Silly relationship question-

[CredoUnumDeum]

This is a sort of silly question, but I’m curious, and I’d like a Catholic take on this. As a woman, I say I love you a lot to my boyfriend. We have known each other for a very long time and been dating officially for almost three months. We said ‘I love you’ about a month ago for the first time. After that, he would say it to me all the time, and as far as ‘who said it first’, it was about 50/50. All of a sudden, within the last week, I find that I’m the only one to ‘say it first’. When I say it, he always says it back, but I’m just wondering if perhaps he got sick of saying it? Or hearing it? And I admit, I wish he’d go back to saying it more…but again as a woman, I understand that–he’s a man. So not saying it as often as I do is normal–? Do guys say it a lot at first and then less often as they settle into the relationship? I’m not doubting that he loves me, I’m just wondering if this is a sign the infatuation has worn off, or whether guys go through phases, etc.

I also wonder about the dynamic a Catholic couple should have with such things. Obviously actions speak louder than words, and God guides us–He definitely brought us together–so I’m wondering if I’m at fault for ‘wanting to hear it’ more from him.

 

[JRKH]

These kinds of things will tend to “wear off” as they become more routine. It’s hard to generalize - even by “sex” (individual results will vary). The most important thing is how he treats you.
As to whether you are somehow “at fault” in wanting to hear it more…No you are not “at fault” since there really isn’t any “fault” to begin with.

Not much depth in this response but then it’s late here…

Peace
James

 

[DeniseNY]

I think a lot of guys just have trouble saying “I love you”. If you’re not noticing any changes in your relationship or how he interacts with you,I wouldn’t pay it too much thought. While hearing the words is certainly nice, in my opinion, the actions that show love are most important.

 

[saribee]

But even when saying those words to a friend, it shouldn’t be said ALL THE TIME or taken lightly. Even though I love my best friend dearly and I tell her I love her, I don’t greet and say goodbye with those words. Usually it comes at a time when we are having a deep discussion or I text her and say “I just wanted to remind you that I love you. God loves you more, and I hope you have a great day!”

It should never become a contest for who says it first or who says it the most. Examine your motives on saying these words to each other. Meditate on what love really means. Find out how your boyfriend feels. Does he like hearing that a lot? (words of affirmation may not be his “love language”) Do you like to be reminded that? Examine both of your wants/needs in the relationship in that way. For example, your boyfriend might like to give love to you by verbally affirming you, but you really appreciate it when he serves you by holding doors open for you or something. But because he says it so much, you feel pressured to say it to him a lot as well. Then it turns into a vicious circle in a way. Learn about each other and communicate what you need from each other!

Random thought: I read in a (Christian) book that “I love you” should be said when the couple is seriously considering marriage. I think that’s an interesting concept.