Sin and the Silent Treatment

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Hello-

I am a recent Catholic convert. My wife and I, along with our baby were received into the church last September. Deo Gratias. It has been wonderful, and really a long time coming.

However, there has been one huge negative consequence. My father is a Lutheran pastor, and I was previously a Lutheran seminarian, and since we told him that we were starting RCIA, he has refused to speak to us, whether in person or in through any other medium. Recently, I sent him a Facebook message (not the best way to communicate, but he ignores calls and voice mails, and we live 6 hours apart. A letter would likely get trashed, on Facebook, I at least know whether or not he’s read it) in which I basically apologized for anything that I handled poorly about telling them, and let him know that how he is treating us hurts us, and despite that, I forgive him, love him, and pray for him daily. After a few days, he responded, and said that there is no sin in refusing to speak to us, and that he will never accept or condone our actions, and that basically, as long as we’re Catholic, we are dead to him. But hey, he’ll always treasure the memory of me as a child. Before this, I was quite close to my father, but now I have no idea what to do. I’m afraid of several things, not least of which losing a cherished relationship, him hurting my wife/children by his actions, and him dying in unrepentant anger.

Anybody have any suggestions for how to deal with this? Anybody been through this? Can anybody tell me more clearly what kind of sin this would fall under? Thanks everybody!
 
I’m sorry you have been treated this way.

You may just need to give him time. You could reply to him along the lines of “I’m sorry you feel that way. Hopefully you will reconsider and we can have a good relationship again”.

Ultimately, you can’t control what he chooses to do and you can’t be held to ransom over other people’s beliefs - or more precisely, their rejection of yours. Put the ball back into his court (as above) and pray for him.
 
kuddes59 said:
I am a recent Catholic convert. My wife and I, along with our baby were received into the church last September. Deo Gratias. It has been wonderful, and really a long time coming.

However…
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Your father is a clergyman and this is how he treats you??? That is truly sad.

I agree that it is probably best to just give it time and hope that he’ll eventually come around.

Is your mother being pressured to go along with this? One thing you might do is to send your mother periodic pictures of your baby. When she realizes how fast her grand baby is growing up and that she is missing it, she’ll likely turn up the heat pretty fast.
 
My dear patron Fathers, especially Blessed John Henry Newman and Father-Uncle St. John, who greatly suffered from your family’s grief and reproach for converting to the True Faith, please pray for this family.
 
Hi,

I am sorry your father is treating you this way. But you need to put yourself in his shoes, here he is a Pastor of a Church and he can’t even keep his own son in the faith he is preaching. He might be doubting himself as a pastor now, and probably wonders what the other members of the Church will think. I think over time he will come around and accept the path you have chosen.

Now as far as Facebook goes do not assume that he has read or not read something. One only has to click one message for them to all show read. And if he reads it and can also mark it unread. I would say send a hand written note from time to time along with a picture or two of the grand-kids. And just give him time, as time heals all.

Prayers
 
kuddes59 said:
Hello-

I am a recent Catholic convert. My wife and I, along with our baby were received into the church last September. Deo Gratias. It has been wonderful, and really a long time coming.

However, there has been one huge negative consequence. My father is a Lutheran pastor, and I was previously a Lutheran seminarian, and since we told him that we were starting RCIA, he has refused to speak to us, whether in person or in through any other medium. Recently, I sent him a Facebook message (not the best way to communicate, but he ignores calls and voice mails, and we live 6 hours apart. A letter would likely get trashed, on Facebook, I at least know whether or not he’s read it) in which I basically apologized for anything that I handled poorly about telling them, and let him know that how he is treating us hurts us, and despite that, I forgive him, love him, and pray for him daily. After a few days, he responded, and said that there is no sin in refusing to speak to us, and that he will never accept or condone our actions, and that basically, as long as we’re Catholic, we are dead to him. But hey, he’ll always treasure the memory of me as a child. Before this, I was quite close to my father, but now I have no idea what to do. I’m afraid of several things, not least of which losing a cherished relationship, him hurting my wife/children by his actions, and him dying in unrepentant anger.

Anybody have any suggestions for how to deal with this? Anybody been through this? Can anybody tell me more clearly what kind of sin this would fall under? Thanks everybody!
Click to expand...
Pray for him, pray the Rosary.

Also, you could read about the trials of the saints, various, to strengthen you in your journey of faith and any suffering you endure, and this trial if offered up, is that - a witness to your faith.
 
I’m very sorry about this situation. You were deemed worthy to pay a high price to follow Christ in His Church (cf. Mt 19:29).

However, your father is wrong that he doesn’t sin. Since the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse (v. bit.ly/1cjNLZe), willfully inflicting harm on an innocent party is sinful. Moreover, by declaring you dead, he goes against the 5th Commandment to not kill (v. bit.ly/1cjOTw3).

So, pray in earnest for your father, that he may be touch by the Lord’s Mercy and be freed from sin.

Christus resurrexit!
 
I wouldn’t send pictures of the grandkid. IMO that is using a child as a pond in a relationship and frankly just immature. I had to cut contact with an abusive family member. Out of the blue they contacted me to say they had a growing family and they wanted their child to get to know me. I lost even more respect for them dragging an innocent child into an adult rift

I would simply let your father know that your door is open and then pray for him. God gave him free will and as Catholic’s we need to respect that.

Angie
 
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