog’s character – and doing research on a particular breed is great, but each dog is different.

I’ve helped place six dogs in loving homes – they just needed some time to learn to trust and be great pets. My seventh one never left. He’s my little Gizzy-meister

I was active on a Pit Bull forum before it was taken over by some nutballs. Whenever we had someone come on with a possible Pit Bull or mix we’d always advise researching the breeds thought to be in the dogs mix to make sure the owner can handle the common traits of each breed should they surface.

The 7th that never left…Gizzy? Yeah, we’d call that “foster fail” with a big smile. We had a lot of Pit Bull fosters on the forums who were fostering to help and ended up keeping their fosters.

I’m a dog lover, too. I didn’t get my first dog until my youngest child was 5 yrs. old. And that worked out really well. We had no one in diapers crawling around the floor and putting everything in their mouth. We got a Golden Retriever who was gentle and sweet. My kids would help take care of him but I always knew it was ultimately up to me.

OP, you have to think about grooming if you get a dog that needs it and vet bills. Also, if you travel like I do, you need to think about cost to have someone else care for your dog when you are gone.

I agree with MJJean on getting a purebred dog. The Newfoundland dog I have is purebred and I love her. Since I do travel, and my kids are gone, I got a rescue basset hound to keep my newf company. Such different breeds but they get along really well. I would say the basset is more ‘needy’ and her shedding short hairs bugs me way more than the newf’s shedding. But the basset is very, very sweet. She is great with grandkids. The downside of the rescue basset is that she urinates in my house occasionally. It drives me nuts. I found out later that was one of the reasons she was given away. So if you can find out what the reason for the rescue is, that would be helpful. I still keep her because she has so many other good qualities.

I will always have a newf because that really is my favorite kind of dog. She is costly, though. I pay to have her groomed. Her haircut actually costs more than mine And she is has some joint issues so I have her on meds that keep her comfortable. But she walks with me every day and I love having her around when strangers come to my door. At 125 lbs. she looks like a bear.

OP, I also think it might be nice for you to babysit some friends’ dogs to see how it goes for you. I did that and we learned early on that we are not a terrier family.

And rl LOLZ at the Basset. Our Basset came from a working lines breeder. He’s pretty intense, yet he is also very sweet and loving. Before him I thought Pit BUlls were very needy of human contact and attention, unlike our more aloof American Bulldog. That Basset sure showed me! He follows me everywhere, all day, every day. We call him the Pro-Level Mommy Stalker. Even the Pits will go lay down over there and not need constant attention occasionally.

I haven’t been to the bathroom or had a shower alone in years. Ah, well, at least the younger Pit and the Basset have finally stopped poking their heads through the shower curtain to watch me wash!